Tracen narrowed his eyes at the nickname. Sam was asking for it.
Little brother calmed down. “I saw the way she looked at you, dude.”
Tracen turned away and flipped to a different station. Sam’s compassion was even worse than his ridicule. Reminding himself that his brothers had only seen Emily the one day, Tracen refused to let the comment reach him. How much could Sam know?
“And you couldn’t get enough of her either.”
Or maybe he knew too much. But he could be wrong. Infatuation. Tracen had only been infatuated. The fun part of falling in love. Maybe it hadn’t gone any deeper than that.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sam.”
“That’s right.” Sam hugged a throw pillow like he used to hug his teddy bear Pookie. The smaller Sam had been much less threatening. The big one continued. “It doesn’t matter because you’ve got your cabin in Sun Valley to keep you happy. And that’s all you’ve ever wanted.”
It used to be. Too bad it wasn’t what Tracen wanted anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
TRACEN WAITED FOR BRUCE TO CLIMB into the raft. The director had one more week of filming, and most of that was going to be panoramic or nature shots. Today Tracen would be taking the cameramen for a ride so they could get footage of the rapids.
Though he hated to admit it to himself, Tracen had hoped for Emily to be around. He hoped to see her smile or hear her laugh just one more time. Yeah, right. He wanted a lot more than one more moment with her. She was like the energizer bunny, and he was running on a dead battery.
He knew he needed her, but it was the hope thing that got him all hung up. Why hope? What had hope ever done for him? Better to let go and turn the other way so he didn’t have to face the fact Emily would rather pretend to be a superhero than to be with him for real.
And it was real. Scary real. So real he couldn’t handle it. Good thing he could pretend too. Pretend he didn’t care if Emily left. Pretend Sam’s lecture hadn’t pierced him with its accuracy. Pretend his soul wasn’t bleeding.
Tracen gazed downstream. He could hear the river’s roar, but it sounded distant somehow. Though the current raged past, it didn’t affect him. The colors faded, the noise muted. The beauty he so loved lost some of its vibrancy.
It was going to be a long day. He wasn’t impatient with Bruce — simply — disconnected. Achingly numb, Tracen swiveled his head to check on the director. The sooner he got the shooting over with, the sooner he could — what? The sooner he would have to do something else that reminded him of Emily.
“Emily wants to what?” Bruce’s voice bellowed into his cell phone, but it wasn’t the man’s volume that caused Tracen to pay attention to the one-sided conversation. “Well, we probably won’t need her anymore, but even if I were going to let her leave, our plane won’t be available for charter for another two days at the least.”
Tracen’s fingers dug into his palms as he gripped the oar tighter. Muscles flexed reactively in what he’d learned to be the fight or flight syndrome. Normally he was a fighter, but—
“She can try to get a commercial flight, though I doubt there are any seats left with this short of notice.” Emily was done in Sun Valley. He’d known the moment was coming, but he hadn’t expected the loss to feel so much like a punch to the gut. And he hadn’t expected her to be this anxious to take off. That’s what hurt the most. He knew she wasn’t so much in a hurry to escape Sun Valley as she was to escape him.
She’d said she couldn’t imagine being with anybody else. But that’s exactly what was going to happen. Their romance would be considered nothing more than a silly fling in her memories.
He couldn’t breathe. He needed space. He needed to move forward. He needed to forget this power she had over him.
Yanking the raft back onto shore, he motioned to Bruce that he would be right back. Bruce didn’t even look up, so Tracen took off to get his backpack by the trailer. The director might not have appreciated being deserted, but it was the least of Tracen’s worries at the moment.
Velcro scraped against the rough canvas material as Tracen ripped open the side compartment holding his cell phone. Please be there, Matt. He jabbed the numbers to dial his older brother.
Ringing — then the click of a connection.
“Hey, Tracen.” The guy was always perfectly even-tempered. With the mood Tracen was in, it ticked him off just a little. “How’s life among the elite?” Matt’s question ticked him off a little more. But he needed help.
