Bound to the Past (Starville Series Book 1)

by Lauryn Michaels

  But now sheʼd moved on with her life, and she’d never even know how he felt about her―how lonely and miserable his existence had been, and always would be, without her.

  His heart slammed painfully against his ribs. His mind raced. She hated him now. Sheʼd probably never forgive him for what heʼd done to her.

  If anything, though, she deserved to know the truth. He owed it to her.

  Jack rose to his feet, determination back in his eyes. He knew now what he had to do.

  He could only hope it wasnʼt too late.

  ***

  Jamieʼs blue eyes, so incredibly identical to Carsonʼs, glittered with so much enthusiasm that Sara couldnʼt help smiling as she watched the boy playing with Lance in her front yard. “Doesnʼt he make you wish you were five again?”

  Standing beside her, Carson gave a laugh. “God, no. Never again, please.” He glanced at his watch and sighed. “Time to go. Are you sure you donʼt want to come to the ranch with us?”

  “Positive.” She turned to him and took his hand. “Staying at the ranch was wonderful, Cars, and Iʼll never thank you enough for everything youʼve done for me. But itʼs time I get back to my life and take full control of it. Iʼm ready to do it now. Iʼm not scared anymore.”

  His eyes scanned her face. He sighed again. “Fine. But I still think itʼs dumb to leave right before Thanksgiving. You know Mariaʼs planning to make her usual feast.”

  “One more reason not to come. If I keep eating Mariaʼs feasts, Iʼll look like a whale by the time the baby comes! Besides, itʼs not like Iʼll be alone. Brentʼs parents have invited me, Nicky, and Layla to their place, remember?”

  “Yeah, yeah―try telling Jamie that.” He shook his head and turned to his son. “Hey, champ, ready to go?”

  The boy ran toward them, Lance at his heels. “Youʼre coming with us, Sara, right?”

  Carson cuffed his sonʼs shoulder and shot her an I told you so look. She rolled her eyes at him before turning to Jamie. “Not today, hon. Iʼll be visiting soon, though.”

  “Will you bring Lance, too?”

  “Absolutely. Now, get over here and give me a big hug.” Jamie threw his arms around her waist, and Sara leaned over him, her eyes already tearing up.

  “Hey, Iʼm feeling neglected here,” Carson protested, bear-hugging both of them and making them laugh. A few minutes later, father and son were sitting in Carsonʼs pickup, ready to leave. Carson turned the key in the ignition and rolled his window down. “Now, Sara, donʼt forget to use that ginger ale in your fridge. I remember it used to help Grace a lot when she…wasnʼt feeling very well,” he said with a wink.

  She chuckled. “Thank you. I promise Iʼll take care of myself.”

  “I know you will.” He extended an arm to flick the tip of her nose. “Come see us soon, kid.”

  “Bye, Sara!” Jamie shouted as Carson drove off, honking the horn playfully a couple of times. Sara waved at them with a smile, her thoughts on the precious creature she was carrying inside. Her heart ached knowing that her baby would never have a daddy like Carson, but she found comfort in the fact that there would still be amazing father figures in her life, between Carson and Brent….

  “Well, wasnʼt that a charming little scene.”

  Sara froze as the deep, unmistakable voice jerked her violently back to reality. Her heart jumped to her throat and pounded wildly in her ears as she slowly turned around. “Jack,” she whispered, a hand instinctively covering her stomach in turmoil.

  For a few, endless moments, she couldnʼt bring herself to do anything but stare at him, almost in a trance, as he walked up the driveway with Lance jumping excitedly around his heels. Her dazed mind registered that he was as handsome as ever in dark jeans, a dark-green T-shirt that stretched over his chest, and the usual leather jacket. He did appear different, though… Strange. He looked even taller, probably because heʼd lost some weight. There were hollows under his cheekbones that had not been there before, and his face was drawn, as if heʼd been ill. He was stunning, anyway, and the dark circles around his eyes only seemed to intensify his dark-and-damned, sexy-as-sin look.

  Sara shook her head, forcing her mind to slay those lovesick thoughts. Good God, how dumb could she possibly be? Jack didnʼt deserve her love―and didnʼt want it, anyway. Heaven knew heʼd made it clear enough. She needed to remember that; she needed to stay focused. And, for pityʼs sake, she needed to concentrate on not running straight into his arms.

