Monster Moon

by Lucy Courtenay

  “Tell him to go away,” Captain Krill said crossly. “We’ll find someone more polite.”

  Rocky tapped a few buttons and leaned into the screen. “Clanger, this is the Tunafish,” he said. “We won’t pay you a pilchard. We don’t deal with rude rust buckets. Yours sincerely, the Space Penguins.”

  The alien stopped grinning his golden grin. “Suit yourselves,” he snarled. The screen went blank again.

  “Set the coordinates for Bitnipi,” Captain Krill said at last. “The longest journey must start with the smallest waddle.”

  Rocky did as he was told. The Tunafish lifted away from the surface of Serac and zoomed into the darkness. Large and red, Flogiston faded behind them like a dying bonfire.

  Back in the engine room, Splash put his goggles on top of his head and studied his toolbox curiously.

  When the Captain had given it to him outside the ship, it had felt warm in his flippers. As Splash examined it more closely, he realized two things. Firstly, he couldn’t open it any more because it appeared to have lost its catch. Secondly, it wasn’t his toolbox.

  It was an egg.

  Splash put the egg on his feet and tucked his tummy over the top. His own father had done it to him, when he was an egg, so it felt like the right thing to do. The egg was heavier than his toolbox, and Splash found it difficult to waddle around. It was his turn to be a father now. But a father of what?

  Balderdash Bigbutt’s ship, the Lovely Loot, was fast and well equipped. Dark Wader clanged up and down, admiring the golden fittings, the rows of weapons that hung on the walls and the larder full of delicious food.

  “Where did you get all these pulse pistols?” he asked Bigbutt.

  “Stole them,” Bigbutt said.

  “What about that bazooka blammer?”

  “Stole it.”

  “And all the caviar in the kitchen cupboards?”

  “Bought it in a caviar sale,” said Bigbutt. “Ha, ha, GOT YOU. Stole it.”

  “I luuuurve your horns,” said Crabba. “Did you steal them too?”

  “Ripped them off the last owner’s head,” Bigbutt grunted. “I quite fancy a pair of poisonous claws next.”

  Crabba went quiet and started polishing the rusty bits on his boss’s helmet.

  The intercom crackled.

  “Message for the Lovely Loot. This is the Kroesan Space Port Authority. You have left port without the necessary authority. We suspect that you are carrying an escaped prisoner. Return to port or we will activate our mechanical meteor defence system against you.”

  “I’d like to see you try, dumbos,” Bigbutt sneered down the intercom.

  “What are you doing, Bigbutt?” said Dark Wader in alarm, as a flaming meteor came blasting towards the Lovely Loot. “The Kroesan mechanical meteors are extremely dangerous and—”

  Bigbutt pressed a button. There was a flash and the strange feeling of being squished down to nothing. Then suddenly, where they had been looking at a flaming meteor, there was nothing but deep dark space before them. Dark Wader blinked.

  “Where did the meteor go?” Crabba squeaked.

  “About ten thousand light years away,” smirked Bigbutt.

  “You have a hyperspace drive?” said Dark Wader, relaxing. “Impressive. Where did you get it?”

  “Stole it. Tell me about these penguin mates of yours,” said Bigbutt.

  The pengbot’s eyes flashed red again. “They are not mates.”

  “They were once, boss,” Crabba piped up.

  “Shut up and polish, Crabba,” snarled Dark Wader. “The Space Penguins are the boil on my bottom, Bigbutt. The wasp in my helmet. The gristle in my grub. Find them and you will be richly rewarded.”

  Bigbutt posted a message on the intergalactic web.

  “This is the Lovely Loot calling. Any word out there on the location of four Space Penguins and their ship the Punyfish?”

  “It’s Tunafish,” said Crabba, sniggering. “This guy’s an idiot, boss. Let me—”

  A four-eyed alien pinged on to the screen, looking annoyed.

  “Lovely Loot, this is the Clanger. Four penguins called me a rust bucket over the spacewaves a few hours ago. I would normally charge for information, but I am offended and will give you their most recent location for free.”

  “That was easy,” said Crabba sourly. “I could have done that with one claw.”