“It’s about over for me.” Tracen tried to keep his words from sounding too clipped. “Though you could have a chance at rubbing elbows with Emily again.”
“Really?” Too peppy. Not quite caring. The clink of tools over the line gave the impression that Matt was in the middle of mechanic work.
“Yeah.” Tracen looked down at the dirt. “Emily wants to head back to Hollywood right away, though she probably won’t be able to get a flight from here for a few days. I was wondering if you might be able to give her a lift.”
The banging of tools on Matt’s end ceased. “I’m not sure I follow. Is everything okay? I mean, why is your girlfriend leaving so suddenly?”
Tracen gripped the phone until his knuckles burned. Every time he had to explain the breakup, it was like ripping his heart in half again. The pieces kept getting smaller and smaller. “We’re not dating anymore. She wants to keep making movies.”
“Ah, man. That’s rough.”
Rough didn’t begin to describe the turbulence he felt within. “Yeah.”
Quiet. Like Matt had nothing else to say. At least he didn’t lecture the way Sam had.
“Maybe…”
Uh-oh. Matt was the one who never interfered. It was easier that way. Easier not to go deeper.
Matt went deeper. “Maybe you should go with the girl this time, Tracen.”
He’d resisted the idea from the very beginning. Never even considered it. Been repulsed by Emily’s suggestion. And he still hated it, but — no, he couldn’t. He’d make a fool of himself in Tinseltown. And by going with Emily he’d only prolong the inevitable.
“It’s not that easy, Matt.”
His big brother couldn’t understand. Everything in Matt’s life came easy. Like how his rich boss had given him two of his used jet skis, while Tracen only ever got to putt around in Howie’s ancient ski boat. And that was nothing compared to the way Matt had married his high school sweetheart, while Tracen’s had dumped him.
Matt cleared his throat, uncomfortable as always with conflict. “I didn’t say it would be easy. I said it might be the way to go this time.”
Matt probably had good intentions, but his use of the term “this time” grated against Tracen’s last nerve. Like he was rubbing in the fact that Tracen had already failed where Matt had succeeded. “If you’re not going to help me—”
“I’ll help you.”
Silence again. Tracen wanted to slam the phone down on Matt, but even more he wanted to be able to move on without holding his breath every time he turned a corner in case she was there. Without aching when she wasn’t there. Without stopping to listen for her, only to hear the echo of his heartbeat in the emptiness that surrounded him. Without worrying that at any moment he could change his mind and run the entire course of his life off track simply to spend another day with her.
He needed Matt’s help. “I’ll text you Emily’s cell phone number. Then you can call and make arrangements.”
What would Emily think when she found out he’d arranged for her to fly away and leave him behind? Would she be grateful for his help? Disappointed that he sped up the process? Angry he presumed to interfere? He didn’t have the strength to call her in person and find out for himself.
Matt’s voice rang with concern. “Are you sure you don’t want to—”
“No.”
No warmth in Matt’s tone this time. “All right then. Your home in Sun Valley is more important. Got it.”
Where did that c
ome from? Of course, Tracen had started out thinking the same thing, but Matt didn’t know his motivations. Anyway, they’d changed. “Matt, it’s not like that.”
“Right. You’re not out getting ready to raft at this very moment?”
Not because he wanted to. “It’s my job.”
“And acting is hers. Too bad you let it come between you.” Matt’s sigh practically shook Tracen’s phone. “For some reason I thought you cared more for this girl than for the last one. Guess not.”
Tracen pushed through the descending heaviness to pack his phone away and return to the raft. Why did Matt have to bring up Serena? He didn’t even know she’d come back to Sun Valley. But that’s not what mattered. Tracen’s choice to let go of Emily had nothing to do with Serena. Did it?
****
EMILY REALLY DIDN’T WANT to deal with Serena today. Not after one of Tracen’s brothers called to say he could fly her back to Southern California early. Apparently Tracen couldn’t get rid of her fast enough. Seeing her probably made him guilty for returning to Serena so quickly. Maybe she should stick around to make Tracen miserable. But then, she’d be more miserable. She was the single one.
