He looked at her, those clear blue eyes filled with...regret. “Haley, I’m sorry. I—don’t want that again. And I can’t...I can’t give you any more than friendship.”
She fought the way her eyes instantly burned at the edges. She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t let him see how badly he’d hurt her now. She cared too much for him to let him feel like he was shattering her heart.
Even if he was.
“Listen, we’re going to have to see each other, with Eli and the animal program at Willow’s Haven, and with living in such a small town...” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “And I think too much of you, Haley, to want our friendship, what we’ve shared together, to just end. But I need to know...can we still have that? After yesterday? Is there any way that we can still be friends?”
No, her heart whispered. Definitely, absolutely, not.
But if she said no then that meant no relationship at all with Gavin.
And she loved him. She knew it with every fiber in her being. Somewhere along the way, regardless of how she’d fought him, she’d gotten too close. Learned too much about the man. Wanted him to be more than a friend. More than an acquaintance. She wanted him in her life. And in her brand-new life with Eli as her son. She wanted him to be their son.
But she couldn’t bear the thought of not being with Gavin in some way.
Even if that meant merely as friends.
“Yes,” she whispered, hoping he would leave quickly, before the tears came. “We can be friends.”
He sighed thickly, moved toward her and wrapped his arm around her in a hug.
She inhaled, drank in the clean, masculine scent of him, the feel of him holding her close.
Then he stepped away and a chill she’d never felt before flooded through her.
“Okay. I’ll see you this afternoon, right? When I bring Eli?”
She nodded. “Sure. I’ll see you then.”
And she watched him leave, her happily-ever-after evaporating with every step. And those tears she’d been holding back trickling free.
Chapter Sixteen
“Do you think Buddy will still get to come stay with me sometimes, if I make sure to put all of the marbles and things like that away?” Eli asked as Gavin drove him to the clinic after school.
“I’m sure he will.” Gavin looked forward to the moment when Eli learned that Buddy would most likely live with him full-time soon. He would have a whole host of other animals, too—all the occupants of Haley’s farm—when she adopted him.
She was going to make a great mother.
He swallowed. She’d also make a great wife. And some guy would undoubtedly find that out one day. Women like Haley didn’t come along every day, and a guy would be a fool not to realize that.
Gavin took a deep breath, let it out. Mark had said those very words to him less than an hour ago when Gavin had told him about resetting the boundaries of their relationship and moving them back to being just friends.
One of the hardest things he’d ever done.
But the right thing. He didn’t want a relationship and she hadn’t wanted one, either.
My plans changed.
Those three words had hit him like a bucket of ice water. While Gavin had seen yesterday’s kiss as a big mistake, she’d seen it as a new direction for their relationship. He’d noticed the sheen of tears she tried to hide, and it gutted him. But thankfully she’d also decided that they could remain just friends, not only for themselves but also for Eli.
“Aw, Miss Haley’s truck is gone. Do you think she had to go take care of another animal? Do you think Buddy is still here?”
Aaliyah’s vehicle was in one of the employee spots, but as Eli had noted, Haley’s spot was vacant. “She may have had to go to a farm to take care of someone else’s animal, but Miss Aaliyah’s here, and I’m sure Buddy is, too. We’ll see Miss Haley later, okay?” He hoped they did, anyway. He was a little apprehensive about it, truth be told, because things might be awkward as they worked past the boundary he’d crossed yesterday.
But it could be done.
He parked the car and Eli climbed out and darted inside.
“Hey, Miss Aaliyah! Can I see Buddy?”
Gavin heard her answer while he was still walking in.
“Of course, Eli. I’ll take you to where he is. Miss Haley had to leave for a little while, but she wanted me to let you know she’s coming to see you later at Willow’s Haven, and that she’s going to take you out for a special treat tonight.”
Gavin entered in time to see Aaliyah leading him to the back. She glanced at him, cast an angry glare his way.
Not good.
A moment later she returned. “Buddy is doing better, well enough for Eli to hold, so he’s bonding with him now. Haley left. She didn’t want to be here when you got here,” she said, her voice sharp and her words clipped. “She asked me to give you this.” She walked to her desk, grabbed an envelope and snapped it toward him.
“Okay.” He took the envelope, moved to one of the lobby chairs and withdrew the single sheet of paper.
Dear Gavin,
I know I said we could still be friends, but I was wrong. I can’t. I told you the truth. My plans changed. And seeing you any more than absolutely necessary will only remind me of yet another shattered dream. I know God has a plan for me, and I get that it doesn’t include you. But that doesn’t mean I need reminding of that on a daily basis.
I’m telling Eli about wanting to adopt him tonight and letting him know he can start staying with me some while I go through the process. I want him to know that he is loved and that I want—desperately—to be his new mommy. And I can be happy with this new dream, with me and the little boy God is blessing me with. But that happiness will be hindered if I keep seeing the big dream every day. And you, whether you realize it or are willing to admit it, were the one I dreamed of.
I think the world of you. I always will. But I can’t be “just friends.”
Haley
Gavin stared, thunderstruck by how much a single kiss had cost him. He’d ruined a good thing. A great thing. The chance to have an amazing friendship with an even more amazing woman.
