Guarded Desires

by Couper, Lexxie

  Returning his stare to Liev, he swallowed.

  Before was an extremely distinct possibility. The mere sight of Liev’s lips travelling up Chris’s leg was like visual Viagra, let alone the silken caress of each kiss on his skin.

  “Oh, man,” he groaned again. “I don’t think I’m going to last long.”

  Liev chuckled against Chris’s knee. His fingers continued their path toward Chris’s groin. “It’s not a marathon, Chris. And I’m not going to give you a hard time if you come before I do.”

  Chris’s laugh sounded strained, probably because Liev had resumed his journey up Chris’s thigh with his lips, the back of his knuckles brushing the heavy swell of Chris’s balls.

  “A hard time? Isn’t that the point?”

  For an answer, Liev snared the tube of lube from the bed and popped the lid.

  Chris’s heart smashed into his throat.

  Gazing down at him, Liev squeezed a dollop of the thick, clear liquid onto his fingertips. “Spread your legs wider, Huntley.”

  Chris did as ordered, the action parting his ass cheeks more.

  A low moan rumbled in Liev’s chest. His jaw bunched. “Fuck, you have a gorgeous hole. Tight and perfect. Made for fucking.” He pressed his lube-coated fingers to Chris’s anus and pushed.

  Rivers of delicious heat flowed through Chris at the contact. He groaned, driving his heels into the soft mattress and spreading his legs farther. Jesus, he wanted this. So much.

  “It’s going to hurt, Chris,” Liev murmured, his gaze fixed on Chris’s entrance. He coated his fingers—three this time—with fresh fluid and returned them to Chris’s flesh. “I won’t tell you otherwise. When I first push into you it’s going to burn like hell, but it’s going to feel so fucking good after the pain has stopped.” He dipped into Chris’s passage, first one finger and then another and finally the third. “I promise.”

  Chris hissed in a sharp breath, his hips bucking upward. He couldn’t stop looking at the man stretching his ass. Liev’s warning, his statement, only cemented Chris’s desire for him more. “I trust you,” he said, the words thick on his tongue. “I want you. You and only you.”

  Liev’s nostrils flared. His eyes fluttered closed. “Fuck me, Chris, hearing you say that…”

  He slipped his hands under Chris’s thighs and lifted them off the mattress, inching closer until Chris’s calves flattened against his chest and his cock pressed to Chris’s balls. With deft skill, he snatched the condom packet from beside his knee, tore it open with his teeth and slipped out the slick disc. Wordlessly, he rolled the protective sheath down his length. It took an eternity, each inch covered propelling Chris closer to the edge of insanity. When the condom was finally stretched over his cock, he oozed more lube onto his fingers, Chris’s puckered hole and the bulbous head of his shaft.

  Lifting his gaze from his handy work, Liev studied Chris. “It’s not too late.” His voice shook, belying the calm control he projected. “I’ll stop now if you tell me to. I don’t want to. Fuck, I don’t want to, but I will. For you. If you ask—”

  “Fuck me, Reynolds.” Chris cut him off, reaching for his own straining cock and pumping it once. “Before I come on my damn chest.”

  Eyes dilating, jaw bunching, Liev smoothed his hands over Chris’s hips, under his butt and, without a sound, leaned closer down to Chris’s body.

  The action aligned the tip of his cock to Chris’s lube-sodden entry. Chris rolled his hips, staring up at the amazing man above him.

  There was a moment where time stopped, where the world ceased to spin, and then Liev pushed his hips forward and entered Chris’s body. A little.

  Intense pleasure speared through Chris, intense pleasure and searing pain. “Jesus,” he ground out. “That feels…”

  Liev withdrew, removing the stretching pressure of his invasion. “What?” He hovered over Chris, his cock nestled to Chris’s burning ass. “Tell me, Huntley. It feels what? I need to know before I—”

  “So goddamn good,” Chris groaned, squeezing his throbbing erection with a trembling hand. “Do it again.”

  Liev pushed into him again, deeper this time. “Breathe for me, Chris.”

  Chris couldn’t stop his raw whimper as he released his pent-up breath. “Hell yeah.”

