Phantom of the Heart

by Stein Willard

  Mesmeria leaned against Cybralle’s chest. Of all the things that could cripple her child, it had to be love.

  ***

  Orla studied the horseshoe carefully. Satisfied, she dropped it on the work bench. That was the last job for the day. Now, she only had the stables left. A group of nobles had arrived earlier in the day for the Solstice. After the long trip, the horses needed feeding and grooming. She had sent the other groomsmen home early. The annual Solstice celebration was tonight, and it drew large crowds from surrounding towns and provinces. Unlike the boys, she did not care much for celebrations. This year, like all the other years before, she would spend her time working. With the city brimming with revelers, she always made good money. It was time to fix the small barn adjoining their hut. Her mother also needed cloth for new clothing.

  She stretched languidly. As soon as she was done with the horses, she would see if her private bathing spot at the creek was unoccupied. Closing her hut, she purposefully walked over to the stables. She walked straight to the stall holding Sterling’s horse. Over the past weeks, she had developed a deep liking for the stoic stallion. Orla was the only one of the grooms the stallion allowed near him. She entered the stall and chuckled when the horse began nibbling on her shirt.

  “It would appear you missed me too,” she murmured as she patted him.

  There was a soft sound from behind the horse, and Orla quickly stepped away from the stallion. She knew immediately who it was. Besides her, the stallion only allowed one other person close to him.

  Sterling skirted the horse and came to stand before her. Orla swallowed hard. Sterling looked incredible in an all-dark outfit. It made her look sensuous and dangerous. The green eyes were brilliant as they slowly looked her up and down.

  “That explains it,” Sterling drawled softly, her eyes now firmly fixed on Orla’s face.

  “I do not understand, milady.”

  Sterling leaned back against the horse. “Knowing what a finicky beast he is, I have been wondering who is taking such good care of him.”

  Orla blushed. “He would not allow the other grooms near him.”

  Sterling smiled. “He likes you then.”

  “He is an intimidating animal. I, too, had my reservations about entering his stall.” She watched as Sterling nuzzled the horse’s neck.

  “He knows that you are special,” Sterling murmured, as she turned away from the horse to give her a brilliant look. “You are the most wonderful human being he has met in a very long time.”

  Not sure what to answer to that, Orla lowered her eyes. A moment passed, before she looked up again. This time, she almost gasped at the look in Sterling’s eyes. She felt the look, the meaning of it, right down to her toes. It had been a week since she had caught the princess sneaking outside her window, but now, in the well-lit stable, she could not mistake the look for anything other than what it was.

  The princess wanted her.

  Maybe if she caved in and allowed the woman to do what was so blatantly visible in her eyes, this confusion, this angst, would finally come to an end. With her heart beating as if it wanted out of her chest, she walked farther into the stall, where the shadows were a bit deeper, and reached for the ties on her shirt. She was not looking at Sterling as she began unfastening the ties.

  “What are you doing?”

  She did not look up when she answered. “My duty.”

  There was a deep silence.

  “Which is what?” The words sounded strangled, as if they were pushed through a clenched throat.

  “Whatever is in this kingdom belongs to you, milady.” Orla hesitated slightly, before she pulled the shirt over her head. Looking down at herself, she inhaled deeply. She did not see anything that anyone, least of all a royal, would want. Her breasts were bound tightly with a strip of cloth, giving her a very manly chest.

  “STOP!”

  The order sounded loud in the silence, startling the stallion and making Orla jump. Sure that she had in some way offended Sterling, Orla froze. When she raised her eyes, it was to find Sterling looking at her with anguish in her eyes. It was probably a play of light from the lantern hanging at the entrance of the stall, but it almost looked like Sterling’s eyes were filled with tears.

  They stared at each other for a long, breathtaking moment, before Sterling turned and quietly left the stall.

  Orla stood in stunned silence, listening to Sterling’s fading footsteps. When the stable was quiet again, with only the occasional snort from a horse, she exhaled loudly and slowly sank to her knees. She might just be the reason they would be banished from Arnat.

