An Empty Cup
Page 22
CHAPTER TWENTY
And I say unto you, the Lord has blessed each of us with a gift, a powerful gift.” Reuben stood before the congregation, one hand clenched in a fist while the other hung by his side. His eyes flamed with passion as he met many of the two hundred pairs of eyes that stared back at him.
Every member of the g’may had showed up for Preacher Troyer’s first sermon. Some of the younger men had to stand at the back of the room because there were not enough chairs. Rosanna had always suspected that they didn’t really mind standing during an unusually full worship service as it afforded them the liberty of sneaking out when no one was paying attention. At the moment, however, everyone was paying attention, even the young men who might have slipped through the door.
Reuben’s eyes blazed with conviction, and his deep voice carried across the room. Rosanna could barely tear her gaze from him. It was as though he had transformed before her eyes. The man who usually was quiet and reserved now spoke with a passion that could only come from the heart. His words resonated throughout the large room where the members had gathered to worship. Today, indeed, no one was sneaking out.
“This gift,” he continued, lowering his voice just enough that several people in the back leaned forward to hear, “this gift from God is called life!”
He paused, letting the words sink into everyone’s heads and hearts.
“Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and so that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years,” Reuben said, his voice becoming louder as he quoted the Book of Deuteronomy from the Bible. “Choose life,” he repeated. “Life!”
Behind her, Rosanna heard a child fidget and the sound of something dropping onto the floor. The child began to fuss, but the mother quickly quieted her.
“Life on earth and life in eternity. Those are God’s gifts to us. And like everything that God gives, life is precious.” Reuben paced along the narrow aisle that separated the men’s benches from the women’s. “Abraham, Moses, Job, even Joseph all understood the precious value of God’s gift to us. To deny this gift . . . to sacrifice it . . . is a sin, I tell you. Why should any of us die before it is our time? Is that not questioning God’s plan? Does that not display our lack of faith, no matter how troubling the times might feel at the moment?”
Rosanna fought the urge to look down at her hands, which were clutching the Ausbund resting on her lap. Taking deep breaths, she willed herself to not fear Reuben’s words. She had not known he was going to speak them. Reuben had prepared for this sermon in private.
“And yet . . .” Another pause. He unclenched his fist and pointed toward the heavens. “And yet there is a demon walking among us, a demon like the one cast out by Jesus when He ministered to the poor, the sick, the downtrodden. A demon that Jesus cast out, leaving it to roam the earth.”
Sitting in the second row, the bench reserved for the wives of the g’may’s leaders, Rosanna dared not look anywhere but straight ahead. She felt as if everyone was staring at her, although she knew that it was far from the truth.
“But if a demon is cast out and nothing changes, when it returns to the same man and his house is still not in order, that demon will move right back in!” He lifted his open hand into the air and quickly shut it, as if grasping at something. “If a person cannot maintain his own house, it is up to us as a community to keep it in order. Love thy neighbor. That is one of the greatest commandments. Help maintain their houses so that demons cannot sneak in and steal that precious God-given treasure.”
Rosanna caught her breath at his words.
“Who is our neighbor anyway? Is it the person living next to you? Is it the person sitting next to you?” He cleared his throat, reaching for the small glass of water that rested on a windowsill behind him. After taking a sip, he put the glass back and turned toward the members. “Jesus says it’s the one who shows mercy. When someone shows mercy upon us, we know that they are, indeed, our neighbors. And in giving mercy, it is up to us to reciprocate when we see opportunities that call for grace.”
He dropped his hand to his side and sighed. “Some people might think that loving your neighbor means endless giving, a life without ever receiving.” He shook his head. “Someone who takes without giving back is not a neighbor. Someone who shows scorn to your mercy, who breaks God’s commandments without fear or regret, who works hard to make others suffer, or who fights for personal gain at your expense . . . nee, I say, this is not your neighbor. Yet . . .” He paused and lifted his hand into the air, his finger pointed upward as he emphasized his main point. “We are taught that we must continue to pray for them and continue to love them.”
Seated in a chair directly opposite Rosanna and to the right of the place where Reuben had been sitting just moments before starting his sermon, the bishop suddenly sat up straight and tilted his head. Worried that he was displeased, Rosanna took several deep breaths, willing her heart to be still and forcing her mind to slow down.
Reuben, however, did not seem to notice. “While there are times when loving our neighbors might be inconvenient or our prayers might be rejected, there comes a point in time when we must follow Paul’s command to ‘put away from among yourselves that wicked person.’ ”
Reuben took a few more steps. His brow was furrowed, and he looked deep in thought. No one spoke as they watched him. Rosanna hadn’t known that Reuben would preach about this, using the recent issues of her depression and Nan’s mental problems as the underlying theme to his first sermon. Even the comment regarding neighbors surprised her.
