Alice: The Girl From Earth

by Kir Bulychev

  “That’s one of the locals.” Alice said. “I looked in the book which Papa left on his chair”.

  “You’re certain?”

  “Completely certain.”

  “Then all the worse for them. I am sending an immediate protest to their government. Is this any way they treat their guests?” Poloskov’s face had turned red.

  “Forgive them, Captain.”

  “No, that would be unthinkable. Where is the telephone.”

  “Captain Poloskov, just think about it.” Alice pleaded. “These are gentle and fine people. They don’t want to steal the pineapples. It just happened. Accidentally.”

  “You’re too good hearted Alice.” Poloskov replied. “Over night, just as soon as we landed, they managed to break into our supplies and steal the pineapples. Who knows what they’ll be after half an hour from now?

  “Captain,” Alice said firmly, “have you forgotten what I won from our bet? A wish?”

  “I remember.” Poloskov said.

  “So, my wish is..that you forgive them their pineapples.”

  And at that very moment the walls of our ship reverberated with a terrible noise. So powerful it was that it broke through the baffling. We forgot all about the little green men and rushed en mass to the airlocks. Along the way Poloskov managed to hit one of the EMERGENCY buttons and little red lights began to blink in the corridors.

  Poloskov opened the upper airlock and we looked outside from the height of three storeys.

  The enormous, wan red star had risen. Long grey clouds raced across the sky. The whole field in front of the Pegasus was filled with little green people. They were waving flags, placards, and banners with the words “Hi There! Fine to Meet You!”

  “Wel-come A-lis! Wel-come Alice! Hurray! Hurray! Hip Hip Hurray!” as well as other greetings in thier own language which we did not understand.

  On seeing Alice their joy knew no bounds. It was as though the sky had come down to earth.

  In the blink of an eye several little green men appeared in the airlock, picked Alice up, and before I could even gasp they had vanished with her, appearing at the same moment in the very crush of the crowd. The crowd carried Alice off toward the city whose white towers we could see on the horizon on their upraised hands.

  All that remained behind was a little old green man who waited while we hurried down the gangplank to greet us and say:

  “Evidently, dear guests, you don’t understand anything at all of what is going on.”

  “Nothing whatsoever.” Poloskov said.

  “Nothing is going to happen to Alice?” I asked.

  “Nothing at all. Permit me to explain?”

  “Certainly.”

  “Let’s sit down on the grass. The ground is warm and we won’t catch cold.”

  We obeyed the little old green man and he told us the following:

  Not all that long ago nothing distinguished the planet Sheshineru at all from numerous down-and-out provincial worlds of the Galaxy. But about ten years back a locaal scientist had invented a tablet which permitted travel through time for about one or two years in either direction. At first the whole planet was overcome with joy, everyone began swallowing tablets and traveling where and whenever, but after several weeks the bitter hangover set in.

  Someone could set of for the future and learn there that his wife had left him, or that his house had been robbed. Someone else could go into the past in order to set right some utterly bitter error or werong, but discover that he could not set it right, he could only repeat it. If you suspected someone of deception it took little effort to return to a certain day and follow after your enemy; if you suspect that you were going to die from some disease or other, it was equally easy to go into the future and discover if the doctors who said you were healthy were deceiving you. Gradually, people began to fear the future and now no one ever went there. Instead, everyone spent their time in the past. Everyone has some fine memories, and now you could depart into the past in order to live those pleasant moments over again. And you cold go back again, and again and again, endlessly.

  “Let’s go into the city.” The little old green man said. “So you can see waht this had led us to.”

  We followed him into the city. The city was half empty, trash lay everywhere. The big parade with Alice had already gone on ahead and all we met were a few random passers by on the streets. They didn’t pay any attention to us, but from time to time one of the pedestrians just vanished. Someone else might appear in the middle of the street, think about something for a moment, and then vanish again.

  “These people are traveling in time.” Our companion said. The present holds no interest for them The future they fear. No one is working. The government tried to ban the tablets but they are so easy to prepare anyone can make them at home in their own kitchens.”

  “No I understand why your people knew about Alice yesterday.” I said. “And about our ship’s landing.”

  “Of course, they all came into your refrigerator from the future.”

  “And why all the joy on seeing Alice?” Poloskov asked. “Why not for me, for example?”

  “It’s all very simple.” The elderly Sheshinerian said. “We are really very inoffensive, peaceful people, and we greatly appreciate kindnesses shown to us.”

  “What does that have to do with it? Alice certainly didn’t know that you were going to crawl into our refrigerator.”

  “Ah, such naivete.” The little green man said reproachfully.

  He vanished into thin air and after three seconds reappeared with a large pineapple in his hands.

  “I just spent a few seconds in your refrigerator.” He said.

  “But there are no more pineapples there.”

  “But I was just here yesterday night. Isn’t it clear enough? The simplest of things. I now flew into the past and yesterday at night took this pineapple from the refrigerator. But I did not steal it. I took it because Alice today, this morning, reminded Poloskov that she still had one wish that she had earned, and that her wish was that he give us the pineapples. So, today this morning we welcomed Alice with gratitude because she had decided to let us take the pineapples yesterday night….”

