I could hear Terricka screaming my name and telling me I had to protect my baby, as she pulled on the back of my gown, trying to pry me off of Denise. It was no use though because I was bent on making her feel some of the pain I had felt my entire life. I pushed my thumbs into Denise’s eyes deeper and deeper, as she screamed and squirmed beneath me. She tried to pull at my hair, but I quickly batted her hand down before I punched her in the face with all of my might and then, I wrapped my hands around her neck.
I heard the man my mother was with cursing and arguing with Terricka behind me, as medical personnel began to run to the scene. It was a whole frantic maylay unfolding around me but at that moment, as I laid there on top of my mother with my huge belly pinning her to the ground, my hands tightly around her neck and my eyes glued on hers, her death was all I could see. For a minute, I saw sorrow and fear flicker in my mother’s yellow and bloodshot eyes, as I squeezed her throat and cursed her for all she had done.
“I hate you Denise, you evil, nasty, vile BITCH. You are Satan himself, but guess what, you evil bitch? Satan won’t win this time. I’m going to kill you for what you did to Sha, bitch! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ALL OF US!!!!” I screamed frantically as medical personnel yelled at me to stop, while someone called for security.
I stared into the eyes of my tormentor and the most evil person I had ever met, as I watched the fear and sorrow in her eyes turn into an insane rage with a hint of amusement. I watched as she made an evil smirk and tried to talk, as I continued to press down with all of my might on her larynx.
“Arrggggghh…you lil bitch. Fuck…you and yo brotha…yo sistah, too. You can’t…kill me. You ain’t got the heart,” my mother whispered to me, as I felt the rage I had been holding all of my life explode.
Before I knew it, I pounded Denise in her face with my fists like a madwoman. Blood squirted out of her nose and mouth and splattered my face and hands, but I didn’t let up. I continued to swing until a security officer, a police woman, and Terricka finally drug me off of a bloody Denise. Even with all of those arms around me, I still continued to punch the air while I cried and screamed to the top of my lungs.
“I HATE YOU DENISE! SHE TRIED TO KILL SHA. IT WAS HER, SHE PUSHED HIM. I HATE YOU, YOU EVIL BITCH AND I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL YOU BURN IN HELL. I HATE YOU!!!” I yelled as I continued to fight the air, while being carried back to my room.
Once down the hall, I looked back to see the man with Denise and a few medical personnel helping her to her feet, as blood poured out of her wounds. I continued to yell how much I hated her until she turned and looked at me with an evil smirk that let me know my fight had just begun. That look would normally have put a deep fear in me that would make me rethink my actions. However, as I stared back at the devil and cursed; the new, bold, vengeful Tisha pushed forward and let Denise know all of the shit from the past was over.
“GAME ON, YOU SADDISTIC BITCH. I GOT YOU!” I screamed as I was whisked into my room, and all of the noise from the outside was cut off as the door slammed closed behind us.
“TISHA. Why did you do that? Are you okay? Your baby, Tisha,” Terricka said with wide, tear-filled eyes as she looked down.
I slowly followed her eyes and looked down at the floor beneath me, as the police woman instructed the security guard to go get a nurse. Suddenly, I felt dizzy and lightheaded as I stared at a puddle of blood between my legs. I tried to focus my eyes to look at Terricka as she rushed to my side, but suddenly, everything was so blurry.
“My baby Terricka…she killed him too. I’m gonna get that bitch,” I said in a hoarse voice just above a whisper, as the room began to spin violently, and I felt my eyes roll in the back of my head.
The next thing I remembered after that was waking up with tubes all in me and my arms strapped to the bed and Terricka’s voice ringing in my ears.
“No, she’s a lie. Tisha isn’t unstable, she’s the unstable one. That lady tortured us all of our lives. She threw Sha down the steps. She sold us like hoes to anybody who would pay and beat us relentlessly, from the time we could walk. We begged for help and ran away but you muthafuckas always brought us back. How dare you believe what she said. MY SISTER IS NOT UNSTABLE!” Terricka yelled as I tried to see through the fog.
