Dark Light

by Jodi Taylor

  He sighed. ‘I ate a good stew, washed it down with another beaker of really excellent ale, and leaned back in the sunshine. I thought I’d take an hour’s rest and then be on my way. I watched the other customers drift away – they had jobs to do, I suppose.

  ‘A hot, afternoon silence fell. I was alone and I should go before I fell asleep. I left some money on the table and reluctantly picked up my pack, all ready to set off.’

  He was staring back into the past. ‘The landlady appeared at the back door, stretching her back after the afternoon rush and wiping her hands. She asked me where I was headed. I told her to the next town, and she said her husband had business there that afternoon, but he couldn’t leave the inn. If I would let her join me than he would allow her to go in his place. The area was safe enough, she said, but he couldn’t get away and he’d feel happier if she had someone with her. I didn’t really mind. It was only a couple of miles away – it certainly wouldn’t hold me up that much, and there just might be Fiori in the area, so I said yes. She appeared with a red cloak and a basket – just like someone in a fairy story – and off we set.

  ‘Well, we introduced ourselves – her name was Allia and she was a pretty girl with a good nature and quick wit. She told me this was the first time she’d been away from the inn for weeks. She was skipping along, interested in everything around her, chattering away, and we had a pleasant journey. We successfully crossed the bridge and set off back into the forest again. The first part was uphill, and it was hot and a bit of a trudge for her, but we got to the top eventually and the trees were thinner and the air slightly cooler up there. She stopped to get her breath back and I took a quick look around to see if there were any signs of the Fiori anywhere.’

  He stopped again. For a long time.

  I prompted him. ‘And were there?’

  He sighed. ‘There were. I looked back the way we’d come and there was a column of black smoke curling up through the trees. Exactly at the spot where the inn had been. I knew it was the Fiori. Somehow, they’d got behind me.’

  He drank deeply. ‘I didn’t move quickly enough. She screamed, dropped her basket and ran back the way we’d come. It was downhill. I’ve never seen anyone run so fast. Even I couldn’t catch her. She was so breathless as to be nearly fainting when I eventually caught her, struggling for breath, just at the edge of the clearing.

  ‘The bridge had gone. The inn was on fire. What I first thought was the pig had been gutted and burned on a spit and turned out to be her husband. He was unrecognisable as a man. She screamed his name and tried to run past me. I grabbed at her cloak, spun her round and knocked her out cold. I didn’t know what else to do. They’d used the little boy for target practice. He was impaled on the barn door with some ten or twelve arrows in him.’

  He swallowed hard. ‘They’d really enjoyed themselves with the little girl and there was a kitchen maid in the yard with her head gone. I looked at Allia, still unconscious on the ground and went off to see if I could find something to dig a grave. I had them all in the ground before she came around. She screamed at me. I think she hit me a couple of times, but I wasn’t going to let her see what had been done to her family.

  ‘Everything was gone – dead, burned, destroyed, trampled – their usual style, and I should get after them because they couldn’t be that far away, but I had this woman, Allia, with me and I didn’t know what to do with her. There wasn’t anyone nearby I could take her to. I certainly couldn’t leave her there, so I took her with me. No choice really. I thought I’d take her to the nearest town, drop her off, warn the head man there were Fiori in the area, and get on after them.’

  There was very little mirth in his smile.

  ‘Well, none of that worked out as I thought. She wouldn’t be dropped off at the nearest town. Not at any price. We argued. She cried. I was becoming increasingly impatient because the longer I wasted my time with her, the further away they were getting, but I don’t think she was even listening to me. She was coming with me, she said. She’d hunt the Fiori with me. She’d kill them for what they’d done to her family.

  ‘I tried to change her mind. Everyone tried to change her mind. She wouldn’t listen to anyone. I told the head man to lock her up for a couple of days to give me time to get clear, but he refused. Couldn’t blame him, I suppose, no one wanted the responsibility of her because we all knew she’d be off after the Fiori soon as they let her out, so in the end, I gave in and took her with me. It seemed the safest thing to do. I honestly thought the first wet night we had would be enough to send her back to civilisation as quickly as she could move. Well, I was wrong. She was small and light and, as I’d already seen, she could really cover the ground, and she certainly didn’t slow me down to any great extent. Not enough for me to justify leaving her behind, anyway. Every night when we stopped to camp, she insisted on me teaching her to use a sword. Somehow, she’d acquired one back in the town and now she wanted to learn to use it. She was whirling it around and it was only a matter of time before she accidentally took her own head off. Or mine. I could see she wouldn’t last two minutes in a fight, so I gave in. Every night, I taught her a few moves. I taught her how to break free if anyone ever seized her from behind. I taught her how to defend herself in a fight. I tried to teach her how to avoid getting into a fight in the first place, although I don’t think she listened very hard to that particular lesson.

  ‘Every night, we’d practice a while, eat our meal, sit around the fire cleaning our swords, and talk a little. She wanted to know everything I knew about the Fiori. She was grim and determined and no, she didn’t run home on the first wet night. She was first up every morning and ready to go. She didn’t slow me down very much and she could cook. Really, I had nothing to complain about with her at all.’

