Are You My Sister? an adoption story

by Kathy Parsons Williams

  Still, we needed some adult advice from someone close to the situation. Absolutely not Gran; Dad would have to do.

  “This problem isn’t going to go away on its own,” I told her. “The next chance we get, we should talk to Dad.”

  “Here he comes,” she said. “Oh, good, he has food.”

  Holly took the fountain drinks out of Dad’s arms and placed them on the table. I removed the sandwiches from the bag and handed one to each of them. Holly took a sip of her drink, looked at me intently, and then just came out with it.

  “Dad,” she said, “what are we going to do about Sarah?”

  I nearly fell off the bench I was sitting on and Dad dropped his sandwich.

  “I didn’t mean right this minute, Holly,” I complained. “Maybe today is not the right time.”

  “Why not? It’s just a matter of time before she contacts you again.”

  Dad looked over to me. “When’s the last time, Sandy?”

  “The day of the funeral. She came to the service and then I saw her outside of the church near the parking lot. I told her not to go to the cemetery. And she hasn’t e-mailed me since. But I know she will. She wants to see Mom really bad.”

  Dad was silent for a few seconds before he asked another question.

  “How long have you known about her?”

  “Since right before graduation.”

  “Well, then, not very long.”

  I was hoping he wouldn’t ask how I happened to know about her. Thankfully, Holly redirected the conversation.

  “Dad, are you going to talk to Mom? Are you going to tell her we know? Because if we’re the reason she’s keeping Sarah a secret, there really isn’t a reason anymore, right?”

  “I suspect that’s true,” he answered. “But I want you to understand that a situation like this is usually very complicated. And considering what your mom’s been through, I’m not sure she could handle all of this right now.”

  Dad promised he would talk with her when the time seemed right, but he didn’t tell us exactly what he planned to tell her. Still, I was satisfied and almost relieved to know that the next step of any plan would be his.

  “So, Dad, what should I tell Sarah?” I asked.

  “Tell her to be patient.”

  Chapter 21

  We left the park at about nine, tired and bedraggled in a good sort of way. We dropped Gran off at her house, stopped at a McDonald’s in Hanover, and then drove home. Dad and Mom were talking about how good it was to get away for a while and Holly wanted to know when we could go back. It was our first really “normal” day since Kris had left us, and I knew it was a good start to Gran’s admonition that we should “go on” and “live our lives.”

  When we got home, Holly and I went upstairs to get ready for bed. While she was showering in my bathroom, I checked my e-mail. Still nothing from Sarah. I sat there for a minute contemplating whether or not I should contact her before I got a go-ahead from Dad. But then I didn’t want to give her hope in case there wasn’t any. So I decided to shut down my computer and call Jen instead.

  “Has she called you?” was my first question.

  “Only once. She felt bad about showing up at the funeral.”

  “Did she say anything about Mom?”

  “She told me she got to touch her. I told her we saw her shake your mom’s hand.”

  “She didn’t say anything about wanting to see her again?”

  “She said she was happy about seeing her. Just touching her was a big deal to her. But she knows she has to be patient because of Kris and everything.”

  “That’s just what Dad said,” I told her.

  “You talked with your dad?”

  “Today. He’s going to figure a way to talk to Mom, but he doesn’t know when—when he thinks it’s a good time.”

  She thought that sounded like a good idea.

  By the time I ended my conversation with Jen, Holly had dressed and was already in my bed.

  “Is it okay if I sleep in here again?” she asked.

  “Of course,” I answered.

  She had slept every night in my bed since Kris died, and, frankly, I was just as grateful for the company as she was.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I said. “You want the light off?”

  She didn’t, so I left to take a shower and by the time I had finished, Holly was asleep. I turned out the light and was finally lulled to sleep by the overhead fan.

  I’m not sure what time it was when I woke up, but I knew it was either very late or very early. I could hear Holly’s rhythmic breathing and then a sigh from someone sitting at my desk.

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, it’s me,” she answered.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  The small light on my computer lent enough light so that I could see her collecting her hair in a temporary ponytail and then allowing it to cascade upon her shoulders.

  “I just wanted to check on you two, that’s all.”

  “How come? Is something wrong?”

  It was then that I realized Holly had awakened and was listening.

  “She comes in every night,” she explained.

  Well, I wasn’t sure what to respond to that because I knew the wrong words could send us all into another teary episode. I didn’t want to undo what we had accomplished at the water park, but I suddenly felt like talking.

  “You want to get in bed with us, Mom?” I asked.

  “Might be kind of crowded, but, yes, that sounds nice.”

  She made her way to my side of the bed and both Holly and I slid over to give her room. She sighed slightly and took my hand.

  “So tell me about Sarah,” she said.

  I almost quit breathing and Holly popped out of bed like a jack-in-the-box and rushed to turn a lamp on.

  “Oh, Mom,” she said, “she’s really pretty. And she’s so nice. And did Dad tell you everything?”

  “Well,” she answered, “he said he’s leaving some of that up to you.”

  “Mom,” I said, “do you know you actually met her at Kris’s funeral?”