Following the bellhop, she nodded thanks to the doorman and took her keys from the valet. Serena screeched to a halt behind her rental car. There was no way she could slip by undetected. Even with the baseball cap and sunglasses.
Serena popped out of the driver’s door to her sleek black coupe. “Emily. Where are you going? You’re not leaving Sun Valley already, are you?”
No, she wasn’t leaving yet. She was standing in a parking lot answering stupid questions. Straightening her shoulders Emily willed herself to breathe normally. Serena didn’t know that she’d been dating Tracen. The woman was simply being her enthusiastic self.
Emily pressed the remote to unlock the rear gate of her vehicle. “Filming is over.”
Serena joined her as the bellboy loaded her luggage. “Did you think about my business proposal anymore?”
Emily focused on her suitcase. “It was a nice idea, Serena, but I don’t think it will work out.”
“Oh, don’t say that.” Serena leaned against the hatch after the bellboy slammed it. Emily pictured her chaining herself to the bumper the way environmental activists chained themselves to bulldozers. “If you’re returning to Sun Valley, a gymnastics studio would be a great investment.”
That was the thing. She wouldn’t ever be coming back to Sun Valley. “I’m not coming back, Serena. This isn’t my home.” Bitterness crept into her tone as she tipped the men at her service. “I don’t have a high school sweetheart to grow old with.”
Serena sighed.
Probably picturing herself rocking next to Tracen on the wraparound porch of the cabin he would be building. No, Emily couldn’t come back ever.
The woman persisted. “You’re from Boise, though. I bet you have lots of friends there. And it’s very close by.”
Emily smiled wistfully. “Lots of friends, but no Tracen.”
Serena smiled and nodded, but she still didn’t get it. “There aren’t many Tracens in the world. So strong, so stable. He hasn’t changed at all since I left.”
“Huh.” Emily fidgeted, itching to get in her car and drive away. If she stayed much longer, she’d say something she regretted for sure. “So he’s, uh, been pining for you for ten years then?”
Serena tilted her head to one side, causing a waterfall of sleek blond hair to cascade over a bare shoulder. “Tracen has never needed me.”
The vise gripping Emily’s heart slackened its grip slightly. She’d wanted to believe Tracen didn’t need Serena. That the other woman had nothing to do with the reason Tracen broke up with her.
“But he adores me.” Pressure returned tenfold. “Nobody has ever adored me the way Tracen does. Every other guy I dated just wanted something from me. But not Tracen.”
Emily knew Serena spoke the truth because she’d experienced it too. She didn’t want to share him. She didn’t want to give him up. But not because he adored her. Because she adored him.
“What about you, Serena?” she asked quietly. Maybe she could challenge the woman without getting involved. Give to Tracen through Serena — since she was what he’d wanted all along anyway. “Do you adore Tracen? Or do you just adore the way he adores you?”
Serena’s spine straightened. “Oh. You mean, like, do I only want to date him because of the way he makes me feel?”
Emily blinked to keep from rolling her eyes. The woman looked as if she’d never considered the question before. “Yes, that’s what I’m asking.”
Serena laughed before leaning in conspiratorially. “Honestly, I said yes to his proposal because he made me feel so good about myself. But crazy enough, it was also his belief in me that gave me the courage to follow my dream of stardom.”
Emily’s anger melted a little at the thought of how Tracen would react to the knowledge. If he hadn’t been such a great boyfriend, he would be married right now. Poor guy.
Hopefully Serena had changed and would make up for the years of pain she’d caused him.
“And now?” Emily prompted.
“Now?” Serena sighed. “Now I wish I were you. I’m so jealous. I don’t blame you if you never come back to Sun Valley.”
Emily’s heart clunked against her ribs. Serena didn’t care for Tracen. Selfish ambition still ruled her. Tracen was going to get hurt again. Emily couldn’t let that happen. Her chin lifted, and her mouth opened before she could think over the words she needed to say. “You are jealous of me?” Hands flailed at her sides. “You have everything I want, Serena. You have Tracen.”