  “Ha!” Dark Wader laughed gleefully, as Bigbutt noted down the coordinates. “Time for your hyperspace drive again, Bigbutt. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  “We need more fuel before we can activate it again,” said Bigbutt. “There’s a nasty asteroid belt we have to cross to reach the fuelling station, but we’ll be fine.” He patted the Lovely Loot’s control panel. “I can fly this baby like a rocket.”

  “It is a rocket,” said Crabba.

  “Shut up and let Bigbutt do his job, Crabba,” said Dark Wader. He clanged his flippers together. “Let’s go!”

  “I’m worried about Splash,” said Captain Krill, as Rocky piloted past a hurtling meteor. “We haven’t seen him for three days now. It’s very unlike him to sulk for so long.”

  “I even apologized through the engine-room door,” said Rocky.

  “I’ve been leaving out food for him,” said Fuzz. “He’s been eating it, so he must be OK.”

  Rocky and Fuzz watched as the Captain waddled towards the engine-room doors, lifted a flipper and knocked.

  “Who’s there?”

  “This is your Captain speaking,” said Captain Krill.

  The engine room door opened just a crack. Splash peered out. “Yes?”

  The Captain smiled brightly. “Is … everything OK?”

  “Fine.” Splash shut the door again.

  Captain Krill waddled back to the flight deck and sat down at the table. “Something’s not right,” he said.

  “He’s probably just working on a new invention,” said Fuzz.

  “When he’s inventing we hear banging and explosions,” said the Captain. “We haven’t heard anything for days.”

  “I am getting an unusual reading on our oxygen levels,” ICEcube reported. “We appear to be using more than usual.”

  Captain Krill smoothed his ear patches. It helped him to think. Then he waddled back to the engine room and knocked again.

  “What now?” asked Splash irritably, as he opened the door again.

  The Captain thought he saw something behind his Ship’s Engineer. He craned his neck to get a better look. Splash pushed him back and quickly closed the gap in the door so that only his beak poked through.

  “What is it, Captain?” he repeated, a little more politely.

  “The oxygen levels are wrong,” said Captain Krill. “Can you take a look at the gauges?” “Yes.” The Captain squeezed one webbed toe into the closing door. “Splash,” he said, “is something in there with you?”

  Splash went red. “No.”

  “Right,” said Captain Krill, feeling relieved.

  It was good to know he had been imagining things. The creature he thought he’d seen had been rather odd. Small and grey, with a big bubble on its head.

  “I’m just … working on my toolbox,” said Splash. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an oxygen gauge to check and a new toolbox catch to fit.”

  Captain Krill removed his toe. The door clanged shut.

  “There’s nothing to worry about,” he told the others, as he waddled back to the flight deck. “He’s working on his toolbox.”

  “That toolbox?” said Rocky.

  He pointed at the egg-shaped toolbox sitting on the floor beside the engine-room door.

  The egg had hatched two days earlier.

  “Who’s a coochy little Cuddles then?” Splash said fondly to the very uncuddly creature sitting by his feet.

  Cuddles was iron grey in colour, and had grown so much in the last two days that he was already half as big as Splash. He had spines on his back and a tough, leathery coat. He had a whip-like tail, six scaly le
gs and one enormous tooth on the end of his nose. But the oddest thing about Cuddles was the transparent orb that covered his entire head like a space helmet.

  In two days, the long tooth on the end of Cuddles’s nose had grown faster than anything else. The spiky tip was almost touching the orb now. Splash wondered what would happen when it did.

  There was a third knock on the door. Splash sighed and went to answer it. “The oxygen gauges are fine, Captain,” he began.

  Captain Krill lifted up the toolbox so that Splash could see it.

  There was a long pause.

  “Thank you,” said Splash, taking the toolbox. “I wondered where that was.”

  “Weren’t you working on it?” Captain Krill asked.

  Behind Splash, the tip of Cuddles’s nose tooth made a funny squeaking noise as it rubbed against the head orb.

  “Of course not!” Splash said quickly. “I’m working on my other toolbox.”

  He slammed the door just in time.

  POP.