  Again Liev withdrew, this time pausing at the point his cockhead stretched Chris’s ring to its limits before sinking back into Chris’s flesh. “Fuck, you’re tight, Huntley.” His face bunched, beads of sweat trickling down his temples. “Tight and hot and perfect.”

  Once more, he slid upward, dangling Chris on a razor-wire line of euphoria. The distended edge of his cockhead stroked Chris’s prostate. Once more, he groaned Chris’s name and declared him tight and hot and perfect. “And mine,” he rasped this time. “Mine.”

  The word stole what little control Chris had left. “Yours,” he ground out in agreement, yanking on his own length. “Yours to fuck forever.”

  Liev opened his eyes. He stared down into Chris’s face, his eyes ablaze with longing, his face etched with need, and slammed back into him.

  Harder and deeper than before.

  “Yes,” Chris cried out, pleasure unlike any he could fathom consuming him. This was intimacy, connection. This was giving himself to that person, that one special person and letting that person possess him, own him, complete him… He couldn’t survive it. He never wanted to be without it again.

  Never wanted to be without Liev again.

  Hot, wet lips grazed a jerky path over his chin, his lips, before Liev drew his hips back, back, back, and once again Chris balanced on the wire, so close to tumbling into the bliss of release.

  “Yours,” Liev whispered, gaze locked on Chris’s face. “God help me, I’m yours whenever you want me.”

  He sank into Chris again, buried himself to the root, his shaft embedded inside Chris’s body.

  Chris came.

  His seed erupted from his cock, spurting all over his chest, his throat. He thrashed beneath Liev, his orgasm ripping from his core, his bones, his very soul.

  And still Liev didn’t stop fucking him. Still, the man continued to pound his ass, over and over, each thrust turning Chris’s release into something else, something sublime.

  Something perfect.

  Something pure.

  Liev froze for a split second, his shaft buried to the root in Chris’s ass. His body thrummed with an inferno Chris felt in his core, and then, with a strangled roar, he threw back his head, drove his fingers into Chris’s thighs and came.

  His ejaculate burst from his body. Chris could feel it pumping through the turgid length of his cock. The sensation detonated fresh pleasure in Chris’s soul and he whimpered Liev’s name, over and over again. He took his lover deeper, lost to the desire in Liev’s eyes. Lost to the sheer bliss of being with him this way.

  When Liev’s wild thrusts slowed, Chris allowed his eyes to close. His lover shifted slightly between his legs, enough to let Chris’s legs fall from Liev’s chest.

  The move caused Liev’s cock to slip free of Chris’s anus and Chris groaned. The sudden sense of emptiness at the absence of Liev’s flesh in his body struck through his heart.

  Christ, he truly was gone for the guy. Hook, line and sinker.

  Opening his eyes, he couldn’t stop the smile spreading over his lips as he gazed up at the Australian still kneeling between his legs.

  Liev’s chest heaved. Sweat glistened on his forehead, his nose. The fine dark-blond hair on his chest was matted. His abs were an exquisite six-pack defined by exertion. To Chris, he was the epitome of male perfection. Christ, he loved him. It wasn’t possible, not after seven days, but he did.

  He opened his mouth, the words on his tongue, and closed his mouth again. More than one woman had told him she loved him after sex. He remembered how unsettling the confession always made him feel, and while Liev had used the terms mine and yours mid-coitus, Chris had no idea if he really meant it.

  As much as he wanted
to tell the man he was head over fucking heels in love with him, he couldn’t. Ignoring the fact he didn’t want to make Liev uncomfortable, he really didn’t know if that’s what guys did after sex, albeit amazing, mind-blowing, soul-shattering sex.

  This was more than sex, Chris. It was. Tell him. Look at him and tell him what you feel.

  Chris opened his mouth again, his stare on Liev’s face, and said, “Holy fuck, that was incredible.”

  The skin around Liev’s eyes tightened. His Adam’s apple jerked up and down his throat, and then he chuckled, swinging Chris’s leg over his body so he could stretch out on the bed beside him. “That’s one word for it.”

  Chris flopped back on the mattress and stared at the ceiling without seeing it. His heart raced. His blood roared in his ears. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t say what he wanted to say. What he desperately wanted to say. “Holy fuck,” he muttered again, his mouth dry. “Holy fuck.”

