Then Came Indecision (Southern Love #2)

by E. L. Todd

  She opened her mouth but he covered it with his palm.

  “You kept two people alive at once. I’m sorry, but most people are too incompetent to do that. Why are you letting one incident that wasn’t even your fault ruin your life like this?”

  “It’s not that simple…”

  “Because you’re making it that way. Alexandra, you’re officially the town hero. People will talk about this for years to come. If that doesn’t convince you of your abilities, I don’t know what ever will.”

  Alexandra looked at the drain and saw the dirt and blood flood the bottom. It was starting to fade as the grime was cleaned away. It had a harsh smell, like an old nickel. When she looked back at Blaise, she saw his chest and stomach. It was like looking at a concrete wall.

  “What?” he asked.

  She looked away. “Nothing.”

  He pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly. “Everything is going to be okay, Alexandra. Everyone is safe, including you.”

  Alexandra wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes. That was exactly what she wanted, to feel his protection surround her. His hands moved under her shirt and rubbed the small muscles of her back. She felt his lips press against her forehead, kissing her gently. Her breathing hitched.

  Blaise pulled away and pressed his face close to hers.

  Alexandra stared at his lips, seeing them slightly open. The feel of his body next to hers, and the sound of the falling water made her feel warm. Blaise made her feel things she never experienced before. Just the gentle touch of his hand made her skin boil with heat. And she felt safe with him. When he ran into the hospital, she was relieved to see him. His presence blocked out the world, making it grow quiet and beautiful. There was no indecision or confusion. Everything made sense.

  Blaise inched closer to her, his eyes glued to her lips. After a moment of staring, he leaned in and sealed his mouth over hers. His kiss was different than it had ever been. It was gentle and loving, conveying his need for her, not his desire. He massaged her lips, kissing them delicately.

  Alexandra felt his breath fill her mouth, bringing her back to life. She massaged his with her own, slipping her small tongue inside. Blaise gripped the back of her head, deepening the kiss. Then he moved her against the wall, pressing his body against hers.

  Her fingers glided into his hair, feeling the soft strands she loved so much. For a moment, she forgot everything he had done to her, all the lies and excuses. She fell into him, forsaking her fear and depression. Blaise loved her, had always loved her, and he would always take care of her. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, that’s exactly what she wanted and needed.

  His hand moved up her shirt and gripped her waist. He never moved higher than that as he pinned her against the wall. She could taste the shower water on her tongue. When she pressed her hands against his chest, she felt the heat under his skin. The water slid down, landing on her shirt and soaking the material. He pulled up her shirt then pressed his hips into her, his erection large and defined. Alexandra wanted to feel more of him but she didn’t make a move.

  When she realized how much she loved him, that she wished he was the man she would spend the rest of her life with, it made her shake with grief. She would never have him. There was no trust, no guarantee that everything he said wasn’t a lie. He would just hurt her again then make up another excuse. She had no idea what she was doing, but she was stupid for letting it happen.

  She pulled away and turned her face.

  “No.” Blaise pressed his advance and sealed his mouth over hers.

  Alexandra gave into him again but she pulled herself back together. “No.” She turned away again. Blaise grabbed her and moved in again, but she held him back. “Don’t kiss me again.”

  He sighed but didn’t close the gap.

  “I—I need to leave.”

  “Please stay,” he whispered. “You’re traumatized. Sleep with me. I’ll take care of you.”

  “I can’t stay with you. They’ll wonder where I am.”

  “They?”

  She turned off the shower then stepped around him.

  “Alexandra.” He followed behind her, their bodies dripping water onto the floor. Blaise hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. “Don’t push me away.”

  She pulled his arm off. “I can’t do this anymore, Blaise.”

  “Stop denying what you want, Alexandra. You know you can trust me. You wouldn’t be in love with me if you really thought I was a cheater. Trust your instincts.”

  Alexandra walked into his bedroom. “Can I have those clothes?”

  He sighed. “Please…”

  “Then I’ll just wear what I came here in.”

  “Fine.” He opened a drawer and handed her shorts and a t-shirt.

  She stared at them. “Are you kidding me?”

  “What?”

  “Are these Danielle’s?”

  He glared at her. “No, they’re my mom’s.”

  “Oh…” She felt them in her hands. “I can’t take these.”

  “Please,” he said. “I have plenty. I haven’t figured out what to do with their stuff. I can’t just sell it.”

  “Okay.” She walked into the bathroom and changed. When she came out, she looked at him. “Can you take me to my truck?”

  “No.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He sat on his bed. “I don’t want you to go.”

  “Then I’ll walk.”

  “Why do you want to leave?”

  “I need to get away from you.”

  He clenched his fists. “This isn’t fair. I love you and you love me. Let’s just be together and cut all the shit.”

  “You were fucking Danielle when you were fucking me!”

  His eyes widened. “No, I didn’t. And I never fucked you, Alexandra. I made love to you, gave you my damn soul. That night meant the world to me. How could I possibly be with someone else after? I can’t even jack off because it’s so unfulfilling to me. I want you, just you.”

