by Lee Rose
She led him to the door and opened it. She fought to keep the disappointed tears at bay. “Have a nice life, Adam. Please find a new place to drink your coffee. Perhaps your sister-in-law’s restaurant.”
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just nodded and left. She closed the door and locked it. She leaned against the door and let the tears fall. She sank to the floor and cried for her broken dreams.
“I’m sorry, little one.” She rubbed her stomach. “I’ll pour out all the love I have on you and give you the best life possible. You won’t have a daddy, but you will have a terrific aunt and possibly a grandmother.”
She wasn’t sure how long she cried before getting up and going to bed. Tomorrow things would look better, she told herself. They had to.
* * * *
Adam had to confide in someone or he would go crazy. He went to the police station knowing his brother would be there.
He sat in Noah’s office with the door closed. Noah’s secretary Helen was gone for the day. He spilled his guts, letting everything out. He hadn’t wanted to leave Faith’s house with things so unsettled but he could see she was at the end of her rope. He needed to think too. How had things gotten so complicated?
“Damn, Adam.” Noah whistled, sitting back in his chair and shaking his head with shock. “No wonder you have been so moody lately. I noticed on Thanksgiving you had a lot on your mind. I wanted to interrogate you, but Alana wouldn’t let me.”
Adam nodded, rubbing his forehead with his hand. Noah silently handed him a bottle of headache tablets. He took two and swallowed them.
“I’m overwhelmed right now and could use a beer. How did my life get so fucked up?”
Noah patted his back with a sympathetic look. “I know the feeling. It took Alana almost dying for me to get my head out of my ass. I loved her all along, Adam, and my doubts seemed insignificant in the light of that.”
“So what are you going to do? You can’t just turn your back on your own child, Bro. Dad would turn over in his grave and Josie would want you to move on,” Noah continued.
Adam sighed. The thought of being a father like this, out of the blue, terrified him. He never thought of having children. He planned on being a great uncle. “I know all that in my head, but in my heart I feel mixed up and unsure. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, Noah. I could lose Faith just like I lost Josie. I don’t think I can handle that a second time. It scares me. I want to try with Faith, but at the same time I am scared shitless. She is the only woman who has ever made me want to try. Then every doubt pops into my head and I step back. I know I am hurting her, but it’s like I just can’t help myself.”
“Does that mean you have feelings for Faith?” Noah asked seriously. “You say you want nothing permanent with any woman. Faith is giving you a clear pass. She wants nothing from you. You can walk away from her and the baby if that is what you really want.”
Adam couldn’t deny he cared about Faith a lot. He had been obsessed with Faith for almost a year now. He was still obsessed with her, and knowing she was carrying his flesh and blood only added to it. He nodded but couldn’t say it out loud. Not yet.
“Remember what you told me when I was going through my troubles with Alana?” Noah reminded him, sounding a little sad. “I could have lost her because I was scared. You encouraged me to do whatever it took to get her back and to hang on to love. Now it’s your turn, Adam. If you have feelings for her, don’t let her go because of fear. Do you want another man raising your child and loving her?”
A pain went through his chest. The thought of someone else making love to Faith and holding his son or daughter gutted him. He had to work out his doubts and fears so he could go to her and tell her he was sure in what he felt. He couldn’t go to her then change his mind again. It wasn’t fair. She deserved better than that and so did his child. He had to be sure.
“No I don’t,” he admitted. “But I need to think about all this. Right now my emotions are all over the place.”
“Marriage is great, Adam.” Noah’s smile widened into a dazzling grin. “I wasted a lot of time being stupid. Don’t do that too. There is no other feeling than being loved and loving. I no longer go home to an empty bed or home. Every day is a new learning experience. I regret the time I wasted. Don’t follow in my footsteps.”
Adam envied Noah’s happy attitude. He could have that, too, if he could just let go of his fears. He had a lot to think about.
“Thanks for listening, Noah.”
