by E. L. Todd
Alexandra picked up a chart and placed the orders in the computer. The woman sat beside her and kept folding the towels.
“Ms. Tanner, do you have any kids?”
“Huh?” She dropped the towel she was holding because she was startled.
Alexandra picked it up and handed it back to her. “Do you have any children?”
“Oh.” She started to fold it. “I have two boys. They are both married now.”
“That’s wonderful,” Alexandra said with a smile. “What do you do for a living?”
“Well, I used to be a house maid until I was told to stay home.”
That made perfect sense to Alexandra. It explained her constant need to clean and fold things. “Did you do that for long?”
“My whole life,” she said with a sigh.
“That’s cool.”
“How long have you been a nurse?” she asked. “You look so young.”
“Oh, I’m not a nurse.”
“My mistake.”
“But I get that comment a lot. Whenever I’m on a high school campus, the teachers assume I’m a student.”
Ms. Tanner smiled. “Enjoy it while you can. At least when you’re forty you’ll look twenty.”
“I hope so.”
“So what do you do here?” she asked.
“I’m a tech.”
“And what do they do?”
“I put in orders and do a few procedures.”
“Do you like it?” Ms. Tanner asked. She folded all the towels then stared at the pile.
Alexandra demolished it so she had to start over. “Yeah. I don’t have any complaints.”
“Do you want to be anything else?”
Alexandra looked around and realized no one was listening. “Well, I already went to nursing school.”
“Then why are you a tech?” She folded a towel but refolded it when it wasn’t perfect.
“I guess I’m just scared I might hurt someone.”
“You don’t seem like you would ever hurt anyone.”
“Of course not,” Alexandra said. “At least not on purpose.”
“Maybe you should rethink it. I like you.”
Alexandra smiled. “I like you too.”
“My nurse is mean. She keeps calling me Ms. Tannet. I keep correcting her but she doesn’t listen. And the needle in my arm really hurt. Don’t get me started on the tube between my legs.”
Alexandra looked at the computer. Unsure how to respond, she remained silent.
“I’ve been in the hospital a lot for the past few years. I’ve had a lot falls and a lot of infections. And the nurses I liked the most were the ones who cared. It made me trust them. The nurse I have now…I don’t trust her at all. I wish you were my nurse.”
Alexandra felt her cheeks blush. “Amy is a great nurse. I think she’s just having a bad day.”
“We all have bad days,” she said simply.
“I suppose.”
Ms. Tanner folded her towels at least a hundred times before her exams came back. After she was cleared to go, her son picked her up and took her home. Alexandra thought about their conversation long after it was over. She considered going back to nursing but she was still scared. She would never forgive herself if she hurt another person.
“On my very first day of nursing, one of my patients died.”
Alexandra flinched when she realized Betty was standing beside her.
“It really shook me up. I knew some of my patients would die no matter how well I did my job, but you’re never prepared for it. And even now, it’s still hard to accept.”
She wasn’t sure why Betty was telling her this.
“I overheard your conversation with Ms. Tanner,” she explained. “I’m assuming something similar happened to you.”
Alexandra nodded.
Betty placed her hand on her shoulder. “We can’t save them all, dear. Don’t let it stop you. You’re a wonderful nurse. I can tell.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“And you would be much better suited as a nurse than a tech. You’re just wasting your potential.”
Alexandra nodded, unsure what to say.
“The job is yours if you want it.” She walked away and returned to her seat, leaving Alexandra confused.
When she finished her shift, she drove home in the dark. It was late, almost midnight, and she was tired. After she parked her car in front of the house, she walked to the porch.
There were candles on the banisters and a bottle of wine on the table. Paul was sitting in a chair, staring at her. “Would you care for a drink?” He held up a wine glass.
Alexandra stared at the candles, moved by the gesture. But then guilt rose up her throat. “I should get to bed.”
He stood up and approached her. He wore jeans and a green t-shirt. The color looked good on his skin, making it appear pale. When he reached her, he placed his hand on her waist. “Just one drink. It’ll calm your nerves.”
“I’m not pleasant company right now.”
“You’re always pleasant company to me.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to a chair. After she sat down, he poured her a glass of wine.
She sipped it while she looked at him. His eyes were staring into hers, intense but calm at the same time.
“How was work?”
She shrugged.
“Not very talkative, huh?” he asked with a smile.
“It’s just…the same thing every day.”
“I find that hard to believe.” He drank from his glass.
“Everyone keeps telling me to be a nurse.”
“Numbers don’t lie, baby. You should be one.”
“Then why am I so scared?”
He stared at her for a long moment. “You’re so fearless when it comes to everything else. But when your decisions affect other people, you change. You’re so scared to hurt other people that you avoid it. But you can’t be that way. No matter what you do, no matter how good you are, bad things will happen. Just accept that and do your best.”
“I—I just can’t have another patient die.”
“Then chose the wrong profession,” he said simply.
