Finding Him

by Naomi Townsend

  Chapter 9

  One in One Out BUZZZ! Anika phone vibrates on the nightstand she picks up her phone. “Come to the hospital now!” he says. Anika jumps out of bed shakes Anderson awake and tells him they have to get to the hospital in record time they are out on their apartment on the way to the hospital. Chris gives his phone to Debbie so Anika can talk to her to keep her mind off the pain. Anika jumps out of out of the car before Anderson completely stops and runs into the hospital. She finds Chris and he takes her to Debbie’s room. Anika gets their just in time.

  After awhile the twins are born. Debbie is over the moon as she holds Andy and Annie. The smile on her face is heart melting. After hours of cooing and looking at the babies Anika, Anderson, and Chris for back to Debbie's house to finish setting up the babies’ room. They finish around 3:00 in the afternoon and go back to the hospital.

  When they get to the hospital they find Debbie asleep and David's parents looking at the babies. Anderson invites David's parents to eat lunch with them in the cafeteria. They discover their names are Ron and Danielle. And that they have two other sons. They spend time getting to know David’s parents and learn about David and Debbie’s relationship. After they finish talking they start to head back to Debbie’s room. While on their way a two police officers who have been looking at her weird stop her. “Are you Anika Wilson?” A woman in her mid-thirties with a kind voice asks Anika. “Yes,” Anika answers tentatively. “ Is there a problem?” Anderson asks. The two police officers look at each other. “I’m sorry to tell you this.” the second police officer says in a low sympathetic voice. “Anika your family has been in a fatal car accident,” she says.

  It feels as if the rug has been pulled from up under her and she’s free falling in outer space. She tries to understand what’s going on. She asks the officer how repeat what he had just said. He did and she asked him to repeat it again and again in hopes one of the time’s he’ll say something different. But, he never does. “Anika. We’re going to need you to come identify the bodies,” the kind officer says. “Okay,” Anika replies in a whisper. They walk to a room with a thick glass wall separating them from the actual room and the hallway. It looks like an interrogation room off of T.V. The officer with the low voice taps the wall two times and the screen that was over the door starts to go up. Anika sees her once living family laying lifeless on the tables. Her eyes widen in horror and sadness. “Is this your family Anika?” the officer with the low voice asks her. “Yes,” she replies her voice trembling. The kind police officer steps towards Anika and touches her shoulder in a reassuring way. “You’re going to have to go in and individually identify most of them. I know it’s hard but you have to do this,” she says. Anika nods but she can barely comprehend what the officer is saying. She just stares at her family. The kind officer opens the door and Anika walks in her hand locked in Anderson’s. The police officer with the low voice stops him. “Family only. You’re going to have to wait outside.” Anika stops and turns to him “He’s my husband it’s fine.”

  For the next two hours Anika identifies her family and fills out paperwork releasing them into her custody. She never lets Anderson’s hand go because she knows if she does she’s going to fall apart. He’s her last piece of sanity and she can’t lose him. Anika is given the option to have the bodies sent to a funeral home to be be cremated or to start the funeral arrangements. She tells them she wants the bodies cremated at the in funeral home. After the hours of decision making Anika is tired so they go home.

  When they get home Anika goes to their room and sits on the bed. Anderson goes to cook dinner incase she’s hungry. While he’s cooking hears a scream of agony come out of their room. He drops what he is doing and runs to see what’s going on. He finds Anika on the floor shaking violently and rocking back and forth, tears pouring out of her eyes. He walks calmly to where Anika is and sits down next to her. He wraps his body around her and pulls her close to him. She stops shaking and melts into his arms in a mess of tears. “They’re gone,” she gets out between shaky breaths between her tears. Anderson doesn’t say anything he just holds her and prays that she’ll be okay. After awhile Anika stops shaking and crying she lies still in his arms. He can still feel her chest rattling with sadness in every breath she takes. He picks her up off the floor and puts her into their bed. He goes to clean the kitchen and hurries back to their room to make sure Anika is alright. He gets in bed and tries to go to sleep but everytime he tries he just worries about Anika. Finally he stops trying to sleep and just watches Anika. She wrestles and moans in her sleep as nightmares flood her. Anderson can’t help her and his heartbreaks because he can’t save her from this pain.