“No problem, Adam. Congratulations, by the way. I am going to be an uncle.” Noah grinned.
Adam smiled. Feeling his heart swell with the knowledge. He was going to have a tiny little son or daughter with his blood running through their veins. Hopefully a little girl with golden red hair that fell in waves. “Yeah. It’s scary but also exciting.”
Chapter 8
Faith locked the door to her shop. A cold December wind blew around her and made her shiver with the cold. She was so exhausted. It was awful how much she slept yet still felt tired. She could probably sleep fifteen hours and still feel like it wasn’t enough. What a day for her car’s battery to die. She now had to brave the cold wind and walk a mile to her house. Holly was at school then on to work.
She put her hands in her pockets and started walking. Hopefully she would make it home before dark. She was too tired to cook, but she knew she had to eat. She was losing weight instead of gaining.
She had barely made it to the end of the block when she heard the rumble of a motorcycle. Hopefully it wasn’t Adam. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since their talk last week. It hurt, but it was better this way. So what if she stupidly hoped he would leave then come back confessing his love for her? She had to get her head out of the clouds. Life was not a fairytale.
Hadn’t her crappy childhood taught her that?
She heard her name being called and turned her head. She saw Adam on his big black bike.
She stopped trying not to notice how sexy he looked in his black leather jacket and faded jeans. She looked like shit. She was pale and tired. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she had no makeup on. Plus her mood was foul today. She was taking cranky to a new level.
“Hey.” She felt tongue-tied and awkward. They had been intimate as two people could get, but now she just wanted to be away from him. He was just a reminder that he couldn’t love her.
He looked her over and she waited for him to say something bad about her appearance, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. “I just ran into Phillip and he told me your car was at the shop.”
“Yeah, my battery died,” she answered. Phillip was the mechanic in town. “It will be ready by tomorrow.”
“Were you going to walk home alone?”
The way he said it was like she was going to climb a ladder to the rooftop and jump off.
“Yes. This is a safe town.” She arched her eyebrow as if waiting for him to say something. “After all, your brother and his deputies assure us of that fact in all the town meetings.” She folded her arms across her chest and tapped her toes.
“It’s better to be safe than sorry, Faith. You should have called me. It’s cold and getting dark. You could trip and fall,” he answered, not looking very happy with her surly attitude. “I was worried.”
“Why?” she said simply. “We’re nothing to each other. We had a one-night stand. I would never think to call you.”
“You’re the mother of my child,” he clipped out angrily.
She shrugged and turned away from him. He was the one who insisted on putting up walls between them. She kept on walking. Adam was not something she wanted to deal with today. She planned on eating and sleeping the night away.
“Let me give you a ride home. You shouldn’t be walking in your condition,” he said out loud. Faith spotted a few people walking down the sidewalk. She stopped and turned back to Adam.
“Shh. People can hear you,” she whispered in a horrified voice.
/> “Are you ashamed?” he whispered back, looking upset with that idea.
“Red Hook is a small town, Adam. What are people going to say when they find out I’m a single mom? They’re going to talk about me behind my back. I have at least a few weeks before I show and have to put up with that nonsense.”
Adam looked grumpy. “No one better say anything to you.”
“They won’t to my face, but I know how it goes. They will wonder who the dad is and the rumors will start,” she said tiredly. She put a hand to her forehead. “Look, Adam, I had a shitty day. I walked to work. My feet and back ache. I just want to go home and sleep.”
“Then let me give you a ride,” he said softly. How could she resist that face? She needed to stay angry so she wouldn’t beg him to love her.
She sighed. She was weak, a doormat with no backbone. “Fine, but don’t let me fall.”
“Never,” he swore. “I’ll drive carefully.”
She hopped on the back of the bike. He put a helmet on her head and gave her a gentle smile. She put her arms around his waist and hung on. It felt good to touch him again even for a short time. Hopefully in time she could get over Adam.
