Make Me Forget

by Anna Brooks

  “Hey, are you alright?” I look at a pair of shiny Nikes and my eyes trail up to a super cute, super tall woman. She looks to be a little older than me, and I notice a scar running along her whole right arm. Her brown hair is in a ponytail.

  “Umm, yeah.” I stand and wince a little at the soreness in my legs. “Where are we?”

  “Almost outside the city.”

  “Oh. Shit.” My feet scrape along the concrete, and I wrap my arms around myself, for both comfort and warmth. “Do you have a phone I could use?”

  “Believe it or not, I don’t. But if you want to come back with me to my place, I’ll let you use that one.” Her voice is kind and soft, albeit a little raspy.

  “No offense, but I don’t know you.” I rub my fingers at my temples. “I’m sorry, that sounded rude. I had the worst day of my life, and I’m all fucked-up.”

  “Hey,” she puts a hand on my shoulder, “I’ve been there, honey. I promise I just want to give you a hand. When I was at my worse, someone did that for me, and it saved my life.”

  I hesitate, and she rolls her eyes. “Listen, I want to help you out. You’re obviously not from this neighborhood, you’re sweating, have makeup running down your face, and look scared as hell. If you don’t want to come with me, fine. But I need to get back, so if you’re coming with me, you better do it now.”

  I look around the alley and notice the streetlights are beginning to flicker on. She tosses a bag of garbage in a dumpster and pulls a key out of her shoe. Before she goes to walks away, she asks, “You coming or not?”

  “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  I follow her through the alley.

  “Come on. My car’s in the front.”

  I trail behind her to the front of the building. She points at her car.

  “That’s my piece of shit. Can’t believe it’s lasted this long.”

  She’s right; it is a piece of shit. What once was probably white is almost yellow, and there’s more rust than paint. The door squeaks and drops a little as I open it. Surprisingly, the inside is clean and actually smells good. The driver’s side door squeaks a little louder than mine does, and she gets in and puts the keys in the ignition.

  “Cross your fingers.”

  Then she turns the large silver key and the engine makes a loud screech before rumbling to a start.

  “Whew. It normally takes a few tries; you must be a good luck charm.” She smiles and punches my shoulder lightly.

  The drive is silent takes about twenty minutes before she angles the car into a motel.

  “Umm…”

  “I know, it’s a shit place, but it’s my home. Come on, I’ll tell you once we get inside.”

  I hesitate, but only for a second. As we walk to her door, I notice she keeps looking around again. Her eyes catch mine and I ask, “Are you looking for someone?”

  “No, I’m just cautious.”

  She unlocks the door with four different keys to match the deadbolts. After she opens the door, she motions for me to go ahead of her. Much like her car, this place is really clean. One twin-size bed pushed against the far wall and a rack with clothes sets against the opposite wall. Across from the bed is a dresser with an old TV on top. She also has an electric griddle and microwave next to the TV. A small refrigerator sits next to the dresser.

  “Welcome to my humble abode!” She relocks the four dead bolts and slides three chain locks in place, and then applies a safety bar across the middle of the door. “Better safe than sorry, right?”

  “Yeah, right. Hey, what’s your name?”

  “Mary. What about you?”

  “I’m Charlotte.”

  I sit on the bed and fiddle with my fingers. “So, you live here?”

  “Yeah. It’s a long story, but the short of it is; I was down on my luck. Like I had nobody. Betty, the owner of this place, needed a maid and offered me a room in trade for me cleaning.”

  “Oh, so you get cheap rent or something?”

  “No. She doesn’t pay me, but I get the place for free. That’s why I clean the salon. I pick up odd jobs here and there for money. I don’t need much.”

  Mary throws her purse on the dresser and plops down next to me.

  “What’s your story, Charlotte?”

  “My story is long, too. The condensed version is, I found out my… I don’t even know what he is. Boyfriend, maybe? I just found out that his mom is my therapist.”

  “Ouch. That one’s gotta burn. Why are you in therapy?”