  He poured himself more wine and topped up mine as well. The Bottle of Utgard-Loki was certainly earning its keep tonight.

  He was smiling back into his past. ‘And it wasn’t dull. In those days, I liked to ghost through an area, not drawing attention to myself, picking up what information I could along the way. That was all changed now. We had what she called adventures and I called nightmares. At one point we were set upon by a couple of thieves. Well, that wasn’t too serious and I let her deal with that because she needed the practice. She tore into them like a small silver fury. They ran off and word must have got around because we had very little trouble after that. And then I was arrested in one village – a tiny misunderstanding over a goat. Why are you laughing? – and I was locked up in the local gaol. It wasn’t a problem, I still had my sword, and come nightfall I would have got myself out easily enough, grabbed Allia, and we’d have been miles away before they even noticed we were gone.’

  He sighed and rubbed his eyes. ‘I underestimated her … ingenuity. I was just getting myself comfortable when there was a huge commotion outside the door and then it all went very quiet. The door creaked open – that was a bit of a nasty moment, I can tell you – and there she stood, sword in one hand, our packs in the other, and all ready to go.

  ‘Well, the next day …’

  ‘Wait,’ I said, hardly slurring at all. ‘Wait a moment. Go back. I have questions.’

  He poured himself more wine. ‘Go on.’

  ‘OK. They arrested you but they left you with your sword?’

  He said very quietly, ‘Can we talk about that later?’

  I eyed him suspiciously. ‘Had she killed the guard?’

  ‘No. I think she’d tried to stun him with something – there was a broken pot nearby – but that’s not as easy as it looks on TV. He was a bit woozy – but mostly she’d tied him up with his own cloak and hidden his boots.’

  ‘Resourceful,’ I commented.

  He sighed. ‘You don’t know the half of it. Seriously, there were times when I was convinced I’d created a monster. To say she was a bit punchy was the understatement of the year. Everywhere we went it was all I could do to stop her picking fights with everyone we met. I
was always getting her out of trouble, paying people off, apologising for her, or just dragging her away before they threw us both into gaol.’

  Survivor guilt, I thought. If she hadn’t left the inn that afternoon she’d have been in the ground with the rest of her family. I wondered how often that thought had crossed her mind. Quite often, I should imagine. But he was doing a good job of describing her. I could see her very clearly in my mind – short, sharp, aggressive – and with a massive death wish.

  ‘Anyway, there I was, chasing this particular group of Fiori and never seemingly getting any closer. There was rumour of them everywhere. Walls were guarded, gates were manned, everyone knew they were out there, it was just a case of where they would strike. And when.’

  He stopped to drink again.

  ‘And then we came to the biggest town in the area. Their capital, I suppose. It’s long gone now, but at that time it was a big place. Big enough to have its own king and he hadn’t skimped on effort or expense when fortifying the town. It was built on the slopes of a steep mountain – they’d actually used the cliff as part of the fortifications. The walls were high and the only entrance was through a long, narrow and very easily defended open tunnel. The Fiori would have to be idiots to attack that town. So, of course, they did.

  ‘Somehow, they’d raised an army, supplementing their numbers with all the scum and riff-raff they could find. All lured in with the promise of women and plunderI suppose, which just goes to show what idiots they were because in my experience, as soon as the Fiori achieved their objective, any allies they might have recruited soon found their status altered to that of ‘more victims’ and were dealt with accordingly. This army marched on the town about a week after we arrived there. I volunteered to fight of course, and the king was glad to have me. Allia volunteered to fight and everyone laughed.’ He smiled sadly. ‘But not for long.

  ‘True to form, the Fiori took everyone by surprise. Ignoring the gate, they scaled the cliff. The king had deployed the bulk of his forces around the tunnel and was taken completely unawares. Allia had been bundled into a hall in the top part of the city along with all the other women and children. They heard the Fiori coming. There was complete panic, but Allia, apparently, got them all organised. She told them straight. Stop whimpering and fight. Rather than wait and be cornered and taken away by the very army who had slaughtered their husbands, fathers and brothers, they should take the fight to them. Well, obviously they had no weapons, so she organised them into small groups. The youngest children gathered piles of stones, pieces of wood, buckets, roof tiles, bits of masonry, household implements, anything that could be used. The women ranged themselves along the walls. She rallied them. Inspired them to fight. Gave them the courage they needed. They should all have died, of course. I think they expected to. But at least they would die defending themselves and their children. Which, as she told them, was a far better death than cowering in a corner waiting for death to come to you.

  ‘And it worked. They hurled everything they could find over the walls at the Fiori as they climbed the cliff. They couldn’t have held for long, of course. Once all the Fiori had made it up the mountain, the city would have been overrun very quickly, but the women and children held them off just long enough for the king to send a detachment of soldiers to the top of the town, and between them and the stone-throwing women, they beat the Fiori back down the mountain. With heavy losses on the Fiori side.’

  ‘Wow,’ I said, topping up my own glass and then his. ‘A heroine.’

  ‘Yes,’ he said to his glass. ‘You’d think she would be, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘She wasn’t?’