He kept his word and drove slowly through the streets. It didn’t take long to reach her house. It was dark and the loneliness hit her like a ton of bricks. She hopped off, refusing to look at Adam. She didn’t want him to feel pity for her. She handed him his helmet while looking down at her feet. “Thanks, Adam.”
“Is something wrong? You look upset?”
She shook her head. “It’s hormones, that’s all. See you around.”
She looked at her dark, cold house and started up the steps. She took out her keys and went to put the key in the lock. She felt Adam behind her and grab the keys from her. He unlocked the door and opened it. “How about I cook you dinner?”
“All I have is spaghetti. Besides, you said you burn everything,” she reminded him, going in and taking off her sweater. She hung it on the coat rack and Adam hung up his jacket.
“Not spaghetti. You boil some noodles and heat up some sauce. Easy,” he assured her. He turned a lamp on in the living room. He looked at her fireplace. “I can start a fire and you can sit and relax.”
Faith plopped down ungracefully on the couch and yawned. “If you are sure. I don’t want to intrude on your plans.”
“I have no plans, sweetheart. Liam is working and Noah is with Alana,” he said. “I know it gets lonely.”
He got busy building a fire and she took the time to check him out. He was so sexy and she felt sad he didn’t belong to her. She didn’t have the right to compliment him or just go up to him and hug him.
After the fire started, she could feel the warmth. She sighed with comfort, feeling her eyes getting heavy. She hated this weary feeling that seemed to surround her.
“How come you don’t have a tree?” he asked, looking around her bare living room.
“Holidays have never been good times for us,” she explained. “My dad took off and never looked back. My mom drank herself to sleep and forgot she had kids. Trees and Santa were not on her mind. We just saw it as time off school. My employees insisted on decorating the coffee shop for me. Jenny has a small son and really gets excited about Christmas.”
She looked over at him. “How about you? Does it bring too many memories of your parents and fiancée?”
Adam thought about it. “The first year it did. Then Liam insisted Mom wouldn’t have wanted us to mourn forever. Christmas was her favorite holiday and she had so many decorations. That second year after they died, we put up a tree and all the trimmings. It made us feel closer to them, so now we do it all the time. This year Alana came over with Noah and helped us. She made cookies and hot chocolate.”
Faith smiled picturing all that happiness. She wanted that for her baby. “I want that for my child. Happy memories and the knowledge they are loved.”
She looked down at her flat stomach, but she knew he or she was in there and it brought her comfort. “Next year I will do all that stuff. Make new traditions. It will be a small family with just me and Holly, but I will make sure he or she is loved, like I never was.”
Adam grabbed her hand off her stomach. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheek. She tried to prevent the trembling of her lips. She did not want to have a meltdown in front of him, but she could feel it coming. She tried to hide her face in her hands, but he wouldn’t let her. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth. “No matter what goes on between me and you, I want to be a part of this baby’s life too. He will have uncles and aunts and two parents who want what is best. I’m sorry for my rotten reaction, Faith. I wish I could take it back. I am not sorry you are keeping this baby.”
She blinked back tears. It was easier to hate Adam. She hated when he was so nice. “Thank you for that, Adam. Maybe we can get along for the baby’s sake. I don’t want to always be mad at you or have the baby feel our tension. I wish you cared for me, too, but at least you want to acknowledge our child. That’s better than nothing.”
He leaned in and cupped her face. He caressed her cheeks and she had to close her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her like he was a starving man. His tongue explored her mouth and she moaned. It felt like forever since she felt his touch. She soaked it in like a sponge soaked in water. She felt hungry for something other than food. She leaned closer until they were touching chest to chest. Her tender breasts were squished against him, but she ignored the uncomfortableness. She let her hands land on his shoulders. For one second, she felt like she mattered to him. She clung on to that thought. Even if it wasn’t real, it felt good. It soothed her battered heart.
