by Hudson Lin
He could probably come like that, his cock throbbing with the beat of his pulse. Without thinking, he reached to give it a couple of tugs, only to have his hand slapped away. The careless gesture prompted Sai to pause the wonderful ministrations on his ass, and Ben couldn’t help the small cry of protest that escaped his throat.
Sai stood up and pressed himself against Ben’s back, hands firm on Ben’s hips. “No touching yourself unless I tell you to. Understood?”
Ben could feel the vibration of Sai’s voice across his back. He nodded.
“Say it out loud.”
“Yes.” Ben didn’t recognize the voice that came from his throat. It was deeper than usual, throaty and laced with desire and need.
Sai growled again before he slipped his hands up Ben’s sides, the pressure just slight enough to trigger the tickles, and Ben jumped with a bark of laughter. Sai didn’t stop, pushed Ben’s shirt up, and the tickling continued. When Ben tried to squirm away, Sai pressed him back against the wall.
Ben’s cock, hard and leaking, bounced up and down in the air. He had never been aroused by tickling, but being forced to hold still and take it because it was something Sai wanted to give struck deep in Ben’s gut.
When Sai finally stopped, he drew Ben’s hands over his head and pinned them against the wall. “Don’t move.”
Ben obeyed as Sai stepped away, breathing hard, cheek flush against the wall, hands braced for balance, ass sticking out. He wondered if he looked as debauched as he felt. He couldn’t see what Sai was doing, not with his face turned toward the balcony, but he could hear the rustling of clothes and the quick rip of a zipper.
Then everything fell silent. He was tempted to turn to see what Sai was up to, but Sai said not to move. So he wouldn’t, not even if it killed him. Seconds ticked by, and still nothing. As Ben’s heart rate decelerated to a reasonable speed and he caught his breath, he realized Sai was watching him. If he concentrated, he could hear the steady in and out of Sai’s breathing and almost feel the weight of Sai’s gaze on him. Ben focused all his energy on where he thought Sai stood, and an ethereal peace descended upon him, centering him, calming him.
Laughter from the pool drifted up to their suite and mingled with the feeling of Sai’s tongue on his hole, the tingles of the tickles. He was still hard, and he still wanted to get off, but that was all secondary to the tranquility he felt. The dichotomy—the high of sensations and the low of serenity—pulled Ben in opposite directions until his mind spun.
It was only when Sai came back and trailed a hand down his spine that Ben was able to reconcile the two opposing forces. He didn’t understand it; it didn’t seem scientifically possible. But under Sai’s touch, Ben found a way to be high and low at the same time, and a sob escaped him at the relief.
“You’re beautiful,” Sai said from behind him. “So beautiful.”
A hard smack landed on his asscheek. Shock and pain radiated from the point of contact and pulled Ben toward that calming center. Then another slap. Though expected this time, the pain was no less sharp. Ben’s skin tingled, his cock bobbed, and he slipped deeper into the calm. One after another, the slaps rained down across his ass until his cheeks burned and sweat trickled down his temple.
He hadn’t even realized he was crying out until the slapping stopped, and Sai pressed his lips against Ben’s ear. “Shh, my darling. They’ll hear you.”
Ben convulsed at the growled words, and then Sai pressed something against his mouth. He blinked his eyes open to see a belt, Sai’s belt, folded over to double its thickness. His heart rate shot through the roof—so much for being calm. Ben opened his mouth even as his heart felt like it was going to rip a hole in his chest. Sai fed the belt in horizontally, and Ben closed his teeth over the flat broad sides. The tail and the buckle hung over his shoulder; the leather tasted salty on his tongue.
Sai pulled Ben’s hips farther away from the wall, and then swung one of his feet side to side between Ben’s, forcing his stance wider. Ben was going to die from a heart attack, from shame, and from the overload of sensations flooding his brain. Then Sai ran his hand along Ben’s spine, wrapped his arms tightly around Ben’s body, and pressed a kiss onto Ben’s neck. Sai breathed slow and steady against his back, and Ben forced himself to match the rhythm. The calm stillness seeped back in until he found himself once again in that place where the dichotomies reconciled.
