Bitter Memories

by Margaret Mayo

  ‘Naturally, but I’m sure she won’t refuse.’

  ‘She might be working. When is it?’

  ‘On Saturday—and I’m sure she’ll be able to re-arrange her schedule if necessary.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Tanya said with a shrug.

  ‘I think Matilde would welcome you accompanying her.’

  ‘Do you always invite her?’

  ‘Of course; my family have known her for many years.’

  ‘Does she usually accept?’

  He grimaced. ‘Not always, which is a pity. It is one way we can repay her for all the long hours she puts in for us during the year. She not only makes costumes for our family for the carnaval, but she does all our dressmaking, and any necessary repairs and alterations. She is a—what do you say—a gem. One in a million.’

  He was making it very hard for them to refuse, and probably knew it, because there was a confident smile on his lips.

  ‘I’ll still have to ask Charlene,’ she said.

  ‘As far as I’m concerned, her acceptance is a fore-gone conclusion. I’ll expect you about eight-thirty. And don’t forget to wear your mask—it’s part of the fun.’

  He kissed Matilde warmly on the cheek and made his way back out of the gate. The tiny woman looked after him with admiration. ‘Maravilloso, maravilloso,’ she said, but Tanya was wondering what he meant by ‘fun’.

  Charlene, as she might have known, was all for the idea; she enjoyed partying, though she did have one reservation. ‘Whatever you do, steer clear of Alejandro—I don’t want you getting upset all over again.’

  ‘I don’t need the warning,’ replied Tanya, while privately thinking it might not be so easy. She somehow could not see herself being allowed to go through the whole evening without his seeking her out, and if she had to dance with him, if their bodies were pressed close together for any length of time, it would create total havoc with her senses.

  They had three days to decide what to wear, for Matilde to make their masks, and for Tanya to worry herself sick about seeing Alejandro again. On the second day she accompanied Charlene into Playa de las Americas and spent her time looking round the shops for a suitable dress.

  She was not sure what would be acceptable, but in the end chose an azure voile dress that complemented the colour of her eyes. The full, layered skirt felt pretty and feminine and the sleeveless, fitted top was held up by shoelace-thin straps. It was perfect for a party and she could wear it at other times as well, which did not make it feel such an extravagance.

  The day of the party dawned, and apprehension tightened Tanya’s nerves. Charlene came home from work early and Matilde ordered a taxi so that they would not have to worry about drinking and driving.

  Alejandro’s house was much further away than Tanya expected, on the outskirts of La Orotava in the north, and the winding mountain road took them through the beautiful, lush Orotava valley. In the taxi’s headlamps Tanya could see that it was moist and fertile with trees and bushes lining the road. ‘You must bring me here in the daytime,’ she said impulsively to her sister. ‘What an island of contrasts this is.’

  Tanya did not know what she had expected Alejandro’s house to look like—certainly not unfinished like Matilde’s, but neither had she expected it to be this magnificent. She had vaguely imagined a large new house; instead it was a cream-painted mansion, hundreds of years old. She was extremely impressed, and more so when they walked through a wrought-iron gate into an inner tiled courtyard where a fountain played and people mingled. It was extraordinary.

  He was certainly far wealthier than she had imagined, She stood there looking around her, completely awed. On each of the four sides were intricately carved wooden balconies, two tiers of them, and people were walking or talking, or looking down, and fairy-lights were strung along the length of them and between the shiny monster plants that grew in rich profusion in corners of the patio, different types of palms and ferns reaching for the sky, plants Tanya did not know the name of. It was like another world. And everyone wore masks and beautiful clothes, the women looking like brilliant butterflies, their dark-suited male counter-parts a perfect foil.

  On one section of the balcony a three-piece band played, softly, evocatively, although Tanya had no doubt that the volume would be turned up later on in the evening. She looked around her for Alejandro but could not see him. She had thought, mask or no, he would be instantly recognisable, but there were other tall, broad-shouldered males, and he could have been any one of them.

