Find Me, Save Me (Full Heart Ranch Series Book 1)

by Barbara Gee

  His low chuckle made her shiver. “Don’t I know it.”

  After a few more minutes of chatting, they said good night.

  “Sweet dreams, Madison,” he said just before he hung up, making her smile.

  The next week crawled by. Libby and Kay managed to keep her occupied part of the time. She and Libby took long rides in the Gator, and Kay took them into town twice, once for lunch at the local diner, and once to go to the western wear store so Libby could pick up a cowboy hat and boots, meant to impress Cal of course.

  Tuck didn’t call again. He continued to send a few texts each day, but Maddy felt like even those were starting to become perfunctory. She could tell that he was becoming more and more immersed in work, and she felt like he was texting her more out of obligation than because he wanted contact with her. It made her sad, but she couldn’t say he hadn’t warned her. He had told her his job was his life, and Maddy reluctantly admitted that spending time with her hadn’t changed that about him, even though he had kissed her like it might.

  Unfortunately, absence didn’t seem to be making his heart grow fonder.

  Not everyone at the Full Heart was feeling lonely, however. Libby got her wish and scored a date with Cal on Friday night, and she gushed all day Saturday about how great the evening had been, even though he hadn’t kissed her as she’d hoped. In fact, Cal had done nothing more than hold her hand when he walked her to the door.

  Maddy was happy that her friend had had such a good time, and pleased that Cal seemed to be such a gentleman. Although Libby was typically attracted to a more aggressive type of man, Cal was holding her interest by holding back and going slow, making her wait for anything physical. Maddy thought it was a very good change of pace for her friend.

  Early Monday morning Virgil drove the two women to the airport, where Tuck had hired a plane to take them to the hospital for Maddy’s checkup. After a long day of X-rays and exams by multiple doctors, they flew back to the ranch, managing to get to bed only an hour later than usual.

  Maddy was exhausted, but Tuck had texted her in the afternoon and asked her to call him that evening if she felt up to it, to let him know what the doctors had said. Even though she was tired, Maddy dialed his number as soon as Libby left her room. Sure, Tuck’s sense of duty was probably what had prompted his request that she call, but at this point, Maddy didn’t care. She just wanted to hear his voice for the first time in ten days.

  “Hey, Maddy.”

  Oh man. Maddy closed her eyes, unprepared for the surge of emotion that swept through her. At that moment she would have gladly sold everything she owned to have him sitting on the edge of her bed again, smiling down at her.

  “Hi, Tuck. Sorry to be calling so late. We just got back a little while ago.”

  “Don’t worry about it, I stay up late anyway. How did it go?”

  “Pretty good. I had a million X-rays and saw lots of different doctors, and they all seem to think I’m healing well. I don’t have to wear the big brace on my left leg anymore, which is great. The rod they put in holds the bone together, the brace was just an extra precaution and they said I’m far enough along now to do without it.”

  “How about your knee?”

  “I’d say that’s the thing they’re most concerned about. Ideally I’d have been able to start doing exercises soon after the surgery, but the bone fractures below the knee made that too risky. So it’ll take longer than usual to get back to a hundred percent, but the doctors said I’ll eventually get there. They’re letting me start moving it a little bit, but nothing much until the cast comes off, and hopefully that’ll be in three weeks.”

  “And your arm?”

  “Same time frame, I should get that cast off in three weeks as well. And my ribs have healed fine, and my liver is almost completely healed, too. So all in all it was a good day. Just tiring.”

  “I’m afraid it’s going to be a real long three weeks for you.”

  Maddy knew he was right but she didn’t want him to worry. “I’ve made it this far, I can do another three weeks.”

  “And then the real work starts.”

  “Yeah, but anything is better than being helpless in this chair.”

  He was silent for a long moment. “I thought about you all day, Maddy. I wish I could’ve gone with you.”

  She was glad he couldn’t see the tear that rolled down her cheek. “It’s okay, Tuck. You had no obligation to be there, and Libby and I got along just fine.”