I batted my eyes and tried to see who my sister was talking to, as she continued to plead our case. “All you have to do is go ask people. Go ask the people in all of the apartments we have ever lived in. Go ask our foster parents or my grandma. Ask anybody! Denise is the most evil, rotten, nasty, perverted, drug addicted bitch who ever walked the face of the earth. And you are taking up for her? You gotta be fucking kidding me,” Terricka said as I could hear her getting emotional.
Suddenly, my vision came back and I could see that Terricka was talking to the same black, police woman from the hall. I watched as she stood there quietly with her hands clasp in front of her, as she listened to Terricka intently. Laying there in pain and heartbroken like I had been many times before in my life, I got a sudden flash from the past. Suddenly, as the police woman asked Terricka to calm down, I remembered her voice from when she entered my mother’s apartment as I laid locked in the closet inside the hidden room.
“Young lady, you have to calm down. I understand what you are saying and I am inclined to believe you, but your mother has a strong case. Right now, she is not pressing charges, but the doctors are going to perform a mental evaluation on your sister to determine whether she is a danger to herself, the baby, and society. After a violent outburst like that with so many witnesses, you can expect nothing else,” the officer said, as my heart raced and my monitors beeped.
“Arrgg, noooo…she gonna get away again. I can’t believe this shit. Go ask people!” Terricka said as the officer suddenly stepped forward to put her arm around her shoulder.
I felt my sister’s pain as she bawled in the officer’s arms and I cried silently to myself. It was like our world was crashing down around us once again, and we could do nothing about it. I felt that hopeless anxiety that consumed me most of my life creep up from beneath the surface and threaten to take over my heart and mind, once again. I could do nothing but let the sadness wash over me, as I watched my sister continue to cry and pour her heart out about all that had happened to us to the concerned officer.
“Listen Shaterricka. I believe you. I was at your mother’s apartment before and I don’t know why but I felt something wasn’t right. I wasn’t believing that Mary Poppins demeanor she was displaying and after seeing and hearing what I did here today, I know my suspicions are true. However, that doesn’t mean nothing to the law. It’s about what we can prove baby and right now, it’s yawl word against hers. Without the violent outburst, I may have been able to get an investigation going, but now I have to wait to see if I have a case against your sister.”
“Don’t worry though, I’m gonna help. I’m gonna go and question all of the people you mentioned too. If what you all say is true, I promise to put her where she belongs and get yawl the peace and happiness you deserve. I promise. Now, yawl have to promise me to stay calm and keep a level head. You have to stay strong for your sister and that precious gift she is carrying inside. I heard the doctors say she needs to keep that baby in, at least another two weeks, so regardless of what is going on, I need you to keep her strong. Can you promise me that?” the police lady asked, as Terricka looked her in the eyes.
I could feel the love in the police woman’s tone, which let me know that she was genuine and could be trusted. My sister could feel it too because she quickly shook her head, letting the officer know that she would be strong.
“I promise I will try, Officer…Officer?” Terricka said, as the police lady hugged her and then stood back and smiled.
“I knew you could, Terricka, and my name is Officer Black. Officer Angelica Black. I’m going to handle everything. Now, you dry those tears and get over there to your sister,” she said, pushing Terricka forward as I quickly closed my eyes, and pretended to be
sleep.
I laid there with my heart racing and wet tears still rolling down my face. I pretended to be sleep as my sister stood over me. I could hear the officer leave the room as Terricka sucked up her tears, and I opened one eye to get a peek of her wiping her face. As soon as my eye opened, she saw me and instantly snapped back into calm, cool, gangsta, older sister mode.
“I see yo lil crazy ass peeking, Tisha, gone open yo eyes,” Terricka laughed as I slowly opened my eyes.
When I saw the expression on her face, I knew that things were a little more serious than I had thought about in my mind. All I could do was hold my breath and prepare myself for whatever my sister was about to say.
