Bitter Memories

by Margaret Mayo

  Tanya frowned.

  ‘He has not told you of his other interest?’ asked Beatriz.

  She shook her head. ‘No.’

  ‘Alejandro, shame on you. Have you not taken her out on your yacht?’

  ‘No, I haven’t, Beatriz,’ answered Alejandro sharply. ‘We do not have the close relationship you are insinuating. Tanya is someone I once knew very briefly, that is all.’

  ‘What do you mean “knew briefly”? asked his sisterin-law, equally sharply. ‘Were you not lovers in England?’

  ‘That was a long time ago,’ answered Alejandro calmly. ‘We are now both older and wiser. We are not so close.’

  Tanya felt her cheeks colouring—so he had told them! She pasted a brilliant smile to her lips and pretended she was not disturbed by this discussion about their relationship. ‘What is this, Alejandro, about a yacht? Goodness, how could you keep something so exciting to yourself?’

  He looked at her then, smiling slowly. ‘There is no mystery; it is a business interest. I charter it—to the rich and famous, complete with crew, though sometimes I captain it myself; it all depends. Zafra—that is the tomato season—is from late October to the end of April. The rest of the year there is not much to do except prepare the ground for the following year’s crop. It is a sideline, that’s all.’

  ‘And an extremely profitable one,’ added Crisógono.

  ‘But not so satisfying as growing tomatoes, Cris,’ pointed out Alejandro. ‘It is fun, yes, but there is no end-product. It is like one big holiday, and after a while it becomes tedious.’

  He said it so matter-of-factly that Tanya laughed out loud. ‘If that’s tedium, what is my job?’

  ‘What do you do?’ asked Beatriz with interest

  ‘I’m a PA.’ And when the woman frowned, ‘I’m sorry, I’m a personal assistant—to the managing director of a computer software company.’

  ‘That sounds very important,’ said the other woman.

  ‘My boss depends on me a lot, I suppose,’ confessed Tanya.

  ‘And he has let you come away on a month’s holiday?’

  Tanya smiled. ‘He owes it me. I haven’t taken my full quota of holidays for the last few years.’ Ever since Peter died, in fact. There seemed no point when she had no one to go away with.

  ‘How much longer have you left?’

  ‘Just under two weeks.’

  ‘Enough time to see our carnaval,’ concluded Beatriz happily. ‘I am so glad Alejandro persuaded you to use his apartment. So many tourists go to Santa Cruz just for the coso. There is so much they miss. You met Manolo today, is that right? What do you think of my handsome sobrino?’

  ‘He is a fine boy,’ replied Tanya. ‘We got on very well.’

  ‘He is missing a mother. I keep telling Alejandro, it is time he married again.’

  Alejandro looked at his sister-in-law sharply. ‘And you talk too much about matters that are of no importance to Tanya.’

  ‘Oh, but I am interested,’ Tanya said. ‘I agree with Beatriz that Manolo needs a mother. Have you and Inocente made any plans to get married?‘ She made it sound like a perfectly innocent question.

  ‘Inocente is a friend, nothing else,’ snorted Alejandro. ‘I will never marry her; what put that idea into your head?’

  And Beatriz looked at her in horror. ‘That girl, I do not like her, and nor does Manolo. She will not make good mother.’

  Even Crisógono shook his head. ‘She is not my brother’s type; I do not know what he sees in her or why he ever takes her out. She is a selfish one.’

  Tanya held up her hands as if trying to stop their comments. ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that you all had such strong feelings. I assumed——’

  ‘You assume too much,’ growled Alejandro.

  ‘I think it is time to eat,’ said Beatriz.

  Despite the uproar she had caused the meal was a relaxed affair, even if Alejandro did glower at her at times, apparently still angry over her remarks about Inocente.

  They started with an unusual fish soup, served carefully by a pretty girl who obviously worked for them. Tanya was impressed. Beatriz told her that the soup was made from a very old Canarian recipe. This was followed by salty pork ribs boiled together with potatoes and corn on the cob—washed down with plenty of Crisógono’s vino.

  During the course of the meal Tanya discovered that their two children were already in bed, as they, like Manolo, had missed their siesta. ‘Normally, they would join us,’ said Beatriz. ‘It is a pity you will not see them, but—it is much quieter,’ she added with a laugh.

  Too full for any pudding, Tanya accepted a brandy with her coffee, which was served in a glass and was strong and black and liberally sweetened. The Canarians had a great love of sugar, she discovered—they even sugared freshly squeezed orange juice. Alejandro told her that it dated back to the islands’ first export industry of sugar-cane.

  Tanya was so enjoying herself that she was disappointed when Alejandro said it was time to leave—until she looked at her watch and realised it was already half-past eleven. How the time had flown! Considering she had not wanted to come out this evening, it had been extremely pleasant—probably because Beatriz and her husband were so friendly and welcoming. ‘You must come again before you go back to England,’ they both said as she left.