  It was actually an exciting thought that she could stand next to him, brush by him, and not know it was him. On the other hand, he would not recognise her either, and it gave her a feeling of security. She was safe here; she could enjoy herself. She turned to speak to her sister, but Charlene had already disappeared into the crowd, Matilde too, and she was alone here in this gathering of happy people.

  She looked for Inocente and Beatriz, wondered which of the women there was Alejandro’s wife, and when a pretty girl came by with a tray of drinks Tanya took one and discovered it was champagne. Her nose wrinkled. Champagne held bittersweet memories. The very first time she had tasted it was on the day she had met Alejandro at her friend’s wedding reception, and ever since it had brought back memories of that moment when their eyes met and she had known he was someone special.

  ‘You shouldn’t be standing alone.’

  A deep voice in her ear startled her, and for a moment she thought it was Alejandro. Her heart began to patter, but when he spoke again she wondered how she could have been so wrong.

  ‘I’m all right; I’m enjoying it. How did you know I was English?’ He looked nothing like Alejandro really; his mouth was much thinner, his nose narrower.

  ‘I didn’t; it was a guess. Are you here alone?’

  ‘I’m with my sister and my landlady actually, but they seem to have disappeared.’

  ‘Are you a friend of Alejandro’s?’

  Tanya grimaced. ‘I suppose you could say that. I knew him a long time ago in England. It’s some house he has here.’

  ‘It’s been in his family for generations.’

  ‘Oh?’ Tanya had thought he and Juanita had bought it when they got married, that he had moved out of the family home. She wondered whether his brothers and sisters still lived here—or whether they were married too now and had moved out. There was a lot she did not know.

  ‘Alejandro took over when his father died. You’ve not been here before?’

  ‘No, I haven’t. I’m here on holiday as a matter of fact. I bumped into Alejandro accidentally, and he invited us to his party.’

  ‘It’s something that shouldn’t be missed. Would you care to dance?’

  Tanya looked around the crowded courtyard, saw other couples attempting it and failing because of the sheer number of people standing around, and shook her head. ‘I don’t think it’s possible. Maybe later?’

  ‘Can I show you my cousin’s house, then?’

  ‘Alejandro is your cousin?’ Tanya felt a sharp shock of disbelief.

  ‘Indeed he is; our fathers were brothers. May I introduce myself? Juan Vázquez Rodriquez.’

  Tanya frowned. ‘Vázquez Rodriguez? Alejandro is Vázquez Herrera. If your fathers are brothers you would surely have the same surname?’ Was this man lying to her? Was he in fact no relation at all? Was he trying to make her feel safe when his intentions were perhaps strictly dishonourable?

  ‘It can be confusing, I agree,’ he said with a smile. ‘We always have two surnames; didn’t Alejandro tell you that? The first one our father’s, the second our mother’s—hence the difference. And you, my English rose, what is your name?’

  ‘Tanya. Tanya Elliott.’

  ‘A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.’

  Unconsciously he had repeated Alejandro’s own words, and Tanya wondered if all these Canario men were so profuse with their compliments.

  At that moment Charlene came bustling up. ‘There you are, Tanya; I wondered where you’d go
t to.’ The older girl wore a brilliant red dress that offset her colouring beautifully. She had tucked a red hibiscus flower into her hair, and her delicate red mask was edged with glittering red sequins. She looked very exotic.

  ‘Is this your sister?’ Juan looked at the taller girl admiringly.

  Tanya nodded. ‘Yes, this is Charlene. Charlene, Alejandro’s cousin, Juan.’

  ‘Alejandro’s cousin?’

  Tanya knew that her sister’s brows would be raised enquiringly, her eyes questioning. It was amazing how much of a person’s expression these masks hid.

  ‘Indeed I am,’ Juan answered immediately. ‘I was just about to show Tanya around the house. It would be my pleasure if you would accompany us as well.’

  ‘Why don’t you take Charlene while I stand around here a while longer?’ suggested Tanya. The truth was she was scared of running into Alejandro. She wanted to stay here in the relative anonymity of a crowd. And she had seen Juan’s sudden interest in her sister.

