Wife for Hire

by Dianne Blacklock

  ‘Have you forgotten that Flinders Boys’ and Chisholm Girls’ were right next door to each other? Half the students probably ended up together, just like you and Jeff.’

  ‘Oh shit!’

  ‘What are you worried about? Half of them are probably separated just like you and Jeff as well,’ said Max, taking the yet to be opened bottle of wine from Sam.

  ‘What if Jeff’s going?’

  ‘Then you’ll get to meet Jodi,’ she said absently, looking for the corkscrew.

  Sam’s stomach lurched. ‘I don’t want to meet her!’ she breathed.

  Max looked at her, frowning. ‘What, never?’

  ‘I don’t know. Just not yet. I’m not ready.’ Sam bit anxiously on the edge of her thumb. ‘I’ll phone Hal and cancel instead.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid,’ said Max. ‘Jeff mightn’t even be going.’ She took the phone off the wall. ‘Here, ring him and find out.’

  ‘I can’t do that! What will I say?’

  Max sighed. ‘You could try, “Hi Jeff, are you going to the reunion tonight?”’

  ‘And what then?’

  ‘It depends on his answer!’ Max said, exasperated. ‘Stop being such a wally and call him.’

  Sam took the phone and dialled Jeff’s mobile.

  ‘Jeff Holmes.’

  ‘Hi Jeff, it’s Sam.’

  ‘Hi, is everything okay?’

  ‘Sure. Um, I was just ringing to find out . . .’ she swallowed, ‘um, are you going to the reunion tonight?’

  ‘Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.’

  Sam looked wide-eyed at Max, nodding emphatically. She mouthed, ‘What will I say?’

  ‘Sam,’ Jeff spoke again. ‘Are you going?’

  ‘Well, I’m not really sure,’ she said vaguely.

  ‘I’m going alone,’ he said plainly. He must have twigged.

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘So, I’ll see you there?’

  ‘Um, look I haven’t planned anything definite.’

  ‘Okay,’ he paused. ‘I’ll see you if I see you then, I guess.’

  ‘Yeah. Bye.’

  She hung up. Max looked at her expectantly.

  ‘He’s going alone.’

  ‘Oh, so you’re alright then,’ said Max, sticking the corkscrew into the bottle.

  Sam shook her head. ‘No, I can’t show up with Hal.’

  ‘Why not?’ Max frowned.

  ‘It’d be too embarrassing. Jeff might think there’s something going on. I’d have to let him know somehow that there wasn’t . . .’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because there isn’t.’

  ‘Yet.’

  ‘Max! That’s not the point.’

  ‘What is the point?’

  ‘Well, I’d have to introduce them, and then there’d be all that polite small talk. I’d rather have root canal therapy.’

  ‘You’re being ridiculous.’

  ‘No I’m not,’ Sam said firmly, dialling Hal’s number. ‘Hopefully I’ll catch Hal before he’s left.’

  ‘You can’t call off a date with a guy just before he shows up!’

  Sam was waiting for the phone to be diverted to his mobile. ‘It’s not a date.’

  ‘This is very bad form, Sherl.’

  There was a knock at the front door. Max was pouring the wine.

  ‘That’ll be the girls,’ said Sam. ‘I’ll get it.’

  She walked across the living room still holding the phone as she heard Hal come onto the line.

  ‘Hi, it’s Sam.’

  ‘Hey Sam, what’s up?’

  ‘There’s a bit of a glitch with tonight. Where are you now?’ she asked, opening the door.

  Hal was standing on the other side, speaking into his mobile. ‘I just arrived at your house and this beautiful woman, who incidentally looks way too young to be having her twenty year high school reunion, has just opened the door.’

  Sam pulled a face.

  ‘Now she’s making a face. It’s not very flattering.’

  ‘You’re early.’

  He looked at his watch. ‘Only a little. You know, we can actually carry on this conversation without the aid of a telephone. It’s amazing the advances they’ve made with the human voice these days.’

  Sam rolled her eyes, but she was smiling as she turned off her phone. Hal flipped his shut and dropped it into his shirt pocket. ‘What’s the glitch?’

  ‘Come on in,’ said Sam. She was going to have to argue with him as well now because he was sure to take Max’s side.