  “Umm, it’s kind of personal,” I snap.

  “CliffsNotes version, then.”

  “Look, I don’t know you. I appreciate–”

  “Whatever. You don’t have to tell me. I’m hungry. Want some ramen?”

  She gets off the bed and walks to the dresser. The drawer she pulls out is full of ramen and a couple packs of instant mac-n-cheese.

  “No, I’m fine, thanks.”

  She doesn’t say anything else as she puts the dry noodles in a bowl and adds water from the bathroom sink in it. Once it’s in the microwave, she sits on the bed and chews on her fork while waiting.

  “My parents both died, and I got involved in a fucked-up relationship.” I’m not sure how much I want to tell her. She’s been really kind to me, so I go on. “Todd was basically a wannabe Dom. I did all sorts of shit with him. He’s fourteen years older than me and was my mom’s oncologist back in Texas.”

  “Dang, girl. So you got out of the relationship and started seeing a therapist.”

  “Yeah. When I moved here, I reconnected with an old… fling. Turns out my therapist is said fling’s mom.”

  We continue talking for about an hour. I explain a little more, and she sympathizes with me. I cry. I laugh. But, most importantly, I listen.

  “If this guy, the love of your life. If he is it for you. You can’t let that go. What you went through was not your fault. His mom understands that, and you need to, too. Tell him. Let him know. Once it’s out in the open, I bet you’ll feel much better.”

  I rest my hand on her arm, the one with the scar. “How do you know? How am I supposed to believe that once he knows, he won’t be disgusted by me?”

  She jerks her arm away and stands.

  “I know because what you did is not disgusting. Trust me. I’m not negating the fact that you went through some shit. Some things can’t be forgiven, some things you do result in life-altering changes for other people.” Hands on her hips, she closes her eyes before she speaks again.

  “Those are the kinds of things that can’t be forgiven. When your choices affect someone like that, then you hide. Then you run away and never look back because you know you don’t deserve anything more than living in a motel for the rest of your life.” She quickly wipes the tears and shakes her head as she heads to the bathroom. “You need to call him. He’s probably worried.”

  “Hey!” I call before she can slam the bathroom door. “Whatever you did, whatever you think is unforgivable? I bet you’re wrong. You’re a good person, and mistakes can be forgiven. Was what happened a mistake?”

  “The only mistake was that I survived.” Then she shuts the door. The pipes squeak then the water for the shower turns on. I grab the ancient phone and dial Meara’s number.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  “Jesus Christ, Charlotte! Where the fuck are you? Everyone’s freaking out over here.”

  I feel so guilty for making them worry. “I’m sorry. Please tell everyone I’m okay.” I forget that I now have my family again, and Travis. I’m so used to being alone and not having anyone to care about what I’m doing or where I am that I fail to remember they might get worried.

  “Where are you? Travis is worried like crazy. His dad and brother called in favors and have cops looking for you. Seriously, Char, what the hell?” Her concern has quickly turned to irritation.

  “I’m at this pay by the day motel.” She starts to talk, but I cut her off. “Please call Travis and tell him I’m okay. I�
��ll call him tomorrow. I need some time. Please, Meara.”

  She lets out an audible huff. “Fine. But he told me what happened, about his mom, and I guarantee you’re making a bigger deal than it is.”

  “You’re probably right,” I admit. “But she knows everything. How am I supposed to… never mind. Tell him I’m okay.” I hang up and fall back on Mary’s bed.

  I’m such a liar. I want nothing more than to see Travis right now. To have him hold me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. I’m too embarrassed to admit that. I don’t know what his mom has told him. This is such a clusterfuck.

  “What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Mary comes out of the bathroom and sits down next to me.

  “I’m worried that Travis’ mom told him–”

  “Wait. Travis. What’s his last name?”

  “Parker.”

  “Oh shit, oh shit. Fuck.” Mary jumps out of the bed and quickly throws on a pair of socks and shoes. “Does he have an older brother?” She fumbles with her laces and mutters under her breath, ‘please say no, please say no’.