  He didn’t answer directly. I think he was caught up in his narrative. I wondered how much of a relief it was to let go and unburden himself.

  ‘When the fighting was all over, I went looking for her. She’d left the city and was down on the plain with all the other men. Night was falling and it wasn’t safe for her to be outside. It wasn’t safe for any of us to be outside the city. They’d been burning the Fiori bodies and she was standing, alone, by one of the bonfires, just staring at it. The flames had subsided, but the ashes still glowed bright red and I could feel the heat coming off them. And off her. She was dirty and bloodstained and her lovely hair was coming down.’

  He was staring into the distance, talking to himself. I was completely forgotten.

  ‘It was as if I was seeing her for the first time. We looked at each other. The longing for her came right out of the blue. I’d spent weeks with this woman. We’d washed at the same streams together. We’d bound each other’s wounds. We’d had each other’s backs. She was a companion. And now, suddenly, I realised she was a woman as well.

  ‘I looked at her and she looked at me. There were no words spoken. I was consumed with desire for her. Overwhelmed with it. I had to have her. I think I would have died if I couldn’t. There was no fighting it. My heart was full of her. And my loins as well. And it was the same for her, too. She couldn’t look away. I could see the flames from the pyres reflected in her eyes. I … I bore her to the ground … I … and right there, among the piles of burning Fiori …’

  ‘It’s all right,’ I said quickly, not wanting to hear the details. ‘I understand.’

  He shook his head, his colour now a thin, dark, miserable ghost of its former self. ‘No. No, I’m afraid you don’t. Did you not hear what I said about the Elder Race and the daughters of men?’

  I cast my mind back. ‘Oh.’

  His voice cracked. ‘It’s forbidden, Elizabeth. It’s strictly forbidden for any of the Elder Races to sleep with humans. Absolutely forbidden. There is no worse crime.’

  I didn’t know what to say to him so I said nothing. His colour was writhing around him in a way that worried me deeply. I wasn’t going to let him go back to his woodland tent tonight. He would spend the night here in my house, because at that moment, I feared for him.

  He swallowed hard and spoke so quietly I had to strain to hear the words. ‘Afterwards – a very long time afterwards – we fell asleep together. When I woke up the fires were cold and she was gone. I should have gone after her. I should have talked to her. But somehow, the spell was broken and I realised ... I knew what I’d done. The crime I had committed. I couldn’t face myself – let alone her. To my everlasting shame, I avoided her.’

  He took a deep shuddering breath and continued. ‘The king wanted to reward her for her part in defending his city. He offered her a fine house and a dowry. I was pleased for her. I thought she was all set for the happy ending she deserved.’

  He stopped again.

  ‘I’m hearing a but ...’

  He sighed. ‘It wasn’t the men – there was a certain amount of respect for her. And she’d lost her family to the Fiori …’

  ‘But,’ I prompted.

  ‘It was the women. Once word got out she was just an innkeeper’s wife – and I’ve no idea who spread that particular piece of gossip – she was just … frozen out. It was the type of cruelty only women seem able to manage. They turned their backs. The held their skirts out of the way in case she contaminated them. They wouldn’t let their children go near her. Or their husbands. Men who had cheerfully fought shoulder to shoulder with her grew sheepish in her presence and backed away.’

  I tried to put myself in her place. The woman who had lost everything. The woman who had given everything. Only to be rejected by those for whom she had fought. I wondered how often she had wished she had fallen in the battle. I said quietly,

  ‘She must have been devastated.’

  ‘She … was.’ He was silent and wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  I thought, it’s been a long time, but we’re coming to it now.

  He couldn’t look at me. ‘I could have done something. I should have done something, but the Fiori never stop and neither could I. They’d taken a big hit and there would never be a better time to mop up the remnants. I knew Melek must be in Venice by now, waiting for me. I didn’t yet kn
ow where they were breeding but it … it was an excuse I seized upon. I started making preparations to move on. I was going to leave her there. If I thought about it at all, I thought she’d be all right. She had a house and a dowry and the king’s protection. I told myself that everything would sort itself out and all would be well.

  ‘She came to see me, smart in her new clothes. I remember she wore a green dress – the colour of new beech leaves …’

  I had a sudden picture of the new leaves in the beech wood where he was camping.

  ‘… with long, bright scarlet sleeves. We stood at the door. I didn’t invite her in. She looked older and tired and she was very quiet. She didn’t throw herself at me. She behaved with great dignity. Far more dignity than all those high-born so-called ladies who had been looking down their long noses at her. I was the one who behaved badly. She had a proposition, she said. She suggested we marry. She knew my purpose, she said. She had a house now and as her husband, I could use it as a base, coming and going as I wished, whenever I wished. Just please, don’t leave her there alone.’

  He couldn’t look at me. ‘I refused her offer. And because I was guilty and afraid and full of shame, I wasn’t perhaps as gentle as I might have been. In fact, Elizabeth, I was a complete bastard. Every time I looked at her I remembered what I’d done. I just wanted her off my doorstep. I just wanted to forget everything. To try and pretend it had never happened.