  “It’s more than feeling obligated, Maddy,” he said. “I wanted to be there.”

  “I didn’t expect you to drop everything and come, Tuck. You would have just been stuck waiting around all day. Nothing happens quickly in hospitals, you know.”

  “Yeah, I suppose.” He sounded tired and Maddy wished he had fewer burdens to carry. Yes, he had chosen his own path, and yet he shouldered so much more than most people. She wanted to make it easier for him.

  “Hey, Tuck, I know your days are really busy, so you don’t have to text me every day. It’s nice of you to take the time, but I feel like it’s just one more thing for you to fit in.”

  She heard him sigh. “I don’t want you to feel like that, Maddy. The truth is I look forward to that little bit of contact with you, but at the same time it makes it harder to keep things in the neat little compartments that I’ve spent so many years setting up.”

  Maddy frowned. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “I’ve tried to stop texting you, but the best I’ve been able to do is make the texts shorter and more of a ‘hi, how’re you doing’ rather than ‘hi, tell me all about your day’, which is what I really want to say but I can’t let myself.”

  “But why? If you really want to talk more, why can’t we?”

  “Because it makes things more complicated.”

  “I’m starting to hate that word,” Maddy stated.

  “Complicated, confusing, convoluted—take your pick. I’m trying to get things back to normal in my life, but a certain little blonde is proving hard to put behind me.”

  “I didn’t realize that’s what you wanted to do. I thought you wanted to stay in touch, as friends,” Maddy said, knowing her hurt was evident in her voice.

  “That’s not what I’m saying, Maddy, I do want to be friends, and I do want to stay in touch. But I’m having a hard time not wanting more. I don’t do relationships, I can’t, and I’ve been up front with you about that. But that doesn’t stop my mind from going places it shouldn’t.” He broke off and Maddy could picture him running a hand through his hair.

  “Maddy, you already know that I’m basically married to my job and I feel that’s where my commitment needs to stay. But I’d give a lot just to be able to lift you into bed again. And to kiss you goodnight again. You have no idea how many times I’ve relived that night.”

  “But I do, Tuck. I do.” She wiped at the tears that now fell freely. She knew he could tell she was crying but there was no helping it. It was too painful to talk to him, to hear him say these things and know that it still wouldn’t make any difference. She couldn’t do this, that was suddenly crystal clear.

  “You’re right, Tuck, frequent contact with each other just makes it worse.” She forced the words out around the lump in her throat. “I think we need to cut out the daily texting. We can text or call every once in a while, because you’ll wonder how I’m doing and I’ll wonder about you catching Jimmy, but it can’t be every day. Just every once in a while.”

  “I’m not sure that’s what I want,” he said heavily.

  Maddy rubbed her eyes. “This whole thing has been about what you want, Tuck. Or more accurately, what you don’t want, and that would be a relationship that goes beyond friendship. I know I need to accept that, but it’s not going to happen as long as I’m waiting on your texts every day. Hearing from you gives me hope, and as long as I have hope, I’m not going to accept reality.”

  “I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

  “I w
ant to stay friends, I do, but it’s a lot harder than I thought, and I don’t know if we can.” Her voice was thick with tears, but she couldn’t back down now. She wanted more, she would always want more, and it was time to stop deluding herself.

  “So you want to break off all contact?” Tuck asked quietly.

  “The daily contact, yes. I’ll still get in touch with you if I have any news, and you can do the same, or you can call Libby and have her pass it on to me.” Maddy took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “It’s not what I want, but I think that’s the way I need it to be, Tuck, at least for now.”

  They were silent for a while. Finally Tucker responded.

  “Okay, Maddy.” His voice was low and resigned. “That’s the way it’ll be then. But please know I’ll be praying for you. I know the next few weeks are going to drag, and I know you’ve got a lot of hard, painful work after that. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, even if you don’t hear from me.”

  “And you’ll be in mine. Daily. Actually it’ll probably be multiple times a day because I tend to think about you a lot,” she admitted. “I hope the FBI knows how lucky they are to have you, and I hope they give you the promotion you deserve. Good night, Tucker.”

