Seeds

by Chris Mandeville

  “Delicious, isn’t it?”

  Reid nodded, not wanting to stop eating to talk.

  After a few bites, Mia set down her fork. “Can you believe this view?”

  Reid cleaned his plate, savoring each bite, while they watched the sky turn red.

  “Dessert?” he asked, but Mia had fallen asleep.

  As he savored warm cinnamon apples, his thoughts turned to Brandt. Maybe Brandt did blame Mia for Justine’s death. Maybe he blamed them both. Brandt had every right to blame him—it was his fault that Justine was dead, and Reid knew it better than anyone. He carried the burden for her death, and Tinker’s, and all those who had died during their escape. But there was no way Brandt should blame Mia. She’d done nothing except try to help. He wished she’d change her mind about him talking to Brandt. The man was grieving, but Reid thought he could get him to see reason.

  The sky was black when he heard the music start. He considered letting Mia sleep, but was sure she wouldn’t forgive him. “Mia? We can go to the party now if you want.”

  “Leave me alone,” she mumbled.

  He was relieved. “I’ll put you in bed.” He tucked his arm under her knees, but she kicked him and curled up in a ball.

  Reid covered her with a blanket and climbed into bed alone. The moment his head touched the pillow, his guilt hit him full force, like it had been lying in wait for his guard to drop.

  I should be trying to find seeds, trying to get home.

  He imagined telling his grandmother about Tinker. The look on Kayla’s face.

  They’d be right to blame him. To despise him.

  Pressure built behind his eyes and his throat constricted.

  He couldn’t go home. Especially if Mia didn’t go with him.

  Maybe Kayla and his grandmother were better off not knowing what had happened. If he never went home, they’d live out their days with a small measure of hope.

  But the thought didn’t assuage his guilt.

  He tossed and turned until a particular strand of music caught his attention. The music had been wafting up from the party for hours, but this song was different. He had no idea what instrument it was, and he’d never heard the melody before, but something about it relaxed him. Breathing came easier, and he felt himself drifting off.

  Reid woke with a start and it took a moment to remember where he was. A sliver of orange light appeared—the light from the hall as the door opened.

  “Mia?”

  “Going to the bathroom,” she whispered.

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “I can do it myself. Go back to sleep.”

  He felt ridiculous. Of course she could go down the hall by herself. He’d been acting like—what did Tinker call it, a mother goose?

  He tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t while she was gone. How long had it been? It seemed like a long time, but he was sure it had only been minutes. He told himself she was fine. She was down the hall, not wandering the Burn or swimming in the ocean.

  He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled over. He refused to be a mother goose.

  One Hundred Thirteen

  Hotel Sausalito

  “It’s the middle of the night. Go away,” Nikolai called.

  The knocking continued. It was probably Marseille, finally come for Josh.

  “Josh is fine,” Nikolai yelled. “Let him sleep until morning.”

  He put the pillow over his head, but the doorknob rattled.

  “Damn it, Marseille.” He slid out of bed and yanked open the door. “Mia? Sorry, I thought you were my sister coming for Josh.”

  He looked over at the boy who was still asleep despite the commotion, his head and shoulders hanging out of the “tent” they’d constructed in the middle of the room.

  “Sorry to bother you.” The makeup around Mia’s eyes was smudged and tears had drawn charcoal trails down her cheeks. She was still wearing Tatiana’s pink sundress. “I shouldn’t have come.” She turned away, her shoulders heaving with silent sobs.

  “Wait.” He touched her arm. “Tell me what’s wrong. What can I do?”

  She turned and flung her arms around him, burying her wet face in his neck.

  He was suddenly aware of his bare chest, and thankful he at least had on a pair of shorts. “Did you and Reid have an argument?” he said into her hair.

  “Uh huh.” She tried to catch her breath. “He, he hurt me.” She clung to him, her body shaking.

  Nikolai was at a loss. He saw how Reid looked at her. The boy doted on her. Too much, if anything. It was obvious he cherished her. Nikolai couldn’t imagine he’d hurt her.

  He stroked Mia’s hair and made shushing noises, reminding himself that the face people showed in public could be quite different than the one they wore in private. He’d known men who hurt women. Men who seemed normal and kind, but who humiliated and beat their women when no one was around to stop them.

  “Did he hit you?”

  Mia looked up at him. He saw no cuts or bruises, but there was plenty a man could do that wouldn’t leave a mark. If Reid hurt this girl, Nikolai would make sure it was the last time he touched her.

  “Tell me,” he insisted. “Did he hit you?”

  “He doesn’t let me out of his sight. I can’t go dancing or be with other people. . . . He says it’s because I need to rest. And he’s probably right, but . . .”

  “But what?”

  “He’s taking me to Colorado. I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to make him angry.”

  “Don’t go if you don’t want to.”

  “I have nowhere else to go, I have no one else.”

  “That’s not true. You have me and Tatiana and Cook. Plus I know Marseille will adore you. We’re not going to let anyone take you against your will.”

  “I can stay with you?”

  “Of course. As long as you want.”

  “I mean right now?”

  She was so vulnerable, he didn’t want to hurt her but he shook his head. “I’ll get you your own room. You don’t have to go back to him.”

