Fire and Midnight

by Sandra Renee Appet

  She was quiet for a minute, clearly thinking. Then she said, “Okay, but on two conditions: there can’t be any lies between us. I’ve been lied to, and I can’t go through that again.”

  “I’ve never once lied to you, and I don’t intend to start. What’s the second condition?”

  “I don’t want to hear any talk about commitment or long-term plans. Let’s just see where this goes, without labeling our relationship.”

  “No lies, no labels, and no long-term plans. Those are all your demands?”

  Jane nodded.

  “Good, because I have a few of my own.”

  Jane folded her arms. “I’m listening.”

  “No putting yourself down with ‘baggage’ talk. And I have one exception to your ‘no long-term plans’ rule. I’m coming to New York for your birthday, and we’re spending the weekend in the city. I’ll make all the plans. You just need to show up.” He thought it was great that her birthday fell two weeks before Christmas Day. But Jane, clearly, had been less thrilled. She’d told him that her birthday was always overshadowed by the holidays.

  Now, a sweet grin teased at her lips. “You want to celebrate my birthday with me?”

  He wrapped her in his arms and tipped her chin up so that she gazed into his eyes. “Your birthday, Christmas, hell, I want to celebrate National Doughnut Day with you, as long as you keep looking at me that way.”

  “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” she whispered.

  But he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was the lucky one.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ryan stood with the limo drivers at the airport, holding a piece of white cardboard. He turned it over for a second, to make sure it wasn’t upside down. JANE. He smiled as he thought about how Isabel had carefully created the sign, using pink and purple markers.

  He’d stood in this exact spot, holding this exact sign, four times since the day they had struck their deal. It had become their ritual. Much to Ryan’s pleasure, her San Antonio clients were not fans of virtual meetings, and they had requested her attendance at each of their strategy meetings. Jane’s national marketing campaign catapulted the company’s results to an all-time high, and they were now making plans to expand their product line. She spent every other week in San Antonio, arriving Friday evening and staying through the following weekend.

  A group of passengers headed Ryan’s way, and he craned his neck, trying to find Jane in the crowd. He first spotted her dark hair with its golden highlights, loving the way it bounced along her shoulders. His gaze moved to her face as she first laid eyes on him, and her expression of delight took his breath away.

  Dodging her fellow passengers, she ran into his arms.

  “Hey there, Beautiful. Need a ride?”

  “I missed you!”

  He hugged her tight and closed his eyes, breathing deep, taking her inside him. Each time she returned, it was like Christmas day. “I missed you more,” he said, taking her bag and coat. “Getting cold in New York?”

  “Yeah, freezing! And it’s only November.”

  “Well, your oasis awaits at Casa Ziegler. You’ll love this week’s project.” Ryan surprised Jane each week with a new addition to his patio. They’d already replaced the furniture and added a sitting area with an all-weather sofa.

  Jane clapped her hands together, beaming. “I can’t wait!”

  He watched as she inhaled when they left the airport.

  “I love the warm air and not having to wear a coat. I’m beginning to like this place more and more. It’s almost like home,” she said, walking with him to the parking lot.

  He squeezed her hand. She didn’t know it, but she had become his home. Jane seemed to have wrapped herself around his heart, and she was never far from his thoughts. Just like the flame from his new fireplace, she licked at his skin and electrified his soul. She gave him purpose and happiness. “It is your home.”

  He grinned as Jane tried to coax the surprise out of him during the short ride to his house. “I’ll give you a hint,” he said at last. “It’ll come in handy during chilly winter nights.”

  “Long underwear?” she teased.

  “Guess again.”

  “A fire pit?” Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled.

  “Closer,” Ryan said as he pulled into his driveway. She reached for the passenger door handle, but he grabbed her other hand. “Hold on. This one’s special. Stay here a moment.”