  The creature’s nose tooth pierced the orb, which fizzled away into nothing.

  “Arf!” said Cuddles in a croaky little voice. He started sniffing at a box of bolts lying on the floor, opened his mouth and sucked in the whole lot like a scaly grey vacuum cleaner.

  “You eat metal!” said Splash, delighted. “Hold on a minute…”

  He hunted around in his cupboards, and gave another box of bolts to Cuddles. The creature vacuumed it up at once. Splash gave him a third box of bolts, a box of nails and a very small box of screws. Cuddles sucked up everything.

  “Arf!” he said after each mouthful. “Arf! Arf!”

  But Cuddles still seemed to be hungry. And when he started hoovering up one of the copper cables connecting the generator to the ship’s lighting system, Splash realized he had a problem.

  “Do you think we should all charge in?” asked Captain Krill. “There’s definitely something in there with Splash.”

  “You think we have an intruder on board?” Rocky said anxiously.

  “I’m up for charging in, if you are,” said Fuzz, flexing his flippers. “I’m totally up for charging in, even if you’re not.”

  “I would advise caution,” said Captain Krill.

  “Caution is for codfish,” said Fuzz. “NINJA PENGUIN!”

  He rushed towards the engine-room doors.

  Then suddenly the lights went out.

  There was a skidding noise and a clang in the darkness.

  “OW!” Fuzz roared.

  “I told you to be cautious,” said Captain Krill. He couldn’t see his own flippers. Outer space was always dark, but this was crazy.

  There was a whirring sound from the back-up generator. Temporary lights flicked on along the Tunafish’s walls, casting a strange yellow glow.

  “I’m getting reports that Dark Wader has escaped from the planet Kroesus,” said ICEcube suddenly. “He was last seen jetting in this direction in a ship called the Lovely Loot.”

  “That’s all we need,” said Captain Krill grimly.

  “But he’s supposed to stay in jail for at least a hundred years!” said Rocky in shock. “He is so going to kick our penguin butts for putting him there.”

  “He’ll never find us,” said Captain Krill, sounding more confident than he felt. “We’re light years from anywhere civilized.”

  Fuzz sat up, rubbing his head where he’d banged it on the wall. “But if he does,” he said in a menacing voice, “we’ll be ready.”

  Splash burst out of the engine room. “Nothing to worry about,” he said wildly. He waved his toolbox around. “I’m fixing the lights now.”

  “I demand to know what’s going on, Splash,” said Captain Krill.

  Fuzz picked himself up off the floor and rubbed his beak. The main lights buzzed and came back on.

  “See?” Splash said, breathing hard. “All. Under. Control.”

  “Right,” Captain Krill said slowly.

  Splash slammed the engine-room door.

  The Captain headed towards the freezing-fog room. Too many strange things were happening, and it was making his brain ache. He needed to chill out.

  The room wasn’t quite as cold as usual. The Captain flicked a switch and waited for lovely cold fog to come billowing out of the vents.

  Splat. Splat. Splat-splat-splat.

  Gobbets of star-whale blubber grease started oozing through the vents instead. Captain Krill backed out and decided to try the ice-bath room. H e opened the door. Clouds of scalding steam poured towards him from the boiling bathtub.

  “SPLASH!” the Captain bellowed, waddling away from the steam and the grease. “I’M COMING INTO THAT ENGINE ROOM WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!”

  He climbed up the ladder to the main deck, puffing and blowing.

  “Everything all right, Captain?” asked Splash, leaning casually against the engine-room door.

  Captain Krill smoothed his ear patches. “Grease in the freezing-fog room. Steam in the ice-bath room. What are you hiding in there?”

  He pushed his Ship’s Engineer aside.

  If anything, the engine room looked emptier than usual. None of Splash’s usual boxes of spare nuts and bolts were lying around. The workbench had no tools on show. The room had been swept clean of the usual metal shavings that littered the floor. Several copper cables looked as if they had been hastily mended and looped high up on the ceiling.

  Fuzz followed Captain Krill into the room and looked around.

  “Almost as tidy as my kitchen in here, Splash,” he said.