“Put away the wicked,” he repeated. “Put away the wicked, leaving them behind you without judgment or regrets. Leave them as our ancestors left their persecutors and sought refuge in a new country. Leave them to their own destruction, the ruination of their earthly life.” Then, lifting his eyes to stare at the back of the room, he raised his hand as if in greeting to a friend. “But always offer a hand of forgiveness . . . if it is sought.” He glanced at Rosanna, his hand still in the air. For a second she thought she saw a hint of a smile on his lips.
After his sermon was finished, Reuben returned to his seat and lowered his head, waiting for the bishop, another preacher, and the deacon to comment on his words. Rosanna sat behind Reuben, watching his hunched shoulders as she listened to the bishop reiterate various points from her husband’s sermon. When it was clear that no one had any contradictory points to add, she breathed out a sigh of relief.
After the worship service, Barbara Glick touched her arm as they set up the room for the meal. “So gut to see you,” she said. “You were looking so tired the last time we spoke. Feeling better, then?”
Rosanna nodded. “Ja, danke for asking.”
“And that girl?” Barbara clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “Have you heard how she is doing?”
“Nan?” Rosanna knew who Barbara meant, but she wanted time to formulate an appropriate response. Hadn’t Reuben just talked about the sins of gossip and the importance of supporting those in need? Rosanna didn’t want to tell Barbara about Nan’s condition, how the doctors had kept her at the hospital for psychiatric evaluation for several days until they finally released her to another place better equipped for her long-term care.
“She’ll be fine,” Rosanna finally managed to say. “We continue to pray for her.”
“Such a shame,” Barbara said softly. “But so heart lifting that she’s getting some help. It was right gut of your Reuben to take a collection for her care.”
Her cheeks flushing pink, Rosanna downplayed Reuben’s role. “He did what anyone would do.” Or should do, she thought, aware of the irony of the g’may stepping forward to help Nan while her own brother had not.
“Are you two talking about the sermon?” Mary King interrupted their conversation, a broad smile on her face. With a shaky hand, Mary reached out to touch Rosanna’s arm, the gesture comforting. “Your husband preach
ed a mighty strong message today,” Mary said. “He’s a fine leader for the g’may.”
Barbara nodded her head in agreement.
“I pray for him,” Mary continued. “For both of you.”
Emotion welled up in Rosanna’s throat. She couldn’t respond, uncertain of how strong her voice would be. Mary’s words were so unexpected yet so full of genuine love that they caught her off guard.
“Remember,” Mary said as she removed her hand from Rosanna’s arm. “An empty cup cannot give.” With a knowing smile—one that came from age and experience—she inclined her graying head just slightly, as if they shared a deep secret. “Keep your cup full, Rosanna. And know that God listens. Just ask, and He will refill your cup from the love that overflows His.”
Mary didn’t wait for a response from Rosanna. Instead, she gestured to Barbara that they should go sit at the table with the other older women for the noon meal. Rosanna stared after her, an echo in her ears as she realized the wisdom that Mary had just bestowed upon her. In moments of worry or stress, her faith in God could restore her peace of mind as well as replenish her when she felt depleted.
She did not need to drain herself dry for the sake of others. Instead, she just needed to rely on God and have faith that He would guide her—if not carry her—through times of strife and stress.
Lifting her eyes, she looked across the room to see Reuben watching her as he prepared to sit at the men’s table. His blue eyes shone, and there was a smile on his face as if he could read her mind. She wanted to share her thoughts with him, but she knew it would be another hour before they left for home, perhaps longer if the older men lingered. She felt as if she were bursting at the seams, wanting to share the overwhelming emotions of knowing, at last, that her house was finally in order. However, from the joyous expression on his own face, she suspected that he already knew.
Peace flowed through her, a sense of calm and composure that she hadn’t felt in many years. At long last, her cup was no longer empty.
EPILOGUE
The leaves on the trees rustled in the evening breeze, their vibrant colors in stark contrast to the dark gray of the autumn sky. The clouds rolled in, and the scent of rain pervaded the air. A storm was brewing off the coast, or so the papers said. Still, it was a beautiful evening and a welcomed delay of the cold of winter that was just around the corner.
Rosanna sat in the rocking chair, a blanket covering her lap. Using the weight of her body, not her feet, she moved the chair back and forth, the gentle swaying motion calming her as she stared at the tree line. Orange, red, yellow, and brown. The colors comforted her. She was tired of green: green grass, green fields, green trees. It was time for a change, she thought, and not just of the seasons.
“Rosanna,” Reuben called out through the open kitchen window, “want some tea?”