Not to mention a meaningful relationship with her and her future son, a boy he’d come to love.
Now she only wanted to see him when absolutely necessary?
“You messed up.” Aaliyah stood on the other side of the counter, arms crossed, eyes glaring. “You royally messed up. And you hurt her. That’s not okay.”
No, Gavin knew that it wasn’t, but he also knew he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t give Haley what she wanted, because that was more than he was prepared to give. Now, or ever. So he didn’t respond. Just folded the letter, slid it back into the envelope...and realized that, once again, his life was definitely not okay.
* * *
Haley arrived at Willow’s Haven as nervous about seeing Gavin as she was about telling Eli about her desire to adopt him and be his new mommy.
“God, stay with me,” she whispered, parking the truck and getting out.
She’d hardly taken two steps, though, when Eli dashed toward her. “Hey, Miss Haley! Did you bring Buddy?”
“Not this time, sweetie. He’s still resting after his surgery, but it won’t be long until I can bring him along again. Tonight, though, it’s just me.”
“Okay,” he said, but didn’t sound disappointed, and she was thankful for that. “Miss Aaliyah said you were taking me for a special treat! Is it ice cream?”
She laughed. “Well, it can be. I had actually thought we would go to the Sweet Stop on the square, and I’m pretty sure they have ice cream.”
“They do! Is Mr. Gavin coming with us? He went to talk to Mr. Brodie and Miss Savvy, but I can go ask him if he wants to come.”
“Nah, that’s okay. This is a special treat just for you,” she
said, not quite ready to see Gavin again yet. And, truthfully, not sure she’d ever be ready.
“Okay,” he replied. “I’m excited. Are you excited?”
“I’m so excited.” She smiled as she climbed into the truck with the little boy, who would soon be hers. She glanced toward Brodie and Savvy’s cabin, thought about the man inside. The one who wanted to be her friend.
“Miss Haley, are you ready to leave?” He snapped his seat belt into place.
“Yes,” she said, “I’m ready to go.”
* * *
Gavin lifted the edge of the curtain at Brodie’s front window, watching Eli and Haley pull away.
“Are you sure about this?” Brodie asked.
He dropped the curtain and turned back to the couple who had been so welcoming to him and had showed him the joy of taking care of children. He still wanted that but, like he’d told Haley, his dreams had changed. He could have kids of his own, lots of them, in fact, at a children’s home.
Just not this one.
She’d decided they couldn’t be friends. She’d also decided to keep her distance from him when possible, which would be practically impossible in a town the size of Claremont.
He didn’t want to put her through that. Didn’t want to hurt her every time he ran into her around town. And, if he stayed, he’d want to have a part in Eli’s life, and that would only hurt Haley, too.
So he’d emailed the home in Oregon to see if they still needed counselors. They did, and he’d made the decision. “I’m sure.”
“I know you’ve only been here a short time,” Brodie said, “but you’ve really made a difference in these kids’ lives. Especially Eli’s.”
Gavin’s heart constricted at the thought of leaving the little boy he adored. “He’s going to be fine. He’s getting a great new mommy.”
Savvy had been listening in silence but she leaned forward in her chair and said, “I’d kind of thought he might be getting a new daddy eventually, too.”
Gavin’s jaw clenched. He couldn’t be that daddy. Or the husband that Haley wanted. His heart just couldn’t withstand that kind of relationship again.
“They said I can start immediately, if that’s okay with y’all. I don’t want to leave you in a bind, but me staying...it won’t be good for Eli.”
Or for Haley.
Brodie frowned. “Hey, man, if you need to go, we will make things work here. We’ve been short staffed before, and I can take over with your cabin until we find someone. But if you ever change your mind, you’ve got a job here, right, Savvy?”
“You should just stay,” she said quietly. But when Brodie looked her way, she amended, “You will always have a job here, Gavin. The kids love you.”
“I appreciate that.” He loved the kids here, too. Loved the job. However, he couldn’t hurt Haley by sticking around. “I’ll plan to leave tomorrow, after the kids head to school.”
“You will tell them goodbye, though, right?” Savvy asked. “A lot of them never get that kind of closure from their families, and you’ve already become like family to many of them, especially Eli, so you really need to tell him goodbye.”
Gavin’s stomach pitched but he nodded. He didn’t want to tell Eli goodbye, but he would. She was right. He needed that. “I will.”
He left their cabin and, the next morning, left a little of his heart behind.
Chapter Seventeen
“Miss Haley! Someone’s coming!” Eli ran around the barn, where Haley had been repairing the wiring on the rabbit hutch, this time wearing gloves.
She recalled the last time someone had been coming when she was working on the hutch. And the way Gavin had taken care of her wound. It had been the first time he’d put his arm around her.
He’d been gone for two weeks. And she didn’t expect him to return.
Still...with Eli’s announcement, her heart fluttered.
What a great Thanksgiving surprise that’d make, if he’d come back, for good.
“It’s not Mr. Gavin,” Eli said glumly. He’d been hoping Gavin would return ever since he’d left. “It’s a man and a woman.”
