A Time of Peace

by Beryl Matthews

  He frowned at her sarcastic tone. ‘I would have, if I could have got anywhere near you.’

  ‘Gerhard didn’t have any trouble.’ She still couldn’t understand why his silly behaviour rankled so much.

  ‘Ah, well, he wouldn’t have done.’

  ‘And what does that mean?’ She was irritated now by his attitude.

  He sighed and held his hands up in surrender. ‘I don’t know what I’ve done. Can we start again? When I arrived I could hear you laughing, but one look at me, and you’re spitting like a feral cat. I’ll just go outside the door and come in again, eh?’

  She watched him go out, close the door, wait for a couple of seconds, turn around twice and then come back in.

  ‘Hello, Kate,’ he said with a cheerful smile. ‘I just came to congratulate you on that marvellous exhibition.’

  This was ridiculous! Laughter bubbled inside her; the man was a fool. She had the grace to be ashamed of her sharp tongue; it wasn’t like her to snap at people. But then, she was doing a lot of things she’d never done before.

  ‘That’s very kind of you,’ she replied, fighting to keep a straight face.

  ‘Go on, smile, it won’t hurt you,’ he teased.

  Her mouth turned up at the corners. ‘Sorry I was so waspish, but I was disappointed that we didn’t walk around and discuss the pictures. Most of them were taken while I was with you and I wanted to know what you thought of them. By the time the crowd had thinned out, you’d gone.’

  ‘I looked at them. They were excellent. You get so much feeling into your photographs. You have a lot of emotional sensitivity when you’re taking photos, and it comes out in the finished pictures.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She was pleased with the compliment, for she knew he didn’t say anything he didn’t mean.

  ‘Now that’s settled and we can talk politely, will you have lunch with me?’

  When she didn’t answer, he raised an eyebrow in query. ‘Does that smile mean yes?’

  ‘I’ll get my bag.’

  As they walked up the road to the restaurant, she asked, ‘Is Gerhard joining us?’

  ‘No, he’s had to return to Berlin. He’s still looking for some way to rescue his parents, so he doesn’t want to be away too long.’

  ‘It must be dreadful for him.’ Kate could understand his worry. ‘It was good to see him again anyway.’

  ‘Hmm,’ was the only reply.

  ‘Are you returning there soon, or going on somewhere else?’ she asked.

  ‘I expect I’ll go back to Berlin eventually, but I’ve decided to take a couple of weeks off now I’m back. I’ve earned a rest.’

  It was an enjoyable meal. They talked about the children, Berlin, his job, her work, and a wide variety of subjects. By the time he walked her back to the shop she was completely relaxed in his company.

  ‘Thank you for lunch,’ she told him when they reached the door.

  ‘It was my pleasure.’ Keeping his hands to his sides, he leaned down and touched his lips to hers in a brief kiss.

  It was an intoxicating feeling and she closed her eyes for a moment. The kiss had been so soft and fleeting, but it had also been warm and sensual – and completely non-threatening. Her heart seemed to swell inside her. With the right man, there wouldn’t be anything to fear.

  After giving her a searching look, as if trying to gauge her reaction, he smiled and walked away.

  Kate watched him stride towards the high street. He walked straight, with his head up, and even from here she could sense his strength, not only in body but also in character. This was a man you could rely on, but not one to fall in love with. If she did eventually marry, she would want a man who was around most of the time, not one who kept chasing wars.

  He turned the corner and disappeared from sight, but she still stood in the same spot, deep in thought. It would be foolhardy to love him, because he was as transitory as the wind, moving from place to place all the time. Touching the lives of others briefly, and then off again.

  The next week flew by. Beth had jumped at the chance to work at the new shop; Terry had interviewed her and was quite happy. And to make things even better, Terry had just told them that as there was a new shop for him to run, he was going to stay with them. There was no sign of Jon, so Kate assumed he’d gone back to Berlin. After their lunch together, followed by a sleepless night, she had to acknowledge that she was attracted to him. Her feelings for him had begun to change in Berlin, so slowly that she hadn’t realized it was happening. It was hopeless, of course – he wouldn’t stay in one place long enough to put down roots. His work was the most important thing to him, and whoever fell in love with him would have to accept that. She wasn’t sure she could. Anyway, she told herself firmly, he was not the settling-down kind, and, although he was showing some liking for her, she doubted if he would ever love a woman enough to make him change direction. He was obviously used to walking alone, and that was the way he seemed to like it. She smiled when she remembered how he’d looked after her in Berlin. What a nuisance she must have been to him.