  “Yeah, Brandon. Do you know him?”

  “Shit!” She paces, then finally stops and takes three huge breaths. “Okay, okay.”

  “Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

  “Did you call Travis? Is he on his way?”

  “No, I called my cousin. I told her to let him know I was fine. What’s going on?” She’s starting to freak me out.

  “Yeah. I’ve gotta go, I can’t be here in case he comes.”

  “Who?”

  “Brandon. He can’t know where I am. I stayed away. I live in a fucking motel, I can’t–”

  A knock on the door stops her frantic rambling. “Chicago PD. I need to ask a couple questions.”

  Mary freezes. Her hand stills in her hair and the rapid movement of her chest... stops.

  “It’s the cops, you have to open the door,” I tell her from the bed.

  “It’s not the cops, it’s Brandon.” Her sentence comes in a rush, and I try to calm her.

  “They’re probably looking for me, I’ll answer the door.”

  “I swear to Christ, Charlotte, if you don’t open this damn door I will break it down,” Travis yells, and relief rushes through me that he came for me.

  “Shit, open it, Mary.” She nods very slowly and starts the process of unlocking the door. Her hand freezes on the knob.

  “It’s okay, Mary. Just open it.” It’s strange seeing her act this way. I know I’ve only known her a few hours, but she doesn’t come across as a weak person. She’s visibly shaking and finally turns the knob.

  When the door opens, I see Brandon stumble. Travis grabs his arm and looks at Mary with a confused expression.

  “No. No.” Her voice is so soft, but the undeniable fear makes me feel for her. What the hell happened?

  “Mary?” Travis asks.

  Brandon’s eyes never leave Mary’s, and he takes a step toward her. She takes a step back. He flinches as if she slapped him but keeps walking until he’s in the room.

  Travis looks past his brother and Mary to me. With no hesitation, he walks to me, and I kneel up on the bed. Brandon and Mary are standing off to the side, staring at each other, not saying a word. When Travis’ knees hit the mattress, I throw myself at him and begin apologizing. I’m so glad he’s here.

  “I’m so sorry, Travis.”

  “Are you okay? I was fucking terrified something bad happened to you.” He rubs my back and whispers, “Please, don’t ever do that again. No more running, sweetheart. I can’t go through that again.”

  “I won’t.” I wrap my arms and legs around him and bury my face in his neck. He starts walking out, and I don’t even look up. I should say something to Mary and Brandon, but I can’t. I’m so enamored with Travis that I don’t even notice him set me in the car. When he starts to walk away, I grab his wrist.

  “Promise you won’t leave me.”

  He smiles and kisses my cheek. “I will if you will.”

  18

  Charlotte

  “Yeah. No, she’s fine. Thanks for your help, Dad.”

  The cool glass on my forehead keeps me awake as we drive back to Wisconsin. I listen to the one-sided conversation Travis has with his dad, and I am immediately reminded how stupid I am.

  “Hey, you okay?” His warm hand gently massages my leg.

  “Yeah, fine.” I know he deserves an answer, so I clear my throat. “I want you to know–”

  “No. Not right now.” His grip on my leg tightens, and he pulls his hand away to rub it along the stubble growing on his chin. “I’ve been through more emotions in the last day with you than I think I have in my entire life combined. I really don’t think I can take any more tonight. So please, just don’t say anything.”

  His pleading makes me snap my mouth shut. Not only am I stupid, I’m selfish on top of it. It’s not intentional. My tears cause fog to form on the window, and the lights become so blurry I can’t make them out anymore. Mentally chastising myself, I will the silent crying to stop. I try to fall asleep, but the nervousness is too much right now. Eventually, I zone out. I’m startled when my door slowly opens, and I whip my head back.

  “What are we doing here?”

  “You’re sleeping at my place tonight.” His firm tone leaves no room for argument.

