Break My Fall

by Chloe Walsh

  I could handle Rachel saying bad things about me, but not Kyle. We were supposed to be…I didn’t know what we were supposed to be. He thought I was small town hick, a dummy? My hunger abandoned me and I turned to go back upstairs.

  “Lee get your ass over here, you’re having a drink with me,” Cam shouted from across the hall. I debated whether or not to run, but Cam took the option away from me. Shoving through the mass of sweaty bodies, she grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen.

  Filling a glass with vodka, Cam grinned and held it out towards me. “Cheers babe.”

  I took it and tossed it back without thinking twice. “Cheers.” I gasped, wiping my chin with the back of my hand. Screw it; I wasn’t going to let Kyle, Rachel or anyone else bring me down tonight.

  I grabbed the vodka bottle and poured myself another and another after that. I made my way through half the bottle before I decided standing had become very challenging.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table observing a game of suck and blow with my new ‘friends,’ when Kyle arrived. He strolled into the room, wearing a plain gray t-shirt and faded blue jeans. They hugged his body in a very flattering way. He looked very hot and very much occupied with his arm draped casually around the waist of willowy blonde with legs like a staircase. I watched him lower his head to her ear and had to force down the bile rising in my throat. I dragged my eyes from him; there was no point in torturing myself.

  “Wahey, new girl, you’re up,” blonde drunk guy to my left cheered.

  “Cool.” I forced myself to suck the card that blonde drunk guy was blowing against my mouth. I was setting a record in the game, when I felt a hand grab my shoulder and drag me out of my chair.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Kyle was standing in front of me, his chest heaving. He looked furious. He reeked of whiskey. Electricity jolted through me, pulling me towards him, but I needed to be wary. I could not trust myself to control myself and I couldn’t trust him not to hurt me again… I forced my body to turn around; choosing to ignore him seemed the safest option. I went to sit back down, but he pulled me back towards him.

  Wrapping a muscled arm around stomach, he pressed my back to his chest as he glowered at blonde drunk guy. “Party’s over. Get the fuck out.”

  Blonde drunk guy shifted awkwardly in his chair. “Kyle, man I didn’t know she was yours, sorry bro.”

  I pulled away from Kyle, disgusted. “Don’t worry,” I hissed, swaying slightly. “I’m not his anything.”

  I moved over to the counter and grabbed a bottle of beer. Kyle pulled it out of my hands. “What is your problem?” I practically screamed, shoving him away.

  “Your drunk princess, come on, let me take you to bed.”

  He tried to take my hand and I snatched it away. “Why? So you can sneak out on me again? I don’t think so,” I snorted, backing away.

  He stepped closer, grabbing my shoulders. “You can walk out of here or I’ll carry you out, either way you’re coming with me,” he threatened. His breath blew into my face; it was obvious from the smell of alcohol on it, that he wasn’t sober. I could see his friends were watching us, along with the rest of the room; we were making a scene and for once I didn’t care.

  “Careful Kyle,” I snarled, my voice layered with sarcasm. “You wouldn’t want to give any of your dates the wrong idea.” I tried to step away, but Kyle moved so fast I didn’t have time. He threw me over his shoulder and carted off into the hallway.

  Dropping me down Kyle slammed my back against the door of the cupboard under the stairs. His lips crashed into mine. My hands moved of their own accord, reaching up to grab his hair, clinging to him in both desperation and desire.

  Our lips attacked the others viciously. I was overwhelmed with the angry passion I felt for him. I pressed myself into him, loving the feeling of him possessing me. I bit down hard on his lip causing him to grunt in what seemed pained-pleasure. He dug one of his hands into my hip and gripped my hair with the other, holding me hostage to his passionate onslaught.

  Slowly, the kiss softened and Kyle pulled back to look at me. He stroked my nose with his and my held my face gently between his hands. “You drive me fucking crazy,” he muttered. My heart flipped in response. My face burned. “We have to talk,” he whispered.

  “Yeah,” was all I could say. My breathing was erratic, my cheeks burned.

  He tugged my shirt playfully. “Come with me?”