  Normally, she’d run to the backyard to see what he had done. This time, he made her agree to stay in the car while he ran to the patio and lit a flame under the kindling he’d left in the opening of the fireplace. Soon a blaze of light fanned over the pavers of the patio. He uncorked the wine bottle and poured two glasses of her favorite red. “Perfect,” he said, and strode back to the car. “Ready?”

  “You’re killing me, Ry,” she complained in mock-distress as he helped her from the car.

  Instead of replying, he twirled her around, tied a bandana over her eyes, and led her to the patio.

  The pop and crack of the fire welcomed them to their oasis. He positioned Jane in front of the fire, placed a glass in her hand, and pulled the fabric from her eyes. “Ta-da.”

  Her mouth dropped open, and he saw a reflection of the flames dance in her eyes. “Ryan, it’s beautiful!” She placed the wine glass on the table and approached the tall fireplace. “This design is exquisite.” She traced the painted-vine pattern with her fingertips.

  He’d commissioned a local artist to paint two different flowering vines on either side of the opening. Standing alongside her, he explained, “The vines represent you and me.” He pointed to the left side. “This one is purple wisteria. It looks and smells beautiful, but it’s a very deceptive plant. It may appear delicate, but it can withstand adversity. That’s you.” He shifted his gaze to the right. “This other one is yellow jasmine. It turns a deep bronze in the sun, and its long leaves provide support and protection.”

  “You.” She blinked back tears as she flattened her palm on the cool brick façade.

  “They each grow tall and proud on their own, but look what happens when they intertwine in the middle.” He followed the line of the jasmine vine until it met the wisteria. Bursts of golden yellow mixed with various sprays in hues of purple.

  “They’re beautiful together,” Jane said, and turned toward Ryan. Heat from the fire radiated from her skin.

  “Just like us.” He pulled her in, capturing her warmth. The scent of smoke clung to her hair, and he knew he’d never again inhale the smell of wood burning outdoors without thinking of her.

  Ryan slanted his mouth over hers and stepped backward until his calves hit the front of the cushioned sofa. Then he pulled her down, and she straddled his lap, her skirt bunched high on her legs. Kissing her, he reached down and trailed his fingers slowly up the soft flesh of her inner thigh toward her heated sex.

  Jane filled his mouth with a deep moan.

  “I want you so much,” she said, reaching between their bodies. She palmed his hardness with one hand while unbuttoning his waistband with the other.

  He grasped her shoulders and broke their kiss, his gaze moving from her swollen lips to her passion-hooded eyes. “It kills me to say this, but I need to go inside for a second. I don’t have any protection on me.”

  Jane clamped her knees around his hips. “It’s okay. I can’t get pregnant.”

  “You’re sure?” he asked.

  “I’ve never been more sure. I don’t want anything between us.”

  Ryan quickly helped Jane with his pants just enough to free himself before pushing the lace of her panties to one side. He sank into her ready flesh, and they moaned in tandem. Jane moved above him, rising up before taking him completely in, repeating her movement over and over again, increasing the pace until they both shattered into oblivion.

  I’m home, Ryan thought helplessly as she sank down onto him, limp with the pleasure they had just shared. You are my home
.

  “I love you,” he whispered into her ear.

  Jane pulled back and searched his face, as if testing his sincerity. Then she swallowed hard, and tipped her forehead to his. “I love you, too,” she admitted. “When I first met you I thought you smelled like fire and midnight. Now, I know you do.”

  They spent the rest of the night in front of the fire. Ryan whipped up spaghetti and meatballs, which they ate under the twinkle lights in the trees. He took a sip of wine and watched her twirl a forkful of pasta and pop it in her mouth.

  As if sensing his scrutiny, she glanced up at him and smiled as she swallowed. “Why are you staring at me?”

  “May I ask you something?”

  “Shoot,” she said, and leaned back in her chair.

  “What did you mean when you said you couldn’t get pregnant?” He had wondered why Jane only had one child.