  ‘Hal-lelujah!’ greeted Max, as he came into the kitchen.

  He winced, ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Well, it was “Hal-itosis” in the dictionary before that, but I thought it was a bit offensive.’

  ‘And hardly warranted. You’ll have to keep trying.’

  They’d had this game going since moving day. Max was determined to find Hal a nickname apart from ‘handsome’, which Hal had tried to insist was fine with him. They acted like some long-lost brother and sister, the pair of them. Max had never got on so well with Jeff, not that there was any reason to make that comparison.

  ‘So what’s the glitch, Sam?’ Hal asked her again.

  ‘I’ve decided not to go to the reunion tonight.’

  ‘No you haven’t!’ Max exclaimed.

  ‘Oh, haven’t I?’

  ‘She’s in a flap because the ex-husband will be there,’ Max explained to Hal.

  ‘Max, if you don’t mind,’ said Sam in her mother’s voice. Or maybe she sounded more like that woman from The Weakest Link. ‘It’s not that.’

  ‘It is too that,’ said Max. ‘What else could it be?’

  There was a knock at the door and Sam went to answer it, giving her a moment to think of something. Jess stood on the doorstep holding a huge bowl covered with silver foil.

  ‘Look what Carlos’s Mummy gave us,’ exclaimed Ellie, appearing beside her. ‘Palaver!’

  ‘No,’ Jessie grinned. ‘It’s paella, Ellie.’ Then she giggled. ‘That’s hard to say.’

  The flush in Jess’s cheeks and the shine in her eyes were a dead giveaway that young Marco Suarez had been home next door.

  ‘She’s got six children, she shouldn’t be making food for us.’ Sam took the bowl from Jessica and carried it over to the kitchen.

  ‘Hi Hal,’ Ellie squealed excitedly, running over to him. He picked her up to receive her kiss on his cheek. Well, how great, thought Sam drily, everyone’s getting along.

  ‘Guess what?’ said Ellie.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m five now!’

  ‘I thought you looked older.’

  Ellie beamed delightedly. Human nature was just perverse, Sam decided. The young couldn’t wait to get older, until that certain point arrived when birthdays became less welcome and more ominous. That certain point was about the age of twenty-two, she reckoned, for a woman at least. For a man it was more like forty-nine.

  ‘So, six kids!’ Max was saying, shocked.

  ‘And they’re all boys!’ Jessica exclaimed.

  ‘It’s testosterone central in there,’ said Sam. ‘I don’t know how she does it. Their place is only the size of ours.’ She peeled the silver foil off the top of the bowl. ‘Well, there’s enough here for all of us. Hey Hal, we can stay here and share the paella.’

  ‘No,’ said Max firmly, covering the bowl again. ‘You’re going to your reunion.’

  Josh appeared at the end of the hall. ‘What’s for dinner?’

  ‘Adolescent male. Smell food. Come hunting,’ Max chanted, sounding like an Indian chief in a bad western. If Sam had tried that, Josh would have been merciless. But he just smiled at Max, shaking his head.

  ‘Have you said hello to Hal?’ Sam prompted him.

  ‘Hi Hal,’ said Josh as he passed through the living room to the kitchen. Hal had taken a seat on the sofa and was browsing through a book he had picked up off the coffee table.

  ‘How’re you doing, Josh?’ he retur
ned absently.

  ‘What’s that book?’ Ellie asked Hal, climbing up next to him.

  ‘I suspect this is your mommy’s yearbook, from when she was at school.’ Sam had dragged it out earlier today and had been searching through the photographs, trying to prepare herself. ‘But I can’t find your mom, there’s no one pretty enough.’

  Sam glanced quickly at Max and Jess, who both had dopey grins on their faces. Josh mimed sticking his fingers down his throat.

  ‘What’s your maiden name?’ Hal asked.

  ‘Dris –’

  Sam reached out and stuck her hand across Max’s mouth. ‘Never mind,’ she said.

  Hal rejoined them in the kitchen. ‘So, what’s the verdict?’

  ‘You’re going to the reunion.’