  Once on their way Alejandro said sharply, ‘What was all that about Inocente? you know she means nothing to me.’

  ‘I know that’s what you’ve told me,’ she said, ‘but it’s not what Inocente herself feels. Surely you know that?’ Or was he always blind where his women were concerned? Had he not known that she, Tanya, had once been madly in love with him? And Juanita, she too must have been in love when he left for England—yet it hadn’t stopped him having an affair. And now Inocente—he was treating her with equal disregard. What type of a man was he, for goodness’ sake?

  ‘And how would you know what Inocente’s feelings for me are?’ he asked coldly.

  Tanya lifted her shoulders. ‘I’ve seen the way she looks at you—and the way you treat her,’ she added scathingly. ‘When You’re together she means everything to you. There’s more to your relationship than You’re admitting.’

  ‘If I was in love with Inocente, would I be spending my time with you?’ he rasped.

  Tanya eyed him coldly, although she knew he couldn’t see her expression in the darkness of the car. ‘I don’t think You’re the type of man who’ll ever remain true to one woman for long.’

  ‘Your opinion of me continues to sink, doesn’t it?’ he asked harshly. ‘No matter how much I put myself out for you it makes no difference.’

  ‘Why should it?’ she countered. ‘It’s what You’re like beneath the surface that counts.’

  ‘And you think you know the true me?’

  ‘I not only think it, I know it. You’re a cheating swine, Alejandro. You cheat me, you cheat your family, you cheat Inocente, you cheated Juanita. Shall I tell you who I feel sorry for? Manolo! Beatriz is right: he does need a mother.’

  ‘You said earlier today that I had done a very good job in bringing him up.’

  ‘Yes, you have, but he is still young; he should have the love of two parents. It is unfair to deprive him of a mother’s love.’

  ‘Are you suggesting yourself for the role model?’ There was a sudden stillness to him, although his attention was to all outward appearances on his driving.

  ‘Heavens, no!’ Tanya cried at once. ‘You’re the last person I’d marry; and, according to your family, Inocente wouldn’t be a very suitable candidate either. Perhaps you should look around for someone else.’

  ‘Perhaps I don’t want to look around.’

  ‘Meaning You’re happy in your single state? That you enjoy flitting from girlfriend to girlfriend, that you would be stifled if you had to settle down with one woman?’ Tanya did not realise that her tone had risen, that she sounded almost shrill in the close confines of the car—not until he slammed the brakes on and
brought the car to a skidding halt.

  ‘That is enough.’ He half turned in his seat towards her. ‘I will not be spoken to like this.’

  ‘The truth hurts, does it?’ she taunted, her eyes locked into the glittering depths of his, feeling the full extent of his anger. But instead of being intimidated she was excited, conscious only that his sex appeal had never been stronger.

  ‘You know nothing,’ he snarled.

  Tanya touched the tip of her tongue to suddenly dry lips.

  ‘And You’re certainly not the sweet, friendly girl I met in England. You’re…’ His voice tailed off, and it was almost possible to hear the hammer throb of their heartbeats. ‘Hell, Tanya,’ he growled thickly.

  They gravitated towards each other, slowly, painfully, their eyes never leaving each other’s faces, until in one final, aching, groaning moment their mouths met.

  It was a deeply passionate, mutually hungry kiss, an animal hunger, a hunger born of deep-seated, unslaked desire. Tanya had never felt such an intense need, and she moved her mouth against Alejandro’s, their tongues entwining, tasting, demanding.

  She wanted more than this constricted place allowed; she wanted their whole bodies to meet, not just their lips. Her hands went to his head, fingers curling into the thickness of his hair, holding him, pulling, hurting, wanting, needing.

  Alejandro too groaned his frustration, one hand on her chin, thumb pulling down her lower lip so that he could explore her mouth more deeply, his other hand on her back, trying to urge her closer to him.

  He muttered something in Spanish beneath his breath, and then, still barely audibly, ‘This is no good, Tanya, not here. We must get home, and quickly. Promise you won’t go cold on me?’

  ‘I promise.’ Her eyes were like luminous blue orbs, moist, glowing, soft, reflecting her feelings, telling him without words that her need was as great as his.

  Reluctantly he dragged himself away, turned the key and started the engine, put it into drive, and pulled back out on to the road. With one hand on the wheel and one hand on her thigh, her own hand covering it, he drove the rest of the way home, slowly, carefully, not wanting to break the bond that had sprung into fragile existence.

  In the lift they fell upon each other again, not able to wait until they reached privacy. Lips meeting, sucking, tasting; bodies swaying, pressing, urging. Throb, throb, throb, went their hearts. Pulses raced; adrenalin ran high. Out of the lift and into the apartment, more kissing, tasting, inciting. Clothes dragged off, bodies meeting, skin inflaming.

