Puny God

by Andrew Beymer

  I pitied her that she came from a time and a place where guys didn’t do this. So I pressed my lips against her lips and stuck my tongue out. I’d like to say I did some amazing trick, but if we’re being totally honest I just resorted to the old alphabet trick.

  Hey, sometimes the tried and true methods were the ones that worked best. Besides, it’s not like it took all that long before she was writhing and I knew exactly what it was that made her tick.

  That was one of the things about the alphabet trick that a lot of guys didn’t seem to understand. It wasn’t about getting all the way through the alphabet to get a girl off. It was about figuring out what motions really got her going, and then doing that over and over until she was screaming your name.

  Like this girl was right now. I mean sure she didn’t know my name so it’s not like she could scream it, but she was certainly writhing through the nothingness all around us and making enough noise to drown out the music at The Club.

  Which was doing something odd that had never happened to me before while I was getting it on with a lady. There was that glow from between her breasts, a glow that was bright enough now that it was almost blinding.

  It was a nice view, but I was more curious about what the fuck it was that was causing that glow to get brighter and brighter.

  Not that I had much time to think about it. I put a finger inside her and crooked it up just so, which along with my tongue really seemed to do something for her.

  She was bucking and writhing and it was kinda weird to watch her doing her thing. Sort of like Elizabeth Berkley in the infamous pool scene in Showgirls, only there was no water splashing all around.

  She squeezed harder and harder. To the point that I thought she might actually suffocate me, but I wanted her to have a good time so I held my breath and soldiered on. She screamed for another few moments, then finally let go.

  Her breath was still coming in ragged heaving gasps, which had the added effect of causing her chest to rise and fall in a most delicious way, but it was clear she was through the most intense part of her orgasm.

  She looked down at me and smiled. Licked her lips.

  “That was incredible,” she said. “Where did you learn how to do something like that?”

  I thought about telling her it was pretty much expected with the guys when I came from. That it wasn’t a big deal. Then I decided if she was going to treat me like some sort of sex god because we didn’t have the same hangups in my time that they clearly did in hers, then I wasn’t going to disabuse her of that notion.

  “Just something I learned that the ladies love,” I said with a shrug.

  “Well I think it’s time for me to give you something you’re going to love,” she said, sliding around and moving her body down mine as she wrapped her legs around me.

  She worked at the layers of her leather armor for a moment. I would’ve offered to help, but I honestly had no idea how the hell to get it off of her. Though it wasn’t long before she had it off and her breasts bounced free.

  I also saw the source of that glow. There was a slight hole in her chest about the size of the crystal Leila had given me, but there was just that pulsing light there. And it seemed to be knitting up as she pressed into me.

  Weird.

  But whatever. I was in a magical world. I’d roll with the magic. Besides, I was way more interested in her tits in that moment.

  They were more full than Leila’s, and I couldn’t resist giving them a feel as she worked between my legs at my belt, button, and zipper. At least that was something that hadn’t changed all that much in the gulf of time that separated us.

  She was already ready to go, and I groaned as her pussy wrapped around my cock. I took a couple of deep breaths because I was on the edge already, and the last thing I wanted was to give the lady a bad time.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked, peppering my face with kisses as she started sliding up and down on my cock.

  I tried to think of football, but that only led to me thinking about the cheerleaders doing their thing on the sidelines which wasn’t helpful. Maybe that’s why people usually thought of baseball. No cheerleaders to sex things up.

  “I’m close,” I said. “It’s been awhile, and I already got worked up from Leila, and…”

  “Leila?” she asked, hitting me with a sharp look.

  “You know each other?” I asked.

  “You could say that,” she said, her face darkening.

  Oh shit. I worried I’d done something to ruin this. I’d never had the experience of having a girl calling things off when I was already inside her, and I really didn’t want to start now. I’d be a gentleman and stop if she asked, but damn would I have the worst case of blue balls of my entire life!

  “It’s okay,” she said, taking a deep breath and kissing me again. “Leila doesn’t matter. This is what matters. You have to finish for the transfer to work entirely. You already gave me such a wonderful time. Do this for me. Come for me. Give it to me.”

  I groaned. It’d been awhile since I’d had a girl begging me for it like that.

  “Oh fuck,” I groaned, pressing into her and grabbing that tight ass.

  Meanwhile that glow was starting up again, and I could feel something passing between us. The glow surrounded me, us, along with the strange dizziness that I’d felt back in the tavern when I took that drink.

  My breathing was coming hot and heavy. I was impossibly warm. Like the world’s most intense fever had hit me with all the intensity of a baseball bat right to the head or something. I was groaning and pumping into her, and oh fuck.

  I pressed into her and let loose. She whimpered, but then those whimpers turned to surprise. Her eyes went wide as she stared at me, and then that glow in the center of her chest closed up entirely leaving a small scar, but nothing else.

  The glow passed out of her and partially into me, but some of it was also going into my pants pocket still floating in that void. Weird.