  “I think that about sums it up.” At his shoulder, Liev laughed again, the sound relaxed and at ease. Chris wished he felt the same. “Wait, I’m not even remotely religious.”

  Trying to calm his whirling emotions, Chris rolled his head to the side and gave Liev a contemplative look. “Fiery fuck sounds painful.”

  Liev pulled a face. “It does.”

  “And guarded fuck sounds ominous.”

  Liev snorted. “Disturbing in fact.”

  Chris returned his gaze to the ceiling. “Holy fuck it is then.”

  “Holy fuck,” Liev echoed.

  The urge to turn to the man and tell him he loved him surged through Chris again. Instead, he threaded his hands behind his head and forced a grin to his lips. If Liev could be cool about what they’d just experienced, he could be too. “I’d like to point out,” he said, “that the floaties are now well and truly shredded.”

  “You might be right.”

  Chris laughed, flicking a look at Liev. “Might be right?”

  Liev’s grin was languid, sated. “There are many other positions, Huntley. When you’ve tried them all we can talk about the state of your floaties. For example, there’s this amazing position called the Anal Drop.”

  Chris’s heart kicked up a notch at the thought of Liev penetrating his body again. If it wasn’t for the fact he was so goddamn exhausted and drained, that his cock was currently as limp as an overcooked noodle, that his mind was a turbulent mess of emotional insecurity, he’d flatten Liev to the bed, cover the man’s body with his own and demand they try the Anal Drop right that very second.

  “And there’s also toys.” Liev’s murmur stroked at his fraying nerves. “The pleasure of a butt plug is not to be—”

  The bedroom door opened.

  “Far be it for me to be a mood killer,” Bethany strode into the room, two steaming mugs in her hand, “but Mr. Huntley is due at the wildlife reserve in less than hour.”

  With a muttered curse, Liev pushed himself upright, scratched his fingers through his hair and shucked himself to the end of the bed.

  Chris stared at him, the cold shock of reality stilling his heart. He’d missed his chance. Their time together here, in this room away from the judging public, was over. The day ahead of them was planned out to the minute, and not one of those minutes allowed Chris to take Liev in his arms, brush his lips over his and tell him what his heart, his mind and his soul knew to be irrevocably true.

  How the fuck did a guy tell another guy he loved him?

  “Mr. Huntley?”

  Chris blanched at his personal assistance’s poised voice. He jerked his stare to her, fighting the frown wanting to pull at his forehead.

  She smiled at him, and if he didn’t remember all too clearly the way she’d used her body, her lips as a means to maneuver him and Liev together only a few hours ago, he could almost believe she was just the professionally detached P.A. she presented herself to be. “It’s time to get out of bed. Take a shower.”

  Chris blinked. His head felt like it was spinning.

  Bethany’s nose crinkled as a smirk that could never be described as professionally detached crossed her face. “And I’m afraid you don’t have time to shower with Liev.”

  At the mention of Liev’s name, Chris swung his stare to the Australian.

  The man was silent, a still calm claiming his beautiful body. His head rested in his hands, his elbows on his bent knees as he studied the floor. He looked…pensive.

  Chris’s gut knotted.

  Flicking his assistant a quick look, Chris swallowed. “I just need a moment, please, Bethany.”

  He saw Liev stiffen at his request.

  With a small nod, Bethany turned and walked for the door, taking the steaming mugs with her. “Don’t do anything stupid,” she said over her shoulder. “Either of you. You don’t have time for a quickie.”

  Chris studied Liev’s back, unable to miss the way the man’s broad muscles flexed at her jest. “What are you thinking?” he asked when they were alone. His heart thumped hard in his ears. He didn’t know what the answer was going to be, but for some reason, he was petrified.

  The Australian lifted his head from his hands, his shoulders straightening. But he didn’t turn to look at Chris. That fact sent cold dismay into Chris’s already churning gut. “Was I—”

  “No,” Liev cut him off before he could ask the bleak question. “You weren’t.”

  Chris swallowed again. “Then tell me what’s going on in your head.”

