MANIC: Rook and Ronin, #2

by JA Huss

  I sigh. Ronin would probably not like me talking to Ford about personal things, but Ford said Ronin likes damaged girls. No, correction—young, damaged girls. And that's me for sure. And I can't help myself, I feel the need to know more about this. If I'm just another project to Ronin, I'd like to figure that out sooner rather than later. I like him a whole lot and I don't want to get hurt.

  Ford comes back and hands me my burrito and OJ, then takes a seat across from me and begins to chow down. I do the same and we are too busy chewing to talk for a while. He finishes before me, because he's a guy and every guy I've ever met has been a scarfer when it comes to food. He balls up the foil burrito wrapper and finishes off his juice and then starts with the questions.

  "How long has it been?" he asks. "Since you ran?"

  I think back and count the weeks. "About three months," I finally say with my mouth full.

  "How long have you known Ronin?"

  "About a month." I stay quiet, waiting for his next question, but he looks away, like he's thinking about my answer. "Why?" I finally ask.

  "I'm just trying to figure out what it means that he claimed you."

  That word almost makes me choke. "He didn't claim me, Ford. We're dating. That's it."

  "Huh." He looks over at me now. "How many men, Rook? Not to get personal, but I'm just curious. How many men have you been with?"

  "What's that got to do with anything?"

  "Because you come off as very, very inexperienced. That's why. It makes you seem far younger than you really are."

  I snort. "OK, I guess you're the expert in sexual experience, then?" I just shake my head at him. I'm not answering that question. It sorta pisses me off, in fact. I wrap my burrito back up in the foil and get up and walk away.

  He catches up with me as I'm going down the stairs.

  "Too personal?"

  "Yeah, Ford. I'm sorry I told you that story now. You're gonna do something dirty with it, I can tell." I stop and look at him. My face feels so hot I wonder if I'll start crying. "Just leave me alone." I start to walk off but he grabs my arm firmly and doesn't let go, even when I try to jerk away.

  "Wait. I'm not trying to upset you, Rook."

  I whirl around. "Like hell you're not! And you're doing a good job of it too, because I like Ronin, OK? I like him and you've told me twice now that I'm nothing to him aside from some sort of project. That he's only interested in me because he has a sick hero complex. And it makes me feel…"

  Jesus Christ, Rook. Why are you telling this guy about your feelings? Get a grip.

  I yank my arm away and continue down the stairs.

  Ford follows me but stays a few steps behind, then catches up and holds the door when I throw it open and go out to the parking lot.

  "Makes you feel what, Rook? Used?"

  I stop again. "Yeah, OK? You make me feel like he's using me. And he's not, you are! You're using me to mess things up between us and…"

  "And what?"

  I hold that in and keep walking.

  "And keep you for myself? Is that what you think, Rook?"

  "No, Ford. That's not what I think."

  "Then your instincts are off, because that's exactly what I'm doing."

  I stop again. "Holy shit! You are such an asshole!"

  And then he smiles. And it's not a smile I've ever seen on him before. It's like all his other smiles were fake and I'm just now seeing real happiness on his face for the first time.

  It disarms me. Completely. And he knows it because he moves closer to me, not touching me, but very close. It makes me uncomfortable and I look around, feeling guilty. There's no one else in the parking lot. There are a lot of cars on the street, but we're still a good hundred yards from the street.

  "I won't touch you, Rook, don't worry," he whispers. "I'm not a runner and I'm not a cheater, either. Life is long, you are young, and I'm very, very patient."

  My expression hardens, all traces of insecurities disappear in an instant and I look him in the eyes. "I'm not worried, Ford. Because if you touch me, I'll knee you in the balls so hard it'll be weeks before you can run stadiums again."

  Chapter Twenty-Two - ROOK

  Ronin is waiting for me in the garden apartment when I get back. He's kicking back on the couch watching some news channel. "Hey," I say as I walk through the door.

  He throws his hands wide. "Where the hell did you go?"

  "I run stadiums with Ford in the mornings now, remember? It's a deal we made to get the cameras out of my bedroom."