“Tisha, I know you heard what she said, but I don’t know how much. I really wish you would have listened to me and not hopped on Denise’s ass like that in front of everybody, but I know you couldn’t help it. I wanted to murder that rotten bitch right there too, but I knew the cards were stacked against us. Now, we gotta deal with even more bullshit. If Denise press charges and they deem you dangerous, you could be locked up in the psych hospital for a fucking year. That’s not the worst part though. That means your baby would either have to go to the state or Denise, since Jerrod gone and I’m still on probation,” Terricka said as she held back her tears.
I watched as her mouth continued to move but I couldn’t hear shit that she said. My heart had stopped after she said that Denise would have to take my baby. I couldn’t understand how fate had shitted on me, once again. There I was, faced with the possibility of losing something I loved more than myself, yet again, to the one person I hated the most. I couldn’t help but to wonder what I had done wrong to have deserved such a horrible fate.
My heart broke as I bawled, kicked, and yanked at the straps holding my arms in place. I wanted to break free and finish what I had started, since I was going to be punished for giving a monster what she deserved. As I laid there crying, while my sister held me, I wanted nothing more than to see Denise die. I didn’t think anything could take that thought out of my head or the malice out of my heart. However, when my sister’s melodic voice filled the air, I suddenly felt all of my pain melt away.
“Nothing is forever, what we’re hoping for,
No more pain, so don’t you cry anymore.
Hold your head up high and dry yo tears,
Let me help you through and erase yo fears.
We’ll overcome it all, if we stick together,
We just gotta believe that nothing lasts forever (nothing lasts forever).”
My sister sang our Salvation song as I joined in and we washed away our pain with a song, like we had done since we were old enough to talk.
I fell asleep in my sister’s arms with her voice still ringing in my ears, as violent scenes of Denise beating and torturing my baby tried to invade my mind. I pushed those horrible visions to the back of my mind as Jerrod’s voice came in, and I could see his handsome face. It was like he was right there in front of me, as he told me he was coming for us and that he would never leave me again.
Jerrod’s kiss felt so real, as his lips touched every inch of my face, before he kneeled down to kiss my protruding belly. I could feel the baby inside kick and flip, as Jerrod whispered that daddy loved him and would always be there for him. I reached out for Jerrod, desperate to hold him in my arms again, but suddenly, he was gone. I tried to run after him but it was like I was glued to one spot. I felt the darkness all around me start to creep in as Terricka’s voice invaded my dream as she yelled my name.
“TISHA…TISHA, wake up. Wake up please, Tisha,” Terricka said, as I slowly opened my eyes and looked into her swollen, tear streaked face.
I didn’t even need her to tell me what was going on after seeing her face and scanning the room to see Officer Black, my doctor, two orderlies, and the head of the psych ward standing around me. It felt like I was watching a movie as I stared up into Officer Black’s face and she told me that my mother was pressing charges, and I would be moved to the psychiatric ward for a mental evaluation. It felt so unreal as I listened to the words that came out of her mouth, but they didn’t register with my brain.
I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. There was no way fate was giving me all of the bad luck. I could do nothing but scream as the doctor stepped forward and ordered the orderlies to unstrap me for transport. As soon as the straps were off my arms, I reverted back to that scared little girl who was known for jumping out of windows to get away from sexual abuse. Without thinking, I went crazy; kicking and screaming and trying to get away from the two big men grabbing at me. My sister fed off my energy, like she always did and went ham too, just like always. Terricka was always my ridha.
I could depend on my big sister right or wrong, and I knew it. Just like with Jerome trying to rape us or Denise trying to beat us into submission, Terricka and I put our backs together and fought to stay free. I punched and kicked at everyone who came near me until suddenly a pain so strong and so deep hit me. My body flopped back on to the bed and a wave of water flowed from between my legs and splashed on the floor. Everyone stopped instantly and looked my way, as the doctor ordered a nurse to get help because I was going into early labor. I felt panic rush over me fast and with force. I searched the room frantically with my eyes until I met Terricka’s, and she quickly rushed to my side.
“It’s gonna be alright, Tish. Your baby is gonna be alright and you not going to no fucking Psych ward, I promise you,” Terricka said, before she kissed me on the forehead, as the nurse tried to put her out of the room.