  Also? I suddenly had the feeling I could sense what was happening in her mind just as easily as I could sense what was happening in mine, and the only thing I got from that connection was that she was more than a little surprised at what was happening.

  “What the…”

  She gasped one final time as I finished, holding myself against her. Then with a gasp it was done. Also? My pants had started floating towards us, and the gem fell out of my pocket and floated there between us with a flickering glow.

  Rachel frowned. “That’s not how it’s supposed to happen. Its…”

  I could sense what was happening in her mind, so I had a front row seat as a darkness reared up inside her. Her body was wracked with convulsions and I had a vision of something coming for me. Of a deal that had been made, and now it had somehow been broken.

  I pulled away from her and watched in horror as her eyes went from bright light to pure darkness.

  “You will not prevail,” she said.

  I was having one of those moments where I wasn’t quite sure what the hell to think. On the one hand there was that almost demonic double voice that was coming out of her, but on the other hand there was still an insanely hot flame haired woman floating before me mostly naked.

  And there was that gem between us glowing fitfully. Rachel lurched, looking for all the world like a puppet that was being controlled by a puppet master who wasn’t quite sure what the hell they were doing.

  I snatched the gem before she had a chance to get at the thing, and she let out a scream. I could feel the pain moving through her body as though it was my own pain, and I wanted to do something for her.

  I concentrated on that gem and the thought of sending her back to wherever it was she came from. I didn’t know what was going on here, but I did know she didn’t deserve what was happening to her here even if she had maybe just tried to sell me down the river to whatever it was that was possessing her.

  “You can’t have her!” the double voice shouted that was both Rachel and not Ra
chel at the same time.

  Darkness surrounded her and her veins ran black as that dark glow filled her eyes. She cried out in pain again as the darkness moved in, and then she was gone.

  Damn.

  That darkness tried to move in on me, but I still had the crystal glow surrounding me. I lashed out with it, not sure what I was doing but knowing I had to do something. I heard laughter echoing in my head as I lashed out with that power and heard tearing and popping and groaning all around me, like I’d just destroyed something.

  Then the darkness receded, and I realized that yeah, I had just totally fucked up without realizing it. There were elves standing all around the edge of where that darkness had been, and I was in the middle of a massive crater with destroyed buildings all around me.

  None of those elves looked happy with yours truly. Especially the group of armed and armored elves who appeared out of the crowd with spears tipped with nasty looking glowing crystal spikes.

  This wasn’t good.

  7

  Hangover

  I stared at the dudes approaching me. They didn’t look all that happy. Considering I’d just destroyed a city block with my arrival I couldn’t exactly blame them.

  They also looked nervous, though. Like they were wary about approaching me. I looked down and saw that I was still in my same clothes from going out clubbing with the boys. Not exactly the kind of outfit that would inspire terror in a bunch of heavily armed elves ready to do some damage with those glowing crystals.

  Glowing crystals. Weird. The light in them looked a lot like the light in the crystal that’d been floating out there in the darkness.

  The crystal. That seemed important. Like I should maybe keep that motherfucker around as insurance or something. It sure hadn’t done a Tony Stark and lodged in the middle of my chest, but it had to be around here somewhere.

  I looked around, and then I saw it. Lying in the ground about twenty feet away, about halfway to the edge of the crater I’d created, and it was still glowing fitfully.

  Also? Those elf dudes seemed to be doing their best to move towards the thing. Well then. I didn’t know if they were on my side or not, but I figured if anyone was moving towards the one thing that might be my salvation on this world then I was going to get there before them.

  The elves and I stared at each other for a long moment. One in the front in particular, his armor was a little more ornate and he had some sort of golden pattern over his left breastplate that would seem to indicate rank of some sort, hesitated as I locked eyes with him.

  It wasn’t often that a fully armored badass soldier type looked at you like he thought his death was imminent, but that was the look I was getting right now. Damn.

  “Distract him!” the elf shouted.

  He bolted towards the crystal. I did the same. There was just one little problem with that plan, and that was the rest of his merry band of elves were also moving. Right towards me. With the nasty tips of those glowing spears pointed at me.

  “Son of a…”

  There was nothing for it though. That gem was my salvation on this world. At least it seemed to be the thing that all the powerful women who’d pulled me into this world seemed focused on, and if I knew anything then I knew it was important to put stock in what the magical girl trying to get you to save her world thought was important.

  Only I wasn’t fast enough.

  I mean I was fast, don’t get me wrong. In a fair race I might’ve beat the elf asshole to that glowing crystal. It’s just that the situation I found myself in was anything but a fair fight, and it was a little difficult for me to keep running for the crystal when there was suddenly a sphere embedded in my thigh.

  I panicked and tried to remember where the femoral artery was. Suddenly all that time I’d spent memorizing bits of the human body in Anatomy & Physiology went out of my head like I was sitting down for the final exam and all the cramming I’d done in the week leading up to it was suddenly gone.