  Charlene smiled, the suggestion pleasing her too. ‘An excellent idea, Come along, Juan.’ And she took hold of his arm.

  Tanya gave a tiny inward smile. Charlene could be very dominant; Juan might not like it. On the other hand, she might be his type of girl. Who could tell?

  She stood alone, thinking, dreaming, and through the murmur of voices all around her, the clink of glasses, the subtle blend of perfumes, Tanya could feel Alejandro’s presence. It was as though he stood at her side, touching her, caressing her, and her skin shivered and she moved, but the feeling remained. He was there, somewhere, watching her. He had recognised her despite the blue mask with its painted-on eyes and beads and tiny feathers which obscured the whole of her face except her mouth.

  She finished her champagne and took another glass off a passing girl and tried to bury herself deeper in the crowd. It was all in her mind, of course; he could not possibly identify her, could he?

  Matilde approached and Tanya gave her a relieved smile. Matilde, in her black dress and gold mask, was nevertheless instantly recognisable because she was so tiny and her hair was still taken back in its relentless bun. Tanya wondered whether she ought to have fixed her own hair differently. Would it be a give-away? Ought she to have swept it up and dressed it with combs and jewels?

  I’m becoming paranoid, she thought; I must stop this at once and begin to enjoy myself. She caught sight of Charlene up on the top balcony, Juan attentive at her side. Her sister was definitely enjoying herself—and she ought to be doing the same!

  When a young man asked her to dance Tanya immediately accepted, and after that she was in constant demand. Most of them spoke only a few words of English, but it did not matter, and when one of them took her inside to a table groaning under the weight of carefully prepared food she discovered that she was actually enjoying herslf, that for the last hour she had forgotten Alejandro and was now completely relaxed.

  The choice was staggering: smoked eel, deep-fried squid, snails, oysters, baby octopus—lots and lots of fish dishes—chicken breasts, chicken legs, hams and venison, various goats’ cheeses—ewe’s milk cheese, cream cheese, hard cheese—crusty bread, fruit, stuffed olives, asparagus tips, melon, an assortment of salads, paella, omelettes—and much, much more!

  And afterwards it was back to the dancing. Tanya was whirled from partner to partner and she was laughing and happy—until she felt arms much stronger than the rest pull her against a body much harder than the rest. ‘I think I’ve waited long enough,’ came the deep-throated words.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  TANYA saw the glitter of brown eyes behind the black mask. She must have looked at Alejandro a dozen times tonight and not recognised him—yet he had known that she was the girl in the vibrant blue dress, the dancing butterfly whose feet had hardly touched the ground. ‘How did you know it was me?’ she asked huskily, her heart throbbing, suddenly, painfully, her throat aching and tightening.

  ‘I saw you arrive,’ he said simply.

  ‘You’ve known for three hours and done nothing about it?’ He had been watching her all this time?

  ‘Did you want to dance with me?’ came the curt question. Tanya shook her head firmly.

  ‘I thought not, but I could not let the whole evening go by without at least one dance. You look ravishing, Tanya; has anyone told you that yet?’

  ‘Everyone,’ she announced airily.

  His bark of laughter was surprising. ‘Then they all have good taste, but don’t forget I was the first to know you.’

  ‘This is a splendid party,’ she said in an attempt to move the conversation away from themselves.

  ‘I’m glad You’re enjoying it.’

  ‘You have a wonderful house,’

  ‘Have you seen around it yet?’

  Tanya shook her head. ‘Your cousin, Juan, offered to show me, but he took Charlene instead.’

  ‘Yes, I’ve seen them together.’

  He seemed to know who everyone was, despite their masks, and he looked exciting in his white dinner-jacket. In fact he was the only one in white; all the other men wore more traditional black.

  ‘If you’d like to see it, I’ll show you.’

  ‘No, thanks,’ she replied quickly. ‘I’m enjoying your party, but I don’t want to intrude into your—private life.’

  ‘You think my—wife would have something to say about it?’

  ‘If it was me I wouldn’t be very happy if you took other girls all over the house,’ she replied tartly. She tried to put a little space between them, but his arms were like bands of iron.

