STRINGS of COLOR

by Marian L. Thomas

  Misty shocked herself by leading him to her living room.

  What is wrong with you, girl? She secretly hoped that her mind would provide her an answer, real fast.

  "Okay, so now tell me what this all about."

  "Will you go out to dinner with me tomorrow?"

  "I know you didn't come over here at this time of the night to ask me that?"

  "No, but since I have you, I figured I would take the opportunity while it was available to me."

  "I don't know about that, Jake."

  "Why, is it because I'm white?"

  "No again. I told you before that it's because you're a man."

  Jake looked at her rather oddly.

  "I'm not sure I understand that."

  "I mean," she said, after realizing how it sounded, "that I don't have time for dating. Dating leads to marriage, and I'm not ready for that at all."

  "Have you ever been in love?"

  "What kind of a question is that?"

  "I think it's a rather good one. So have you?"

  Misty looked away.

  "Was his name Ken?"

  "I am not going to talk about my personal life with someone I don't even know."

  "Come on Misty. You do know me. You've got my file. You probably even know my blood type by now. What is it by the way?"

  Misty tried not to smile. He was so right, but she didn't have his blood type.

  "Were you going to marry him?"

  "No. Yes. Maybe. He had asked a hundred times but I would never let myself..."

  He cut her off. "You would never let yourself—let someone in. I bet that was what you were about to say, wasn't it?"

  "Yes, it was."

  Misty grew quiet for a moment. The past was racing through her mind, tearing at the strings of her heart. Warning signs were going off in her head. She found herself looking down at his shoes. She almost laughed when she saw that they were dull and lacked any sort of luster.

  It's the shinny ones that get you in trouble, she said to herself.

  "I can't," she hesitated for a second to gather her thoughts; "I can't believe I'm going to tell you this, but I was taught that love spoils success."

  "Who in the world told you that?"

  "It doesn't matter who. What matters is that I listened. I'm on a mission. A mission to take the world and all the fame and fortune it can offer me. Once again the world is going to know my name. I am going to accomplish more than my father ever could."

  "Wow. Just listen to yourself. You sound like some mad woman out of a comic book."

  Misty looked at Jake.

  "I had done it before you know. I was there, right there."

  "Sure you did, but at what price?"

  "Who cares about price? Nothing is free, everything we do or not do comes at a price!"

  Jake noticed the change in her pitch but he didn't let it bother him, instead he cleared his throat and lowered his voice.

  "You know, when I first started writing this book on Jazzmyne, all I could think about was making it as a bestselling author and having my father finally look at me with pride and admiration. I longed for the day when he would tell his friends how proud he was of me, but, as I met the people in her life, I realized that this book is about something so much more than my dreams or even my past. It's about telling a story about how the colors of our lives can make or break us. I didn't realize that until earlier today to be honest."

  "I guess you know what my father and I tried to do to her?"

  "We all make mistakes, Misty. There are some good things about mistakes whether we believe it or not…we can go back and try to correct some of them or at least learn from them."

  "Yeah well, I have too many of them to try to correct."

  Jake took Misty's hand. It caught her off guard but she didn't pull back. He took this as a sign to continue.

  "If you don't try to correct your mistakes or learn from them, then your mistakes will win. They will control your present, challenge your future and force you to always feel as if you are living in the past. Is that what you want—to always be living in the past?"

  Misty felt like that was a two-edged sword, type of question.

  "I wish it were that easy."

  "Admitting we were wrong is never an easy thing. Trying to correct our wrongs is even harder but in the end, it helps us cultivate something precious—peace."

  Misty stared at Jake. Her phone began to ring.

  What are you doing girl, stick to the plan. Get back on track and get him out of here.

  "Whatever," she said, trying to get herself back in control. "I lost everything and I'm determined to get it back, so your coming here, trying to give me what you consider your words of wisdom, is not going to make me change what I need to do."

  Jake, rising to fight the battle in front of him, gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

  "What? How are you going to get back everything you lost without hurting more people? In the end, you will lose it all again because it was all received through ugliness." Jake thought about his own words.

  "So now you're judging me?" She removed her hand quickly and stood up.

  "No, I'm doing what I know needs to be done. I'm telling it to you head on. It's the only way I know you will understand it. Think about it, what did you lose, a recording studio, a jazz club— which you sold by the way, I checked—and perhaps your reputation? But let's just be honest about that, it wasn't a good one anyway."

  "You want to try and change me like Ken. I won't be changed!" Misty walked over toward the window.

  Anger was beginning to brew inside her. This fool, doesn't know who he's talking to, she said to herself.

  "No one is trying to change you, Misty. He saw what I see right now—a heart."

  Oh man, why did he have to say that? She said to herself.

  "How do you know that I have a heart? Everyone claims that I don't. In fact, one reporter wrote that that my heart was as hard as stone. All of my employees thought so too. Like I told you from the beginning, it's true what they all said about me. All true."

  "Do you want to know how I know that you have a heart?

