Wife for Hire

by Dianne Blacklock

  ‘Couldn’t you just stay on?’ she interrupted after a while.

  ‘Vanessa!’ Sam exclaimed. ‘You promised me you’d be able to follow this.’

  ‘I will, don’t worry. I just thought it would be nice if you were here. It would give me someone to talk to.’

  Sam looked at her. ‘Why? Don’t you have friends coming?’

  ‘No. There are some people out from the UK office. That’s who Dominic is with today – he’s taken them out on the harbour. I don’t know any of them, and they’re sure to talk shop all night.’ She pulled a face.

  ‘Your evening sounds about as exciting as mine.’

  ‘Oh really? What are you doing?’

  ‘I have to go to a black-tie function with a client. I don’t even know what I’m going to wear yet.’

  ‘Why don’t you borrow something of mine?’ said Vanessa brightly.

  ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that –’

  ‘Why not? I think we’d be similar in size, I’m just taller.’

  ‘Everyone’s taller than me,’ said Sam. ‘And it’s very generous of you to say we’re “similar” sized, but I doubt it.’

  ‘Oh, come on,’ insisted Vanessa. ‘We’ll find something, won’t we, Ellie?’

  As Sam followed them up the stairs, she realised that maybe Vanessa was right. She was certainly taller, but she was hardly a rake. She had quite a lovely rounded figure.

  In the bedroom Vanessa threw open the wardrobe doors to reveal a row of plastic-shrouded dresses. Sam surveyed them wide-eyed, spotting one designer label after another.

  ‘I don’t know, Vanessa,’ she said reluctantly. ‘What if I spill something?’

  ‘Oh please!’ Vanessa insisted. ‘I hardly wear things more than a couple of times, Dominic always wants me to buy something new. I take them to the drycleaners and then they just hang here. It’s such a waste.’

  Sam sighed, reaching out gingerly to touch one. ‘Have you got something in black?’

  ‘With your colouring!’ Vanessa scoffed. ‘You could get away with anything. Let’s try . . . purple!’

  Sam looked dubiously at her, but Vanessa was off. Over the next hour Sam lost count of how many dresses she tried on. Depending on the cut, they did seem to fit the same size, but Sam was never more aware of the difference between a twentysomething and a thirtysomething body. Oh to have breasts that sat up on their own again.

  She finally settled on a scarlet dress that was cut on the bias. It expanded forgivingly over those euphemisms known as child-bearing hips, and though it was low cut, she could wear a bra with it. A sheer wrap camouflaged her upper arms, and Sam begrudgingly accepted that she looked okay.

  ‘You look beautiful, Mummy!’ Ellie said rapturously. Sam eyed her daughter sceptically. She would take any compliments from her with a grain of salt, considering she was currently wearing a silver lurex top as a dress, under a fringed, beaded purple shawl, with a pair of green stilettos and an alarming amount of glittery make-up.

  ‘You’re gorgeous, Sam,’ Vanessa seconded. ‘Now, what about jewellery?’

  Sam checked her watch. ‘Oh crikey. I’m going to be late, Vanessa. I have to run.’

  While Sam got back into her day clothes, Vanessa cleaned up Ellie, all the while listening to Sam firing off instructions for the evening.

  ‘It’s all written down, isn’t it?’ said Vanessa calmly.

  ‘Yes but –’

  ‘So don’t worry. Your work here is done.’

  At the door she scooped up Ellie and gave her a hug. ‘You’ll come next time?’

  ‘We’ll see,’ Sam interrupted. ‘She’s with her father every second weekend.’

  ‘Then we’ll have to arrange another time to get together,’ Vanessa insisted happily.

  Sam kept an eye on the speedo all the way home, making sure she didn’t actually break the law while going as fast as she possibly could. She called Max on the mobile – she was already at the house.

  ‘Where are you?’

  ‘About half an hour away,’ Sam explained. ‘Is Josh there?’

  ‘Yeah, but not Jess.’

  ‘No, I have to collect her on the way home.’

  ‘What time are you getting picked up?’

  ‘Six-thirty.’

  ‘Jeez Sherl, that doesn’t give you much time.’

  ‘No kidding? I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

  Emma’s mother was never easy to get away from. Sam only hoped it didn’t seem rude when she revved the engine loudly and checked her watch while the woman finished recounting something about where to get netball uniforms at a discount.