  “I’ll go crazy here!” Poloskov said. “First it was today in the morning, the it was yesterday at night, and you took the pineapples which still shouldn’t have been taken because it later became possible to take them….”

  “But we have so few joys left in life, so few pleasures.” The little green man said, not listening to Poloskov. “And we have never tasted pineapples before. I, for example, will now, every day, go back to yesterday so I can finish eating the pineapple which I ate yesterday…”

  For a while the two of us were silent, mulling the information over in our heads. Then the Sheshinerian sighed and said:

  “I can’t stand it any more. I am going into the past to finish eating your marvelous pineapple.”

  “Wait up.” I stopped him. “I have a question, a business question.”

  “Better you don’t ask it at all.” The little green man said. “I already know what you will ask.”

  “Oh, yes…” I said.

  “You will ask about an animal called the Skliss, which was the reason you came here?”

  “Naturally.”

  “We can get you a hundred Sklisses, but you wouldn’t want them. You will take a look at one that’s just around the corner. You will then wave your hands in frustration and you will say: ‘But that’s just an ordinary cow!’

  We looked around the corner. There was a cow there.

  I waved my hands in frustration and said: “But that’s just an ordinary cow!”

  “Told you so.”

  Then the little green man said his good byes and left more precisely, he vanished into thin air because that was what all the inhabitants of this planet did, so he did not see what happened next, and all his ability to look into the future and into the past helped him not at all, for we took that cow with us and brought
it back to the Moscow Zoo, and even today it is one of our most popular exhibits.

  As soon as our little green guide vanished, the cow stretched and slowly got to its feet, and unfurled long, membranous wings which until then it had wrapped around its belly. The cow sighed and looked at us with large, sad eyes, stretched out its wings and raised a cloud of dust, jumped up with clattering hooves and flew to the other side of the street.

  The Skliss flew like a cow, badly and clumsily, but the Skliss really did fly!

  I asked a green skinned little boy who had unexpectedly appeared right next to us.

  “Whose cow is that?”

  “You mean the Skliss?” The kid asked.

  “Well of course, yes, whose Skliss is that?”

  “It’s no ones’.” The kid said. “Who needs a Skliss? It’s totally impossible to herd them and they just fly about. Take one, no one cares.”

  So we set off for the Pegasus, chasing the Skliss ahead of us with a long stick of wood. From time to time the Skliss would fly up into the air but it very quckly grew tired and returned to the ground and a lazy trot.

  Along the way we picked up another Skliss who wanted to come along, but we couldn’t take it with us; feeding even one such animal would be rather difficult. The Skliss mooed for a long time in disappointment and waved its tail back and forth.

  Alice returned shortly after we did. She had become bored with the Sheshinerians. They, in turn, quickly forgot all about her and vanished, some into the past, and some into the near future.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The Paralyzed Robots

  “Well now,” Poloskov said when he had lifted from the planet where we had lost of entire stock of pineapples. “I’m for setting a direct course for the Medusa System. Any objections?”

  No one objected. I would have liked to have objected, but Alice gave me such a look that I said:

  “When we’re in flight the Captain is in charge. Whatever Poloskov says, that’s what will be done.”

  “Then there is nothing further to delay us.” Poloskov said.

  But two days later we found ourselves delayed again when we were forced to change course. The Pegasus’s on-board subspace radio had picked up an SOS.

  “Where’s it from?” I asked Poloskov.

  “I’ll let you know in a moment.” Our captain said. He was hunched over the receiver.

  I sat down on an empty chair on the bridge, deciding to use the time to get some rest. I had been tired since morning. The Empathicator had an upset stomach, and he kept changing colors, like a traffic signal on a busy intersection.

  I sat down on am empty seat on the bridge, deciding to take a minute to get some rest. I had been working since morning and I was exhausted. The Empathicator had an upset stomach, and it was changing colors like a traffic sign on a busy intersection..

  The Sewing Spider had completely run out of raw materials for his work and had reached into the next cage where the Snook lay sleeping and saved off all his long fur so that I no longer recognized the Snook. As a result of his nakedness the Snook had caught a cold and was coughing up and down the hold. I had to place him in isolation.. The Blabberyap bird had spent thee night muttering in some incomprehensible language, scratching and screeching like an ungreased cart. He got the hot milk and soda treatment. The wander bushes had spent the night arguing over creamed stones and the littlest had suffered numerous broken branches. The diamond backed turtle had used the sharp facets on his shell to cut a hold in the door leading to the engine room, and I had been again forced to clamp him in the safe.

  I was tired, but I knew that you always had such problems when transport a collection of rare animals. All these sicknesses, unpleasantries, fights and conflicts were nothing at all compared to the problem of feeding them.

  In truth Alice had been helping me, but she had overslept and I had been forced to do the morning feed myself.

  It was all very well that the animals were not too many and the majority of them could breathe terrestrial atmosphere. I had been forced to place a heater only under the enclosure with the Beelzabeetles, which was normal since they lived in volcanoes…

  “It’s all clear.” I heard Poloskov’s voice.