  Alexandra pulled her wet hair behind her shoulder and averted her gaze.

  “You obviously want me too.”

  “Please take me home.”

  He sighed. “Alexandra…”

  “I never want to see you again. I mean it.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “I’ll still help you, but I won’t look at you. Please don’t look at me.”

  Blaise’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Stop hurting me like this.”

  “You’re the one causing all the pain.”

  He pulled on his clothes then moved to the door. She followed behind him with her arms crossed over her chest. They didn’t speak as they got into truck and drove back to the hospital. Blaise kept his eyes glued to the road and didn’t reach for her hand. Alexandra looked out the window, watching the fields pass by.

  When they arrived at her truck, Blaise didn’t look at her. He didn’t move.

  “Thanks for the ride.”

  He said nothing.

  “Bye.”

  Blaise didn’t look at her.

  Alexandra stared at him for a long time before she got out and closed the door behind her.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  When Alexandra told Paul everything, he was shocked.

  “You pulled them out of a burning van?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “It was just smoking.”

  “But then it exploded?”

  “Yeah.”

  His eyes widened. “Wow. Are they okay?”

  She nodded. “They’ll both survive.”

  Paul stared at his glass of water on the table. He said nothing for several minutes. The restaurant was filled with people. Alexandra kept receiving glances from across the room. She had a strong feeling that people knew she was the one who saved those people.

  “Wait,” he said. “Why were you out at three in the morning?”

  Her heart raced. “I went to Blaise’s.”

 
His eyes darkened with pain. He clutched his hands together.

  “He just needed to talk. His brother was the one who poisoned his crops and he was depressed about it.”

  Paul breathed a sigh of relief. “So, nothing happened?”

  “Well…”

  The light disappeared from his eyes.

  “We kissed.”

  His breathing increased slightly. “Does that mean you’re with him now?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “I—I still love him. I hate to admit it. When I’m around him, I fall for him. Everytime. But it’s just getting harder to move on. It’s too hard to see him anymore.”

  Paul nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want to get back together with him?” He face was stoic but his eyes showed his pain. “Because I’m not going to stop you, Alexandra. Please don’t stay with me because you feel obligated to.”

  “I just don’t trust him.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  She was quiet. After what Paul did, she thought she would never forgive him. But being around him repaired that broken trust. He seemed sincere in his mistake. And she forgave him for it. And the circumstances were different. “I do.”

  “Then what’s the difference between him and I?”

  “He won’t admit the truth to me. You’ve never lied to me, Paul.”

  He nodded. “So, is that your final answer? It’s never going to happen between you two?”

  The idea of not being with Blaise made her heart break. Everything made sense when they were together. But she had to let him go. “No.”

  “Then what does that mean for us?”

  “I—I still need more time.”

  “That’s fine. I’m not rushing you.”

  “Okay…”

  He grabbed her hand on the table.

  When she looked at him, she saw the adoration and love in his eyes. She was the only person in the room. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Paul.”

  “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I expected there to be bumps in the road.”

  “I still hate seeing that look on your face.”

  “I knew what I was getting into, Alex. Let it go.”

  “Okay.”

  He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I’m proud of you but pissed at the same time.”

  “What?”

  “You shouldn’t have gotten inside that car, Alex.”

  She sighed. “I know.”

  “You could have died.”

  “I know, Paul.”

  “You should have just waited for an ambulance.”

  “Paul,” she said firmly. “I know. But I couldn’t let them die. I just couldn’t. I knew the risk when I took it.”

  He took a deep breath. “I apologize. I’m just being selfish. The idea of losing you makes me insane. I wouldn’t be able to go on if something happened to you.”

  “Well, nothing did.”

  “Are you ready to return to nursing?”

  She looked away. “No…”

  He sighed. “Baby, what more evidence do you need?”

  “I’ll make a mistake.”

  “Yeah, you probably will.” He shrugged. “But you’re human. You do far more good than bad. Think about it that way.”

  “I care about the lives I lose, not the ones I save.”

  “Then that’s a stupid way of thinking,” he said simply. “You’re an unbelievable woman and nurse. It’s a shame you are purposely not reaching your full potential. “ He pulled his hand away.

  “Just give me time to put myself back together.”

  “Baby, it’s been months. I bet you can’t find one person who will tell you that you shouldn’t be a nurse. Not one.”

  “Drop it, Paul.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her then looked down.

  The waitress brought the check and Paul paid for it like he usually did. After they left the restaurant, the drove home to the property.

  Paul glanced at her. “Does Martha know?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I wonder how she’ll react.”

  “She’ll either shoot me for being stupid, or shoot me for being stupid,” she said.

  Paul laughed. “That sounds about right.”

  When they arrived, they walked into the house and saw Martha reading the paper.

  “Do you have something you want to tell me?” she asked.

  Alexandra glanced at the newspaper. When she saw the headline, she realized her aunt already knew everything. “The car was smoking when I pulled them out, not burning.”