  A sharp breath left Liev. His shoulders slumped. “I told myself it was just sex. It couldn’t be anything but just sex.”

  If it was possible, Chris’s heart slammed faster at Liev’s murmur. He stayed silent, aching for what he wanted Liev to say.

  “It had to be just sex,” the man continued, still facing the door. “Because if it was more, both of us were going to get hurt.”

  Chris ground his teeth. “I told you I don’t care about what others say.”

  Liev twisted his torso to finally look at him. “You should. And I should have kept my hands off you. It was my job to be your bodyguard. Nothing else. Fucking you wasn’t part of the job description. Nor was fucking up your career.”

  He propelled himself from the bed and, fists bunched, crossed the room. “With the door closed, I almost forgot the world on the other side. But that world is there, waiting for you, the famous movie star. Waiting to live your life with you.” He scrubbed at the back of his neck before turning to face Chris. “Please accept my apologies, Mr. Huntley,” he said, his stare fixed on a point somewhere above Chris’s right shoulder, “for my impropriety and unprofessional conduct. I assure you, it won’t happen again in the time I’m still in your service.”

  And without another word, he turned and walked through the door, leaving Chris alone in the room.

  Something tried to tear its way out of Liev’s chest.

  He hurried to his bedroom, his heart a world of agony, his temples crushing under an invisible vise.

  The hurt in Chris’s face at his apology had devastated him, but there couldn’t be any other way. Liev didn’t do commitment. He didn’t. And he sure as shit didn’t lose his bloody heart to a Hollywood star on the verge of fucking up his life over seven amazing days of discovery. He didn’t do that either.

  Better to rip out his stupid heart and grind it under his heel than do that. Better to save Chris Huntley’s career than see it destroyed over a relationship that could never be.

  Chris had only just tasted the possibilities of his sexuality. There wasn’t a hope in hell Liev would expect him to declare Liev his one and only, even if Liev wanted him to. Which he didn’t. Not at all. Because Liev didn’t do commitment. He didn’t.

  Yeah, that’s why your heart tore apart when the first words out of Chris’s mouth after the most amazing sex of your life weren’t I love you. That’s why your soul shattered when the words you thought he was going to say, the exact three words you were going to say to him, didn’t pass his lips.

  Swinging the d
oor shut behind him, Liev crossed to the bathroom, stepped into the shower and flipped on the cold water.

  He needed to get the smell of the man off his body.

  Icy needles of water stung his flesh. He closed his eyes, lifted his face to the stream and willed the grief from his soul. Stupid. He was stupid. He’d told himself Huntley was off-limits. He’d told himself to ignore the base lust and chemistry between them.

  He’d told himself to stay professional, and like a fucking moron he hadn’t listened to a word. He’d thought he could survive it, thought he could lose himself in the glorious, illicit moment and walk away when it was finished. Hell, Chris wouldn’t want anyone to know of their tryst. It would be the perfect fantasy—sex with a celebrity, the sexiest man alive, a man lusted after by millions—with no strings attached.

  And then he had to go and lose his fucking heart to the man the moment Chris declared he didn’t care what the world thought of him.

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  Slamming the side of his fist to the cold tile wall, Liev scrunched up his face and willed the aching need inside him away.

  No matter how much he wanted to run back to Chris, take him in his arms and apologise for his blunt rejection, he couldn’t. Because that was also stupid. And contrary to current behavior, Liev didn’t do stupid either.

  He killed the shower stream with a quick flick of his wrist, a second before the door to the cubicle swung open.

  Chris stood on the other side, long corded legs covered by a pair of faded jeans, the rest of his sublime body bare, his hair wet and slicked back from his face.

  Liev’s breath caught in his throat. He froze, his stare locked on the man he wanted more than life.

  “I wanted you the second I saw you, Reynolds,” Chris said, his voice a deep rumble. “I watched you climb off the yacht and stride along the jetty like a goddamn Adonis and I wanted you right then and there. I’d never ever wanted a man before but I wanted you. You were so goddamn powerful, so goddamn confident and relaxed. You oozed sexuality and courage and strength and I wanted you.” He jaw bunched. “And now I realize it was all a lie. You’re just a coward. More afraid of life than I used to be.”