  ***

  Cybralle sighed deeply as her eyes followed Sterling who called over a serving girl. She did not have to guess what Sterling’s next action would be. Since her return from wherever, a safe guess would be Orla, it was obvious that Sterling was in pain. She had shunned the top table and instead joined her warriors at a corner table. From the her raised seating, Cybralle was able to keep their guests entertained as well as keep an eye on her daughter. A staggering number of brimming tankards made their way to Sterling’s table where the din was steadily increasing. She turned to look at Mesmeria and found her wife’s gaze resting on the table where Sterling was loudly proposing a toast. Cybralle sighed when Sterling slumped back in her seat, spilling ale all over herself. It was time to intervene. She slowly rose to her feet and made her way over to the boisterous group. The warriors quickly stood at her approach. Sterling was the last to rise.

  “We have an esteemed visitor from the top table,” she slurred as she executed a messy curtsy.

  Cybralle rolled her eyes at that. Had she not been aware of her daughter’s inner turmoil, she would have chastised Sterling for her behavior. She doubted that was what Sterling needed right now.

  “I have need of some fresh air. Would you like to join me?”

  She saw a flash of confusion on Sterling’s face and smiled. Sterling was not as drunk as she wanted them to believe. A closer look showed the hurt lurking in her eyes. At Sterling’s hesitation, she shrugged. “You can bring your drink.”

  Sterling cocked her head to the side, staring at Cybralle for moment. “I would like that.”

  They made their way out of the hall in silence. It was only when they stood on the balcony overlooking the training ground that Cybralle spoke again.

  “She is not like the noblewomen you are used to.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sterling’s head swing to look at her. “She is honorable, humble, and innocent. To court her, you need to embrace honesty, humility, and innocence. She will not react to sly innuendos like those…” Cybralle waved in the direction of the hall, where all the nobles were feasting and gossiping. “…corrupted vultures.” She slowly turned to look at Sterling. “You need to be yourself.”

  Sterling inhaled deeply and looked away, but not before Cybralle saw the sheen of tears in her eyes. “I have tried everything. She is not interested.”

  Cybralle wanted so desperately to pull her daughter into her arms and hold her tight, but she knew instinctively that Sterling was not yet ready for that.

  “May I ask what exactly you have told her?” Sterling still refused to make eye contact. “Did you tell her that you love her? That you want to spend your life with her?” No woman would turn down such an offer, not from someone like Sterling. Sterling slowly turned to look at her, her eyes wide. “I take it you did not.” Sterling blinked as she shook her head. “Then you need to fix that.”

  A slow smile formed on Sterling’s lips. “Yes. I need to fix it.” She threw the tankard to the ground and reached out for Cybralle. “Thank you, Umah.”

  Cybralle basked in the gratitude of her daughter, hugging her back tightly.

  ***

  Sterling crept around the hut, her eyes warily scanning the area as she slowly made her way over to the window. She would hate to have a repeat of the other night. Hopefully, that cat was out hunting mice in the barn and not laying in wait for her. Rea
ching the window, she released a breath she did not even know she was holding. So far so good. For a moment she stood frozen, not sure what she was to do next. She swallowed hard, suddenly very nervous. When she left her mother to come over here, all she could think about was seeing Orla again and telling her how much she loved her. Now that the moment was upon her, she wondered if coming here had really been such a good idea. Maybe Orla really was not interested in her. It was evident that Orla knew of Sterling’s sexual escapades. Her head dropped slowly at that until her chin rested on her chest. She had never thought that her exploits might come to haunt her. None of them held any importance and they were simply a way for her to keep the darkness of the battlefield at bay.

  A soft clearing of the throat, startled her out of her morose thoughts. Orla peered at her from behind a thin curtain. It was too dark to see her face.

  “I would like to speak to you,” she swallowed. “Please.”