Terricka resisted the nurse and orderly trying to put her out of the room and was about to start another fight, when suddenly the hospital intercom came on and a code blue was announced in room 454. I felt breathless when I realized that was Sha’s room and something bad was happening. Hearing that made my heart race and violent pains shot all through my back and stomach. Suddenly, I couldn’t control my body as violent spasms and a shooting pain deep in my spine took over. The last thing I remembered before the pain in my body caused me to pass out was the nurse ordering me not to push because my baby was breach, as she stuck her hand in me to pull him out.
Chapter 3
The pain in my stomach and back was so intense when I woke up that I thought I was being split in two. I looked up into the face of a young nurse and my sister smiled, as she instructed me not to push yet.
“Shartisha, do not push yet. We stopped your labor for the past hour and a half, as we kept you sedated to keep you calm. Now, we’re ready and your baby is breach. Shartisha, this means that I have to turn it around. Bear with me baby,” she said, as I felt her arm go up inside of me and then it felt as if she rearranged my insides.
Seconds later, her hand was out and I felt as if I had a massive bowel movement, as the baby slipped right out of me.
“Awwwww…Tisha!” Terricka yelled, as she suddenly let go of my hand and ran around to the foot of the bed to look at the baby. From the look on my sister’s face, I knew my baby was beautiful and healthy as the nurse announced my miracle to the world.
“It’s a girl! The time is 7:23 a.m. Weight 7 pounds, 14 ounces, 19 inches in length. Congratulations,” the nurse said as tears burst forward out of my heart like rain.
I was so happy that, despite the darkness I had carried around all of my life, I was able to bring something beautiful into the world. I could not wait to get my hands on my precious angel and see the beautiful soul that Jerrod and I created and who was a mixture of everything good we both shared. She was our Miracle. “A girl? Give me my baby. A’Miracle, that’s her name,” I said, as I stretched my arms out and prepared to take my clean, beautifully wrapped baby.
I was ready to feel that love and bond that only a mother and child knew, as I waited to touch my baby. That was a love I never had with my own mother and I refused to have that cycle repeat with mine. Just as the nurse put A’Miracle into my arms, another violent pain hit me so suddenly, I fell into the rail attached
to the bed before I fell back on to my pillow. I couldn’t understand what was going on as I reached down to grab my stomach and it felt like something else was inside. I watched as the nurse holding A’Miracle suddenly bucked her eyes and turned around to hand my baby off before barking orders.
“She’s still in labor, there’s another one in there. Get me clean gloves!” the doctor yelled as everyone sprang into action and I watched Terricka’s eyes get big.
Violent pains hit me harder and faster as I felt warm blood run down my inner thighs and the doctor ran over into positon at the foot of the bed. Within seconds, she had her hands inside of me again, pulling out another baby, one I never even knew was inside. The pain from the second birth was so excruciating that I blacked in and out of consciousness, as a nurse put an oxygen mask over my face and I tried to listen to what the doctor was saying.
“The cord is around his neck!” she yelled, as I opened and closed my eyes and tried to stay coherent. I could hear Terricka sobbing off to the side, as I opened my eyes and glanced over to see the doctor holding a small, purple and blue baby with the cord still attached as she tried to make it breathe. Everything slowed down again as I turned to look at Terricka, while tears streamed down her face and her mouth hung wide open. I cried out in a hoarse voice. I asked the doctor what was going on as Terricka ran to my side and held me.
“Please, let me see my babies. Please.” I cried as the nurse wrapped the small baby in a white blanket, after putting a white cap on its head. It felt like the end of the world as the nurse turned around and walked to me with tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Lewis. It was a boy. The cord was around his neck and he was without oxygen for far too long. We did all that we could to save him, but it was too late. He’s gone! His time of birth was 7:26 a.m. and time of death was 7:29 a.m.,” the nurse said, as she handed me the baby I never even knew I was carrying but felt broken to know that he was gone.
SINS OF THY MOTHER 3 Page 2