  ‘Into the bedroom, You’re thinking?’

  Tanya lifted her shoulders. ‘Not exactly, but I’ve no doubt it was in your mind.’ Throb, throb, went her heart, and she hoped to goodness that Alejandro could not feel it against him.

  ‘You have a very low opinion of me.’

  ‘With just cause, wouldn’t you think?’ she asked, her tone deliberately cold. ‘Which one is your wife?’ She looked at the other dancers, as she had all evening, trying to guess which one was Juanita.

  ‘Let’s get out of this crowd,’ he said abruptly, and, taking her wrist, he led her up a set of stairs to the first balcony. There he found a corner hidden by the palms creeping their way skyward.

  Tanya felt her heart panicking and wondered at his sudden decision to get her alone—and alone they were! Although she could hear countless voices, the beat of insistent music, the peal of laughter, they were as alone as if they were locked in a room. Everyone was too busy having a good time to take any notice of them in this empty corner.

  Breathless at the speed with which he had brought her here, Tanya leaned back against the wall. ‘What’s this all about?’ Still her tone was distant; she did not want to give away by the slightest breath that she was drawn magnetically to him, that none of the feelings she had experienced all those years ago had faded.

  ‘Your constant references to my wife.’ There was a hardness in his tone too, and Tanya wondered.

  ‘It hurts you, does it, that you’ve been caught out?’ she asked scornfully. ‘Or does everyone else know about your extra-marital affairs and out of loyalty say nothing?’

  Alejandro’s mouth tightened. ‘There are no extramarital affairs, Tanya. Juanita died six years ago.’

  Tanya felt as though she had been delivered a body-blow. Her hands went to her mouth, and she was glad he could not see the swift, embarrassed colour suffusing her cheeks. This was the last thing she had expected. ‘Oh, Alejandro, I’m sorry, so sorry; why didn’t you——’

  ‘Tell you?’ he cut in harshly. ‘Why, when you were so busy condemning me, so eager to think the worst?’

  ‘Can you blame me?’ she asked, busy doing some mental calculations. Six years ago, was about the time she had married Peter. She winced at the irony of it.

  ‘You should have known I’m not the type to play around behind my wife’s back.’

  ‘That’s rich,’ she cried. ‘What were you doing with me?’


  ‘I wasn’t married then.’

  ‘No, but Juanita was at home waiting for you. I’m sorry that she died, but I still think You’re an out-and-out swine. I’ve seen you with two different girls already, one of them married! I stupidly thought Beatriz was talking about you when she mentioned her husband. It’s beyond belief the way you behave—and if I said I’d come out with you you’d probably have no qualms about that either. The way I see things, you’ve always enjoyed playing the field.’

  Just below the edge of his mask she saw the spasmodic jerk of a muscle, his eyes glittering through the narrow slits in the plain black velvet—not for him the glitter of sequins—and she was glad she had angered him. He deserved it. He tried to give the image of being an upper-class gentleman, but hell, he was nothing of the sort! He used people for his own perverse pleasure. God, she hated him.

  ‘You jump to rash conclusions, Tanya. I——’

  ‘I’m not going to listen to any excuses,’ she flared. ‘I know what I’ve seen and I don’t like it, and when I get back home to England I shall push all thoughts of you out of my mind—forever.’ Her chest heaved and her eyes were as bright as his.

  ‘You think that will be possible?’ he asked, a much quieter edge to his tone, a stillness about him that was somehow threatening.

  ‘I haven’t thought about you for years; why should I suddenly start thinking about you now?’ she asked, unaware of the desperation in her tone.

  ‘Because of this.’ And before she could stop him, before she could even hazard a guess at his intentions, he had enfolded her into the circle of his arms and lowered his head until their two mouths met.

  The last time it had happened, in Matilde’s house, Tanya had been unprepared and let herself respond unthinkingly. Now she knew such a reaction would be fatal, and although it took every ounce of will-power and then some she managed to hold herself rigid. She told herself the touch of his lips meant nothing, that the racing of her heart meant nothing, that this man meant nothing.