  "Stadiums." He thinks about this for a second. "Why?"

  I huff out a breath. "I just told you to keep—"

  "No, why running?"

  "Well, I don't run," I snort. "I mope, shuffle practically. But Ford runs like a maniac. Like he's chasing—" I stop. Because Ronin has a weird look on his face. "Um, I'm not sure what's going on with you guys, you and Spencer and Ford, but you all could use a lesson in poker faces. That's all I'm saying. Because obviously there is something you three are not telling me and it's getting weird."

  He turns away from me, hiding.

  "Ronin," I say, sitting down next to him. "What's the deal? Is something wrong?"

  He looks back to me and sighs. "No, nothing's wrong. It's just we have a very complicated history and—"

  I wait a few seconds, but he turns away again, like he needs a moment to think of what to say. "And what?" I prod.

  "This whole project is a bad idea. I don't know what Spencer was thinking."

  "Because you and Ford don't get along?"

  For a second I think he's about to tell me something really important. Like he's got words just aching to get out. But then his expression hardens. "What do you and Ford talk about? When you run together?"

  Oh shit! Is he psychic or something? I suddenly feel guilty, even though I did nothing wrong. I'm not responsible for Ford's words. I walked away, threatened him even. "Nothing, really. He just said that I was too young to do this contract, it's probably a very big mistake, and he's not gonna be the one responsible if things turn out bad."

  Ronin just stares at me.

  "He says there's something wrong with me"—I leave out the part where he said Ronin only likes broken girls that he can try to save—"and exercise will help me cope or some shit like that."

  Ronin is absolutely still and quiet, but I only have to watch his eyes to see that his mind is going crazy on the inside.

  "Ronin?"

  He lets out a long breath. "Stay away from him, Rook. No more running."

  "Why?"

  "Does it matter why?" He gives me a sideways glance. "If I tell you to stay away from him, isn't that good enough?"

  I laugh. "No, it's not. I'm not your pet, Ronin. Maybe I'll run with him tomorrow and maybe I won't but either way, I won't be making that decision based on your orders."

  "Since when is asking my girlfriend not to spend time with a guy I don't trust out of bounds?"

  He's right, of course. Ford just made a move on me. Maybe not in a normal way, but that was definitely a move. "Ronin, I'm not a piece of property, OK? If you've got information about him that I should know, or you think he' s gonna hurt me—"

  "Don't be dramatic, Rook. He's not going to hurt you."

  "Oh! Me? I'm not the drama queen here, Ronin. That's you and Ford." I get up and walk outside, not really sure where I'm going, but fuck him. I knew it. I knew as soon as I let him have some control he'd start this caveman shit with me. And I've been there. I see the signs very clearly and right now they're flashing bright red just so I can't miss them. I walk over to the cherry tree swing and then the screen door slaps closed behind me and Ronin follows me over.

  I settle in the seat and he's already apologizing as he walks.

  "I'm sorry, Rook. OK? I don't mean to set you off like that—"

  "Set me off like what? I walked out the door calmly, I'd hardly call that setting me off."

  He stops in front of me and my feet scuff against the grass as I wait
for him to answer. "You're a runner, Rook. You've learned that if you've got problems you can make them go away by walking out. Or getting on a bus and just disappearing. So you walking out of our conversation was the perfect example of you being set off."

  I laugh. "Sorry, my mistake. I didn't realize marketing degrees required psychology classes as well."

  He walks over to me and takes my hand. "OK, just answer me one question then. What part of me asking you to stay away from Ford bothers you? Why do you care?"

  "You didn't give me a good reason. If you want me to ignore him then tell me why."

  "I—" His phone buzzes and he reaches into his pocket to check the text, saying nothing for several seconds. Then he texts back and turns to me. "Fuck. I have to go back up to Steamboat."

  "What? Why?"

  "Clare escaped."

  Fucking Clare. It's like she's doing this shit on purpose.

  "They found her in the nearby woods, so she's OK. But Elise says she's asking for me and the doctors are so pissed off right now, they might kick her out. I'll just stay one night, I'll be back tomorrow, OK?"