The initial breach of Sai’s cock into his body was almost an afterthought. A formality to the way Ben already felt deeply connected to the man holding him. Even the slow shallow thrusts were a mere echo of the way Sai had already been playing him—bringing him up, then down—with little more than a word, a look, a touch. Ben let himself moan around Sai’s belt, less a gag than a channel to freedom.
Sai’s breath hitched in his ear, and the next thrust was a little more forceful against the tender flesh of his ass. Ben welcomed it, arching his back with a groan. That set Sai off—he snapped his hips with sharp precision, filling Ben to overflowing and then leaving him empty. Over and over again, Sai pistoned his cock in and out, and all Ben could do was brace himself, hands and elbows against the wall, and take it.
Sai gripped Ben’s hip with one hand, maneuvering him so Sai could bottom out more easily. With the other hand he held Ben’s head against the wall, digging his fingers into his scalp, tugging his hair. The rhythm of the fucking caused the belt buckle to jangle obscenely loud against the backdrop of skin against skin and splashes from the pool.
Sai kept him there, right on the edge of climax, inundated with sensation yet tightly reined. His pleasure was no longer his own. At some point Ben surrendered it to Sai, and it was now Sai’s to bestow as he saw fit. Ben took what was given and moaned his appreciation.
“Fuck.”
Sai tightened his grip almost painfully as he increased his tempo and slammed into Ben, holding nothing back.
“Fuck, Ben. I’m going to come. You’re making me come.”
Yes. Yes, he wanted to make Sai come. Wanted to be the source of his pleasure and release. Ben moaned again around the belt in his mouth, sinking his teeth into the leather. One last thrust, deep and soul rending, and Sai shook as Ben felt his dick pulse inside.
Then Sai pulled out, leaving Ben feeling empty, his legs quivering and his arms aching. Suddenly, Sai spun him around and pushed him against the wall. If it weren’t for Sai’s hand on his chest and the other on his hip, holding him up, Ben would surely have crumpled to the floor.
With the belt still between his teeth, he glanced down to where Sai knelt in front of him. His dark eyes were heavy with satiated desire, and Sai opened his mouth, only to close it around the leaking, swollen head of Ben’s cock. He couldn’t watch, and yet he couldn’t tear his eyes away as his dick disappeared into Sai’s mouth.
Hot. Wet. Sai traced patterns along the underside of Ben’s length with his tongue, and Ben hit the back of Sai’s throat. A couple of bobs was all he needed, along with a quick fondle and squeeze of his balls, and then he was shooting, succumbing to a force too powerful to withstand.
He did crumple to the floor then, belt falling away as he went down. Loose-limbed and empty but satisfied to the core of his being. Sai disappeared for a moment to deal with the condom and came back to join him on the floor. Ben snuggled into Sai’s arms, hovering in that place between consciousness and sleep.
“I’m sorry.”
Ben frowned at Sai’s apology. “What for?”
“Did I push you too far?” Sai traced his fingers up and down Ben’s arm, distracting to Ben’s half-functioning mind. “Just now, with the wall and the belt. I’m sorry if it was too much.”
Ben squeezed Sai around the chest where he was draped over him. “Don’t. It wasn’t too much.” He buried his face into the side of Sai’s neck, his next words coming out in barely a whisper. “I’d like more of that.”
Sai’s chest expanded in a silent gasp, and he stilled his fingers’ back-and-forth motion. Then the brief tensio
n eased from Sai’s body, and Ben felt a kiss pressed into the top of his head.
“I’d like more of that too.”
Ben smiled.
“Ben?”
“Mmm?”
Sai pushed him away a little and tugged lightly on his hair to get him to look up. “Ben?”
“Yeah?” He propped his chin up on Sai’s shoulder.