  “Now?” I asked, uncertain as to whether it was a good idea for us to go anywhere alone together, with this clammy welt of lust wafting around our heads.

  Kyle pressed his forehead to mine. “Now,” he confirmed.

  Only two options occurred to me at that moment, the first to run back to my room and avoid Kyle Carter, go back to pretending it was just friendship between us. The second was to give in to my fears and embrace my feelings. Would my life ever go back to normal again? Did I want a normal life? I chose the second option, realizing there and then that there had only ever been one choice. Kyle held my heart in his hands.

  He moved his hand, flattening it against my lower back as we walked towards the stairs. Sparks coursed through my veins as I tried to remain composed. We walked up the steps and I blushed deeply from the audience of people watching us.

  I wanted to hold his hand or wrap my arm around him, anything to stake my claim, but I was too unsure of how he might react to tempt it.

  He opened my bedroom door and gestured me in. I stepped inside and he followed, closing the door behind him. I sat down on my bed, feeling awkward. I folded my arms around myself and waited for him to make a move. He didn’t. He stayed by the door. “Would you like to sit?” I asked nervously. My head was swimming from the alcohol.

  Kyle looked at me for a moment before sighing. Rolling his shoulders; he broke away from the wall, came and sat beside me. He shuddered. “I shouldn’t be in here.”

  I shrugged nervously. “I’m glad you are.”

  His mouth turned up in a half smile. “Here I got this for you,” he said. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out a small square box and handed it to me.

  I gasped. “You remembered? Kyle, you didn’t have to…”

  “Of course I remembered and I wanted to. Happy Birthday princess.” I looked down at the box and a tear slipped from my eyes. He remembered. He was the only one who had.

  Sniffling, I tore the paper off and lifted the lid. A pair of white gold earrings with my birthstone in the center of each earring sat inside the little red box. “Thank you Kyle,” I whispered. I climbed onto his lap and threw my arms around his neck. He stiffened for a moment, then his body relaxed and he hugged me back. One hand rubbed my back; the other smoothed back my hair out of my face.

  Leaning back to look at me, he chuckled. “It’s just a pair of earrings. You deserve so much better.” I didn’t think he was talking about the earrings anymore. He noticed the tears on my face and frowned. Removing his hand from back, he rubbed the pad of his thumb over my cheek. He leaned in and gave me a small peck on the lips. When he tried to ease back, I pulled his face back down to mine. Our lips crushed together.

  Kyle groaned and had me on my back me in one swift movement. His weight on top of me was ecstasy; his hardness pressing my softness. I cried out when he lifted his weight from me, but quietened when he pulled off his shirt. Reaching down, he parted my legs and fitted himself between them. His lips kissed my neck, his tongue licked my throat and I was lost in pleasure.

  I didn’t know if it was because he was drunk that Kyle was touching me, but he was touching me, finally, so I kept my mouth shut. He’d remembered my birthday and he bought me a gift. That had to mean something…

  His hands slipped under my shirt, sliding up to cup my breasts. My body trembled and my back arched as Kyle’s skilled hands circled and squeezed my breasts. I whimpered into his mouth. That seemed to drive him wild. He pinched my nipples, tugged with just the right amount of pressure and I cried out his name.

  “Mmm,
that’s it princess, I want to hear you screaming out my mother fucking name.” He slipped his hand inside my shorts and traced his finger against the cusp of my panties. “You’re so fucking wet baby,” he growled ducking a finger inside my panties. He stroked my clit with his thumb, his fingers sliding between my wet folds.

  I bucked against him screaming in pleasure. He silenced my screams with his mouth, the rhythm of his tongue matching that of his fingers. I clung to him desperately as I felt the newly familiar drive building inside me, rising higher, faster. I felt him move his hands to his jeans, undoing his zipper…

  My bedroom door flung open and I heard an angry scream. Kyle jerked off the bed, leaving me spread out flat on my back. “Jesus fucking Christ Rachel.”

  I froze on my bed, as I watched Kyle slip a hand inside his jeans and uh…rearrange himself.