  He waited until he was sure he had her full attention.

  "I know, because the other day at the coffee shop you had a photo of Ken in your lap and you were crying. A person with no heart wouldn't care. It's been over five years. You would have let him go by now."

  Misty turned back toward the window. Her hands were trembling. She braced one against the glass. She could feel the wind.

  It took her several minutes to come back from the pain.

  "I can't let him go. I didn't get a chance to tell him…." Misty was in tears now. She couldn't believe it but there they were, flooding down her face.

  "That you loved him?"

  "You don't understand. We built Perfect Sound Studios together and we opened The Clue, together. We were just friends but I loved him."

  "Misty, getting back The Clue or Perfect Sound is not going to change the fact that you didn't get a chance to tell him how you felt. I'm sure he knew."

  "No, he didn't. We got into a huge fight the day he was…"

  "In an accident?"

  "Yes, in an accident. We fought because I was not being fair about the contracts I was having our clients sign and he didn't like it."

  "Was he right?"

  "Yes. He was always right. He was kind, gentle, and loving. All the things I wasn't. Yet he still loved me. I just couldn't accept it.

  "I was so caught up in trying to make a name for myself that I didn't care whom I hurt, or how I got there. I pushed him away so many times."

  "Like you are pushing me away?"

  "I don't even know you like that, Jake."

  "True, you only know what pieces of paper say about me, but that can be changed. You have to let love in, Misty."

  "Love? We aren't even at the like part."

  "That's why I asked you out to dinner. I want to get there with you."

  "Why?"
>
  "I told you already." Jake walked over toward Misty.

  Her knees began to shake and she was sure he could hear them. She reached out her hand to keep him at a distance.

  "Okay." she whispered as she stared at the floor. She was afraid to look directly at him, she was afraid she would change her mind.

  Jake thought the apartment had shaken.

  "Are you saying okay to dinner?"

  "Yes, I am saying okay to dinner. Now, go back and sit on that couch." She pointed toward it with a hint of a smile on her face.

  Jake laughed but he knew she was serious.

  "Well now, I would say coming over here even at ten at night was worth the trip."

  Misty smiled. The tears had finally begun to ease up.

  "So, I guess that really was what you came over here for?"

  It was Jake's turn to be serious. How he wished that was the only reason. He knew he had to tell her. She deserved it.

  He decided not to beat around the bush any longer but to say it to her as straight and as frank as he thought she could handle it.

  "I know who your mother is."

  Misty thought perhaps he was still joking around.

  "That's funny; I've known who my mother was all my life. In fact, she walked out on me and my father a long, long time ago."

  "She wasn't your real mother, Misty."

  "Something must have been in that beer, because you aren't making any sense."

  "Your father's name was Freddie Lee Thomas?"

  "So?"

  "Your brother's name was Lynden Thomas?"

  "You're not saying anything that I didn't already know."

  "He is your step-brother. Your father raised him after he married the woman you think is your mother. He was around ten years old when you were born by means of another woman."

  "What are you talking about? Look I don't know what type of ink you must be on, but I am now telling you to get up and get out!"

  Now she was sorry that she had agreed to dinner.

  "I have proof!"

  "Then show it or get out, right now!"

  Misty's hands began to shake again.

  Jake reached over and turned the tape recorder on. Misty came over to the sofa and listened.

  Chapter 15

  "Felicia once told me that love covers over. She said that it bonds together all the things that life tries to pull apart. I know you love her, so don't you give up. You may have to cover over some of the things she says, however hurtful they may be. They may even make you angry, but it's only because she is hurting. I know she loves you, she told me that herself."

  Love Covers Over

  Carl drove down the highway going over everything that had happened at the restaurant. He had been driving around for a couple of hours. Why are you shocked, man? You knew. Nothing he said to himself helped. His heart ached. It was like a constant throbbing inside him.

  When he looked up he realized that he was in front of her apartment building. He pulled over and leaned his head back. What are you going to do? Nothing, because I can't make a woman want to marry me. I can't make her love me. That is where Carl knew he was wrong. He knew that Simone loved him. That, however, made the pain and the hurt it caused, even worse.

  He was angry with her. Hurt and even confused. But more importantly, he just wanted the love of his life back.

  I should have just listened to her and given her the time she asked for. I pushed and pushed until I pushed her away.

  He needed to talk to someone. He thought about calling Jake. He even considered calling Monà, but that would look too desperate.

  Who am I kidding, I am desperate.

  Just as he reached for his phone, it rang.

  "Carl, its Jonathan. Felicia was in a car accident. We lost the baby. I've tried to reach Simone but haven't been able to."

  "What? Slow down. What happened?"

  "I don't know, but I promise you that I will find out. Right now, I'm just trying to get a handle on things while still trying to be there for Felicia."

  "How is she taking it?"

  "She's been crying ever since I told her. Man, I can't believe I almost lost her—my wife and now my child is…. gone. How do you find the strength to recover from that? I can't even imagine what she is going through as a mother. All I see is sadness in her eyes and it…it breaks me into pieces.