She rolled her head against the back of the rocking chair and tried to see the window. She couldn’t. But she smiled anyway. “Ja, that would be right gut, Reuben,” she responded, hoping that he heard her.
A few minutes later the door opened, and Reuben’s footsteps sounded on the porch. He leaned down and handed her a mug of tea, steam rising from the hot liquid. As she lifted it to her lips, she shut her eyes and inhaled. Mint. How she loved the sweet aroma of mint!
“Feeling all right, then?” he asked as he sat in the empty rocking chair beside her. He stared at his wife, his eyes showing the same concern that she heard in his voice.
She hesitated before answering. How was she feeling? She realized that she felt steadier than usual. The tightness in her chest had abated over the past few months, and the heavy fog that used to occupy her head had disappeared long ago. Still, she felt a heaviness on her shoulders, one that didn’t seem to want to leave.
“Tired,” she finally admitted. “Tired, but a little better, I reckon.”
“That’s to be expected,” he said. “You worked hard clearing that garden today.”
The kitchen door opened, and Rosanna heard Daniel’s and Aaron’s footsteps behind her chair. “Heading out, then?” she asked. It was Saturday evening. She should have known better than to ask the question. Neither young man responded directly, but from their sheepish smiles, she knew the answer.
“Taking the horse for a drive,” Aaron offered as an excuse for leaving the farm.
Rosanna tried to hide her tired smile. Neither young man had to tell her that they were meeting up with Rebecca and her younger sister. It was over the holidays that Reuben had noticed the growing attraction between his two employees. When Aaron began to drop by the shop, eager to give Daniel and Rebecca a ride home, Rosanna began to suspect that they were double-dating the sisters.
“Don’t be late now,” she called after them. “Tomorrow’s a worship day.”
Aaron waved his hand in the air. “Ja, ja, I know, Maem.”
“Where they going, then?”
Rosanna jumped at the sound of her daughter’s voice. “Cate! Where did you come from?”
Laughing, Cate plopped down on the porch at her mother’s feet. She leaned her head against Rosanna’s knees. “Scared you, did I?” She watched as the gray-topped buggy pulled out of the driveway. “They going calling on those two girls again, ain’t so?”
“Never you mind, dochder!”
But Cate didn’t react to the rebuke. Instead, she laughed and glanced up at her mother. “By the time that baby comes, I reckon one of them will be getting married anyhow!”
At the mention of the baby, Rosanna dropped her hand protectively to her expanding belly. She had only told the children the previous week that they would soon have a little brother or sister. While her pregnancy had come as a surprise to her, Rosanna was elated to see that both Aaron and Cate seemed genuinely overjoyed—although Cate seemed most concerned about where the baby would sleep.
“In that case, it best be Daniel getting married, then,” Rosanna teased back. “Otherwise you’ll be sharing your room with the boppli!”
Groaning, Cate buried her face in Rosanna’s dress. Both Reuben and Rosanna laughed at her reaction.
They watched the buggy start down the driveway, the horse excited to leave the confinement of his stall. Aaron and Daniel looked to be engaged in an agitated yet friendly conversation, and Rosanna could not help but consider how blessed she was to have the support of her family. Just as trees and flowers needed to receive plenty of light and rain to mature, thrive, and provide shade and joy to the world, she had finally realized that in order to give of herself, she had to be able to receive as well.
There was a reason for all the give and take. It was how He had designed His creation. Flowers gave honey, pollen, beauty, and fragrance, but only if they were watered sufficiently. Horses gave themselves generously to farm chores and transportation needs, but their hooves had to be shod regularly and good care provided to them daily. Why would people be any different?
“Give and it shall be given to you,” He had commanded. But there were two parts to this commandment: giving must precede receiving. Simply put, one action could not exist without the other. Otherwise, the balance was offset and the cycle would be incomplete—she would be incomplete.
And now with a blessed new life growing in her womb, Rosanna understood that it was time for a renewal. She returned her attention to the rustling leaves, enjoying the vibrant colors of the new season. Inhaling a deep breath of the fresh air, she silently thanked the Lord for all His blessings.
GLOSSARY OF PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH
ach vell an expression similar to oh well
aendi aunt
Ausbund Amish hymnal
boppli baby
bruder brother
Daed, or her daed Father
danke thank you
Deitsch Dutch
dochder daughter
Englische non-Amish people
Englischer a non-Amish person
fraa wife
g’may church district
grossdaadi grandfather
gut good
gut mariye good morning
haus house
ja yes
kapp cap
kinner children
kum come
maedel a single woman
Maem, or her maem Mother
nee no
onkel uncle
Ordnung unwritten rules of the g’may
rumschpringe period of “fun” time for youths
schwester sister
vell well
wie gehts? what’s going on?
wunderbar wonderful
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