Fighting back her own disappointment, Haley removed the gloves, placed the pliers on a barrel nearby and walked to the front of the barn. She wasn’t expecting any visitors and couldn’t imagine who it could be.
“Well, hello there, little man.” The lady’s voice resonated...and went straight to Haley’s heart.
“Mom?” She picked up her pace, hurried to see the woman walking toward the barn. Her hair was piled on top of her head in her trademark do, blond ringlets in front of each ear. Long earrings and a matching necklace completed a stylish ensemble of a flowing sheer floral cardigan over autumn-toned slacks and short boots.
Her mother had a style of her own and Haley adored every bit of it.
“I had no idea you were coming!” she exclaimed, jogging toward her mom and wrapping her in a hug. “I thought you said you’d be in Charleston for Thanksgiving.”
“Oh, we were, dear, but then we decided we’d rather spend the holiday with people we love.”
Haley had been updating her mother on the adoption process and had told her how Eli would be spending his Thanksgiving break with Haley. “I’m so glad you came.”
Eli had followed Buddy, who always took off running whenever a car approached. He’d caught the puppy near the house and was now walking back toward them.
“Eli, this is my mom.”
He gave her a big grin. “Hey, I’m Eli.”
Haley’s mom moved a hand to her chest. “Oh, my, you’re just as cute as Haley said.”
“Thanks!” He smiled even bigger. “She’s going to be my new mommy. Did you know that?”
“I did,” she said, her eyes watering with her words. “And how do you feel about that?”
“I love Miss Haley,” he said matter-of-factly, “so, I’m happy!”
“Of course you are,” her mother said. Then to Haley she said, “He’s absolutely adorable.”
“Thanks.” Pride ebbed through Haley at the special little boy. Then she recalled Eli’s original announcement. And the fact that her mother had said “we” were in Charleston. “Mom, who’s with you?”
Her mother cleared her throat and turned toward the front of the house, where a tall, handsome man, who looked much younger than sixty-two, stood. He had his hands in his pockets and a slight smile on his face. “Hey, Haley Bug.”
“Dad?”
“We didn’t want to tell you everything over the phone,” her mother quickly explained. “I wanted to make sure you understood when we filled you in on...well, everything.”
“You’re Miss Haley’s dad?” Eli asked, always paying attention.
“I am,” her father said.
“Are y’all going to be here for Thanksgiving tomorrow? ’Cause I need to make some more Pilgrim hats if you are.”
“We would like to,” her mother said. “In fact, we thought we might stay here for a little while, maybe until Christmas, if that’s okay. We’re retired now, you know.”
Haley honestly felt like the earth had shifted beneath her feet, feeling as woozy as she had that day when she’d cut her hand and needed Gavin’s help.
She could sure use his help now in dealing with...whatever this was.
“Eli, why don’t you go make some more hats, just in case?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said and darted inside.
“Mom, what’s going on?” she asked.
Her mother wrapped her arm around her and guided her toward the porch, alongside the man whom Haley, until a few short weeks ago, had never wanted to see again.
But this was her father. And she had forgiven him in her heart. Obviously her mother had, too.
But there was a huge piece of that story Haley didn’t understand.
“Daddy?” Haley questioned.
He cleared his throat but then her mother shook her head. “No, Pierce. This is on me, for the most part, so I should explain.”
“I don’t get it. How is this on you?” Haley looked from her mother to her father and back again.
Her mom sighed deeply. “I didn’t exactly tell you all of the truth over the past year,” she admitted. “I was just so angry at your dad that I couldn’t.”
They’d taken a seat on the old wooden pew on one side of her porch. Her father moved to the rocker near Haley’s mom and took her hand in his. “You had every reason to be.”
Her mother squeezed his hand, blinked past her tears. “Oh, I know I did, at first. But then—” she looked at Haley “—he came to me, a month after everything happened, and told me he’d made a mistake. Pleaded with me to forgive him. And I—” she lifted a shoulder “—I told him I didn’t want to ever see him again.”
“And I knew she meant it, but...” He looked adoringly at his wife. “I couldn’t give up on us. I had ruined it. I knew that. But I still loved her. I made a horrible mistake, and all I could do was keep begging her to forgive me. And keep coming back.”
Her mom’s mouth eased into a smile. “He was rather relentless. Wouldn’t leave me alone. Even convinced your grandfather that he would be happy in an assisted-living home and that we might have a chance to revive our marriage if he would quit monopolizing my time.” She laughed at that. “I’m really surprised he went along with it, but he actually ended up liking the place.”
“I could tell,” Haley said. In fact, she’d been talking with him regularly, thanks to Ivalene commandeering his phone on a daily basis and dialing Haley’s number.
“It took a year, but I finally convinced her to take a chance on me—take a chance on us—again.”
“It was tough to say no,” her mother admitted, “especially when all of his church friends started singing his praises.”
“His church friends?” Haley asked, blown away by so many revelations at once.
“That was what I had to get right first,” her father said. “I needed to get back to God, let Him lead me in the right direction. And then—only then—could I find myself worthy of your mom again.”
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