  “No, don’t. I mean, I don’t want to trouble anyone. Besides, if I disappear in the middle of the night, Reid will worry. He saved my life. I can’t do that to him.”

  “If he hit you—”

  “No, it’s not like that. He’d never hit me. I’m being overly emotional. It’s just, so much has happened. I’m not myself. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

  “You’re not a bother.” He took her face in his hands. “You can always come to me.”

  One Hundred Fourteen

  Hotel Sausalito

  Reid pulled on his jeans. Mia wasn’t back yet, and he couldn’t sleep without knowing she was okay. He went into the hall, squinting as his eyes adjusted. He heard voices in the direction of the bathroom. It was the middle of the night. Who had Mia stopped to chat with?

  He rounded the corner and stopped dead. Mia was with Nikolai in his doorway.

  Nikolai was half-naked. His hands cupped Mia’s face.

  He’s going to kiss her.

  Reid couldn’t look.

  He went back to his room and sat on the couch in the dark. The stars usually gave him comfort, but now they were distant and cold. The longer he sat, the more images filled his mind. He saw Mia in a white shirt pushing Nikolai into a chair and climbing astride him.

  He’d been a fool, an idiot. Too naïve, too trusting. Of course Mia had been snowing him with that bullshit about Nikolai being a father figure. The signs were all there. He should have listened to his instincts.

  The door opened.

  “Reid?”

  He didn’t answer. After a moment, Mia’s silhouette blocked the stars.

  “There you are.” She knelt. “Are you okay? Why aren’t you answering me?”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “What’s wrong? Are you missing your grandfather? Are you sick? It’s okay, you can tell me.” She put her hand on his knee.

  He got up and crossed the room. He h
ad to get out of there. He grabbed his shirt and shoes and headed for the door.

  “What are you doing? Reid, stop. Talk to me.”

  He hesitated. He didn’t want to go, but there was no point talking. She would lie.

  “Oh no,” Mia breathed. “You saw me, didn’t you. You saw me in the hall with Nikolai.”

  “You’re not denying it?”

  “Of course not.” She crossed to him. “Let me explain?”

  “I know what I saw.”

  “It wasn’t what it looked like.”

  “Right.” He turned the doorknob.

  “Fine, go,” she said. “But you’ll always wonder. You’ll ask yourself what you really saw, and if there could be some other explanation. You’ll never know for sure if you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you over a simple misunderstanding. Every day you’ll ask yourself if you’d only stayed to listen, if you’d still have me.”

  Reid rested his forehead against the door. What had he seen? Would he always wonder? She was the best thing in his life. The only thing in his life. Could he toss that away without hearing what she had to say?

  After a long moment, he turned to face her. “Don’t lie to me.”

  She took his hand and led him back to the couch.

  One Hundred Fifteen

  Lost Angeles

  Pascal woke feeling rested for the first time since Linus— His mind balked, but he made himself face it. Since Linus died. He took a deep breath and realized he was okay. In fact, he felt so much like his old self, he considered asking Gomez for the daily reports. But he decided against it. Without Linus, Lost Angeles meant nothing.

  The only thing he cared about was the one gift he could still give his son. Closure. In the form of Brandt’s head on a platter, with Reid’s alongside it.

  This morning Justine would agree to the plan, and make some demands, of course. He was looking forward to it. It felt good to have something to look forward to.

  He took a brisk shower and dressed, then headed to Justine’s room.

  Advani dozed in a chair blocking Justine’s door. She roused without him saying a word.

  “Status?” he asked.

  “She’s alert. She’s eaten. Her vitals are good.” Advani leaned forward and lowered her voice. “She asked when she can leave the hospital.”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “That she was clear to leave any time, as long as she remained under a doctor’s care.”

  “Well done.” Pascal smiled. He’d made a good choice in Advani. “Take twenty minutes for yourself. I’ll stay with her until you return.”

  He rapped on Justine’s door, then opened it. “Good morning. I thought it time we had another chat.”

  Justine was sitting up in bed. “I’ve been expecting you.”

  “You’ve thought about my offer?”

  “Offer? Is that how you see it?”

  “What else would it be?” Pascal sat in the chair beside the bed. “You want something. I’ve offered to help you get it. It’s your choice to accept or not.”

  “It’s not much of a choice.”

  Pascal could see she’d already decided. “I’m not going to force you.”

  “I have some conditions.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until I know it’s safe for me and the baby to travel.”

  “Has the doctor said when that will be?”

  “Your doctor has. I want a second opinion from Dr. Lawrence.”

  “Doctor Doom?”

  “He’s not afraid to tell the truth, even if you don’t like it.”

  “If that’s what you want, I’ll see to it. I assume there’s more?”

  “Yes. I need to know when the full moon is. After I’ve spoken to Dr. Lawrence—in private—I’ll tell you what’s next.”

  “I’ll get busy with my assignments.” He saluted and left the room.

  In the hall, he motioned Gomez over. “I need to know when the next full moon will be.”

  “I’ll find out right away, sir.”

  Pascal watched Gomez scurry away, taking the odd request in stride. He was truly better than any wife.