Sai’s eyes, though dark in color, held none of the darkness that stirred Ben’s gut. No, they were clear of arousal and passion despite their postcoital state. Instead they were filled with so much emotion and determination that Ben sobered quickly.
“What is it?”
“Ben.” Sai brushed back a stray piece of hair that fell over Ben’s forehead. He kept his hand there, cradling Ben’s cheek. “I love you.”
Ben blinked. It wasn’t that he didn’t know Sai loved him. They had never said the words to each other, but Ben still knew, at some subconscious level, that Sai loved him. Just as he hoped Sai knew he loved him too. Ben hadn’t thought they would actually confess those feelings to each other, not when they had one month left, and their time together was ticking down.
“I love you too.” Ben put all he felt into those words, because he did. He loved Sai with everything he had—the good, the ugly, all his strengths and weaknesses.
Sai gave him a smile. It was small, but it spoke volumes: gratitude and joy, but also understanding their love was not unfettered. There were situations and circumstances standing in their way. But for now, for this moment on the floor of their hotel room, their love was enough.
Chapter Fourteen
Sunday, November 5
SAI FOLLOWED Ben as they wove through the tables to the empty one at the far end of the beachfront restaurant. When the resort had advertised one of their restaurants as “on the beach,” they weren’t kidding. Tables were set up on the sand, and Sai was pretty sure if it had been high tide, they would have gotten their feet wet.
Still, Ben wanted to sit at the table closest to the water, and who was he to deny him? This had turned out to be a weekend in paradise—lazy mornings in bed, lounging by the pool, playing in the ocean waves—and Sai was not looking forward to going home tomorrow. Home meant a job he hated, parents who barely tolerated him, and the reality that Ben had less than a month before he went back to his home—on the other side of the world.
Not for the first time that weekend, Sai wondered if saying “I love you” was a bad idea. It seemed perfect at the time, the love welling up so strongly inside of him that he couldn’t not say it. Yet it did make things more complicated for them. He tried not to think about it, telling himself to save those worries for when they left paradise, but it was difficult to turn his brain off.
After the waiter took their order, Ben reached across the table and traced a finger across the back of Sai’s hand. Ben wouldn’t meet his eyes, and he didn’t usually play it coy.
“Ben? Is something wrong?”
Ben peeked up from under his lashes, and the tops of his ears flushed red.
Sai narrowed his eyes. “Ben?”
Ben drew his hand back, but Sai caught it and held fast.
“It’s nothing.”
“If it’s nothing, then it won’t matter if you tell me.”
Ben rolled his eyes but didn’t object. “I was checking my work email this afternoon.”
He tugged Ben’s hand. “I thought you said no work this weekend.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry.” He didn’t sound very sorry. “Anyway, they posted an open position onto the internal job board.”
“And?” Sai prompted after Ben fell silent.
“It’s for a position in Hong Kong. It’s in the client relations group, and we work really closely with them. The job is outside of my expertise, but I feel like I have a good sense of what they do. I thought… maybe I should apply for it.” Ben stared down at the table.
Sai breathed deep. “It’s a permanent position?”
“Yeah.”
Still no eye contact—that wouldn’t do. He gave Ben’s hand another little tug. When Ben peeked up again, he cocked an eyebrow and smiled. Ben returned the smile, and soon they were grinning at each other like idiots.
“You’d be okay with it if I applied?” Ben sounded incredulous.
“Of course I’d be okay with it. Do not be ridiculous. If you want the job, you should apply for it.”
“It would mean I move to Hong Kong permanently.”
Why did Ben still sound unsure? “I know. That’s usually what a permanent position means.”
“And you’d be okay with that? If I moved to Hong Kong permanently?”
Ben was adorable when uncertain like this. Sai pulled his hand up for a kiss on the knuckles. “I would love nothing more.”
The pink on Ben’s ears flushed a deeper red. “I mean, there’s no guarantee that I would even get it. It’s a couple of pay grades above where I am now, and I’m technically underqualified. So….” He shrugged.