  What was he talking about. Ah, yes, I had been lost in thought and had completely forgotten we had received a disaster signal.

  “The signal comes from the planet Eyeron. What could possibly have happened there?”

  Poloskov opened the last volume of our copy of The Guide to the Planets and read aloud:

  “Planet Eyeron. Discovered by a Fyxxian expedition. Occupied by a metallic culture of comparatively low level. It is hypothesized that the inhabitants of the planet are the decedents of robots left behind by some unknown space ship. They are straight forward and hospitable. However, very capricious and touchy. The planet is lacking in useful fossil fuels. There is no uncontaminated water. There is no breathable atmosphere. There is nothing at all on the planet. If there had been the robots would have wasted it all and now live in poverty.’

  “SOS,” the subspace radio receiver blared. “We have an epidemic. Request aid.”

  “We’ll have to divert.” Poloskov sighed. “We can’t ignore sapient beings in distress.”

  So we changed course for the planet Eyeron.

  Only when we could already see the grey, airless mountains and sea-bottoms of the planetary sphere from space was Poloskov finally able to make contact with the local dispatcher.

  “What exactly is going on here?” He asked. “What sort of aid can we offer you?”

  “We have an epidemic….” The voice hissed from the speaker. “We are all sick. We need a doctor.”

  “A doctor?” Poloskov was surprised. “But certainly you are a metallic species. Wouldn’t it rather be a mechanic that you want?”

  “Perhaps a mechanic as well.” The voice agreed from Eyeron. “But definitely a doctor.”

  We set down on a flat, dusty, empty field that served as the space port. It had been a long time since a ship had set down here.

  When the dust settled we lowered the gangway and rolled out the ATV. Poloskov remained on the ship, while Zeleny, Alice and I headed toward the long, low, boring building of the space port terminal. Neither spirits nor shadows surrounded us. If he had not just been talking with someone, no one would have guessed this planet held any living beings. On the road lay the discarded rusty leg of a robot. Then a wheel with torn out spokes.

  Making out way through such a wasteland was somehow sad. We all wanted to shout out loud: “Is anybody here?”

  The doors to the space port terminal building were wide open. Inside it was as empty and quiet as without. We left the All Terrain Vehicle and stopped at the doors, not knowing where to head for now.

  There was a hissing from the enormous, grey loudspeaker that hung from the ceiling and an already familiar scratchy voice said:

  “Go up the stairway to the small black door. Push on it and it will open.”

  We obeyed and found a narrow stairway. The stairway was narrow and just as dusty as everything else. It ended in a small black door. I pushed on the door and it did not move. Perhaps it had been locked?

  “Hit it harder!” The voice came from behind the door.

  “Let me do it.” The engineer Zeleny said.

  He put his shoulder to the door, pushed hard enough for him to groan, and the door burst open. Zeleny vanished into the room.

  “Just as I thought.” He said gloomily after he had flown into the room and collided with one of the planet’s metallic inhabitants who was sitting at a desk.

  The robot was covered with dust like everything else.

  “Thank you for coming.” The robot said, raising his hand to help Zeleny get to his feet. I didn’t think anyone would ever come. I’d given up hope. And we don’t have any ships of our own out…”

  “It’s your transmitting station.” I said. “It’s too weak. We picked up our message only because we were flying right by. It was
pure random chance.”

  “Once our station was the most powerful in the sector.” The robot said.

  Then something grinding sounded from his iron jaw and he froze with his mouth open. The robot waved his hands back and forth and silently called for help. I looked at Zeleny in confusion, and he said:

  “It’s not doctor that’s needed here.”

  He went over to the robot and struck him below the chin with his fist. The mouth opened with a clang and the robot said:

  “Than….”

  Zeleny had to deal with the robot with his fist again. He shook his bruised hand and said,

  “Please don’t open your mouth so wide. I’d rather not have to stand with my fist over you all the time.”

  The robot nodded and continued to talk, with its mouth only slightly open.

  “I sent the SOS signal.” He said. “Because for the past two weeks no one has come to relieve me. I suspect the entire population of the planet is afflicted with paralysis.”

  “But why do you think that?”

  “Because my own legs refuse to work.”

  “Has this sickness afflicted you long?” I asked.

  “No, not very.” The robot said. “In general, over the last few years, we’ve had jams even with lubricant, but in general we’ve managed to avoid them. But not long after one human had become angry with us and swore a terrible curse against us, a terrifying, mysterious paralysis began to ruin us, both the weak and the great. And I fear that I am the last more or less healthy robot on the entire planet. But the paralysis is already approaching my heart. And, as you see, even the jaw is affected.”

  “All right, let me take a look. Maybe despite all your precautions you’ve forgotten to replace your oil properly.” Zeleny said with suspicion.

  He went over to the robot and opened the round plate on the robot’s chest, put his hand inside, and the robot started to giggle.

  “Ticklish!”

  “Wait a moment.” The engineer insisted. He checked the joints in the robot’s legs and arms, straightened him out and said as he wiped his hands on a handkerchief:

  “He’s been lubricated all right. I don’t understand it at all.”