  One Hundred Sixteen

  Hotel Sausalito

  “Good morning, sleepyhead.” Mia pulled open the drapes.

  Reid stretched. “It’s bright out.”

  “I let you sleep in.” Mia crawled across the bed and planted kisses all over his face. “Are you hungry? I brought you something.” She hopped off the bed and retrieved a paper bag.

  Reid sat up against the headboard and scrubbed his face with his hands. “I feel like I slept a whole day. I guess I needed it.” In the light of day, he felt ridiculous about distrusting Mia. He’d been overtired, that was all. That, and feeling like he didn’t deserve her, didn’t deserve to be happy because of everything he’d done wrong. She’d told him that. Told him he was seeing things that weren’t there because of his own demons. He was thankful he’d listened. “What time is it?”

  “It’s only mid-morning. I would have let you sleep longer, but Tatiana offered to show me around before lunch and I thought you might want to come.” She sat beside him and reached into the bag. “I had Cook pack you the most amazing breakfast.”

  She pulled out an apple, a paring knife and a small bowl of something brown. She sliced off a chunk of apple and spread the brown goo on it.

  It smelled good. He opened his mouth. “Oh wow, that’s delicious.”

  “I know! Here, have more.” She fed it to him. “Oops, I got a little on your chin.” She grinned and licked it off.

  “What is this stuff?”

  “Peanut butter and honey. I can’t believe I never had it before. Cook says honey never goes bad.”

  “We eat honey at home, but never peanut butter. It can make people really sick.”

  “Cook says the trick is to avoid jars that have been opened. The sealed ones are okay.”

  “I hope she’s right. Give me another bite.”

  “So, do you want to go out? Or close the drapes and stay here.”

  “Can we do both?”

  “If we hurry.”

  Twenty minutes later, Reid sent Mia off to find Tatiana. He showered and dressed quickly, then headed out to meet the girls. On his way downstairs, Nikolai stopped him.

  “I’d like a word,” Nikolai said.

  Reid didn’t feel particularly friendly toward him, despite Mia’s reassurance about the nature of their middle-of-the-night conversation. That little voice inside whispered to him that this was his chance to find out if Mia had told the truth. He wished he could ignore it. He wished he could just trust her and tell Nikolai to buzz off. But he didn’t. “What can I do for you?”

  “I should probably mind my own business,” Nikolai said. “But I haven’t seen Mia today and I’m wondering if she’s okay.”

  “She’s fine. Why?”

  “I saw her here in the hall last night, and she was upset.”

  “Oh?”

  “She was pretty broken up. Scared. Grieving. She’s fragile, and emotional. But she’s a fine young woman, and she really cares about you.”

  This wasn’t at all what Reid had expected. “I appreciate you saying that.”

  “My advice—not that you asked for it—is to give her some time to heal and process things. You’ve been taking good care of her. Maybe too good. I think she’d benefit from the freedom to explore this new place and who she is in it. If you can give her a little space, she may eventually go to Colorado with you. I’d hate for you to lose her because you push her too fast.”

  “I’ll definitely think about that.” Mia had told the truth. “I’d better go. She’s waiting.”

  Reid flew down the stairs, happier than he’d been in a long time. Nikolai wasn’t interested in taking Mia from him; he was trying to help them stay together.

  From the front door, he saw Mia. She stood under a tree looking carefree and gorgeous like the people he’d seen in m
agazines. He always thought those people looked happier and more beautiful than any real people he’d known. Now it was like the girl in the magazine had walked off the page and chosen him.

  He jogged over, and when she saw him, her face lit up.

  “Hi.” She kissed his cheek. “Tatiana will be back in a sec. She went to get us sun hats. Her house is right up there.” She pointed. “She said people get to pick any house they want and fix it up to live in.” She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “You know . . . if we had our own place, we wouldn’t have to be so quiet or put on clothes to walk to the bathroom.”

  He made up his mind instantly. “Sounds good to me. Pick a house nearby so we can come to the parties.” He’d give her as much time as she needed.

  “Really?” She clapped her hands. “Maybe there will be another party tonight.”

  “You didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  Her brow furrowed, and Reid realized he’d done the very thing Nikolai warned against.

  “Wait,” he said. “Forget I said that. Go with Tatiana and find us a house, then we can dance all night if you want. Whatever you feel like doing. You’re the boss.”

  “You don’t mean it. You don’t want a house here. You want to go to Colorado.”

  “Mia.” He tipped up her chin with his finger. “I mean it.”

  She smiled.

  It was better this way. They’d go when they were both ready.

  She kissed him quick on the lips, then turned to Tatiana who was walking down the hill. “Guess what? We want to pick a house to live in! Is there a good one close to yours?”

  “There are several right across the street. Do you want to see them now?”

  “Yes, let’s go.” Mia headed toward her.

  “Aren’t you coming, Reid?” Tatiana called.

  “Nope, I’ll like any house Mia chooses.”

  Reid stayed under the tree watching the girls walk away. Halfway up the hill, Mia turned and blew him a kiss. Nikolai had given him good advice.

  “Reid, I’m glad I found you.” Brandt came down the hotel steps. “Have a minute?”