She felt his regret and his grief for all the things that had gone wrong between them. His touch turned gentle and his hands cupped her breasts through her shirt. She moaned into his mouth and kept her eyes shut. She did not want to see his uncertainty. Not now when she was feeling so good inside. The hollow feeling she had carried around was fading into the background. Sex would solve nothing, but she wanted the contact. It had been so long since she felt his body this close. The urgency she felt at his hands exploring her body overwhelmed her. Aching need blotted out all reasoning. She rubbed against him. Loving how he felt against her.
The weeks felt like years. She was desperate to feel his hands on her body one last time. Next time she would do a better job of resisting his charm, but tonight she wanted to repel the loneliness.
He slipped her shirt and bra off. Her stomach was still flat. He zeroed in on her breasts. They were swollen and probably looked bigger. Suddenly she felt unsure, but her body ached to fulfill the aching need she was feeling between her legs.
“Are they sensitive?”
She nodded as he reached out to gently cup them in his hands. He ran his fingertips up and down her breasts as if he had never seen them before. She felt the tingles down to her toes.
He placed soft kisses on them, slowly and gently as if she was fragile.
Her mind said to push him away and say no, but she was too weak to protest. It felt so good to be touched. He caressed her breasts and played with the nipples. She moaned softly and felt his tongue swipe across the tip. He suckled on the tip and she couldn’t prevent the moans coming from her.
He unzipped her jeans and pulled them off and not one sound of protest left her lips. She could feel the heat of the flames from the fireplace, or maybe it was just Adam. He opened her legs wide and then she felt his tongue swipe across her folds. She arched up. Her thighs quivered with the sensations traveling through her body. She knew she was getting wetter with each swipe of his tongue, but she couldn’t prevent the liquid dripping out of her. He continued his torture with his tongue, exploring her womanhood and driving her crazy. She gripped his hair, unaware of when he had lost his hair tie.
“You taste so sweet, Faith,” he said in a throaty voice that made her tummy tingle. “Like honey.”
She felt the waves of ecstasy star
t to travel through her body with such force. She felt helpless and out of control, lost in what she was feeling until she exploded in a burst of a bright flash. She yelled out his name and climaxed with his mouth still on her.
She heard the rustling of clothes and opened her eyes. He was stripping and she couldn’t help but watch him. His muscular build was such a turn-on. His stomach was hard and trim. Even his hairy legs were sexy. Boy, did she have it bad. How sad was that? She was in love with a man who was still in love with a ghost but didn’t mind having sex with her.
His cock was hard and straight and she reached out with her hand and gripped it. There was a drop of pre-cum on the mushroom tip. She swiped it with her finger. Adam groaned. She cupped his balls in her hand and squeezed. She explored his hardness eagerly.
“I want to be inside of you when I do come.” He pulled away from her. Small beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead. He looked like he was in pain.
He hovered over her prone form but was careful to keep his weight off of her. His knees hit the cushions of the couch.
He cock penetrated her wetness and she moaned. It felt so good to feel him skin to skin. He didn’t bother with a condom. And why should he? It was a little late to prevent a pregnancy.
“God, it feels good.” He swore under his breath, moving with a slow and gentle tempo designed to build up the tension, the ache.
“Skin to skin with nothing between us. Amazing. You are so hot and wet. It’s killing me to go slow with you. I want it to last for a long time.”
She wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him in closer. Her vaginal walls clamped down on him and he shut his eyes. “Damn, sweetheart.”
She caressed his chest with her hands and up to his shoulders. She squeezed his shoulders tightly. She had to be honest. “I missed this feeling, Adam. I love having you inside me.”
“Me too.” He sounded reluctant to admit such an emotion. He rotated his hips and thrust in and out of her. She hung on for the ride. She wanted to remember how good it felt. She had a feeling this would be the last time and she wanted to sob with grief but she held it in. She couldn’t look into his hazel eyes. She didn’t have the courage, so she closed her eyes. She buried her face in his neck. She inhaled his musky smell.