The Secret Affair

by Brenda Jackson

  “It is when you’re not being honest with yourself. Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you haven’t thought of me? That you haven’t been wanting me? And be honest for once because if you deny it then you need to tell me why your kiss just now said otherwise.”

  He watched as she nervously licked her tongue across her lips and his gut clenched. “Tell me, Jillian,” he said in a softer tone. “For once be honest with me and with yourself.”

  She drew in a long breath as they stared at each other. After several tense moments passed between them, she said, “Okay, I have been thinking of you, missing you, wanting you. And I hated myself for doing so. You’re a weakness I can’t afford to have right now. It’s crazy. I know a lot of guys around campus. But why you? Why do I want the one guy I can’t have?”

  Her words softened his ire. She was just as confused and frustrated as he was. “And why do you think you can’t have me?”

  She frowned. “You know why, Aidan. Pam and Dillon would be against it. In their eyes, we’re family. And even if you were a guy she would approve of, she would try to convince me not to get involved with you and to stay focused on becoming a doctor.”

  “You don’t know for certain that’s how she would feel, Jillian.”

  “I do know. When Pam was in college pursuing her dream of becoming an actress, I asked her why she didn’t date. She told me that a woman should never sacrifice her dream for any man.”

  “I’m not asking you to sacrifice your dream.”

  “No, but you want an involvement during a time when I should be more focused than ever on becoming a doctor.”

  “I want to help you, not hinder you,” he stressed again.

  “How do you think you can do that?”

  At least she was willing to listen. “By using this week to introduce you to study techniques that will help you remember those things you need to remember.”

  She nervously licked her tongue across her lips again. “It won’t work. I won’t be able to think straight with you around.”

  “I’ll make sure you do. I’m not asking to stay here, Jillian. I’ve already checked into a hotel a mile or so from here. I’ll arrive every morning and we’ll study until evening, taking short breaks in between. Then we’ll grab something to eat and enjoy the evening. Afterward, I’ll bring you back here and then leave. Before going to bed you should review what was covered that day, making sure you get eight hours of sleep.”

  She looked at him as if he was crazy. “I can’t take time from studying to enjoy the evening. I’ll need to study morning, noon and night.”

  “Not with me helping you. Besides, too much studying will make you burned out, and you don’t want to do that. What good is studying if that happens?”

  When she didn’t say anything, he pushed harder. “Try my way for a couple of days and if it doesn’t work, if you feel I’m more of a hindrance than a help, I’ll leave Laramie and let you do things your way.”

  As she stared at him, not saying anything, he could feel blood throb through his veins. As usual she looked serious. Beautiful. Tempting. He wanted her. Being around her would be hard and leaving her every night after dinner would be harder. He would want to stay and make love to her all through the night. But that wasn’t possible. No matter how hard it would be, he needed to keep his self-control.

  “Okay,” she finally said. “We’ll try it for a couple of days. And if it doesn’t work I intend for you to keep your word about leaving.”

  “I will.” He had no intention of leaving because he intended for his plan to work. He had aced the MCAT the first time around, with flying colors. Once he’d gotten his act together as a teenager, he’d discovered he was an excellent test taker, something Adrian was not. Determined not to leave his twin behind, he’d often tutored Adrian, sharing his study tips and techniques with his brother. Aidan had also done the same with Bailey once she was in college. Unfortunately, he’d never gotten the chance to share his techniques with Bane since his cousin hadn’t been interested in anything or anyone but Crystal.

  “Now let’s seal our agreement,” he said.

  When she extended her hand, he glanced at it before pulling her into his arms again.

  * * *

  He was taking advantage again, Jillian thought. But she only thought that for a second. That was all the time it took for her to begin returning his kiss with the same hunger he seemed to feel. This was crazy. It was insane. It was also what she needed. What she’d been wanting since leaving Denver and returning to Laramie.

  Kissing was something they enjoyed doing with each other and the unhurried mating of their mouths definitely should be ruled illegal. But for now she could handle this—in the safety of her living room, in the arms of a man she thoroughly enjoyed kissing—as long as it went no further.

  But what if it did? He’d already shown her that his definition of kissing included any part of her body. What if he decided he wanted more than her mouth this time? Her hormones were going haywire just thinking of the possibility.

  He suddenly broke off the kiss and she fought back a groan of disappointment. She stared up at him. “Okay, where’s the study guide?” he asked her.

  She blinked. Her mind was slow in functioning after such a blazing kiss. It had jarred her senses. “Study guide?”

  He smiled and caressed her cheek. “Yes, the MCAT study guide.”

  “On my kitchen table. I was studying when you showed up.”

  “Good. And you’ll study some more. Lead the way.”

  * * *

  Aidan leaned back in his chair and glanced over at Jillian. “Any questions?”

  She shook her head. “No, but you make it seem simple.”

  He smiled. “Trust me, it’s not. The key is to remember that you’re the one in control of your brain and the knowledge that’s stored inside of it. Don’t let retrieving that information during test time psych you out.”

  She chuckled. “That’s easy for you to say.”