  “What are you doing here?” she finally asked him, amazed by how calm her voice could sound when she was a total mess inside.

  “I came to town to pick up my bike and…take care of a few things,” he said with that damn husky, sexy voice of his. Without tearing his gaze from hers, he took another few steps forward, and she couldnʼt help but notice that he wasnʼt limping at all anymore. Not that it was any of her business. Her gaze darted around the empty street. “How did you get here?”

  “I rode the Harley to the lake but left it there. I wanted to walk a little.”

  Heʼd needed time to think about what to do and how to do it, but he couldnʼt tell her that yet. He was lucky enough that she was talking to him. Honestly, he hadnʼt known what to expect. But, God, she was beautiful. The black, formfitting pants she wore outlined her lean legs perfectly; the light beige blouse and the long, black wool jacket only seemed to emphasize her generous curves. Her hair was shorter, and soft black waves now barely touched her shoulders, framing her sweet face and brushing her cheeks with her every movement. Jack swallowed hard, finding himself longing to slide his fingers through them to see if they were as soft as he remembered. His hand instinctively slipped to his aching heart as he looked at her. Too bad Sara chose that moment to back away.

  “Good for you. Hope you enjoy your stay. Now, if youʼll excuse me, I have to get back inside. Good-bye.” She whirled around and started walking toward the porch, only to stop abruptly when she realized Jack was following her. She sighed as she turned around again. “What do you want, Jack?”

  “I―would like to talk to you, if you donʼt mind.”

  Sara frowned. Was it just her impression, or did he really look more and more uneasy by the minute? He just seemed so…uncomfortable. Off-balance. Almost insecure. Yeah, right. The arrogant Jack Turner was never off-balance and insecure, and certainly not around her. She drew a long, steadying breath before looking him straight in the eye. “Thank you for your kind offer, but no.”

  “Itʼs just an innocent talk, Sara.”

  Thereʼs nothing innocent about you! But she did need to tell him about their baby, after all. Maybe this was the chance to get it all done and over with. She had no doubt that he would run away as if chased by fire upon learning that she was pregnant. “All right, letʼs talk.”

  “Not here. Letʼs go inside.”

  Sara hesitated again, her teeth working at her lower lip. It was one thing to talk there in the driveway, but to have Jack back inside her house? That sounded a little too dangerous for her heart.

  “Please, Sara. Itʼs important.”

  She looked up at his face. Sighed again. “Okay. I do need to talk to you about something, too.”

  Jack stepped forward, his eyes fixed on hers. “Are you sure?”

  “Nope. In fact, weʼd better go before I change my mind,” she admitted with a rueful smile. He relaxed his nervous pose a bit and nodded.

  Sara drew a deep breath as they headed toward the house, trying hard not to let her heart succumb to the torture of being close to him for the first time in so long. It felt strange walking beside him as she’d done so many times before, without being able to touch him. It felt wrong.

  As they stepped through the front door, Sara saw his eyes fix on the suitcases resting against the wall. “I, uh, have been out of town for a while,” she said, not sure why she was bothering to explain. He hadnʼt asked anything, nor did he deserve any explanations from her.

  Jackʼs intense gaze moved back to her, pinning her to the spot. �
��So I heard.”

  Hating her insecurity, she clasped her hands together and looked away. “Would you like something to drink?” she offered, eager to put some distance between them. “Iʼm afraid I donʼt have much, but―”

  “Whatever you have is fine, thank you.”

  With a relieved nod, Sara started toward the kitchen―but nearly screamed her frustration when he followed her again. With another deep intake of breath, she opened the fridge and peered inside as he leaned over the island. “Thereʼs a Coke.”

  “Sounds great.”

  She handed him the bottle and took out a bottle of ginger ale for herself. Jack shot a curious glance at it. “Iʼve never seen you drink that stuff before.”

  “Iʼve started recently.” Sara dropped her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair.

  His eyes followed her movement, hypnotized. “Your hair…”

  She shrugged. “I cut it. I was tired of having it so long.”

  “It fits you. You look beautiful.”

  You too. “Thank you.”