  Sam flew in the door at home, running up the stairs with a shout. ‘Hold the fort please, Max. He’ll be here in ten minutes!’

  When the doorbell rang right on six-thirty, Jessica and Ellie rushed towards the entry.

  ‘Hold on, hold on!’ said Max, as sternly as a wannabe cool aunty could manage. ‘You don’t want to frighten the poor man off.’

  She opened the door with the girls hovering behind her. ‘Hello! You must be the American.’

  Hal smiled. ‘And you must be the sitter.’

  ‘Sister actually. I’m cheaper.’ The girls stuck their heads around her. ‘And these are the daughters, Jessica and Ellie. I’m Maxine.’

  She thrust her hand towards him and he shook it. ‘Nice to meet you, Maxine and Jessica and Ellie. I’m Hal.’

  ‘Come on in, Hal.’

  Max showed him into the formal sitting room because that’s where Sam would have taken him. She would have preferred the kitchen herself.

  ‘Do you realise your tie’s undone?’ she pointed out.

  ‘Yeah, I can’t manage these do-it-yourself bow ties. I was hoping to get some help.’

  ‘Well, don’t ask me, you’ll have to wait for Sam, she’s good at that kind of thing.’

  ‘Where is Sam, by the way?’

  ‘Sorry.’ Max hit her forehead. ‘Upstairs, she’s running a little late. Can I get you a drink?’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘I’m not sure what she’s got. I know there’s bourbon.’

  ‘Bourbon will do fine, thanks.’

  Hal took a seat on the sofa and Jess sat down next to him. Ellie parked herself on the coffee table directly in front of him.

  ‘So, how old are you, Ellie?’ he asked.

  ‘Four. How old are you?’

  ‘I’m four as well,’ said Hal. ‘But with a zero added.’

  ‘That means you’re forty.’

  ‘You’re a clever little girl.’

  ‘You’re older than my dad.’

  ‘Am I?’

  ‘He’s thirty-six, same as Mummy.’

  ‘Put a cork in it, Jelly,’ said Max, coming back into the room. She handed Hal a glass.

  ‘Do you live in Hollywood?’ asked Jessica.

  ‘No,’ said Hal.

  ‘Have you ever been there?’

  ‘I have, my sister lives in LA.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Have you ever met anyone famous?’

  ‘Um, let me see. I met Bill Gates once.’

  Jessica screwed up her nose. ‘The geek? He’s like, ugly as!’

  ‘But very rich.’

  She shrugged. ‘Have you met Britney Spears?’

  ‘Fraid not.’

  ‘Freddie Prinze Jr?’

  Hal shook his head. ‘Heath Ledger?’

  ‘Isn’t he Australian?’

  ‘Is he?’ Jessica frowned.

  ‘Maxine!’ Sam called from upstairs.

  ‘Uh oh. That sounds urgent,’ said Max. ‘Will you excuse me?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘And girls,’ she added, ‘ease off on the inquisition.’

  Hal grinned. ‘They’re fine.’

  ‘Have you been to Disneyland?’ Ellie resumed after Max left the room.

  ‘I have.’

  ‘Have you been to Sesame Street?’

  He laughed. ‘Only on the TV.’

  ‘Me too. Mumm
y lets me watch that, but not any other ’merican crap.’

  ‘You look fab! Where’d you steal the frock?’ said Max, finding Sam in the ensuite.

  ‘Vanessa loaned it to me. Do you really think it looks alright? Does my bum look big?’

  ‘Enormous,’ Max replied, deadpan. ‘Just make sure you don’t walk in front of him.’

  Sam frowned at her. ‘What about my hair? I’m trying to get that messy, half-up, half-down look.’

  ‘Here, I can do messy.’ She took the clip out of Sam’s hair and tousled it loose with her fingers. ‘So, he’s a bit of alright.’

  ‘Who?’

  Max rolled her eyes. ‘Who do you think I’m talking about? Handsome Hal down there.’

  ‘Oh, like I said, I hadn’t really noticed.’

  Max snorted. ‘Sure, that’s why you’re all atremble, stressing about the size of your bum and your hairstyle.’

  ‘I’m not trembling!’ Sam insisted. ‘And I’m stressing because I’m so late.’

  ‘Yeah right.’ Max scooped a hank of hair up and around and secured it with a clip. ‘So, he’s got that jaw thing happening.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Hal, he’s got the square jaw. It’s the fourth most noticed feature on a man’s face after his eyes, his smile and his hair.’