  All her careful reasoning didn’t change one fact, though: she was greatly attracted to him and would love to get to know him better. However, there was little chance of that.

  Taking firm control of her thoughts and emotions, she sang to herself as she worked in the darkroom. They’d found a perfect shop in Putney, and it would be ready for Terry and Beth in a couple of weeks. Pete was in his element arranging everything, and it made Kate happy to see them all so enthusiastic.

  But there was one thing above all else that made her buoyant with hope for the future. That kiss Jon had given her had been wonderfully liberating, for she now knew that she could fall in love. Jon had shown her that the past really was behind her.

  Kate’s sigh, although one of contentment, also carried a hint of sadness. She could love a man, need his touch, want his body close to hers, and long to hold his child in her arms, and that was cause for enormous relief. She could only be happy about that, but sad that it wouldn’t be Jon. However, the events of this year had made her stronger, more able to cope with disappointment. Jon Devlin had been an angel in disguise, waking her from a nightmare, and she would always love him for that alone. It was a mystery when her feelings for him had changed to love, for there was no denying that now. One minute she had been fighting with him, and the next she had wanted him near her.

  She switched on the main light and went to put the kettle on for a cup of tea. It was a surprise when her brother came into the back room. She had never seen him so grim and upset.

  ‘What is it, James?’ She touched his arm in concern, and he placed his hand over hers.

  ‘You have to come with me, Kate.’ His voice was husky, as if he found it difficult to speak. ‘Dad’s had a heart attack. They’ve taken him to St George’s Hospital at Hyde Park Corner.’

  She could feel shock and disbelief surging through her, making her legs shake.

  ‘We must hurry,’ James urged.

  ‘How bad?’ She had found her voice at last.

  The despairing shake of his head told her all she needed to know, and she was running out of the shop towards his car.

  The journey was accomplished in silence, except for the muttered expletives from James every time they had slow traffic in front of them. They swept up to the main entrance and, leaving the car where it was, hurried into the hospital.

  ‘Where is he? Where is he?’ Kate spun in a complete circle, her insides tight with panic. There were so many different ways to go!

  James took her arm. ‘I know, come on.’

  As they hurried along a seemingly endless corridor, Kate stopped as if she’d hit a solid wall, wrapped her arms around her middle and doubled over.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ her brother asked in alarm.

  She wasn’t sure. It wasn’t a physical pain; it was as if something had left her, leaving an empty space inside her. She gave James a tortured look and shook her head in denial, not
wanting to believe what her instinct was telling her. She had always been tuned in to her father, and it felt as if he had just touched her. She straightened up and ran the rest of the way. She had to get to him!

  The first bed in the ward had the curtains pulled around it, and she knew that her father was there. She pulled aside the curtain. A doctor was bending over the bed and her mother was sitting there, head bowed and absolutely still. The doctor moved back and she saw her father. His eyes were closed, and there was such a look of peace on his face that it took her breath away. But the man she had loved so dearly all her life was not there. He had left them – and she hadn’t been here. She should have been with him!

  Her mother looked up as they came in, her face a mask of self-control. ‘He’s gone.’

  Kate went to the other side of the bed and sank to her knees, taking hold of her father’s hand and cradling it to her cheek. ‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,’ she whispered, her voice husky. ‘If there’s any way you can hear me, then know that I will always love you.’

  James placed his arm around her shoulder. ‘Let me take you and Mum home. I’ll see to everything.’

  They walked out of the hospital, one on each side of their mother, and Kate was so numb she couldn’t even shed a tear. Life without her father was something she couldn’t grasp, and she suspected that her mother and James were struggling with the same disbelief.

  When they arrived back home, Annie and Reid were waiting for them. James had phoned everyone as soon as he had heard, but he’d asked them not to come to the hospital until they knew how Bill was. One look at their faces as they walked in told them the bad news.