  “Ginger ale, a new haircut. Who are you, and what did you do to my Sara?” he tried to joke. Sara, however, wasnʼt in the mood for jokes.

  “Actually, Jack, this is what I need to talk to you about. You see, thereʼs a lot you donʼt about my life anymore. Many, um, things have changed since you left.” Her heart ached as he stiffened, immediately on the defensive, and frowned with obvious suspicion.

  “Things?”

  “Yes, I… Hold on a sec, Iʼm not sure how to say this.” Her grip tightened around the bottle until her hand started to hurt, but she hardly noticed. Good grief, this was even harder than sheʼd imagined. How was she supposed to tell him about their baby when he was staring at her with those incredible eyes of his, looking like a predator and a terrified puppy at the same time?

  Sara swallowed against the dryness of her throat. “The thing is, thereʼs big news in my life, and—”

  “Wait.” Jack raised a hand to stop her and took a step back. “Look, I donʼt know what this is about, but save it. I donʼt want to hear it.”

  What? She gaped at him. “How can you say that, when you donʼt even know what Iʼm going to say?”

  “Sorry. I changed my mind. Maybe talking wasnʼt such a good idea, after all.”

  Sara fisted her hands. She wanted to shake him, scream at him. But she would never give him the satisfaction of seeing her more humiliated than she was already. Swallowing her rage, she forced herself to speak as calmly as she could, considering her heart was completely crushed. “I hate having to deflate some of your enormous ego, Jack, but itʼs time for you to step off that damn pedestal of yours. Just so you know, everything doesnʼt always revolve around you. You canʼt always be the one deciding when people should or shouldnʼt do something, if they should or shouldnʼt talk, and you canʼt just change your mind every time itʼs convenient to you!” she blurted in one breath. “Youʼre the one who wanted to talk, and now weʼll talk, whether you like it or not!”

  Jackʼs eyes narrowed to piercing green slits as he gave her a long, hard stare. Sara held his gaze and even managed to watch him in silence as he downed the rest of his Coke, but her heart was racing in anticipation. She almost let out a treacherous sigh of relief when he crushed the empty can in his hand, tossed it into the trash can behind him, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. Talk. Tell me whatʼs going on between you and that guy.”

  “What guy?”

  “What the hell do you mean, what guy?” Jack let out an irritated snort. “That John Wayne of yours, of course. Or perhaps youʼve taken many other lovers lately?”

  She blinked at him, too outraged to come up with an adequate retort. “Youʼve got to be kidding me. You have no right to ask me such a question! Why, yes, Carson is a wonderful man and an amazing person. He helped me a lot in the last two months, and I suggest you take lessons from him on how to behave like a decent human being!”

  Jack felt the color drain from his face. Placing both hands on the island, he closed his eyes and hung his head with a sharp escape of air. Shit. The situation was getting out of hand. He had lost count of all the times heʼd rehearsed everything he meant to tell Sara once they met, playing it through his mind over and over again. Well, here he was now, finally standing right in front of her, and everything was going wrong. He was supposed to be calm and confident, gentle and kind. Instead, he could hardly speak. Damn, but the cozy, loving family scene with that cowboy had made him lose his mind!

  Sara put down her bottle and stepped closer to him. “Why are you here, Jack?” she asked in a softer tone.

  He raised his gaze back to her, but words failed him as he tried to swallow down the gigantic lump in his throat. “Iʼm sorry,” was all he managed to whisper.

  She shook her head. “Is it closure you need? Because if thatʼs what it is, Iʼm fine. Really. Yes, I was devastated when you left, but Iʼm over it now. I moved on.”

  His jaw went rock hard. “I know. And Iʼm happy for you.”

  You donʼt look happy at all. In fact, he looked tired. Beaten. Sara had never seen him like this, not even after heʼd been accused of murder and arrested. Suddenly, something inside her broke. Her heart seemed to smash into pieces. The calm logic she had imposed on herself shattered miserably. Perhaps it was the final and defeated tone of Jackʼs words or the way his voice had trembled slightly as he spoke them or, perhaps, the resigned dejection in his eyes. Whatever it was, it made her ache all over. She sighed. “Look, why donʼt we sit down in the living room and talk about whatever we need to like two civilized adults? I really do have to tell you something important,” she suggested, trying to be mature and collected. For the sake of their baby.