  "Just like that? Clare's in trouble so you drop everything, drop me, to go save her?"

  He steps forward, takes my hand, and pulls me up off the swing. "Rook, if you were the one who needed help I'd drop everything for you, too."

  "But I'm good now, right? I don't need help. Now Clare needs you."

  He shrugs. "That sounds like a loaded question, but I'm not sure what you're getting at, so yeah. That's about it. You know where the keys are, Gidge. Help yourself to the cars, or whatever else you need, OK?" He drops my hand and turns to leave.

  "Wait! Why can't I come with you?"

  He turns and gives me a weird look. "It's not a vacation. She's addicted to heroin. She doesn't even know you. She's sick and she doesn't want to see anyone but us. "

  "You, you mean, right? Because Antoine and Elise are already there. So she just wants to see you."

  He leans down and kisses me on the cheek. The fucking cheek. "I'll be back tomorrow morning and we'll drive up to Fort Collins together, OK?"

  And he turns and walks away.

  I swear, I'm so stunned I can't even move. I don't even know how long I sit there out on the swing before I go lie down under the tree. And after that, I have no idea how long I lie there alone, staring up into the canopy of leaves and branches, before Ford is suddenly standing next to me.

  "What?" I ask.

  "There's a camera in the trees."

  "So you heard all that."

  "Just agree with him, Rook. I don't care if you ignore me. Don't fight over something so stupid."

  I sit up and shield my eyes from the sun so I can see his face. "He thinks you're some creeper, Ford. And you're OK with that assumption?"

  He shrugs. "Yes."

  And then he turns and walks off. His steps even and emotionless as he crosses the terrace and makes his way inside.

  I laugh a little under my breath. This contract was a mistake, but fuck it. I'm making bank right now. When this is over I'll have enough to go to California if I want. Just move to LA and fight for my dream. Maybe I am a runner, but all I see are the flashing red lights and they scare me. Because in the last twenty-four hours I've thought about breaking up with Ronin twice and that's not a good sign as far as potential long-term relationships go.

  Chapter Twenty-Three - ROOK

  Ford is sitting outside promptly at five minutes to five the next morning.

  For half a second I consider not going. But I'm already dressed in the stupid athletic shorts and tight-ass top. As soon as I go out he stands and walks to the studio door and holds it open for me. "You surprise me, Rook," he says matter-of-factly as I walk through, mumbling out a thank you.

  "Why? Because I keep my promises?"

  "No, because even though you're smart and capable of a whole lot more than posing naked and accepting your fate as Ronin's project, you choose this life and let people walk all over you."

  I snort but I do not even dignify that with a response. Fuck him. He says nothing else the entire walk over and when we get inside he waits for me to choose top or bottom stairs.

  I head through the door that leads to the bottom seats because I prefer to start at the top and go down. As soon as we get inside the stadium he takes off and leaves me there. I watch him as I shuffle down my section of stairs. He starts off at a faster pace than usual, like he's turning it up a notch. I shake myself out of this fog Ford has draped over me and concentrate on my own workout. It's not as difficult as it was the first day and when I get to the bottom and start to climb the next section I make a little bit of effort.

  Just a little.

  I decide to see how fast I can go and for how long, so I take off booking it up the stairs. At first it feels good to exert myself like this because I've been angry since yesterday morning and I need to burn it off. I run hard all the way up to the top, then dash down the aisle to the next set of stairs and go down as fast as I can and repeat the mad dash over to the next set. I climb again, fully exerting myself, but soon my thighs are burning and about three-quarters of the way up I have to slow down because they are on fire. I stop and look behind me and let off a little smile. Maybe I'm a total stadium-running loser compared to Ford, but this is a challenging exercise and I didn't do too bad.

  I look over to find Ford and to my surprise he's not running. He's watching me. I walk up the remaining steps and he starts heading my direction.

  My stomach flips a little at this change-up in our routine.

  "What are you doing?" I ask when he gets close enough so I don't have to yell.