  For a long moment, Orla stood looking at her before the curtain fell back. Sterling’s heart raced. She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. She had faced bloodthirsty Hurians and pulled arrows out of her own body, yet the thought of having to tell another woman she loved her, made her break out in a cold sweat. She heard the soft footfall behind her and clenched her jaw, before she turned to face Orla. Her eyes traveled slowly over Orla’s face. The blacksmith looked openly confused and there was a sliver of fear in her eyes as she stared back at Sterling.

  “Did you come to tell us to leave the kingdom?”

  Sterling blinked. “What? Why?”

  Orla inhaled deeply. “Because of what happened in the stables earlier.”

  “No.” Sterling held up her hand. “That is not why I am here.”

  “Then I do not under…”

  Sterling took a step which brought her within touching distance of Orla. She looked up into those ghostly eyes. “I came to…to tell you that I love you and would like to court you.”

  The silence was loud. They stared at each other; Sterling with nervous anticipation and Orla with blank amazement. Sterling swallowed her nerves and reached out, her hand shaking slightly. She gently cupped Orla’s cheek.

  “I might not be what you want right now, but I promise you that I can change. I can be better.” She needed desperately to make Orla understand that she was not the same person she was before she had met her. Orla still stared, and Sterling pulled her hand away, only to have it grabbed by Orla midair.

  Orla blinked, once…twice. “I do not know what to say.”

  “Just say yes.”

  “But I…” By now Orla was trembling a little. “You are a princess and I am…”

  “…the woman I love,” Sterling added quickly. She leaned closer and sighed softly when her head came to rest against Orla’s chest. She dared to step closer still until her whole body brushed against Orla’s. “I count myself so lucky to have found you.” She looked up at Orla. The blue eyes were dark with emotion. “So many of my men…friends…have died, not having known what it felt like to truly love someone.” She slipped her arms around Orla’s waist, pressing closer as she inhaled her scent. There was no way that she would leave here tonight without Orla’s consent to court her. As the silence stretched, she simply held on. She could stand here the whole night, holding Orla, if that is what it would take. She listened to the solid beat of Orla’s heart, so strong and steady. Just like the woman herself. Thus, when she heard it skip a beat, she knew Orla had come to a decision. She slowly leaned back to see Orla’s face, hating the loss of heat.

  “We can give it a try. Just remember that it is you who asked for this, I…”

  “I know you do not love me now, but…” Sterling rose on her toes and brushed her lips over Orla’s. “I promise to love you with all my heart, if you allow me to be the one to own your heart,” she whispered against the soft lips before she kissed Orla again. She poured everything into the single kiss, her desire for this gentle giant and the hope that she, too, would feel the invisible link between the two of them, their destiny.

  They both came up for breath, gasping as they leaned into each other. Sterling stepped away from Orla and stared at her with dazed silver eyes.

  Her heart dropped when the dark head lowered. She held her breath as the woman just stared at her feet for a long while, her broad shoulders heaving as she breathed deeply. Just when she thought the woman was never going to speak, the dark head lifted.

  “I have only tasted cake once in my life, milady. I have never been outside the walls of this city, and I have never been kissed before…before now. I am a very simple woman, Your Highness. I have never wanted or craved for more in my life, because I have never known better than what I am used to. I am too simple to be more than what I am now, Your Highness.”

  Orla stared straight into Sterling’s eyes; the meaning behind the words could not be mistaken.

  “Let us give it a try, Orla. Allow me to come over to your home to ask for your mother's permission to court you.”

  The blue eyes widened. “My…my mother?”

  “Yes. Will there be a problem?” The silver eyes narrowed dangerously. “Has your mother already been approached for your hand?”

  Orla quickly shook her head. “Not that I know of, Your Highness.”

  Sterling smiled warmly, her eyes glowing. “Do I have your permission to meet with your mother, Orla?”

  A dark blush came over the blacksmith's face. Charmed beyond words, Sterling kissed her again. This woman had the capability to enthrall her forever, she told herself, as she gently delved into the soft mouth of the woman who was soon to be hers. She could not wait for tomorrow. For she would not let another day pass before she asked for Orla’s hand.