  His voice was barely audible. “Sweet dreams, Madison.” And he hung up.

  Chapter 24

  The day had finally come. Maddy was at the hospital, sitting in an orthopedic exam room, waiting for the doctor to come and remove her casts.

  “Honestly, Maddy, I’m practically jumping out of my skin! Libby declared. “I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Within the hour you will be free of all casts and braces, can you even believe it?”

  “I’m still afraid the doctors will come in and say they’ve changed their minds. I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens, Lib. It seems like the last three weeks have gone by in slow motion. I can’t wait to walk again. There’s so much to do on the ranch and I’ve been stuck in this wheelchair for six loooooong weeks.”

  “Do you think you’ll be able to start walking right away? With crutches at least? Because if you can, we are so going out this weekend. I’ll get Cal to bring a friend and we’ll double date.”

  “I don’t know, it all depends on how fast I can get my bum knee to cooperate. I’ll know more when I meet with the physical therapist tomorrow.”

  The door to the exam room opened and a doctor walked in, smiling. “Ready to get rid of those casts?” he asked pleasantly.

  “I’m so much more than ready,” Maddy said emphatically.

  “Will she be able to walk out of here?” Libby asked hopefully.

  “I think we’d better stick with the wheelchair for now. But once you start your PT, it shouldn’t be long before you can make the switch to crutches. It depends on that knee.”

  Maddy raised her right arm. “This or the leg first?” she asked.

  “Arm is fine. I’ll have you out of here in twenty minutes,” he promised, getting to work.

  Kay came out to the porch to meet them when they returned to the ranch. “Hallelujah, Maddy my dear! Not a cast in sight!”

  Maddy grinned as Libby wheeled her up the ramp. The ramp Tuck had had built for her.

  “That’s right, no casts, and soon there won’t be a wheelchair in sight, either. Did the physical therapist show up?”

  “She sure did, and I got her settled into the guest cabin. She’s a delightful woman. I invited her to join us for dinner.”

  “Perfect. I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “I’m sure Tuck chose the very best person for the job. He wouldn’t skimp on that,” Libby said confidently.

  “I just hope I can handle what she has planned for me,” Maddy said, a little worried. “I can’t believe how stiff my elbow and knee are.”

  “That’s to be expected,” said a voice behind her.

  Maddy swung her head around to see a girl who looked to be just a few years older than herself coming up the ramp. She was gorgeous, with long dark hair, flashing dark eyes, and a wide smile on her face.

  “Hello, Maddy. I’m Jolene. Thank you so much for the opportunity to come spend some time at this beautiful place. I’m only sorry you had to be injured for it to happen.”

  Maddy smiled warmly. “So am I, but if it had to happen we might as well find some positives in the situation. I’m glad you’re here and I can’t wait to get started tomorrow.”

  Jolene shook hands with Maddy and Libby, and then Kay hustled them inside to help get dinner on the table. Virgil soon joined them, grinning when they took their seats.

  “Not sure how I got so lucky,” he exclaimed. “Just me and four of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

  Kay chuckled. “Our poor ranch hands have already been gobsmacked by Libby and Maddy, and now they have Jolene thrown into the mix. I’m thinking we should start charging them for the privilege of working here, rather than giving them paychecks.”

  “Are there any cute ones?” Jolene asked, her dark eyes twinkling.

  “Libby has already snagged the cutest one,” Maddy informed her. “She and Cal have been an item for a few weeks now.”

  “Yeah, so hands off the tall, gorgeous, blonde one,” Libby teased. “He’s mine and I’m not sharing.”

  “So noted,” Jolene said. “Not that you have to worry. Maddy and I will be way too busy to be chasing the ranch hands.”

  Dinner was delicious and fun, and Maddy thoroughly approved of Tuck choosing Jolene to work with her. She knew they would get along wonderfully.