  "You're ready now?"

  "Ready for what?"

  "To work."

  I'm tired of his cryptic messages. "Whatever, Ford. I just wanted to see how fast I could go for how long. Don't get excited, I'm not about to morph into some health nut. I come here because we made a deal. If you want the deal to be over, stop fucking showing up outside my apartment at five AM. It's real simple. If you're not there, I don't go." He smiles that hidden smile again, and it confuses me for a second. Why is he smiling now? "Are we done for today or what?"

  "Do you want to be done?"

  "It's up to you, Ford."

  "No, Rook, it's up to you. I'm not done, but you're free to go if you wish."

  More psychology bullshit from him. "Why are you so weird? What kind of game are you playing with me?"

  "Just run the stadiums, Rook. Is that what you want me to tell you? Give you orders? Are you waiting for orders?"

  Am I?

  I turn and walk away.

  Because I might be. I might actually be waiting for him to tell me what to do. It makes me sick when I think about it.

  A hand grasps my upper arm and I whirl around.

  "OK, wait," Ford says as he looks down at me. "Just answer this, Rook. Do you want to come here with me in the mornings?"

  Silence from me.

  "Well? It's either yes or no."

  I laugh at that. Because it's not that easy. If I say yes and mean it, then I'd have to start asking myself a whole bunch of other questions. If I say no, well, that's just a lie. Because the fact is, I do want to come here with him. I sorta like it. I like the fact that he's outside every morning. He's weirdly reliable. And strangely persistent. "Yes."

  He smiles that smile again and my whole stomach flutters. "OK, so get busy then. If you're going to spend time here, don't waste it. Make it count."

  And then he turns around and starts running again.

  I turn as well and start down my set of stairs at a faster clip. Going down isn't easy at a run because the steps are not even, it's like you have to take two steps forward and then step down. It's an odd rhythm. My legs hurt when I get to the bottom, but not in the same way as when I go back up. I'm slower this time, my muscles more strained, but I have to admit, when I get to the top I feel pretty exhilarated. I continue this way, and with each set I get slower and slower. By t
he time Ford turns to head back my way I'm sitting down leaning up against the cinder-block wall.

  He walks towards me and then stands still, leaning over to let the sweat drip as he catches his breath.

  "So you gonna tell me who you're chasing? Or are you the only one who gets to ask questions?" Two can play this game.

  He straightens, just like he did yesterday, but instead of turning away he slides down the wall and sits next to me. "You have no idea who Ronin is, Rook."

  Everything inside me does a little flip. "What?"

  "It's not a disparaging remark. Just a fact."

  "But you do? That's what you're saying?"

  "I do," he says matter-of-factly. "I've watched him in some very stressful situations, and he's seen me under the same circumstances. We may not like each other, but we do know each other. Very well."

  "So when he tells me you're fucked in the head, then that's just as true as you telling me he's only using me to play out his hero fantasy."

  That smile again. I have to look away and wait for his answer.

  "My father was a famous psychiatrist. I was a weird kid, I liked reading and computers and I wanted to be like my dad, so I read all his books on human behavior and psychology and I used to freak people out in school by diagnosing them with clinical disorders and fucking with their school records online."

  He laughs and when I look over at him I can't help myself, I smile at his huge grin.

  It's the first personal thing he's ever told me. "Are you using that psych bullshit on me right now? By confiding in me with this sincere admission of childhood nerdiness?"

  He grins again and this time his smile lights up his brown eyes. "You know, you're very smart. You don't belong here. And I might've come across a little strange back in school, so I can't blame Ronin for his opinion, plus I pulled a fucked-up prank on him once. It was stupid and childish, and not something he'd forget easily. But I'm not trying to make your life difficult, Rook. I'm just trying to make you stronger."

  "So I won't need Ronin."

  He turns to look at me and now the smile is gone. My stomach knots up as I meet his gaze. "Yes. That's why. I have a disadvantage here because I don't want people to need me like Ronin does. I don't want to slow down for someone, Rook. I want someone to keep up with me."