  The next day is colored in sadness. Anika stays in bed all day with the covers pulled over her head not talking. She doesn’t eat and she refuses to go back to sleep. She just lies in her bed staring at the bleak gray wall on her left side. The wall seems to be the only one to understand her sadness. All her fight, energy, and ambition feels like it has been ripped out of her and in their places is sadness. While Anika’s in bed Anderson deals with the funeral home. Anika had told Anderson that she wanted to sprinkle her family into the waterfall at Lindy Park, three hours away from Williamson Bay County. He spends the day making arrangements for the trip and calling the funeral home to see when her family would be ready. Anderson makes all the arrangements he can and goes to check on Anika. He finds her lying in bed still staring at the wall. He climbs into the bed and stares at Anika. And she stares back at him. “ I wonder where they were going that was so important they had to drive 30 over the speed limit.” Anika says angrily. “ I should’ve been there with them. I could have saved them. Or at least I would have been able to be with them when they died,” she says. “Anika, there was nothing you could have done for them. You being there is not a guarantee that you could have saved them,” Anderson says. “I could’ve stayed home with them, so they wouldn’t be in the car with my parents. I could’ve driven.” Anika says. “Could you have done those things, yes. But that doesn’t mean the outcome would be any different then it is right now. Anika, you can’t blame yourself for this because you didn’t do anything.” Anderson says. “That’s the problem. I didn’t do anything,” Anika says frustrated. “Anika. You and I both know that you could not have done anything. You weren’t allowed to see them. And you did do something. You were the best big sister those kids could have ever asked for. And you gave them happy memories and love. And that is the best thing you could have ever done.” Anderson says. Anika soaks his words in and tries to make herself believe they’re true.

  Chapter 10

  When Tragedy Strikes

  It seems one hit after another is coming to Anderson and Anika. A few days after Anika and Anderson lay Anika’s family to rest Anderson gets a call from his mom. On the day Anderson got the call from his mother he was worried because she was calling at an odd time. When he picked up the phone he didn’t recognize his mother’s voice. She had this sadness that he had never heard in his life from her. She told him his uncle had been in surgery and experienced some complications that had left him brain dead. The phone nearly fell out of his hands when he heard the news. His uncle was like a second dad to him. Anderson credited his uncle for the person he is now. His mother told him they would be taking him off of life support in a few days and the funeral would be a day after.

  Anika had been at work when he got the news, he didn’t want to bother her because she already had her grief to deal with so he tried to stuff his emotions down. When Anika got home from work she found Anderson sitting at the table with his Bible open and staring straight ahead. “Hey babe. You okay?” She asked. Anderson tried his hardest to put on a brave face but Anika knew something was wrong. “My uncle is dead.” When Anika heard the news she closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe someone else had died this soon. Anika sat down at the table and held his hand. She didn’t bother him with questions because she knew those only made it worse. For a long time they
didn’t say anything to each other. “ I have to leave on Friday because they’re unplugging him on Saturday.And the funeral’s on Monday so I probably won’t be home until Wednesday.” Anderson says. “I’m finished with my classes and I have some off time I’ve been saving so that’s fine.” Anika says. “ You don’t have to come Anika,” he says. Anika looks at him and grabs his hands. “I’m coming. If you need me I’ll be a shoulder to cry on. And if you don’t then that’s fine to. But, we’re a team and we don’t leave each other alone in tough situations Andy.” Anika says firmly to him.

  By now Debbie has been at home with the babies for three weeks. She is struggling to find the energy to take care of them. Chris and David’s parents are doing most of the heavy lifting but she can’t seem to get herself together. She feels like she’s falling apart on the inside. She decides to go to the doctor and asks what’s going on with her. The doctor tells her she has postpartum depression and it would be good for her to see a therapist once a week and start on a low dosage of medicine. Debbie is happy that she got a solution to her problem before things spiraled out of control. She doesn’t tell anyone she’s gone to see the doctor but she is noticeably better than she had previously been. But, something still doesn’t feel right and she can’t figure out what it is. But, she pushes that to the back of her mind and focuses on taking care of her babies.