  ‘Oh, dear God.’ Reid gathered Rose and Kate to him. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Annie then hugged them, obviously fighting to keep the tears at bay. Then Annie put the kettle on and Kate laid out the cups, her hands shaking from the shock, but she was glad of a feeling of numbness, because when she thawed out the pain would be intolerable. Her life had turned around just lately and she had been happy again, but even her worst nightmare could not be as devastating as this. There still weren’t any tears, but they were just underneath the surface now and fighting to spill out. She looked around at the solemn faces of her family and hoped she could keep control until she was alone. Her mother was her usual stoic self. Kate knew her well enough to recognize that the protective front was firmly in place. She mustn’t break down and put more strain on her mother.

  They sat around the table talking sadly about the man they had all loved and admired, but Kate hardly heard a word. All she could hear was her tortured mind screaming that the man who had been the pivot of her life was gone! The pain of loss was intolerable.

  James stood up. ‘I’ll go back to the hospital, Mum, and deal with everything.’

  ‘Thank you, James.’ Rose was looking ready to drop with fatigue and shock. ‘I’ll just go and have a rest.’

  ‘We’re going to stay,’ Annie told Kate when Rose had gone upstairs. ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘I shall move back. I don’t want Mum to be alone here.’

  ‘I was hoping you would do that.’ Annie’s tears were falling quietly now. ‘I’ll stay until after the funeral, but Reid will have to leave tomorrow.’

  Her own grief surfaced now. ‘Why did this have to happen?’ Kate gasped. ‘He was such a good man.’

  ‘Yes, he was,’ Annie agreed, holding Kate in her arms and rocking her gently, ‘but he was also sick and very tired.’

  Kate dried her tears, knowing that however great her personal loss, her father was now at peace.

  33

  Jon walked into the shop; he was looking forward to seeing Kate again. After their amicable lunch together and her acceptance of the brief show of affection, he guessed she was beginning to feel more than liking for him. He had stayed away, not wishing to push his company on her, giving her a chance to think things over, and he hoped she would spend more time with him. They needed to get to know each other and he was determined to bring that about, if she would allow it.

  ‘Hi, Pete, is Kate around?’ The expression on Pete’s face made his heart leap in alarm. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Her father died yesterday.’

  ‘Bill?’

  Pete swallowed and nodded. ‘He had a massive heart attack.’

  ‘Oh, my God! Where is she?’

  ‘With her mother in Roehampton.’

  Jon was out of the door and running for the bus – they would be devastated. When he’d realized how much he cared for Kate, he had called himself all the names he could think of for falling in love with her. At first he’d thought he was attracted to her because she was Rose’s daughter, but that wasn’t true. The feelings he had for Kate were like nothing he’d ever experienced in his life. He wanted to be with her all the time, to touch her, love her and make her a part of his life. He’d fallen in love with her because she was Kate, a unique personality, funny, sensitive, stubborn and volatile at times, and he loved her deeply. He’d been agonizing over what to do, but this disaster settled it. He wasn’t going to leave her now, and he didn’t give a damn if she wanted him around or not. He was staying. There was also Rose, and if there was anything he could do for her, then he would. For the first time in his life he was ready to commit himself wholeheartedly.

  He sprinted and jumped on a bus going to Fleet Street as it was pulling away from the stop. Once at the newspaper he ran up the stairs to Andrew’s office, taking them two at a time. He wanted this sorted out, so he could get to Rose and Kate.

  ‘Ah, Jon,’ Andrew greeted him, ‘had enough lounging around? You can return to Berlin whenever you like.’

  ‘I’m not going back. In fact, I’m not going abroad again. I want to work in London.’

  The Chief frowned as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘But you’re a war correspondent. There isn’t a war here.’

  He was fast losing patience; he didn’t have time to stand around arguing the point. ‘I can bloody well start one if you like.’

  Calm down.’ Andrew was clearly concerned about his favourite reporter’s strange mood.

  ‘Sorry, but I mean it, I don’t want to go abroad again for a while, if ever. I have to stay here. If you don’t like it, then I’ll find another job.’

  Andrew was on his feet in alarm. ‘There’s no need for that; you’re due a long break. You’re the best reporter I’ve got and I can find you work in this country at any time.’