  “Did you bring a bullet proof vest?” Paul whispered.

  Alexandra rolled her eyes.

  Martha stared at her for a long time before she rose to a stand. She stared at Alexandra, looking into her eyes with a foreign expression. Alexandra had never seen it before. “I’m honored to have you as my niece, more than I already was, at least.” She wrapped her arms around Alexandra and hugged her. “I’m so proud of you.”

  Alexandra was speechless. “You aren’t mad at me?”

  She pulled away with a smile on her face. “Why would I be? You’re a nurse. They give their lives so others may live. We need more selfless and brave people in the world.”

  Alexandra swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m glad you aren’t upset with me.”

  “I could never be. You’ve grown into such an amazing young woman. I know Mike would be very proud of you.”

  She felt the tears bubble under her eyes but she kept them back.

  Martha looked at Paul. “You’re a lucky man.”

  He wrapped his arm around Alexandra’s shoulders. “I know I am.” He kissed her forehead.

  She smiled then grabbed her purse. “I’m off to the grocery store. Do you need anything?”

  “No,” Alexandra said.

  “Since I’m your aunt, I’ll probably get everything for free.” She winked then walked out.

  Alexandra remained rooted to the spot.

  “You’re probably going to get a lot of attention from now on.”

  “Ugh,” she said.

  He laughed. “You’re such an introvert.”

  “Always have been, always will be.”

  “Do you want sit on the porch and not discuss it at all?”

  “That would be wonderful.”

  He smiled then grabbed the ice tea from the refrigerator. They went outside and sat in the lounge chair, the dogs sitting beside them. Paul grabbed her legs and placed them on top of his. His rested his hand on her thigh, drawing circles into the skin.

  She sipped her ice tea and stared across the property. The breeze was blowing the American flag over the warehouse. The flapping noise echoed and traveled to their ears.

  Alexandra remembered when Aunt Martha and Uncle Mike used to sit on the porch for hours. They wouldn’t speak, just stare across the fields in absolute silence. Alexandra always wondered if they were bored, but they seemed content. Sometimes Aunt Martha would look at Mike but she wouldn’t say anything. They seemed to speak with their eyes, loving being in each other’s presence.

  “Alex?”

  Alexandra shook the memory way then looked at Paul. “Yeah?”

  “I love you with my whole heart.”

  Chapter Twenty Three

  When Blaise drove by his house, he saw Cole’s truck in the driveway. He had work to do, but he didn’t want to see his brother. He was so angry that he was afraid he might shoot Cole in the head. He took off and drove to town.

  After he ordered a drink at Rob’s, he joined Ray in the booth.

  “Why are you here?” Ray asked. “It’s the afternoon.”

  “Cole is at my place.”

  “Oh. That bastard.”

  “Yeah,” Blaise said. He sighed. “My life is so fucked up right now.”

  “I heard…”

  Blaise ran his fingers through his hair.

  “So, what’s up with you and Danielle?”

  “We’re done,” he said quickly. “We’ve been
done for a while. I was just trying to protect her, but fuck that.”

  Ray stilled at the venom in his voice. “I’m sorry.”

  “And I lost the first girl I really loved. She hates me.”

  Ray drank from his glass but said nothing.

  “I never wanted to kill anyone before, but now I have a list that just keeps increasing.”

  “I hope I’m not on it,” Ray said.

  “Don’t give me a reason to put you on it.”

  Ray smiled. “I’m trying.”

  Blaise drank half his glass then put it down. When he looked across the room, he saw Evan sitting with a few guys at their own table. He was staring at Blaise, smiling. Since Blaise was already wound up, he looked away. There was a shotgun in his truck. All he had to do was go fetch it.

  “Who’s this girl?”

  “Alexandra.”

  “That girl who saved those people?”

  He nodded. “The very one.”

  Ray whistled. “That girl is fine.”

  Blaise’s eyes widened in anger.

  “She’s fine at saving people’s lives…” Ray looked away to dissipate the tension.

  Blaise dropped his hateful stare. “I miss her.”

  “Then get her back.”

  “There’s no point. She doesn’t believe me.”

  “I admit you’re an asshole but you aren’t a liar.”

  “Tell her that,” Blaise said.

  “I can try but I don’t think it will do any good. You should try to kiss up to her friends.”

  “Her friends?”

  He nodded. “Girlfriends tell each other everything, even what they should and shouldn’t wear. They definitely have input on who they date.”

  “I guess that’s true.”

  “You’re desperate, right?”

  “I’m more than desperate,” Blaise said.

  “Then give it a shot.”

  Blaise glanced over and saw Lisa and Hannah sitting in a booth. They looked like they had just gotten out of class. He wondered why Alexandra wasn’t with them. He finished his glass then left the booth. “Wish me luck.”

  Ray nodded.

  Blaise approached their table, his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”

  Lisa glared at him with pure hatred. “Go away.”

  Hannah looked equally pissed.

  “Can I have a minute of your time?” he said politely.