  “I’m going to head upstairs,” Maddy said, stifling a yawn. “I need a shower so I can shave this nasty, atrophied leg. I don’t want to scare poor Jolene off tomorrow.”

  “I’m pretty hard to scare away, especially when I have such a beautiful little cabin to stay in. Speaking of which, I think I’ll head on back over there. I need to make a few phone calls before I turn in.”

  Libby’s phone rang and she checked the screen, then smiled happily. “Looks like Cal wants to chat before bed. Do you mind waiting a little bit to go upstairs, Maddy?”

  Maddy held up her newly free right arm. “You forget, my friend, I can now push the chair myself. Not very fast, because I can’t get my arm to go straight yet, but I’m sure I can get where I’m going. And I can get in bed, too. That won’t be a problem.”

  “All rightie, then. I’m going to go out on the porch to take this. See you in the morning.” Libby answered her phone and quickly made her escape.

  Jolene left, too, after telling Maddy she’d meet her in the Desmond’s home gym in the back corner of the house at seven the next morning.

  “You sure you don’t need help, Maddy dear?” Kay asked as she slowly wheeled herself toward the hallway elevator.

  “I’m sure. I’m enjoying this. I’ll still use the shower chair to be safe, but I won’t have any problem getting in and out of it, and I’m sure I can get into bed by myself, too, with the trapeze to help.”

  “Well you holler if you need anything. I’ll have a light breakfast waiting for you a little before seven.”

  “You’re the best, Kay. I don’t know what I’d have done if Libby hadn’t thought to come here to the ranch.”

  “It was meant to be.” Kay tipped her head thoughtfully. “Has anyone called Tuck to let him know you were able to get the casts off?”

  Maddy’s smile faded. “Um, I haven’t, and I don’t think Libby did, either.”

  “He would probably like to know,” Kay said gently. “I know you two haven’t been in contact very much, and Libby has explained a little bit of the situation to me. I know that boy feels a sense of duty like no other, but I also know he demands too much of himself. You’re good for him, Maddy.”

  “He doesn’t see it that way,” Maddy said sadly. “I’m just an unwanted distraction. I haven’t talked to him in three weeks, and we’ve only texted once, when he gave me the flight information for going to the hospital today.”

  “I’m sure he’s wo
ndering how it went.”

  “I’ll ask Libby to call him,” Maddy promised.

  “I wish you would do it,” Kay urged. “I saw how close the two of you got while he was here. I hate for such a beautiful friendship to get tossed by the wayside.”

  Swallowing hard, Maddy shook her head. “I don’t want that either, Kay, but it might be too hard for me to be his friend. I thought I could do it but I can’t help but want more than that, and even after three weeks of no contact my feelings haven’t changed and it’s still so hard. I think about him all the time, and I’m afraid talking to him will just make it worse.”

  “You’re making it too easy for him to put his career above his own needs and desires. He has given so much already, Maddy, with his military service and now with the FBI. I want more for him. I want him to feel happy and fulfilled personally as well as professionally, and I believe you’re the one who can help him accomplish that.”

  “He doesn’t want that,” Maddy insisted. “He says he’s doing what he believes God has called him to do, and a relationship would make him less effective, less dedicated. How can I argue with that?”

  “Tucker has always been too noble for his own good. Maybe you can’t argue with him, but you can stay in touch with him. If anyone can get him to eventually see that he needs more, that it’s okay for him to have more, it’s you, Maddy. It’s been easy for him to pour everything he has into his job up to now, because he hasn’t wanted anything else. But he does now. I know he does. And I don’t believe for a minute that God doesn’t want that for him as well.”

  “So why does he feel that he has to choose one or the other, and not figure out how to have both?”

  “I think maybe his biggest hang-up is his fear that you might get hurt again because of his job.”

  Maddy shook her head. “Tucker didn’t hurt me,” she said emphatically. “His job didn’t hurt me. Jimmy Callahan did.”

  “And I’m sure you’ve told him as much, Maddy, but the fact is he’s still carrying a good deal of guilt about it all.”