  ‘Good.’ Jon glanced at his watch. ‘Why don’t you send Mike or Robert to Berlin? I’m sure either would jump at the chance.’

  ‘You’re right, I’ll do that.’

  He glanced at the time again, anxious to be on his way. ‘Did you know Bill Freeman had a heart attack yesterday and died?’

  ‘No,’ Andrew said, reaching for the phone. ‘That’s a damned shame. I’d better tell Joel Perkins, he’ll want to know.’

  ‘I must be on my way. I’m going to see if there’s anything I can do for them. We’ll discuss my job some other time.’

  Andrew nodded his agreement. ‘Tell them I’m very sorry. I only met Kate’s father twice but he seemed a fine man.’

  Annie opened the door to Jon and she looked so very sad. ‘Hello, come in.’

  He was taken into the kitchen, which he had soon learnt was the hub of this house, and was greeted warmly by Reid.

  ‘Good of you to come,’ Reid said.

  ‘How are Rose and Kate?’

  ‘They are stunned,’ Annie told him, ‘just like the rest of us, but they’ll be pleased to see you. They’re in the sitting room.’

  Jon wasn’t sure if he should be intruding on this family’s grief, but he felt he had to be near Kate and Rose. Both women meant a great deal to him.

  When he opened the door of the sitting room and walked in, they were around an open fire talking quietly. The room was very warm, but they looked frozen. He could almost feel their pain.

  Rose looked up. ‘H
ello, Jon.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ The words were inadequate. He didn’t know what else to say. ‘I came to see if there’s anything I can do for you.’

  ‘Thank you for the thought, but we have everyone tripping over each other trying to help. They won’t let us do a thing.’ Rose stood up and tried to smile, without much success. ‘I’ll go and get us some tea. At least Annie will let me do that. You talk to Kate.’

  He watched her walk from the room, tall, straight, and in control of her emotions. In the circumstances it was an impressive sight. Then he turned his attention to Kate. She was pale, which made the dark smudges under her eyes look like livid bruises.

  He knelt in front of her and pulled her towards him. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. She was silent and dry-eyed but accepted the comfort he was offering.

  For the moment that was enough for both of them.

  It was a wet cold October day. The crematorium at Roehampton was packed with people. Kate was glad they didn’t have to stand around a muddy hole in the ground. She couldn’t have dealt with that.

  Watching the curtains close around the coffin, she felt detached. Her father wasn’t there; he’d gone days ago, she was sure of that. What they were doing today was honouring the life of a good man and disposing of the empty shell. She didn’t know why she felt this way, but there was a certainty about this, and it gave a little comfort. Her personal grief was harder to deal with. She kept looking for him, listening for his tuneful whistle, expecting him to be in the kitchen or tending his garden. But he wasn’t and never would be again …

  After the service they filed outside. The ground was covered with a blanket of flowers, and everyone was looking at them, talking in hushed tones. Kate watched the huge gathering of people; her father had been a well-liked and popular man. All the family were here, including her Uncle Charlie and Aunt Madge, who had come from Scotland, and many friends and employees from Grant Phillips. Sam, Maria and Jacques had come over from France, and Joel Perkins with an elderly couple Kate didn’t know. Even Andrew Stevenson had come. She wondered if he had been ordered to attend, but she quickly dismissed that cynical idea. Actually they got on quite well now, and she continued to warm to the man. Pete, Susan, Terry and Beth were also here, having closed the shops for the day. Her mother was talking to the couple with Joel Perkins, and she realized they must be his parents, who had known her mum and dad from a long time ago. She let her gaze roam idly around the scene. Her eyes met Jon’s. He was standing a little way off, and she was pleased he was here; he’d been a tremendous support to her over the last dreadful week. She lifted her head and smiled at him; he nodded, returning the smile. Why did he have to go back to his job, she thought. Where would he be going? She knew she would miss him. His quiet strength had been such a help, not only to herself but to her mother as well. Kate didn’t want him to leave, but he never seemed to stay in one place for long, that was the nature of his job. She gave a weary sigh and walked slowly along the rows of lovely flowers – beautiful tributes for a very special man.