Serena’s palms rose to her chest. “You want Tracen? Does he — does he know?”
The woman might as well have stabbed her. Such cluelessness was dangerous.
“Yes, he knows.” Emily’s admission stripped her naked. Humiliation mingled with grief.
Serena leaned forward as if believing was seeing, and she needed to get a better look. “I thought he was only an extra to you.”
Either Tracen hid their relationship well, or Serena was so wrapped up in her own feelings that she hadn’t noticed the tension that hovered between them. Probably both.
Shaky breath. “Yesterday when you found us in the shed? We weren’t filming.”
“Oh…” Serena’s cheeks flamed pink. “Then why are you leaving? Tracen wouldn’t choose me over you.” The jealousy that tinged her tone earlier fizzled away. Only curiosity remained.
Emily eyeballed the woman. What was wrong with her? How could she be so objective?
Moving toward the driver’s side door, Emily tried to distance herself from the situation, from her own emotions. It felt a little like swimming upstream.
“Tracen chose Sun Valley over me,” she replied, giving the explanation that only made sense to Tracen.
Serena stood there, jaw slack, and Emily could think of no other reason to hang around. She tossed her purse to the passenger seat.
It didn’t make sense. She was the one who cared so much for Tracen, and she was the one leaving.
Pausing, she looked back at Tracen’s former flame. Emily really did want them to be happy together. “I hope you’ll grow to adore Tracen the way I do.”
Serena faded into the distance as Emily pulled away. Not exactly the way she wanted to remember the resort town, but she didn’t want to focus on the more enjoyable memories either. Too fresh. Too naïve. Too depressing.
Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, Emily connected to Bluetooth and dialed her mom. They hadn’t talked since her battery died a few days before. And it looked like the battery was going to die again soon. Why had she packed her charger in her suitcase? Couldn’t worry about that now. Better to say good-bye while she had the chance.
Mom picked up after the second ring.
“Hi, Mom.” If Tracen hadn’t arranged the flight for her, she would have hang out in Boise for a few more days with her mother. They’d grown
so much closer during her visit.
“Sweetie. I was wondering when I’d hear from you again. Especially after you dropped that last bomb.”
Oh no. Her mom had heard her say she was moving to Sun Valley? She’d thought they’d lost connection before that.
“I cleaned out your old room for you, so you can stay with me until you get your own place. And I told all my students you want to help out on the trampoline. You wouldn’t believe how excited they are.”
“Mom, I—”
“As for the Tracen fellow, I couldn’t be happier for you. I hope you didn’t mind my meddling too much while he was here, but he’s a special young man.”
Emily slammed her head into the headrest, letting it bounce off the cushion before repeating the action with more force. No, no, no. She needed a safe place to rest. Her mom was supposed to be that safe place.
“Change of plans, Mom.” She spoke calmly, though she’d scream as soon as she could disconnect the phone call. “Tracen and I broke up because I’m making another movie.”
“What? You’re — what?” Her mother sounded more like a confused senior than an angry mother. But perhaps she had the right to be both. Emily had no justification for abandoning her only living relative again.
“I’m sorry. I’ll come live with you when production for the next movie is over. I promise.”
Then they would have a chance to reconnect. At the moment, she didn’t think she could stay in Idaho without running back to Tracen.
“Don’t leave without saying goodbye. That’s called running away.”
Emily barely made out her mother’s quiet words. But just because Mom spoke them with resignation didn’t make them true.
No, Emily wasn’t running away. She was claiming her independence. She was avoiding conflict. She was escaping rejection.
Okay, she was running away. Again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
TRACEN WAVED TO GIGI TO LET her know she didn’t have to worry about seating him. He led his brother out to the deck and claimed a table in the early morning sunshine. A sneezing fit wracked his body before he could slide his shades over his eyes. The Achoo Syndrome refused to grant him any grace.
Finding Love in Sun Valley, Idaho (Resort to Love Book 1) Page 21