  “I was kind of in a fog that day. I don’t remember. But your dad told me.”

  Holly climbed back into bed with Mom and me and continued the conversation.

  “She really wants to meet you and talk about what happened to her—and you.”

  Mom drew the covers off her legs and sat up. She crossed her legs Indian style and began to wring her hands. I could see that she was mulling things over in her mind possibly trying to decide where to start. She cleared her throat while we sat anxiously waiting for answers.

  “Well,” she began, “I was twenty, in college, with really no direction in my life. Then I met another student. He was a year younger than I was. And he was really nice until I told him I was going to have a baby.”

  “He was mad?” I asked.

  “No, just scared. He made a mad dash, with the help of his mother, right out of my life. He relinquished his parental rights, never saw the baby, and never saw me again, for that matter.

  “My stepfather wasn’t too happy about the baby either. Along with my doctor, he arranged for me to stay in a maternity home where I was constantly badgered to give up my baby for adoption. The people at the maternity home told me that the only way I could ‘fix’ this problem and ‘make it right’ was to be generous and make a gift of my baby to a couple not capable of having one of their own. I felt bad about being unmarried and pregnant and I didn’t know what to do.”

  “What about Gran? What did she think about your baby?” Holly asked.

  “Gran was heartbroken, but she was feeling as much pressure as I was. My stepfather was a strong-willed person. She didn’t have many choices either. And of course the people at the maternity home were very persistent. I didn’t know until later that their maternity home was supported by adoptive parents—they were very motivated to take my baby from me. They told
me everyone would be happier if the baby had a two-parent home, that it was selfish of me to raise her myself and alone. They went so far as to tell me my baby was being born just so that this couple could have a child.”

  “Did you believe that?” I asked.

  “No, not really, but I didn’t have anywhere to turn. My mom couldn’t help me because of her husband, and I thought I couldn’t take care of Sarah on my own. I realized too late that I had other options.”

  “Like what?” Holly asked.

  “I should have kept her, gotten a job, and borrowed some money. But I didn’t know that then. It wasn’t as though I was a young teenager. I could have made it work—lots of single moms do.”

  “So then what happened next?” Holly asked.

  “Sarah was born on a cool fall morning. Gran was there. I stayed in the hospital for two days and signed the adoption papers a week later at the doctor’s office. The doctor told me that I was doing the right thing and that signing the papers would give me ‘closure’ after a difficult time in my life.”

  Holly’s brow crinkled. “What’s closure?”

  “Holly, there’s no such thing. I never forgot about her. I cried for weeks. No one at home mentioned her. Why, it was almost as if she had never been born. Eventually, life went on but I never forgot her.”

  It was at this point that I wondered about Gran and Dad.

  “What about Gran? Did she know that your baby was going to be living in Sunset Valley? Did she worry about running into her adoptive parents? Did you know Dad then?”

  “No, she and I didn’t know where the adoptive parents lived. I suspect that they were people that the doctor already knew, but I don’t know that for sure. No, I didn’t know your dad then. We met shortly thereafter, got married, had you two, and later, Kris. And then one day, out of the blue, Sarah calls me on the phone. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “But, Mom,” I said, “do you know what you’re going to do now? Everyone knows about her now.”

  “Sandy, I need some time. I’m feeling a little raw right now. I think about Kris constantly.”

  Mom leaned over and kissed each of us before straightening her legs and sliding out of the bed.

  “I guess I’d better get back to my own bed before your dad comes looking for me.” She offered a weak smile and headed for the bedroom door. “We’ll talk some more in the morning, okay?”

  “Mom, what should we tell Sarah?” I asked.

  “We’ll talk about that in the morning.”

  “You are going to see her, right, Mom?” Holly asked.

  She nodded her head ever so slightly as if not truly certain, and she left the room.

  Afterwards, Holly and I talked for another hour or so. I felt as though a huge burden had been lifted from our shoulders. I didn’t have to devise another plan; the next step depended on Mom and Dad.

  Chapter 22

  The next morning, Holly and I went down to the kitchen where Dad was already starting breakfast. He handed me a frying pan and told me to start the bacon.

  “Use the whole package,” he said. “I’m hungry, and we might be here for a long while.”

  I took the pan from him, set it on the range, and grabbed the package of bacon sitting on the counter. Holly and I exchanged glances; she questioned me with her eyes. All I could do was shrug my shoulders.

  We waited for a couple of minutes for Dad to explain his last comment, and when he didn’t, God bless Holly, she just asked.

  “What do you mean by that, Dad?”

  “Well, girls, we’re going to have to decide what to do about this Sarah thing.”

  Sarah thing?

  “And,” he continued, “we’re going to be talking about that as soon as your mom comes down.”

  “Are you okay with this, Dad?” I asked as I laid pieces of bacon into the frying pan.

  “I’m more worried about the two of you.”

  In unison, Holly and I said, “Why?”

  Dad motioned for us to join him at the table. We all sat down. I felt as though we were waiting for the ceiling to cave in.