  ‘There’s not a whole lot left after eyes, smile and hair,’ Sam frowned. ‘I haven’t heard too many women get excited over ears and noses.’

  Maxine ignored her. ‘Apparently weak jaw lines are the main reason men grow beards.’

  ‘I thought it was weak chins?’

  ‘Not on my information.’ She’d finished Sam’s hair. ‘There, how’s that?’

  ‘Thanks Max.’

  She watched Sam putting on mascara. ‘So, how come he’s taking you to this shindig tonight?’

  Sam shrugged. ‘He needed a partner.’

  ‘Puh-lease,’ Max said dubiously. ‘The guy sitting downstairs in your living room does not have to go begging for a date.’

  Sam frowned at her. ‘This isn’t a date. It’s a business function and he doesn’t like going alone. He’s only been in Australia a few months, he doesn’t know anyone.’

  Max shook her head. ‘He works in a big office, doesn’t he? He’d only have to crook his little finger and he’d start a stampede.’

  ‘That’s a really hideous image.’

  ‘Sam, I know you’ve been married forever, but you must be aware of the fact that straight, available men in Sydney are as scarce as, well, straight, available men.’ Her eyes suddenly lit up. ‘Hey, that’s it! He’s gay!’

  ‘I doubt it. He used to be married.’

  ‘Maybe that’s why the marriage broke up?’

  ‘Look,’ Sam sighed. ‘I don’t think he’s gay.’

  ‘No, you’re right,’ Max nodded. ‘I mean, he’s certainly handsome enough, but he’s not cut from the gay cloth. I wonder why he doesn’t go out with normal women then?’

  Sam stared at her sister’s reflection in the mirror. ‘Well, thanks for that, Max. Just what my self-esteem needed.’

  ‘Sam,’ said Max. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. You’re the one insisting he’s a client. I’m just wondering why a good-looking, eligible bloke can’t get a date. Don’t you think it’s odd?’

  Sam shrugged. ‘Maybe he doesn’t want to date, for some reason.’ She leaned in close to the mirror to apply her lipstick.

  Max rested against the vanity cabinet and folded her arms. ‘The divorce was brutal,’ she mused. ‘And he’s sworn off women for life, since he found his wife in bed with his best friend. No, his best friend and his best friend’s wife!’

  Sam rolled her eyes.

  ‘Or,’ Max continued, gathering momentum, ‘his wife found him in bed with his best friend’s wife. And maybe,’ her eyes were gleaming, ‘she grabbed a kitchen knife and cut off his –’

  ‘Max!’ Sam exclaimed.

  ‘His last name’s not Bobbitt, is it?’

  ‘Shut up.’

  ‘Maybe he has a sexually transmitted disease!’ Max persisted, undaunted. ‘And he doesn’t want to risk going out with someone he’d be tempted to sleep with.’

  Sam thought about Hal’s sworn declaration that he absolutely did not want to sleep with her. She frowned.

  ‘Oh, sorry Sam,’ Max winced, seeing the expression on her face. ‘That didn’t come out right. It’s just that guys like Hal can take their pick, and their pick is usually some stick insect with breast implants and no brain. Not a single mother of three, no matter how beautiful and clever and wonderful she is.’ Max put her arms around her from behind.

  ‘I hadn’t thought of myself like that before,’ Sam grimaced.

  ‘What? Beautiful, clever and wonderful?’

  ‘Well, that either. But I meant “single mother of three”. I sound pathetic.’

  ‘You’re not pathetic, Sherl,’ Max insisted. ‘Actually, I’m beginning to think you’re onto something with this Wife for Hire gig, considering your date tonight.’

  ‘Max!’ Sam exclaimed. ‘This is not a date, it’s my job, he’s my client, who, we have now established, is completely and absolutely out of my league!’

  ‘Good then,’ Max returned calmly. ‘Takes the pressure off. You can just go and enjoy yourself. Now, do you want me to walk down first, so you can make a grand entrance?’

  ‘Not on your life!’ Sam declared. ‘Walk with me, so I can hold your arm and not fall down the stairs.’

  ‘You’re expecting to fall down the stairs?’

  ‘No, because I’m going to hang on to your arm!’

  When they came into the sitting room, Ellie had planted herself on Hal’s lap and was intent on tying his bow tie.