She stared at the glass in her hands.
“You’ll realize it eventually, baby. I can only convince you so many times.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she whispered.
He sighed then moved to the seat beside her. It was a tight fit but he squeezed into the space. He grabbed her legs and put them on top of his.
“I’m so dirty,” she said.
“I like dirty,” he said with a wink.
She drank from her glass.
His hand moved to the back of her neck and his fingers moved through her hair. She was too tired to object. It felt good after the long day she had.
“I hate to ask this but I must.”
She flinched at his serious tone.
“Will I be running into this guy while I’m here?”
“Blaise?”
“Whatever the hell his name is.”
“I—I don’t know.” Alexandra thought it was a real possibility when Blaise came back to Georgia. She wouldn’t be able to hide them from each other. “You might.”
“And I’ll kill him if I do.”
“Paul,” she said firmly. “Touch him and I’ll never forgive you.”
His hand stilled. “Why are you defending him?”
“I just don’t want there to be more drama in my life. If you see him, don’t speak to him or touch him. I’ll ask him to do the same to you.”
“Don’t speak to him?” he asked incredulously. “I find that impossible.”
“Just don’t hurt him.”
He stared at her.
“Promise me.”
“I’ll hurt him if he hurts you.”
She sighed. “He isn’t like Gabe so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“Don’t bring him up again,” he snapped.
Alexandra felt the tension o
f his muscles. “I’m sorry.”
He leaned in and pressed his face against her cheek, closing his eyes. “I love you so much it hurts.”
The breeze moved through her hair and made her skin prickle. His warm breath fell on her skin, heating her. The sound of his breathing reminded her of the nights they slept together. His hand was still on her neck, holding her in place. When the moment became too intimate for her, she pulled away.
“I should get to bed.” She put her glass down.
“Okay,” he whispered. “I’m tired too.”
She grabbed the bottle and the glasses and took them inside. Paul came behind her and locked the door and checked the windows.
“Goodnight,” she said as she walked down the hallway. When she got into her room, she realized Paul was behind her. “What are you doing?”
“Going to bed.” He pulled his shirt off, revealing the muscled chest and torso she admired.
“No. Last night was a one time thing.”
“I haven’t slept that good in a really long time.” He stepped toward her. “I like feeling you in my arms. I did it for two years then it suddenly stopped. I miss it.”
“No, Paul.”
He pressed his face close to hers. “What’s the harm? I promise I won’t do anything.”
She shook her head. “It’s just…not a good idea.”
He stared at her then grabbed her waist. “Why?”
“It’s just not.”
“Because you don’t trust yourself around me.”
“You’re my ex-boyfriend. It’s completely inappropriate.”
“It wasn’t inappropriate last night?”
“That was a special circumstance.”
“Every night is a special circumstance,” he said.
“Paul, I said no.”
He sighed. “If we love each other, there’s no reason why we can’t sleep together.”
She stepped away. “Stop pressuring me.”
He stilled. “I didn’t mean to pressure you.”
Alexandra crossed her arms over her chest.
Paul grabbed his shirt and put it back on. “I’m sorry. It just seemed like you had a hard night. I thought sleeping together would be good for you.”
She looked at the floor.
Paul wrapped his arms around her and held her. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
“I’ll be on the couch if you change your mind.” He pulled away and walked out of her bedroom, closing the door behind him.
When she was alone, she let the breath escape her lungs. She enjoyed sleeping with Paul last night. It was wonderful to feel safe and whole. But she couldn’t do that again. She already felt confused about Paul. Being intimate with him would only make it worse.
Chapter Thirteen
Alexandra dreaded going to school the next day. She would have to face Gabe and she had no idea how he would react. He may be angry that Paul attacked him. He might even press charges. The possibilities were endless.
She was purposely late to her English class so they would have no opportunity to speak. She didn’t look at him as she took a seat in a different row. Acting like nothing was amiss, she took her notes and didn’t look behind her. When the class was over, she grabbed her stuff and bolted toward the door.
“Alex!”
She kept going.
He blocked her path. “Please talk to me.” His left eye was still swollen and blue. There were a few cuts on his nose and mouth. Alexandra didn’t realize how badly Paul hurt him. His face wasn’t a healthy pink. It was mixed with black, purple, and blue. When she remembered what he did to her, her pity evaporated. “I’m so sorry about the other night.”
She met his gaze but said nothing.
“I was so drunk. I don’t even remember most of it.”
“Even when you’re drunk, you don’t do things you wouldn’t normally do in real life. Only your inhibitions are lifted, not your sanity.”
“What are you saying?” he asked. “I would never try to sleep with you if I were sober.”
“No, you tried to rape me,” she snapped. “My dress was torn apart, my underwear were on the ground, and my breasts were hanging out. You forced yourself on me, Gabe. I should report you to the police.”
“I think the beating I got from your boyfriend was enough.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” she said quickly.
His eyes narrowed. “Why do you keep lying?”