  “You piece of shit, you promised me. Your goddamn loyalties should lie with me,” Rachel screamed. Her hand lashed out and she struck Kyle in the face, hard. “You owe me Kyle after what you…”

  “Don’t fucking go there Rachel, not here,” he warned, rubbing his cheek as he looked over at me. I scrambled to my feet, getting ready to run.

  Rachel’s attention turned to me and her eyes tightened. “Her Kyle, really? I’ve tolerated everyone else because you promised. But her? You’re different with her, why? You said it yourself, she is a fucking hillbilly hick. Why is she different from a thousand others?” Uh, no, I wasn’t staying here listening to this, I was out of here.

  I tried to scoot past, but Kyle grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down on the bed. “Sit down princess, this is your room,” he said almost desperately before turning to Rachel. “If you want to keep your shit to yourself then get the fuck out of here now, because I’m just about ready to lay it all out there Rachel.”

  Her eyes widened in disbelief. She screamed and actually stomped her foot. “Fine.”

  Rachel stalked out, stopping at the door. “You think you’re so special now hick,” she hissed at me. “But I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you. You are always going to be second best. He’s mine. He is always going to be mine bitch.”

  She slammed the door out and Kyle cursed loudly. He crouched down in front of me. “Princess…” He whispered, reaching out a hand to touch my face.

  “Don’t touch me.” I leapt away from him and ran out into the hallway, down the stairs.

  I heard him call my name, but I couldn’t look at him right now. I needed him to back off and give me space.

  The kitchen was empty when I burst in. The party had cleared out. Thank god for small mercies. I leaned over the sink, striving to compose myself.

  “What you heard back there, it’s not what you think.”

  “Go away Kyle. I don’t need any explanations. Go back to your girlfriend.” Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I turned to face him. “And whoever else you’re fucking.”

  I watched Kyle drag his hand through his hair and he hissed loudly. “She’s not my… It’s complicated.” He groaned in frustration.

  “I bet it is Kyle, it must be complicated trying to decide which woman to fuck, but maybe not so hard for you since I’m such a fucking hillbilly hick.”

  He strode towards me, pressing me against the sink. “Watch your language,” he warned. “Don’t say that about yourself.”

  I clenched my fists at my sides. “That’s what you see me as though, isn’t it?” I spat. “You used me Kyle, like a cheap whore. You led me on.”

  He flinched, his eyes narrowed. “Well, if you weren’t so fucking easy we wouldn’t be here. I tried to keep this from going any further. I warned you, but you kept fucking throwing yourself at me,” he spat. “You’re a fucking tease Lee…”

  My blood ran cold and my hand swung out before he could finish what he was saying, connecting with his face. “You bastard,” I screamed, tears flowing freely from my eyes.

  Kyle’s expression was one of pure rage. He grabbed my wrist, squeezing it painfully tight. “Don’t.Ever.Fucking.Hit.Me.Again,” he roared into my face and I cowered.

  My breath came in fast pants and my heart was palpitating. I was terrified.

  We stood frozen like that as Cam burst into the room with Derek following behind. “What the hell is going on?” Cam shrieked and my attention turned to her. Her face looked shocked as she took in the situation.

  “Kyle man, let go of her,” I heard Derek say. Kyle had my wrist gripped in his hand and I was whimpering in his grasp. I couldn’t feel the pain now. This was bad. My anxiety turned into a full-blown panic attack.

  Derek grabbed Kyle’s arm and jerked him away. He seemed to notice he was still holding my wrist and gasped, releasing me quicker than lightening. I sank to the floor, shaking, crying fitfully. I couldn’t breathe. I hugged my knees and rocked, urging the painful images of my past to leave, but the voices of my past wouldn’t leave.

  “You’re a little whore. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

  “I should have drowned you in a barrel when I brought you home from the hospital.”

  “You’re a little cock tease aren’t you?”

  “It’s your fault she’s dead. You killed your own mother.”

  “You want to defy me? Go out with boys like a little slut? Let’s see what boys look at you now.”

  I could hear the sound of his belt. I could taste the blood in my mouth. The fear was climbing in my throat and I couldn’t stop the strangled screams coming from my mouth as I struggled to breathe. I shook my head trying to rid the memories from my mind.