  “After Tyler was born, I had some issues, and the doctor said there was very little chance I’d ever get pregnant again. Nick and I tried for years, but nothing ever came of it. Now that I’m forty—excuse me, thirty-nine, I’m sure that ‘very little chance’ has been whittled down to zero.” She tilted her head. “Does it bother you?”

  Ryan shook his head. “No.”

  She folded her arms. “No lies, remember?”

  Ryan took a deep breath, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground. “I’m just surprised you never mentioned it before.”

  “I’m not sure how it’s relevant.”

  “It’s relevant because I love you and I want a future with you. I’d like to think there aren’t any secrets between us.”

  “Secrets? Not being able to get pregnant isn’t a secret. It’s a fact, and one that has nothing to do with our relationship. My baby-making days are over.” She stood, and the chair legs slid along the patio pavers, echoing over the soft music. “This is what I was talking about. You and I are at different stages of our lives. You want a family. I’ve already had mine.” She picked up her plate. “And now you go and … and love me, which means if we have a future together, you’ll never have children. Damn it, Ryan. This is getting complicated.”

  She only had time to take one step toward the kitchen before he stopped her. He snaked a hand around her waist and took the dish from her with the other. “Hold on. This is very simple. You are my family. Babies or no babies, I want you, and everything that comes along with you.”

  She swallowed a sob. “You say that now, but—”

  “No buts. You are my home.” He spun her around so she faced him, and her body melted against his.

  “What do you want?” she asked in the barest of whispers.

  “You. Only you. Nothing else matters,” he assured her, and knew that he had never spoken truer words.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Black Friday had taken on a new meaning. Ryan stayed in San Antonio since Vine was open to serve Thanksgiving dinner to the holiday tourists, and she’d spent a quiet Thanksgiving with Tyler and her mother in the city. There was something else missing other than Ryan, and it had eluded her for exactly twelve days. She plucked her phone from the bedside table and scrolled to Charlotte’s number.

  “Hello?” Charlotte’s sleepy voice slurred at the other end of the phone.

  “I’m late,” Jane replied, pressing the phone to her ear … then hesitated. She could’ve sworn she heard a voice in the background. A distinctly male voice. “I’m sorry. You’re not alone. Call me back later.” Jane’s finger was poised above the phone’s touch screen.

  “Oh, no you don’t. There’s a reason you called me at seven in the morning. And since I can’t picture you waiting in line for a hot Black Friday deal, you can’t possibly be late for anything at this ungodly hour, I’m assuming we’re not talking about time here.”

  Breathe, Jane reminded herself sharply. Just breathe. “No. We’re not. What am I going to do, Char?”

  “Have you taken a test yet?”

  “No, but I have one. I’m just too chicken to take it.” She glared at the box on her nightstand. She’d purchased the pregnancy test kit the night before, still hoping she’d wake up with her period.

  No such luck.

  “Do it now, while I’m on the phone. If you don’t, you’ll stress about it all day. I know you,” Charlotte said, sounding very calm and a little amused.

  Well, she was right. Left to her own devices, Jane knew that she would find a million reasons not to take the test.

  “But what if it’s positive?”

  “If it’s positive, you’ll have a baby in nine months, Jane. Do I have to teach you everything?” Jane could almost see her friend’s smile through the phone.

  “You know what I mean. What will I do? I’m too old to have a baby. And, jeez, how will I tell Ryan? What will I tell Ryan?”

  “First of all, you’re not too old to have a baby. Women have babies in their late thirties and early forties all the time. As for Ryan, I don’t know him, but judging by what you’ve told me about him, I’d think he’d be ecstatic.”

  “But I told him I couldn’t get pregnant.” She pinched her nose with her thumb and forefinger.

  “Well then, what a surprise for both of you. Come on, Jane. The suspense is killing me. Pee on the stick already.”

  “All right. Hold on a sec.” Jane laid the phone next to the box and pulled the lid open. With the directions in one hand and the plastic stick in the other, she walked slowly to the bathroom. She followed the instructions to the letter, then washed her hands before returning to the phone. She poked the speaker button. “Still there?”