  Only I wasn’t bleeding out, so I figured that was good. That was one of those wounds where you were usually so fucked if you got it that you barely had time to contemplate how fucked over you were before you were gone.

  “Son of a bitch that hurts!”

  There was something about my scream that had everyone taking a couple of steps back. And they weren’t taking a couple of steps back because they were afraid of my screams. No, they were literally taking a couple of steps back because the force of my scream caused the ground to shake with the force of one hell of a tremor.

  Granted I’d never visited sunny CA or been out to Japan to feel a tremor before. Supposedly the New Madrid fault had the potential to really fuck shit up, but it hadn’t done so in living memory. Still, the tremor was enough that a couple of the massive trees that seemed to be the elf equivalent of skyscrapers swayed back and forth, and a few building built into the lower level of the tree city collapsed.

  Damn.

  I looked down to see a glow in my leg. Surprisingly it didn’t hurt all that much. No, it was almost like that glowing power made me feel whole or something. Still, I didn’t like the idea of having a sphere embedded in my thigh, glowing crystal or otherwise, so I did what every first aid thing says you’re not supposed to do and pulled the motherfucker out.

  I figured most of those first aid advice things usually rested on the idea that there would be a first world hospital with doctors trained in removing things like that nearby. I doubted there was anything like that here.

  The glow had gone out of the sphere as I pulled it out. There was a tiny puff of white mist, and the wound knitted up. I grinned as I looked up at the rest of the elves and tossed the spear aside.

  “Any of the rest of y’all motherfuckers want to give it a try?”

  Leila had said something about me being a god on this world. Well if they wanted to take on a god then that was their business, but I wasn’t going to make it easy on these assholes.

  The elves looked at me and then took off running. Though they weren’t going in the opposite direction. No, they were running towards…

  Son of a bitch. That elf officer had grabbed the crystal and now he was tearing off through the forest city like his life depended on it. I glanced around, but it didn’t seem like there was anything else important waiting for me here, so I ran after them.

  Elves screamed as I ran towards them. I tried to tell myself that these people were looking at a strange man from another world who’d just destroyed a chunk of their city, and to them me moving towards them was justifiably terrifying.

  That didn’t help things much, though. There was something about that screaming that was really doing a number on a headache that was suddenly threatening around my temples.

  “I don’t mean you guys any harm,” I shouted. “Could we please just keep the screaming to a minimum or something?”

  That didn’t do any good. The people kept right on screaming. It didn’t help that more buildings collapsed as a wave of magical energy shot out from me as I spoke. Damn. I needed to get a grip on that!

  Also? Those guys running away with my crystal were getting way ahead of me. I didn’t know if I’d be able to catch them.

  Shit.

  “Listen elf people. I really don’t want to hurt you, so if you could please…”

  The situation wasn’t helped by spears appearing out of the crowd and sticking me. I looked down to see one right where my heart was, and another sticking through my side. Which sent another moment of panic shooting through me, but not for long.

  I stood bellowed at the assholes who’d stuck me.

  “Why the fuck did you do that?” I growled. “I told you I wasn’t going to hurt you!”

  They’d hit me with a couple of killing blows with that sneak attack, but I was still alive. Also? Having those glowing points stuck in me made me feel good. Like I was pulling at the magic that made them glow. I pulled the spears out and they were dull. Lifeless.

  I looked at the elf soldiers who’
d stuck me and smiled, then punched one and kicked the other in a double move that would’ve made Master Kenny proud. The elves went flying through the air and slammed into trees on either side of the thoroughfare, and there was more of that screaming that wasn’t doing wonders for the headache brewing behind my temples.

  That also had the added bonus of getting all the idiot elves who’d been blocking my way to suddenly get out of my way. Not because they’d suddenly realized the error of their ways getting in my way so much as because I held my hands out and pushed them to the side, and suddenly the crowd parted as though my hands had moved all of them.

  I stumbled as I took a step forward, and I wondered if I’d overdone it. I wasn’t sure how I was doing this. Just that it felt like I was absorbing magic from those spears.

  If that was how the magic system worked on this world worked then I was going to have to have a serious conversation with whatever asshole came up with the thing, because Brandon Sanderson they weren’t if I had to get my ass stuck by a crystal sphere or knife or whatever every time I wanted to use a spell.

  I took off after the elves again. This time it was a hell of a lot easier to track them since all the other elves in the area had gotten the memo that they needed to stay out of my way. I pursued them all the way to a clearing with a gnarled and ancient tree bent over itself so that it formed an arch.

  “This is not good,” I muttered, getting a look at that arch.

  It wasn’t the arch so much as the massive portal in the middle of the arch. At least I assumed the glowing white thing in the middle of the arch was a portal. The soldiers had lined up in front of the thing and were getting ready to file through, and sure enough right there at the front was that officer holding my crystal.

  “Come on guys,” I said. “I need that.”

  The elf shouted something that I almost thought I could understand, and the whole group moved double time through the portal. It turns out I’d been absolutely right about what it was, too. They disappeared as they stepped through the thing, with the officer going through first.