  ‘No Max, I don’t want to.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Oh, you know what I’m like! I talk too much when I get nervous, I talk so much, in fact, that it’s like I can’t stop and then I start saying stupid things. I’ll get everyone’s name mixed up and embarrass myself and wonder why I ever agreed to go at all, which is exactly what I’m doing now, so I’d rather wonder here at home than when it’s too late and I’m already there, talking nonsense because I’m so nervous.’

  Everyone was staring curiously at her.

  ‘That’s a demo, I take it?’ said Hal, trying not to smile.

  Sam just sighed.

  ‘You really don’t want to go?’ he asked.

  ‘I really don’t want to go.’

  ‘Then what would you like to do instead?’

  ‘Good idea!’ Max enthused, changing tack immediately. ‘Take her out, she never goes out. It’ll do you good, Sam.’

  Sam hesitated. This was getting much too much like a real date. ‘We could stay here and eat paella and watch Head Over Heels.’

  ‘I’m not watching that!’ Josh protested.

  ‘No, you’re getting free rein on the internet,’ Max assured him. She took hold of Sam’s shoulders from behind and propelled her out of the kitchen. ‘Get the hell out of here and go and have a grownup night out, for crying out loud.’

  Sam allowed herself to be walked across the room. Jess found her handbag and hooked it over her mother’s shoulder. Sam glanced at Hal, frowning.

  ‘What have you got there?’

  ‘Your yearbook. We can have a virtual reunion.’

  She went to protest, but Max had opened the front door and was shooing them out. ‘And don’t be home too early or I won’t let you in.’

  Out on the street they looked at each other blankly.

  ‘Any ideas?’ Hal asked.

  Sam shook her head. ‘I should have, I know. But I don’t really get out much.’

  ‘What was that place we went to when you were looking for a house? There were lots of Italian restaurants.’

  ‘Leichhardt. It’s only ten minutes away. We could try there.’

  Although it took a while to find a park, it didn’t take them long to find a bright, noisy place with a huge blackboard menu and room for two diners without a reservation.

  After they had ordered, Hal opened the yearbook and began to flick through the pages. ‘You know I’ll find it eventually.’

  Sam surrendered. ‘Driscoll.’

  He turned back a couple of pages and his face broke into a broad smile. ‘Look at you.’

  ‘Cut it out.’

  ‘What? You’re real cute. You must have had all the boys after you.’

  Sam shrugged. ‘Just the one.’ Not that she could recall Jeff pursuing her as such. It was more her latching onto him, like Max said.

  ‘“Samantha Jean Driscoll,”’ Hal read aloud. ‘“Sam’s favourite subjects were Home Economics and Commerce. She will start as a Trainee with the State Bank in the new year. Her hobbies include ice-skating and horse-riding.” I wouldn’t have thought ice-skating was big in Australia.’

  ‘I went once.’

  ‘Oh?’ Hal smiled. ‘And horse-riding?’

  ‘Never been,’ said Sam, taking a sip of wine.

  ‘So, you lied in your yearbook?’

  Sam shrugged. ‘Girls always put horse-riding. What are they going to say otherwise? Lie around on my bed all day listening to records and talking on the telephone?’

  Hal smiled, shaking his head. He resumed reading. ‘“Voted most likely to marry and have children.” Well, there you go. You did succeed.’

  She frowned doubtfully at him.

  ‘Didn’t you get married?’ he asked.

  Sam nodded.

  ‘And you had children?’

  ‘Alright, but –’

  ‘But nothing, Sam,’ Hal said firmly. ‘Do you think you’re the only one whose dreams didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped?’ He looked back at the yearbook. ‘Take Gail Arthur. It says here she wanted to be a model. Well, I’m thinking she had twelve kids to four different fathers, lost her figure, and now she makes her living as a phone sex worker. Julie Hargraves has had time in gaol by the look of her. And Maree Davies had to declare bankruptcy because her husband gambled away everything they owned and left her for the children’s nanny.’

  Sam was smiling. ‘Last I heard, Maree Davies married a missionary and moved to Papua New Guinea. Julie Hargraves was running a successful medical practice. And Gail, well, you might be right about her. I don’t think it was twelve kids though. Maybe four or five.’

  The waiter brought their meals and refilled their wine glasses. Sam started to prod the pasta gently with her fork. She looked up and Hal was watching her intently.

  ‘You don’t really believe you’re a failure, do you?’ he asked.