“But you said you work closely with them. Do you have a good relationship with the manager in that group?” Sai asked.
“Yeah, we talk all the time when they’ve got new clients for us to onboard. We get along well; she seems like a good manager too.”
“That’s great.” A thought occurred to Sai. “What about your family? Would they be okay with you moving here permanently?”
Ben shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, we’ve been talking over Skype, and it’s been working.”
Sai didn’t really believe leaving his family would be as easy as Ben made it sound. “You should talk to them about it. As much as I would love having you here, this isn’t a decision that you should make in haste.” It pained Sai to say it, but it was true. He would never forgive himself if Ben made an impulsive decision and then regretted it.
The waiter came back with their food: rice noodles for Sai, green curry for Ben. Their first few bites were taken in silence, and Sai wondered if he came across too harsh.
“How’s the curry?” He hoped to lighten the mood.
“It’s really good. Want to try some?” Ben pushed his bowl across the table.
Sai smiled. Sharing food wasn’t something Ben did when they first met, but over the course of their many meals together, he seemed to have adjusted to the way Chinese people always shared their plates with each other. Sai tried a spoonful of the flavorful green curry, then pushed his plate over to let Ben try some of his noodles.
“Mmm, that’s good,” Ben said around a mouthful of food. “What’s that called again?”
“Pad see ew. There’s a good Thai place not too far from my office. We can go there next time for dinner.”
Ben nodded enthusiastically, and the awkward conversation about their future seemed to fade into the background. For a moment Sai let himself imagine Ben as a permanent fixture in Hong Kong. Maybe they could find an apartment and move in together. Then they could fall asleep every night and wake up every morning wrapped in each other’s arms.
It was a nice dream. And while he was at it, he could also dream about quitting his job, distancing himself from his parents, the Leungs, and that entire social circle. He could do pro bono work with legal aid. Or he could start his own firm offering discounted legal services to those most in need.
All nice thoughts. And all unrealistic fantasies that were best left to his imagination. Sai forced a smile on his face. He would take what he had right then and be content. No use longing after things that would never be.
Tuesday, November 7
THE IMAGE of Ben’s parents loaded on his computer, both of them squeezed in close around the computer in his dad’s home office.
“Hi, Ben. Can you hear us?” Maureen asked.
“Yup, loud and clear, Mom.”
“Hello, son.” Frank adjusted his glasses as he peered at something on his screen.
“Hey, Dad. How are you guys doing?”
“Oh, everything’s fine. How was your trip to Thailand?” Maureen leane
d in, pushing Frank out of the way as she spoke.
Everything’s fine? Ben seriously doubted that when his mom requested this call at the last minute, but he played along.
“It was great. Thailand’s a beautiful country. I’d love to go back and spend more time there. You guys would really enjoy it, I think,” Ben gushed. After this past weekend, Thailand would always have a special place in his heart. He would never be able to think of the country without remembering all he and Sai had done there.
“And how is Sai?” Maureen asked eagerly. “Still busy with work?”
“Yeah, he’s very busy. You remember that big case he’s been working on? The factory fire?”
Maureen nodded, the image a little jumpy at the movement. “Oh, yes, that’s the one with the unscrupulous owners, right?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Well, apparently something happened while we were away. The minute Sai turned his phone on after we landed in Hong Kong, the thing exploded with messages and emails from people trying to get ahold of him.”
Ben remembered that moment. Sai had looked relaxed and refreshed for the first time in a long time, and as the emails rolled in, he went from happy to stressed in one second flat. Angry words had been at the tip of Ben’s tongue, but he held them back and tried to be supportive instead.
“That’s terrible. I hope he doesn’t overwork himself,” Maureen said.
Ben didn’t bother to confirm his mother’s fears. “Anyway, you guys wanted to talk about something?”
The mood shifted as Frank and Maureen exchanged a look. Gone were his mom’s cheerful smiles and his dad’s pondering expressions. A chill settled over Ben.