  "It's so hard Carl, so hard.

  "I look at her and I think to myself—I'm supposed to be the man. I'm supposed to be her rock and her strength and yet, I can barely hold it together myself."

  "Just because you are a man, doesn't mean that you don't feel hurt. It doesn't mean that you don't suffer. Don't hide that from her. There is strength for a woman in a man's tears and don't forget that you lost a child too. That type of agony and depth of pain needs to be something that you share together. It's the only way both of you will start to heal."

  Jonathan thought about what Carl was saying.

  "You're right, but that still doesn't make it easy."

  "No, it doesn't."

  "Where is Simone?" Jonathan finally asked after neither of them seemed to know where to go from there.

  "I last saw her a few hours ago." Carl hesitated. "I will try to get a hold of her."

  "Please do. You okay?"

  "Sort of, Simone and I are just going through a rough time right now."

  "Don't give up on her, Carl. I know what she is going through and it's hard. I wasn't honest with Felicia when I first found out everything. I tried to handle everything on my own. In the end, it almost cost me my family."

  "Felicia once told me that love covers over. She said that it bonds together all the things that life tries to pull apart. I know you love her, so don't you give up. You may have to cover over some of the things she might say or not say to you. However hurtful they may be. Some of what she says might even make you angry, but it's only because she's hurting. It's not fair, I know, but I also know that she loves you, she told me that herself."

  "Listen to you…"

  "Hard to believe, isn't it? Life has a way of showing you your stupidity; whether you like it or not."

  "She called off the wedding."

  "She's just scared. Give her some time, she will come around."

  "I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to be telling you all of this while you're going through what you and Felicia are dealing with, but I can't help feeling like I lost her for good."

  "It's a good distraction if that makes sense. Look, I don't know her that well. We've only spoken a few times since we met, but I do know that she wants to marry you. Just remember what I told you…love covers over."

  "Thanks man. I'm so sorry to hear about the baby."

  Jonathan went silent for a moment.

  "I am too, but I'm thankful my wife is alive."

  "The police don't have anything?"

  "I really haven't had the time to speak with them. I saw a couple of officers when I got to the hospital but before I could ask any questions, Felicia ran into some complications. I almost…I almost lost her again."

  "Go be with her."

  "Yeah that's what my mother said as well. She left an hour or so ago."

  "How is she doing? I heard about her husband."

  "Man that was a shocker to me. I said some terrible things to her before I found out. Chris and I had our differences, but talk about a love that bonded two people together. Theirs' was really one."

  "There is just so much going on man, so dog-gone much" Carl said as he thought about all that had happened lately.

  "It's been a rollercoaster to say the least. Look, I need to go, but please get in touch with Simone for me."

  "I will."

  Just as Carl hung up the phone, he spotted Simone walking up to her building. His heart began to beat as he quickly made his way out of the car.

  "Simone."

  "Carl, is that you?"

  "Yeah it's me."

  As he got closer to her, he could tell she had been crying
. It broke his heart.

  She tried to smile as they stood in front of each other.

  "Look about tonight…."

  Carl stopped her. His heart couldn't take hearing it again.

  "I just got off the phone with your brother. When he couldn't reach you, he called me. Felicia was in a terrible car accident. It seems she lost the baby."

  "What? What happened?"

  "He doesn't know yet, but from what I gathered, she's taking it pretty hard."

  "Oh my goodness! I need to go there. I need to go right now."

  Carl wanted to ask if she wanted him to take her, but he bit his lip to control himself from doing so.

  "Can you take me there?"

  He almost hit himself to keep from smiling.

  They walked toward his car in silence. Neither of them was sure of what to say. Neither of them wanted to be the first to say what needed to be said.

  Three little words that kept the love flowing— I am sorry.

  They had been driving for about ten minutes when Simone couldn't take the silence any longer.

  "Carl."

  "We don't have to talk about it, Simone."

  "Yes, yes we do. I said some things at the restaurant tonight, which were true, to be honest. Not all of them, but some of them were. I do feel as if you are constantly trying to tell me what I need to do. It's like you think that I'm not capable of making decisions on my own or handling things for that matter."

  "I understand."

  "Do you really, Carl?"

  "Yes, I really do. I was pushing. Pushing so much because I thought I was losing you. I know you are capable of making decisions on your own. I just wanted you to see that I wanted to be included in them. I wanted us to talk about what was going on and work through what you're going through together."

  "I know. I should have talked to you. I should have included you but I couldn't even include myself. I was so confused, Carl.

  "I spoke to my mother."

  "Which one… Naya or Monà?"

  "Monà"

  "Did it help any?"

  "It was a start, but it made me realize that I need to see Naya as well. I need to get to know her. She is so much a part of my life now that I can't keep her out of it. I don't think my mother quite understands that. Actually, I got the impression that she feels threatened by me doing so."