  While all of this is going on Chris is having a silent mental breakdown. No one knows by looking at him that he is being shredded to pieces. He sees his friends and they all seem to have everything going for them. He feels like he’s being left out. It’s been especially hard after finishing school. He can’t seem to find where he fits. He’s not satisfied at work. He’s not satisfied with his work at the church. He just feels like there is something much more out there for him but he just doesn't know how to get it. He prays every night tha God’ll show him the plan so he’ll know what to do. He asks for help in making decisions. But, he feels like God is not answering him. So, he is trying to make things work that aren’t and he’s frustrated at himself. He feels worthless and alone. And he doesn’t have anyone in his life to tell him he’s doing fine and to stay still so he can hear God whisper the plans in his ear.

  Anika has been sitting at the table trying to read her Bible. But, she can’t seem to find God in the words. She tries and tries but finally slams the Bible shut. She puts her head on the table and rubs her eyes hoping that would help her see God. She opens the Bible and looks through Psalms to find something that speaks to her, but she finds nothing and shuts the Bible again. Anderson walks in and notices that Anika is frustrated. “You ever feel like God is not there?” Anika questions Anderson. “Yeah sometimes. But those are just my feelings I know that He is always around.” Anderson says calmly. Anika sets back in her chair. “I don’t know why I can’t seem to find Him,” she says sadly. “I know He knows I need Him. But, I’m flipping through the Bible and He’s just not saying anything.” Anika says. Anderson and Anika look at each other for a moment hoping the answer will fall out of the sky (it doesn’t). “I think you have to open the eyesof yoir heart and ser asids your expectations amd let God give yoi what you need," Anderson says.

  On Friday Anika and Anderson head to Mountain View. The trips takes them seven hours and they arrive in Mountain view about noon. They go straight to the hospital and find Anderson’s parents. His mom wraps Anika and him in a bear hug. She looks them up and down. She’s happy to see them both. “You’re glowing Anika dear! Are you pregnant?” she asks. Anika’s eyes nearly fall out of her head “No ma’ma,” she replies quickly. Anderson and Anika look at each other. Gretchen leaves them in the lobby and goes back into her brothers room. “What was that?” Anika asks. A puzzled look comes across Anderson’s face “I honestly don’t know,” he replies. Anderson goes into the room where his uncle is, Anika stays in the lobby to give them time together. What Gretchen had said early rings in her head. Have I gained weight she wondered. Do I look pregnant? No, I haven’t eaten a lot of food lately. I don’t even know if I’m late or not because my period is to inconsistent. And I’ve felt fine. After going round and round trying to figure out why Gretchen had said that to her she decides that Gretchen is just trying to find a reason why her brother is dead. The one in one out thing she guessed. Her thoughts had occupied her so much that she didn’t even notice how much time had passed. Anderson is ready to go in what seems like minutes but it’s 2:00 now. “You wanna eat?” Anderson asks. “Yeah, sure.” Anika replies.

  The car ride to the restaurant is quite. Anika and Anderson just stare straight ahead not speaking to each other lost in their thoughts. Anderson is so lost in his thoughts he passes the restaurant and ends up at the beach. He parks the car and sits back in his seat. Anika looks over at him and grabs his hand. “Talk to me,” she says. Anderson closes his eyes as if trying to shut the world out and get his thoughts together. He opens his eyes and turns to face Anika. “My uncle was the best guy I ever knew. He was my mentor I guess. He’s the person to help me get serious about this whole Christianity thing. And I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.” Anderson says sincerely. “He was the one helping me with all of this. I’ve been terrified of doing this alone. What if I fail and let him down while losing the Christianity that I have now? I know this is all crazy and may never happen but it all seems so scary,” he says looking at the beach. Anika turns his face towards her. “Anderson the only way you can lose everything that your uncle gave you is if you choose to. He gave you the tools and helped you start building who you are but you have to do the rest and trust that God started a perfect work and He will finish it. You know as well as I do nothing happens by mistake I guess we both just have to figure out why all of these things have happened like they have,” Anika says.