  “According to the control panel, there’s been a power surge in the extra-cold store,” Rocky shouted from the flight deck.

  Splash hurriedly stood on the trapdoor leading from the engine room to the extra-cold store. “Don’t go in the extra-cold store,” he said.

  “Why not?” Fuzz asked.

  “I tried chaining him up, but he ate the chain,” said Splash.

  “WHO IS IN THE EXTRA-COLD STORE?” demanded the Captain in his most captainly voice.

  Splash’s shoulders slumped. “Cuddles,” he said.

  The extra-cold store was a mess. Star-whale blubber lay on the floor, minus its cans. Tinless sardine pâté was smeared on the walls. Wing-pong balls rolled from side to side, minus their metal boxes.

  Cuddles looked up from sucking the metal bottoms off Splash’s magnetic-soled moon boots. His whip-like tail lashed, sending blobs of sardine pâté flying. “Arf!” he said in a friendly sort of way.

  “He started off as an egg!” Splash said helplessly. “You gave him to me instead of my toolbox, Captain.”

  Captain Krill stared at Cuddles. “But what is he?”

  “Arf!” said Cuddles. “Arf! Arf!”

  “Species: Flogisaur,” said ICEcube helpfully. “Flogisaurs thrive on the planet Flogiston, feeding on the constant supply of metal. During breeding season, Flogisaurs fly up to Flogiston’s moon, Serac, and lay their eggs.”

  “Awesome,” said Rocky.

  “Flogisaurs have pressurized scales designed for space flight,” ICEcube continued. “The new hatchlings fly down from Serac to join their parents on Flogiston before their head orbs burst.”

  “What head orb?” said Rocky, looking at Cuddles.

  Splash wriggled. “It already burst.”

  “He’s ugly, isn’t he?” said Fuzz.

  Splash bristled. “He’s not. He’s beautiful.”

  The others looked dubiously at Cuddles, who had abandoned Splash’s moon boots to suck the metal handles off a pile of wing-pong bats.

  “What are we going to do with him?” asked Rocky.

  “Keep him?” Splash said hopefully.

  “Arf!” said Cuddles. He made a puking noise and spat out a pile of bolts on the extra-cold store floor. He hoovered them up again almost at once.

  “We can’t keep him,” said Captain Krill. “Look at this mess. We have to turn the Tunafish around and return him safely to his parents on Flogiston.”

  Cuddles
burped. He opened his mouth and started hoovering the metal bolts out of the floor itself.

  “No way, stingray,” said Fuzz. “Now he’s eating the ship!”

  All the Space Penguins, even Splash, looked at the little Flogisaur in horror. They were light years from anywhere. How long did they have before there was no Tunafish left?

  The Space Penguins huddled around ICEcube. In the background, Cuddles was sucking Splash’s welding torch. He finished it and burped.

  “It’s clear what we have to do,” said Captain Krill. “Give Cuddles a sedative to send him to sleep. One for all and all for…”

  “FISH!” said Fuzz and Rocky.

  “He won’t like that,” said Splash unhappily.

  “It’s him or the ship,” the Captain pointed out. “We’ll keep him where we can see him. Everyone follow me.”

  “Arf!” cried Cuddles.

  Splash scooped him up with difficulty – he was getting bigger all the time – and carried him back up the ladder to the flight deck after the others.

  Rocky turned the Tunafish round and set it to full cruising speed while the others tried to get the little Flogisaur to sleep. It was harder than they expected. Cuddles drank a whole bottle of SleePeeZee with no effect, slurping up the metal cap for afters. He swallowed a box of Snooz-FX, spat out KipperWile and gargled SnorSumMor before spitting the lot at Splash and eating the metal legs off the dining table, which hit the floor with a clang.

  “Now what?” said Splash, wiping Snooz-FX pills, KipperWile and SnorSumMor off his feathers.

  “Fly like there’s a leopard seal on our tails,” said Captain Krill grimly.

  “Or a robot penguin,” Fuzz added.

  The Captain, Fuzz and Splash waddled off to different corners of the ship to find enough metal to feed Cuddles for the journey. What could the spacecraft spare?