  “And it will be easy for you, as well. I’ve been there, and when time allows I tutor premed students like yourself. You did well on the practice exam, which covers basically everything you need to know. Now you need to concentrate on those areas you’re not so sure about.”

  “Which is a lot.”

  “All of them are things you know,” he countered. He believed the only reason she lacked confidence in her abilities was because the idea of failing was freaking her out. “You don’t have to pass on the first go-round. A lot of people don’t. That’s why it’s suggested you plan to take it at least twice.”

  She lifted her chin. “I want to ace it on the first try.”

  “Then do it.”

  Aidan got up from his chair and went over to the coffeepot sitting on her kitchen counter. He needed something stronger than caffeine, but coffee would have to do. He’d been here for five hours already and they hadn’t stopped for lunch. The key was to take frequent short breaks instead of one or two long ones.

  She had taken the online practice exam on verbal reasoning and he thought she’d done well for her first time. He’d given her study tips for multiple-choice exams and gone over the questions she had missed. Personally, he thought she would do fine, although he thought taking the test in two months was pushing it. He would have suggested three months instead of two.

  “Want some coffee?” he asked, pouring himself a cup.

  “No, I’m okay.”

  Yes, she definitely was. He couldn’t attest to her mental state with all that she’d crammed into that brain of hers today, but he could definitely attest to her physical one. She looked amazing, even with her hair tied back in a ponytail and a cute pair of reading glasses perched on her nose. He was used to seeing her without makeup and preferred her that way. She had natural beauty with her flawless creamy brown skin. And she looked cute in her jeans and top.

  He glanced at his watch. “Jillian?”

  She glanced up from the computer and looked over at him
. “Yes?”

  “It’s time to call it a day.”

  She seemed baffled by his statement. “Call it a day? I haven’t covered everything I wanted to do today.”

  “You covered a lot and you don’t want to overload your brain.”

  She stared at him for a moment and then nodded and began shutting down her computer. “Maybe you’re right. Thanks to you, I did cover a lot. Definitely a lot more than I would have if you hadn’t been here. You’re a great tutor.”

  “And you’re a good student.” He glanced at his watch again. “What eating places do you have around here?”

  “Depends on what you have a taste for.”

  He had a taste for her, but knew he had to keep his promise and not push her into anything. “A juicy steak.”

  “Then you’re in luck,” she said, standing. “There’s a great steak place a few blocks from here. Give me a few minutes to change.”

  “Okay.” He watched her hurry off toward her bedroom.

  When she closed the door behind her, he rubbed a hand down his face. Jillian was temptation even when she wasn’t trying to be. When he’d asked about her roommate she’d told him that Ivy had gone home for spring break. That meant...

  Nothing. Unless she made the first move or issued an invitation. Until then, he would spend his nights alone at the hotel.

  Eight

  Jillian glanced across the table at Aidan. It was day three and still hard to believe that he was in Laramie, that he had come to give her a kick-start in her studying. Day one had been frustrating. He’d pushed her beyond what she thought she was ready for. But going to dinner with him that night had smoothed her ruffled feathers.

  Dinner had been fun. She’d discovered he enjoyed eating his steaks medium rare and he loved baked potatoes loaded with sour cream, bacon bits and cheddar cheese. He also loved unsweetened tea and when it came to anything with chocolate, he could overdose if he wasn’t careful.

  He was also a great conversationalist. He engaged her in discussions about everything—but he deemed the topic of medical school to be off-limits. They talked about the economy, recent elections, movies they had enjoyed, and about Adrian’s plans to travel the world a few years after getting his PhD in engineering.

  And Aidan got her talking. She told him about Ivy, who she thought was the roommate from heaven; about Jillian’s decision two years ago to move out of the dorm; and about her first experience with a pushy car salesman. She told him about all the places she wanted to visit one day and that the one thing she wanted to do and hadn’t done yet was go on a cruise.

  It occurred to her later that it had been the first time she and Aidan had shared a meal together alone, and she had enjoyed it. It had made her even more aware of him as a man. She’d had the time to look beyond his handsome features and she’d discovered he was a thoughtful and kind person. He had been pleasant, treating everyone with respect, including the waitress and servers. And each time he smiled at her, her stomach clenched. Then he would take a sip of his drink, and she would actually envy his straw.

  After dinner they returned to her apartment. He made her promise that she would only review what they’d covered that day and not stay up past nine, then he left. But not before taking her into his arms and giving her a kiss that rendered her weak and senseless—to the point where she was tempted to ask him to stay longer. But she fought back the temptation. Knowing she would see him again the next day had made falling asleep quick and easy. For the first time in a long time, she had slept through the night, though he’d dominated her dreams.

  He arrived early the next morning with breakfast, which she appreciated. Then it was back to studying again. The second day had been more intense than the first. Knowing they couldn’t cover every aspect of the study guide in one week, he had encouraged her to hit the areas she felt were her weakest. He gave her hints on how to handle multiple-choice questions and introduced her to key words to use when completing her essays.

  For dinner they had gone to the Wild Duck. She had been eager to introduce him to her favorite place. A dinner of hamburgers, French fries and milk shakes had been wonderful. Afterward they went to Harold’s Game Hall to shoot pool, something she had learned to do in high school.