  Chapter 4

  Cybralle gently helped her wife off the horse, her hands lingering longer than necessary. They had not had much time alone of late. Even in the quiet of their bedchamber, the kingdom still intruded. If they were not discussing problems in bed, they were roused early to hold counsel with the Senate to diffuse potential outbursts. Tonight however, their daughter had invited them along on a very important mission. A smiling Sterling had cornered Cybralle in her office earlier and revealed her plans. Knowing her daughter well, she was aware that whatever she felt for this humble blacksmith was genuine. When asked to accompany her tonight, she had agreed quickly and knew that she wanted her queen there to witness a very important occasion in their daughter's life. Now here they were, standing before the humble mud hut of the future mate of the future queen of Karas.

  “Why are we here? Where are we actually?” Mesmeria's eyes were clouded with confusion.

  Cybralle bowed her head and gently caressed her mate's lips. “You will find out soon enough, dearling.”

  “But…”

  “No more questions. Trust me on this. You will find out soon.” Hoofbeats sounded, and she turned to face the rider. She smiled when her daughter flew out of the saddle of the still moving horse and landed gracefully before them.

  “I am so sorry for being late, but I had to run a quick errand.” She walked over to her mother and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Turning to Cybralle, she grinned. “Thank you for coming, Umah. I really need your presence here with me.”

  Cybralle pulled her daughter into a tight hug, her heart swelling with love. She still remembered when the small, redheaded toddler had followed her around on the training ground. Even then she could see that her daughter was going to be a strong, fearless warrior. There was one time when she found her daughter in the stables, asleep on the straw in the stall of Eragon, the fiercest horse in the kingdom. The horse stood watch over her, his powerful hooves bracketing the toddler from anyone who wanted to get to her. Eragon only relented when Cybralle stepped in to pick up her sleeping daughter, but before they had left, the warhorse had gently pressed his snout against the sleeping toddler's cheek. Girl and beast were inseparable ever since. Looking over her daughter's shoulder now, she looked at the huge stallion stomping the
ground. Orion was Eragon's progeny and Sterling's most trusted steed.

  “Come on now. We do not want to be rude and be late.”

  “Will you please tell me what we are doing here?” Mesmeria stepped in between the two warriors.

  Before she could be answered, the door to the hut opened and soft candlelight beckoned. Sterling looked at her mother with a broad smile.

  “We are here to ask for Orla's hand in marriage, Mother.” At Mesmeria's shocked look, Sterling's eyes warmed. “She is the One, Mother. The one I have been searching for all my life.”

  “But…but…”

  “Please come and meet her first before you judge her, Mother. I want you to meet the gentlest soul ever to grace the earth. She will be a great mother to my children and the best spouse ever.” When her mother still looked doubtful, she looked at Mesmeria pleadingly. “Please, Mother, just give her a chance. She is shy and very anxious about all of this, but I cannot afford to let her slip through my fingers. I will never be able to recover from the loss.”

  Cybralle left them staring at each other and walked over to the opened doorway. She smiled at the nervous woman.

  “Greetings, Orla. I believe you have been expecting us.” She smiled at the dark blush that covered the woman's handsome face. Oh, this one would definitely keep her daughter's head in the clouds for years to come.

  “I would be honored if you would grace our humble home with your presence, milady.” She stepped back and bowed low as she waited for the warrior to enter. She fell to her knees when the blonde queen stepped closer, followed by her daughter. “Your Majesty, welcome to our home.”

  Mesmeria looked down at the dark woman, before she nodded and stepped passed her. At the entrance to the common room, she turned around, curious to see how the two supposed lovebirds interacted. She found that the blacksmith was still bowed low as she greeted her daughter. Her own lips fell open when her daughter went down on one knee before her kneeling subject. She saw the woman stiffen at the uncharacteristic action by the Royal Princess.