  Jack stared at her but didnʼt move. Saraʼs resolve to stay mature and collected flew to the wind. “What the heck is wrong with you?” she burst out. “Do you want to talk, yes or no? Ugh! This is just like you, Jack, isnʼt it? I should have known. You came to me tonight saying you wanted to talk, but as soon as I informed you that I have something important to tell you, too, you started acting like a terrified rabbit.”

  He straightened then. Fists clenched, he opened his mouth but immediately snapped it shut again. “Sara—”

  “Good grief, quit running! What on earth are you so scared of, anyway?”

  Her gaze locked with his. Jack swallowed hard. Inhaled sharply. To hell with it! What did he have to lose at that point? “Iʼm scared to hear you say that youʼre in love with another man, Sara.”

  She froze.

  The clarity of his words, along with the matter-of-fact tone in which he spoke them, felt as if sheʼd been pierced with a pin. Her mouth fell open. Her rage melted away so fast she suddenly felt depleted. “W-what did you say?”

  Jack moved around the island, and she instinctively moved backward, until her shoulders met the fridge behind her and she was forced to stop. “Iʼm saying,” he grunted, placing his hands to the sides of her head and trapping her in the middle, “that the thought of you with that guy—or any other guy, for that matter—is burning my soul.”

  His eyes were so intense, his body so hot as he pressed against her, that all she managed to do was stare at him in shock. The electricity shooting through them made her head spin. A violent shudder passed through her the instant he bent his head and his warm breath mingled with hers for the first time in what had felt like forever. “Iʼm saying that youʼre mine, Sara. And Iʼll be damned if Iʼll let another man take you away from me without a fight!”

  His mouth crashed down on hers then—hard, dominating. He kissed her with a force that destroyed her deep inside, a fury that disintegrated whatever miniscule hint of peace sheʼd hoped to have found in the past months. He kissed her long and deep, with a desperation that stole her breath and shattered her defenses. And Sara had no choice but to let him do it to her. She didnʼt even feel the tears rolling down her face until he lifted his head, and she started to slowly regain contact with reality.

  Jack cu
pped her face in his hands and softly stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “Donʼt cry, sweetheart,” he said painfully, leaning down again to kiss her tears away. His tenderness, though, only caused them to come out more copiously. “Baby, Iʼm sorry. I fucked up. I know I hurt you, I know you hate me, and I deserve it. But please, don’t cry…”

  Sara was floating on clouds, and it took a moment for his words to sink in. All she knew was that she still loved him. Oh, God, she loved him so much! Sheʼd been dreaming about his kisses, longing for that intense gaze of his eyes, the sweetness in his voice, the tenderness of his touch, the warmth that poured through her like liquid fire every time he was near. She wanted him more than anything in the entire world, but… No! It didnʼt matter that she loved him and that he was the only man who could make her head spin with a gaze and her legs quiver with a kiss. She couldnʼt give herself to him anymore. She couldnʼt ignore the fact that Jack didnʼt love her back. Heʼd dumped her. Tossed her declaration of love in her face. That thought alone was enough to turn her heart to ice and make her jerk out of his arms. “Stop it, Jack. What do you want from me?”

  He stared at her, looking utterly disoriented. “I told you.”

  “No, you didnʼt. You told me that youʼre jealous of Carson―as you’ve always been―but that means nothing to me.”

  Jack wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. “What if I said that Iʼve been a stupid fool? What if I told you that I didnʼt believe a word I said to you that day?” His arms tightened painfully around her, but she forced herself to hold his gaze.

  “Let me go.”

  “I donʼt want to lose you, Sara. Dammit, I love you!”

  Sara felt the pain radiating from him with an intensity that took her breath. His voice was so broken, his eyes so tormented that she had to look away. She couldnʼt think when Jack stared at her that way…and right now she desperately needed to think! Could she believe him? Could she forget the pain he had caused her? “Just what am I supposed to do, Jack―fly into your arms just because you said you love me, when less than two months ago you swore that you didnʼt? How the hell can you expect me to make any sense of what you say anymore? How can you expect me to believe you?”