  ‘Well, marriage is supposed to last forever. I bombed out on that one.’

  ‘Okay. If you could go back,’ Hal persisted, tapping the yearbook, ‘would you do it again, knowing what you know now?’

  Sam thought about it. ‘That’s a hard one. I mean, I’d still want to have my kids. I couldn’t imagine life without them.’

  ‘So, you would marry the same person despite the fact that it could end the same way?’

  ‘I guess.’

  ‘Then how can you call it a failure if you’d go back and do it again?’

  Sam sipped her wine. ‘Would you still marry your wife if you had your time over?’

  ‘Well that’s a little different.’

  She realised he looked uncomfortable. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have –’

  ‘No, it’s okay,’ Hal dismissed. ‘Look, I don’t believe my marriage should never have happened. It made me grow up, I think it taught me a few things.’

  ‘Such as?’

  He thought for a moment. ‘Well, not to get married again, for starters.’

  Sam blinked at him.

  ‘At least not for the wrong reasons.’ Hal put down his fork and took a mouthful of wine. ‘I think people get married because it’s the thing to do. You’re at a certain age, you’ve been together for a certain amount of time. It’s what comes next. But I don’t know whether you really see the big picture, you know, the rest of your life.’

  Sam thought about herself at eighteen years of age when she decided she’d marry Jeff Holmes. He had not actually been aware of her plan at the time. But Sam had been quite clear. She wanted to have the family she’d never had. She wanted her kids to live in a big house with a father who came home every night. Now they had neither.

  ‘Imagine if we really could see the rest of our lives all laid out before us,’ Sam mused. ‘We’d probably run away screaming.’

  ‘No, you said you’d go back and do it all again, remember?’ said Hal. ‘And I don’t blame you. I would too, if I had what you have.’

  ‘You would?’

  ‘Absolutely. Don’t you realise how lucky you are, Sam? You’re still a family, despite the fact you and your husband split. You’ve got those three great kids, I envy you.’

  Sam looked across at him, a little surprised. ‘Well, it’s not too late for you to have a family,’ she said t
entatively.

  ‘Oh, I think it is.’

  ‘Come off it. Men can have children at any age.’

  ‘Sure, they’re biologically equipped, that doesn’t mean they’re emotionally equipped. My father was too old when I was born. He was like a grandfather, though not so much the kindly type,’ he added. ‘I always swore I’d never have children late in life.’

  ‘But you’re only about forty, aren’t you?’

  ‘Sam, even if I met someone tomorrow, it’d be years before I’d be ready to have a child with her.’ Hal picked up his fork again and sunk it into his pasta. ‘I’d rather not dwell on something that’s not going to happen.’

  Sam watched him eating. ‘That must have made it harder to leave your wife,’ she suggested tentatively. Hal glanced up at her. ‘You know, if you believed it was your last chance to have a family.’

  ‘I think it was pretty clear that was never going to happen with Lisa.’ He paused. ‘No, the hardest thing was probably that it spoilt all my illusions about myself. That I would be a better husband than my father. That I could make everything alright.’ He was staring at a spot on the tablecloth. ‘Your mind can convince you of things that have no basis in reality.’

  Sam twirled her fork around in her food. ‘I think I dug my heels in and kept on being a wife even when my husband was no longer a husband and the marriage was no longer a marriage.’ She heard the words come out of her mouth as though someone else was saying them. Where did they come from?

  ‘How do you keep on being a wife?’ Hal asked curiously.

  She shrugged, ‘Oh, you know, making the house nice, ironing the clothes, doing all the things you do to keep up appearances.’

  ‘That’s what being a wife is to you?’

  Sam felt self-conscious. ‘Partly.’

  ‘But isn’t being a wife, by definition, all about the relationship? I mean, you’re only a wife if you have a husband, and vice versa.’

  ‘Of course, but there are certain duties and responsibilities that come with the relationship.’

  ‘Sure, to love, honour, in sickness, in health, and all the rest,’ said Hal. ‘I don’t recall “to have the shirts ironed and dinner on the table” in the vows.’

  ‘Maybe that’s how you show love.’

  ‘Maybe. But I think a man should love his wife, not for what she does for him, but for who she is.’