  “Yup. What does it say?”

  “Nothing yet.” Jane’s hand shook as she placed the stick on her nightstand and stared. “It takes a minute.” A faint line appeared and grew darker. “One line.” She looked at the box. One line not pregnant, two lines pregnant. “I guess I’m not—” But her gaze fixed on the stick as another faint line appeared, darkening with each beat of her racing heart. “Holy shit, Char. I’m going to have a baby.”

  “Holy shit is right. Um, congratulations?”

  Jane’s mind raced. A baby. A baby. I’m having a baby. In spite of her fear, a smile spread across her face, and she cupped her palm protectively over her belly. It’d been almost twenty years since she’d carried a life inside of her. At one point she’d wanted it so badly, and now it was finally happening.

  It was a blessing, and she absolutely refused to think of it any other way.

  “How am I going to tell him?”

  “In my experience, the Band-Aid approach works best. Rip it off fast and as soon as possible. When’s the next time you’ll see him?”

  “Not until he comes to New York for my birthday.”

  “Well, little does he know he’s the one who’ll be in for a surprise.” Char’s tone softened. “Meanwhile, let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

  “There is something. You can promise not to tell a soul. I have to keep this absolutely quiet until I’ve told Ryan. No baby talk, and no baby jokes, deal?”

  “My lips are sealed. And, speaking of lips, I have a sexy pair waiting for me in bed. Catch you later, momma.”

  Jane powered down her phone. She needed uninterrupted time to think. Right now, she was in no shape to talk to anyone, especially Ryan. She had two weeks to get used to the idea, and to figure out how best to break the news.

  Chapter Twenty

  “Happy Birthday, Ma!” Tyler’s voice carried through the phone. “Hey, sing Happy Birthday to my mom!” he shouted, which was followed by an off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday” sung by what sounded like a room full of people. She laughed when she heard “Happy Birthday, Tyler’s mom,” drawing out the last “m” like it was a syllable of its own.

  “Thank you, Ty,” Jane said when the song ended. “That was sweet. Where are you, anyway? How are exams going?” She’d hoped he was studying.

  “They’re going well. I’m at the dining hall. What are you doing for your birthday?” Tyl
er asked.

  “Remember I told you I was spending the weekend in Manhattan?”

  “Right, with Ryan?” Jane sensed tension in his voice.

  “Yes. You’ll meet him at Christmas. You’d really like him, Tyler.” She mentally slapped herself for not arranging for Tyler to meet Ryan earlier. She pictured how awkward the meeting will be now that she was pregnant. Nice to meet you, Ryan. I hear you’re my mom’s baby daddy. What would Tyler think of her having a baby at her age? A rush of worried thoughts took over her brain.

  “I guess I’ll find out soon. Hey, I gotta go. Love you.”

  “I love you, too, Ty. See you soon,” Jane said as she headed to the elevator on her office floor. Her phone buzzed again as she strode across the lobby to the revolving door leading to the sidewalk. She glanced at her phone and smiled at the display. Jane had set a picture taken of Jane and Ryan at Vine as Ryan’s contact. It was a cheesy shot of them raising their wine glasses at dinner one night, but Jane loved it. She swiped her finger across the screen. “Hi there.”

  “Just landed and wanted to hear your voice,” he said huskily.

  Ryan’s words caressed Jane’s frayed nerves. She smiled as she pictured him walking through the terminal. Stepping out of her office building, she used her free hand to wrap a scarf around her neck. “I hope you brought your coat. You’re not in San Antonio anymore.”

  “I have it, and I can’t wait to warm you up. Or will you warm me up?”

  “How about we warm each other up?”

  He lowered his voice. “I like the sound of that.” His deep voice made her body hum. She wasn’t sure if the pregnancy was causing her hormones to shift into overdrive, or if it was the fact that it’d been three weeks since they’d seen each other that had the heat pooling in her belly.