  When he’d brought her home, like the night before, he took her in his arms and kissed her before he left, giving her the same instructions about reviewing what they’d covered that morning and getting eight hours of sleep. Again, she’d slept like a baby with him dominating her dreams.

  She enjoyed having him as a study coach. Most of the time she stayed focused. But there were a few times when she felt heat simmering between them, something both of them tried to ignore. They managed it most of the time but today was harder than the two days before.

  Aidan was tense. She could tell. He had arrived that morning, like yesterday, with breakfast in hand. Since he believed she should study on a full stomach and not try eating while studying, they had taken their meal outside to her patio. It had been pleasant, but more than once she’d caught him staring at her with a look in his eyes that she felt in the pit of her stomach.

  He wasn’t as talkative today as he’d been the past two days, and, taking a cue from his mood, she hadn’t said much, either. On those occasions when their hands had accidentally touched while he’d been handing her papers or turning a page, she wasn’t sure who sizzled more, her or him.

  That’s why she’d made up her mind about how today would end. She wanted him and he wanted her and there was no reason for them to suffer with their desires any longer. She’d fallen in love with him. After this time together, she could admit that now. That little crush she’d had on him for years had become something more. Something deeper and more profound.

  The thought of Pam and Dillon finding out was still an issue that plagued her. However, since Aidan didn’t feel the same way about her that she felt about him, she was certain she would be able to convince him to keep whatever they did a secret. He was doing that now anyway. He’d told her that neither Pam nor Dillon knew where he was spending this week. That meant Jillian and Aidan were already keeping secrets from their family, and she would continue to do so if it meant spending more time with him.

  That night they went to a restaurant she had never visited because of its pricey menu. The signature dishes had been delicious and the service excellent. But the restaurant’s setting spoke of not only elegance but also romance. Rustic wood ceilings with high beams, a huge brick fireplace and a natural stone floor. Beautiful candles adorned the tables and even in the dim light, each time she glanced over at Aidan he was looking back at her.

  Getting through dinner hadn’t been easy. They conversed but not as much as they had the previous two nights. Was she imagining things or did his voice sound deeper, huskier than usual? His smiles weren’t full ones but half smiles, and just as sexy.

  Like he’d done the previous two nights, he walked through her apartment, checking to make sure everything was okay. Then he gave her orders to only review what she’d studied that morning and get into bed before nine because at least eight hours of sleep were essential.

  And then, as had become his habit, he pulled her into his arms to kiss her goodbye. This is what she had anticipated all day. She was ready for Aidan’s kiss. Standing on tiptoe she tilted her open mouth toward him, her tongue ready. He closed his full mouth over hers and their tongues tangled, almost bringing her to her knees.

  The kiss lasted for a long, delectable moment. It was different than any they’d shared before and she’d known it the moment their mouths fused. It was hot, heavy and hungry. He wasn’t letting up or backing down—and neither was she.

  Jillian felt herself being lifted off her feet and she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist while he continued to ravish her mouth in a way that overwhelmed her and overloaded her senses. His hunger was sexual and greedy. She could tell he was fighting hard to hold it together, to stay in control, to keep his sanity in check. But she wasn�
��t. In fact, she was deliberately trying to tempt him every way that she could.

  She felt the wall at her back and knew he’d maneuvered them over to it. He broke off the kiss and stared at her, impaling her with the flaming fire in his eyes. “Tell me to stop, Jillian,” he said. “Because if you don’t do it now, I won’t be able to stop later. I want to tongue you all over. Lick every inch of your body. Taste you. Make love to you. Hard. Long. Deep. So tell me to stop now.”

  Her pulse jumped. Every single cell in her body sizzled with his words. Hot, sparks of passion glowed in his gaze and when a powerful burst of primal need slammed through her she didn’t want to escape.

  “Tell me to stop.”

  His plea made the already hot sexual tension between them blaze, and she knew of only one way to put out the fire.

  “Stop, Aidan!”

  His body went still. The only thing that moved was the pulse throbbing in his throat. He held her gaze and she was convinced she could hear blood rushing through both of their veins.

  When she felt him about to untangle her legs from around his waist and lower her feet to the floor, she said, “Stop talking and do all those things you claim you’re going to do.”

  She saw the impact of her words reflected in his eyes. While he seemed incapable of speaking, she released her arms from around his neck and tugged at his shirt, working her hands beneath to touch his bare chest. She heard the groan from deep in his throat.

  “If you don’t take me, Aidan Westmoreland, then I’ll be forced to take you.”

  * * *

  That was the last thing Aidan had expected her to say. But hearing her say it intensified the throbbing need within him. His crotch pounded fiercely and he knew of only one way to remedy that. But first...

  He lowered her to her feet as a smile tugged at his lips. Only for a moment, he gazed down at her shirt, noticing the curve of her breasts beneath the cotton. In an instant, he tugged the shirt over her head and tossed it aside.

  He drew in a deep breath when his eyes settled on her chest, specifically her skin-tone colored bra. Eager beyond belief, he touched her breasts through the lace material. When his fingers released the front clasp, causing the twin globes to spring free, the breath was snatched from his lungs.