  “Look,” he began. “Sarah is probably going to want to be a part of your mom’s life. That means she’s going to be a part of the lives of the rest of us. In a way, that means you’re going to have another sister.”

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. We had just lost Kris. I felt as though we were almost trading one for the other. Holly, on the other hand, was fine with it.

  “Dad, she’s really nice,” she said. “I think she likes us, too. What could go wrong?”

  “Holly, it would be like having a stepsister. And sometimes that can be difficult.”

  “But she’s not a stepsister, Dad.” She turned to me. “She’s a real half sister, right, Sandy?”

  “She would be our half sister, but really more like a stepdaughter to Dad,” I answered.

  We both looked at Dad and he immediately assuaged our fears.

  “Don’t worry about me. I can handle this,” he tried to convince us. “It will be an adjustment for everyone, even Sarah. And her family. Don’t forget about them.”

  Just then, Mom appeared at the kitchen door.

  “I thought you were going to wait for me,” she told Dad.

  “Just wanted to get a head start,” he replied.

  Mom joined us at the table, and after a few empty moments, Holly started in.

  “What’s going to happen now, Mom?” she asked. “Do you want to see Sarah? Because if you do, it’s okay with Sandy and me.”

  “Well, I heard your dad mention her family. We have to be careful—we’re not sure how they feel about all of this,” she said as she swept her bangs from her forehead.

  “But, Mom,” I said, “her mom knows. She even drove her to the funeral.”

  “I know, but her father and brother—we just have to be careful, Sandy. We don’t even know for sure how threatening this might be to her mother. Some adoptive moms are very much opposed to close relationships with birth parents.”

  “So,” Dad added, “probably the best thing to do is to contact Sarah’s mom.”

  We all exchanged glances. The only one with a hopeful look on her face was Holly. Dad cleared his throat and Mom’s brow furrowed the way it does every time she tells us her middle name is “Worry.” I guess she could see the same look on my face.

  “Sandy, what?” she asked.

  “Shouldn’t we talk this over with Sarah first?” I suggested. “Maybe she’s the one who should be talking to her mom.”

  Mom nodded her head. She sighed heavily and rested her chin in the palms of her hands.

  “Okay,” she said. “Do you have her number, her e-mail address? Tell her we’re ready.”

  Holly squealed and my heart started racing.

  “You mean you are ready, right, Mom?” I asked.

  “We all have to be ready,” she replied. “Let me know when she wants to talk. I’ll finish the bacon.”

  Holly wanted to know how in the world any of us could eat at a time like this as Dad was ushering the two of us out of the kitchen. He told us he was so hungry that there might not be anything left by the time we got back.

  But we didn’t care. The barriers had fallen away, at least the ones we had expected from our own family. Now all we had to do was present our plan to Sarah and allow her time to approach her parents.

  When Holly and I got to my bedroom, we both sat on my bed. I needed a minute or two to collect the tumultuous thoughts in my head as well as decide whether I was going to call her or e-mail her. I ultimately decided to e-mail her but I’m not sure exactly why. Holly didn’t care either way—she just wanted me to get started.

  “So,” she said. “What are we going to say in the e-mail?”

  “Well,” I answered, “just what Mom said. Let’s start working.”

  I took the chair at my computer desk and Holly sat next to me on a stoo
l. After a few seconds we were looking at my inbox. Holly gasped ever so slightly when Sarah’s most recent e-mail popped up.

  “Look at the time on that e-mail,” she said. “Seventeen minutes ago. She could still be on. Hurry. Open it.”

  Sarah’s e-mail didn’t say much, just that she was sorry she upset me by coming to Kris’s funeral, and that she knew she might have to wait for a long time before our mom was ready to talk to her.

  “Boy,” I said. “Isn’t she going to be surprised when we tell her what Mom said?”

  “We’d better hurry before she logs off.”

  I started typing right away. I simply told her that Mom wanted to see her, but that we all felt she should first talk with her family. I clicked the send button, and Holly and I waited silently for a reply.

  As we had hoped, she answered almost instantly.

  “Yes,” she wrote. “I’ll talk to my mom and dad. Would you ask your mom if I can call her?”

  “Okay,” I responded. “I’ll ask her right now. Hold on a minute.”

  Holly was at the door and to the stairwell before I was, but I was able to catch up. We both burst into the kitchen where Mom and Dad were again sitting. Both of us were panting so hard we could hardly speak. Dad finally told us to sit down, calm down, and start over.

  “Sandy,” he said, “I’m guessing you reached Sarah.”

  “Yes,” I said excitedly. “She wants to talk to Mom on the phone.”

  “When?” he asked.

  Holly and I looked at each other and then back to Dad.

  “Well,” I answered, “I guess right now.”

  Holly could hardly contain herself. “Can she call?”

  Mom covered her face with both hands for just a second before dropping them both on the table.

  “Okay.”

  Holly and I raced upstairs, gave Sarah Mom’s answer, and returned to the kitchen to wait for the call. After a few tense moments at the table, Dad decided he was still hungry so he got up and started the eggs. Mom got up and stood by the phone on the wall while Holly and I made small talk about who should set the table.