“I’m not! We’re just…I don’t know what the hell we are.” She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Let’s just stay clear of that topic.”
“Okay,” he said. “Please forgive me, Alexandra. I was totally wrong and out of mind. I really regret what happened. I’m not just saying that.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I can’t even stand to be near you. If Paul weren’t there…I don’t want to think about what would have happened.”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Can you at least think about it? I really am sorry. Nothing like that will ever happen again.”
“Gabe, you’ve made me uncomfortable since the day I met you. I’m sorry. I just don’t feel safe with you.”
“I just really liked you. You’re so cool. There are no girls like you. They are all catty, conceited, confrontational, slutty…and you aren’t like that. You’re the biggest sweetheart I’ve ever met.”
“That doesn’t justify what you did. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
Gabe reached for her but she stepped back.
“Touch me again, and I’ll call Paul. He won’t hesitate to kill you.”
He lowered his hand. “Please don’t be this way.”
“I don’t owe you anything. Get out of my life and stay out of it. I won’t change my mind.”
His eyes darkened at her announcement.
She looked at him one last time before she turned away. “And you’re lucky Blaise isn’t here. He really would bury you in his cotton field.”
His eyes widened before she left.
She went to her classes, still thinking about her conversation with Gabe. It was cold for her not to forgive him and let it go, but when she saw him she became angry. She hardly lost her temper or got upset, but right now she was livid.
When her school day was over, she met her friends outside.
Lisa looked at her with apologetic eyes. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted the other night. Cole and Hannah told me how much of a bitch I was. I’m a bit of a mean drunk.”
“It’s okay,” Alexandra said.
“I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” she said.
Alexandra sighed. “No, you’re right. I need to forget about Blaise. It’s just hard…”
Both of her friends stared at her.
“It was just different with him…I can’t explain it. Like love at first sight or something. When we were together, it felt so right. I just can’t believe all of that was a lie.”
Lisa rubbed her back. “We know. It’ll get easier.”
“And Paul seems like a really great guy,” Hannah said. “And freaking gorgeous.”
Alexandra nodded. “He is a sweetheart.”
“Why did you break up?” Lisa asked.
“It’s a long story,” Alexandra said. “Let’s get a drink.”
They walked to the bar and grill and took their seats in the booth. They ordered their round of drinks and started talking.
“Paul cheated on me,” Alexandra said bluntly.
“No way,” Hannah said in surprise. “He so in love with you.”
“Well, it was both of our faults in a way. I was a really shitty girlfriend to him for a few months, lying about where I was so I wouldn’t have to see him. I ignored him most of the time. He started spending time with this other girl who was having relationship problems. They got drunk one night and kissed.”
Lisa raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? They just kissed?”
Alexandra nodded.
&nb
sp; “Let it go,” Lisa said. “He came all the way down here to win you back. He seems really apologetic about it. And if Cole treated me like shit, I’d look elsewhere too.”
“I’ve forgiven him,” Alexandra said.
“Then take him back, Alex,” Hannah said. “Do you love him?”
“I’ll always love him.”
“And does he have tattoos in other places…?” Lisa asked.
“His ribs,” Alexandra answered.
Lisa licked her lips. “What the hell are you waiting for?”
“Keep it in your pants,” Alexandra said with a laugh.
“Seriously, what’s stopping you?” Hannah asked.
Alexandra stirred her drink.
“Please don’t say Blaise,” Lisa said with a sigh.
“It’s complicated…”
“No it isn’t,” Lisa said firmly. “Are you two ever getting back together?”
The thought made Alexandra sad. “No.”
“Then go back to Paul and be happy. If you’re waiting for Blaise to prove everything he said was true, you’ll be waiting a lifetime. I hate to be cold about it, but it’s a fact.”
“I know, I know,” Alexandra said. “But I still need time before I go back to Paul. I can’t just jump back into a relationship when I love someone else.”
“So you will go back to him?” Lisa asked.
“Probably.”
“And I doubt Paul cares that you still love Blaise,” Hannah said.
“I don’t think he does either,” Alexandra said.
“Then that’s settled,” Lisa said. “It’s you and Paul now.”
Alexandra took a long drink.
Gabe came to their table, his hands in his pockets.
“Hey,” Lisa said happily. “Where have you been?”
He stared at her, his lips sealed, then looked at Alexandra.
She hadn’t told her two friends what he did. Word would spread and he would be labeled as a serial rapist and an asshole. While she was livid with what he did, she didn’t want his life to be ruined over it.
“Just out,” he said quietly. “Can I join you?” He was staring at Alexandra.
She nodded.
He took a seat next to Lisa and grew quiet. Lisa and Hannah started talking about how hot Paul was. Alexandra ignored them.
“He looks so sexy when he’s mad,” Hannah said.
Alexandra broke out of her trance and saw Paul walk toward their table, a look of murder on his face. When he arrived at the table, she held her hand up. “Paul, no.”