  I couldn’t close my eyes. I wanted to, but I was too afraid of what would come next.

  “Jesus,” Kyle hissed. He grabbed his hair with both hands.

  “What the fuck Kyle?” Cam shouted, as she ran over to where I was crouched. “Are you hurt Lee?” she asked. Dropping to the floor, Cam put her arms around me and squeezed. I sobbed loudly, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t catch my breath. “Shh, Lee it’s okay, you’re safe. No one is going to hurt you. Breathe.” I was too scared to breathe. I panted and gasped. Cam checked me over and blanched when she saw my wrist. “Uh, you stupid fuck, look at what you did. Look at her fucking hand Kyle.”

  I looked down at my hand and sure enough there was purple Kyle shaped fingerprints on my wrist.

  “Lee I’m sorry,” Kyle said in desperate voice. He moved towards me as if to hold me. I scrambled away and backed up closer to Cam. She wrapped her arms around me protectively, rubbing my back in slow steady circles. Kyle’s whole body shuddered. “Jesus, I’m so fucking sorry.”

  I calmed slightly at the sight of his torn expression. I nodded and covered my wrist with my other hand.

  “Get him out of here,” Cam growled as she held me tighter. When they didn’t move, she screamed; “Get him out of here Derek. NOW.”

  Derek grabbed Kyle’s shoulders and walked him from the room.

  “Shh just breathe Lee. Breathe,” Cam whispered, as the shudders rolled over me and I finally caught my breath.

  Kyle

  “What the fuck was that?” Derek was speaking to me, but I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t breathe. The sight of Lee huddled on the floor terrified of me. Her hand… I was the lowest of the low. There were no words to describe the kind of bastard I was.

  Derek pushed me down on the couch and paced the room. “Dude what the hell just happened? What was that?” I looked at him blankly, hoping he could tell me.

  The door opened and Cam closed it quietly behind her. I stood up as she strode towards me and grabbed my shirt. “Listen to me dipshit, if you ever lay so much as a finger on that girl again, I will rip your fucking heart out.”

  “Cam, I didn’t…” I stopped. I didn’t know what to say. I had no excuses. “I didn’t realize I had gripped her that hard, I’ve been drinking.” Pitiful excuse, but it was the truth.

  I honest to god hadn’t realized her wrist was in my hand. I’d been so caught up in what she was saying.

 
Cam exhaled sharply. “She came here to get away from one abusive bastard, not to find another.” My heart stopped.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Who had Lee come here to get away from? Abusive bastard? “Cam, you better start talking,” I warned.

  “Don’t go there Carter. I keep enough of your secrets. This is not my story to tell.” She growled, then sighed. “Maybe you should have asked Lee why she moved here before you went all Rocky Balboa on her and scared the life out of her. I mean are you that stupid Kyle? I told you she was fragile. I warned you to stay away from her. You better fucking pray that she doesn’t run again. Because if she goes back; she’s finished. Believe it or not Kyle, that girl has lived through more horror than you could dream up. What Lee has suffered would make you pray for death. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not here tomorrow, god knows I’d be gone if I were her.” Cam said before storming out of the room.

  Derek, who had been standing quietly behind me, sighed. “Dude what the fuck was that?” I had no idea.

  But I was going to find out.

  Lee

  Cam lay on my bed facing me. I didn’t remember climbing the stairs or getting into bed.

  She looked sad.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  She sniffed and wiped a tear from her eye. “I love you Lee. You know that don’t you?” I nodded. I knew Cam loved me. She was the only person in the world who did. “So I’m going to ask you some questions and if you can’t say the answers out loud, then just shake or nod your head okay?” I nodded, smiling at the old game she was playing with me. This was how Cam had talked to me as a child, when I couldn’t talk, when I’d been too afraid to.

  “Did it stop? After I left? Did he stop?” I quivered and shook my head. Tears well from both our eyes as Cam wrapped her fingers around mine. “Did it get worse? More violent?” I nodded slowly.

  Cam blanched as sucked in a deep breath. I did not attempt to lie. Cam knew well what my father was capable of. She had seen the bruises on my body for years.