  ‘Ellie,’ Sam chided. ‘Don’t accost the visitors.’

  ‘I’m not costing Hal, Mummy! I’m doing hims tie up.’

  Hal turned around to look up at Sam. His face broke into a broad smile when he saw her. She felt immediately self-conscious.

  ‘Hey Samantha. You look very –’

  ‘Yeah, yeah,’ she dismissed, scooping Ellie off his lap. ‘Okay, miss, let me inspect the damage.’

  Sam leaned in closer, frowning at the tangled mess that used to be a tie. ‘Ellie, you’ve tied it in knots!’

  ‘I just did it like my shoelaces,’ she protested.

  ‘But you can’t tie your own shoelaces!’

  Ellie’s bottom lip started to tremble. Sam crouched down to her level. ‘It’s okay, honey. Where’s your sister?’

  ‘I think she got bored with me,’ said Hal, ‘and went to watch some American crap on the TV.’

  Sam glanced at him curiously before turning back to Ellie. ‘Do you remember where Daddy’s ties are?’

  She nodded solemnly.

  ‘Can you go and find me one like Hal’s?’

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ said Max, holding her hand out to Ellie.

  Hal had started to wrestle with the knot.

  ‘Here, let me,’ said Sam. She leaned over him and began working on the tortured tie.

  ‘So, how’re you doing?’ he said after a while.

  ‘Going,’ Sam murmured, not looking at him.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Australians say “How are you going”, not “How are you doing”.’

  ‘You’re something of a pedant, aren’t you, Sam?’

  ‘Whatever, you wanted to acclimatise,’ she muttered absently. ‘And stop looking down the front of my dress.’

  ‘It’s kind of unavoidable.’

  She stood up straight. ‘Come here then.’ She led him around to the back of the sofa and he perched on the edge. They were almost level now. Sam could feel him staring at her face but she made herself focus on the tie.

  ‘Your eyes are very brown,’ he said after a while.

  ‘Shoosh.’

  ‘Like Ellie’s. She looks just like you. Not so much Jessica.’

  ‘No, she’s like her father. So’s Josh.’

  ‘
Josh?’

  ‘My son.’

  ‘Where’s he tonight?’

  ‘Probably in his room. Fourteen’s not exactly the most sociable age.’

  ‘How can you have a fourteen-year-old son when you’re only thirty?’ said Hal, feigning surprise.

  Her eyes met his briefly. ‘Child bride.’

  ‘Ellie let the cat out of the bag,’ he confided. ‘She told me you’re forty-three.’

  ‘Forty-three!’ she exclaimed. ‘I beg your pardon, I’m only thirty-six.’

  Hal grinned at her.

  ‘You know, you’re playing a dangerous game here. Baiting a woman who is holding as good as a rope around your neck. It wouldn’t take much to tighten it.’

  ‘You wouldn’t do that, and leave those children motherless.’

  ‘Why would my children be left motherless?’

  ‘Well, I’m thinking strangulation might carry some kind of penalty.’

  ‘You reckon a jury of my fellow Australians is going to put me away for knocking off an annoying American?’

  ‘Okay, when you put it like that . . .’

  Sam sighed as she discovered yet another knot. ‘You shouldn’t have let Ellie do this,’ she reproached.

  ‘But she’s hard to resist. Like her mother,’ he added.

  Sam stopped abruptly and frowned at him.

  ‘She looks like you is all I’m saying,’ he protested innocently.

  She had finally unravelled the last knot and she jerked roughly at the tie to release it from under his collar.

  ‘Ow!’ Hal cried.

  Sam held the tie up, its gnarled, crumpled ends hanging sadly. ‘Sorry!’

  Ellie skipped into the room. ‘Here’s a new one, Mummy!’

  ‘Just in time.’ She lifted Hal’s collar and, taking the tie from Ellie, she slipped it around his neck and proceeded to tie it expertly.

  ‘I don’t see why anyone wears these when you can get them ready-tied,’ said Hal.

  ‘Because they’re classier.’ She finished, turning his collar down and adjusting the bow tie into place. She considered him close up. She could see what Max meant by the square jaw . . . she supposed he was handsome. And definitely way out of her league. Max was right. Hal Buchanan wouldn’t give someone like Sam a second glance. Which was fine with her because she was definitely not looking for anyone right now. And besides, he was a client. And he lived on the other side of the world. And –