  The next few days are long, sad, and happy. Anika watched the Peterson family say goodbye to a man she had come to learn was pretty spectacular. But, one thing she learned is that the Peterson family didn’t wallow in their sadness instead they had dinner and shared every crazy and happy memory of Uncle Tim. The funeral was like a concert and they had his favorite bands sing and people would tell why he loved the song and a memory they had of him. The concert took a lot of the sadness off the day. By the end of the day everyone was worn out and headed to bed.

  Anika had been told multiple times that day that she was glowing and she was convinced that her new moisturizer was to thank for that. “I think you’re mom is telling people I’m pregnant Andy.” Anika. Anderson laughs “Me too.” They laugh for a minute. It’s the first time they’ve for real laughed in awhile. “But, you do look beautiful,” Anderson says . “I couldn’t help feeling like the luckiest guy today because I have the most beautiful girl in all the world,” he says smiling. Anika smiles from ear to ear. “ I couldn’t help but feel lucky myself to have the most handsome guy in world with me all day,” Anika says. As Anderson leans in to kiss Anika someone bangs on the wall. “Please not tonight!” Anderson’s brother yells through the wall. “I can’t take you two,” he says obviously annoyed. “Sorry Matt!” Anika yells. “It’s alright,” he yells back. Anika walks over to Matt’s room. “Hey you wanna watch a movie with us?” She asks. Matt jumps out of bed and goes down the hall to the living room. Anika goes to get Anderson and tells him they’re watching a movie with Matt. Anderson looks at her curiously and follows her to the living room. They all agree to watch the “Incredibles”. They stay up late watching the movie and end up falling asleep on the couch.

  Gretchen is the first one up to make breakfast and she sees everyone asleep on the couch. She runs to get her camera because it’s an adorable moment and puts it in her scrapbook. She smiles happily and goes to make breakfast. Gretchen's husband John is the next to get up (because he wants dibs on all the food first). He tells his wife good morning and sits down to eat. “I see Anika finally won Matt over.” Gretchen smiles “I guess she has.”

  The rest of the day Anika, Matt and Anderson hangout. The
y go to the movies, go karting, shopping, and they talk about all kinds of stuff. By the time they get home everyone is beat and ready to go to sleep. As soon as Matt hits the pillow he’s asleep. Anika and Anderson talk for a while and then go to sleep.

  The next morning Anika and Anderson leave. Happy to have had a few days of rest before they get back into life.

  Chapter 11

  Coming Down Chris, Debbie, Anika, and Anderson are having dinner at Debbie’s house. It’s been awhile since the group has been together and they want to catch up. They don’t discuss how hard it’s been for them the past few weeks they just find comfort in each others company. But, the night ends and everyone has to go home. It has been an exceptionally hard time for the bunch. They have felt lonelier than they had ever felt and this time they couldn’t shake the feelings off.

  Chris lies on the couch awake his eyes bounce around the darkness of the room. He’s trying to figure out what his next move is because everything is falling and he can’t stop it. He feels like the world he’s created is sliding from up under his feet and he can’t stop it. He talked to his Pastor about these feelings and he didn’t really help. He told him something that was not relevant to his situation but sounded. Chris figured since he couldn’t get a good answer from him surely he could get a good answer from God. But, it seems like he isn’t answering either. So, he looks into the darkness as his mind swirls around. He can’t breathe trying to figure it all out his situation is suffocating him. What is he supposed to do now?

  Debbie is sitting in the twins room. She watches them sleep to bring herself peace. She doesn’t understand what’s wrong with her. She’s taking her medicine and going to see the therapist but she still feels empty and she doesn’t know how to deal with that. She’s tried to explain it to her therapist but she’s not help. She’s tried to explain it to her Pastor but he’s no help. She tried to push the feeling aside but that didn’t work either. At this moment she doesn’t know what to do. And she’s scared that she’ll feel this way forever.