  I stare at him unmoving, because I don’t understand why he’d want to be around me. Without another word, he starts to walk away. I quickly follow and walk in the door he holds open for me. Inside his apartment, he vanishes to his bedroom and returns a moment later with a t-shirt and a towel. He tosses them at me, and I drop my purse to catch them.

  “Here.”

  “Tra–”

  “No, Charlotte. Please. Take a shower and we can talk in the morning. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

  I’m using Travis’ razor and turn to set it on the shelf when the curtain flies open. I’m so worn out, both emotionally and physically, I don’t even have it in me to startle. He steps in, pulls the curtain closed, and looks at me. I feel naked, and not just my skin. He sees right through me. His eyes don’t leave mine until his face is so close; I have no choice but to lower my lashes.

  His lips caress mine and the water runs down his back, blocking it from warming me. He pushes one hand into the back of my hair and gently tilts my head, granting him better access. My mouth opens, inviting him in. His other hand trails around my waist and pulls me flush with him. He releases me to turn and leans on the tile. Even though the warm water now flows down my body, I shiver from his touch.

  “I was scared, Charlotte.”

  I take the two steps to reach him. Grabbing his head, I pull him down so we’re eye level. “Never again, okay? I won’t scare you ever again like that,” I plead. I don’t want him to give up on me.

  “You can’t run and hide anymore. You have to trust that I love you enough to stay. But know that if you do run, I’ll find you. I’ll always find you.”

  I gasp and set a hand on my pounding heart. “You love me?”

  Unblinking and with a delicious smirk he says, “I’ve loved you from the minute I saw you lying on my couch in your bright pink underwear.”

  Aside from Meara’s occasional, ‘Love you, bitch!’, I can’t remember the last time I heard someone say they love me.

  Emotions take over as I grab his face and press my lips to his. I demand every ounce of passion he has to give, and suck in a breath when I feel him poking me in the stomach. In this moment, I need to show him how much he means to me. How much I love him. I have to replace my horrible experiences with new ones.

  I drop to my knees and run my nails along each indentation of his six-pack. I don’t waste any time and suck him into my mouth without using my hands. His head smacks against the tile, and he fists my hair to pull me back.

  “Char, stop. You don’t have to do this.”

  Shaking my head, I grip him at the base and begin pumping in time with my mouth. He gr
oans and grips my hair tighter.

  “Seriously, Char.” He succeeds in pulling me off him, and with a loud pop he falls out of my mouth. I look up at him through wet lashes. His chest is heaving, and his eyes are hooded. “I didn't tell you that for any other reason than to just tell you.”

  “I know,” I caress his heavy sack and slowly stroke his hard dick with my other hand, “but I’m doing this because I need you, Travis. I need to replace the bad memories. I need you to make me forget.”

  Sympathy immediately replaces the heat in his eyes, but I don’t give him a chance to feel anything other than pleasure as I grip him tighter and tease the head of his hard cock with my tongue. Pre-cum spills out and I greedily lap it up, and then suck him as deep as I can.

  “Fuck. I knew your smart little mouth would feel incredible wrapped around my dick.” His words cause a rush of moisture to leak out between my legs, and I squirm on my knees. “You like that? You like when I tell you how good your mouth feels? Is it making you wet?”

  I nod my head and moan around him, continuing to suck and lick the length of him as he begins rocking his hips. I feel his balls tighten at the same time his hands in my hair do. “I wanna come on your tits.” His words are short and clipped. I know he’s close. I suck as hard as I can one final time, and then jack him off until I feel the warmth of his release on my chest. He squats in front of me and runs a finger through his cum around my nipple.

  “That was fucking unbelievable.” He leans toward me, and when his lips almost touch mine, I turn my head. Todd always said it was disgusting to kiss me after I had his dick in my mouth. Out of sheer habit, I give Travis my cheek. He grips my jaw between his thumb and index finger, and then gently guides me to face him. “What’s that about?”

  “I just gave you a blowjob.”

  “Yeah, the best fucking blowjob ever, and I want to kiss you. Is that a problem?”