  This was what she needed, what she had ached for since meeting him again. Tanya held nothing back— she could not; she was out of control, drugged by this man she had loved so many years ago. Excitement tortured, fuelled, burned. She could hear a pounding in her head as well as her heart, such energy, such heat.

  Mouths moved to kiss and taste, to explore eyes and ears and noses and chins. Whatever he did she did, unthinkingly, urgently. He kissed her nipples; she kissed his. He nipped them with his fine white teeth; she bit his. It was an agony of hurt and pain and loving.

  At what stage he carried her to the bed she did not know, but they were lying down and he was touching and kissing every secret inch of her, and when the moment arrived she arched her body against his, breathing deeply, painfully, enjoying, urging, sensing.

  They both cried out at the same time, an explosion of feeling rocking her to the very core, clinging now, tightly, emotionally, then relaxing and lying close side by side, holding, sighing, smiling, and finally— sleeping.

  Tanya dreamed that she was married to Alejandro, that as well as Manolo they had children of their own, four of them, three girls and a boy. All Cananans loved children, she had learned, and Alejandro told her that he wanted many. There had been no intervening years; she had not married Peter. She had followed him out to Tenerife and there had been no Juanita waiting for him. They had been blissfully happy until one day she had caught him with another woman in his arms—Inocente—and her whole world collapsed.

  She had gone up to the other woman and tried to drag them apart. ‘He’s mine; you cannot have him. Get away.’

  ‘Tanya, what is wrong?’ It was Alejandro’s voice, soft and puzzled.

  ‘What are you doing with Inocente? You’re mine; she can’t have you.’

  ‘Amor mio, amor mio, you are dreaming.’

  Tanya dragged open her heavy eyelids, and for a moment could not think where she was. Alejandro was looking at her, his expression tender and concerned. Alejandro in bed beside her! Alejandro naked! And she remembered, and colour flooded her cheeks. Last night she had drank too much of Crisógono’s vino; last night she had let Alejandro make love to her. This morning she felt embarrassed.

  ‘It is all right, mi cariño,’ he murmured, stroking her hair back from her forehead. ‘It was a dream, nothing more, nothing to feel worried about.’

  ‘Oh, yes, there is. You shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t have let you’

  ’Shh.’ He put a silencing finger to her lips. ‘I am here, and it’s all right, and you were right in your dream when you said I am yours. We belong together, Tanya, you and I. We should never have parted. We——’

  It was Tanya’s turn to interrupt. ‘No, Alejandro, we do not belong. I made a mistake last night, a grave mistake.’

  ‘How can you say that?’ His fingertips brushed the soft skin of her cheek, creating a fresh surge of sensation. ‘How can you say that after what we have been through together?’

  ‘I should never have let you make love to me,’ she protested. ‘It was wrong; it was—’

  ‘Hush, bebé, hush.’ His lips covered hers, gentle this morning, his impatient hunger of the night before gone.

  Instantly Tanya was lost. The old magic was back; there was nothing she could do about it. ‘Oh, Alejandro,’ she sighed.

  ‘Tanya.’

  They made love again, taking their time now, no hurry, just long, lazy moments of sensual pleasure, and then Tanya suddenly remembered. ‘Manolo!’ she exclaimed, sitting up. ‘He’ll wonder where you are. You must go home at once.’

  ‘Manolo is all right,’ he told her softly. ‘He has a nanny, a live-in nanny; she will look after him. I told her where I was going. She would not expect me home; she knows that my brother always plies me with drink.’

  Tanya relaxed again and then jumped when the telephone rang.

  ‘I will get it,’ he said. ‘You lie there and look beautiful.’

  He padded out of the bedroom, completely unselfconscious about his nudity, and when he returned he was smiling. ‘That was Charlene. She had quite a shock when she heard my voice. She rang to say that she has managed to—er—wangle, I believe was her word, a day off, and is coming to spend it with you. What a pity. I was looking forward to a day spent together, now that we have rediscovered our feelings for each other.’

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ’THERE’S no need to panic,’ said Alejandro, catching Tanya’s arm, pulling her back as she tried to scramble out of bed. ‘Your sister won’t be here for another hour at least.’

  ‘But I must be ready. I must have time to pull myself together.’ She did not want Charlene seeing her with this look of love on her face. She had not seen herself in the mirror, but she knew that she was glowing; she could feel it—she could feel her eyes sparkling, her face soft and relaxed, her whole body tingling with well-being.

  The love she had felt for Alejandro nine years ago had come back with a vengeance. She was a woman satisfied, a woman who knew she had satisfied her man. It was a wonderful sensation.

  She allowed Alejandro to hold her for a few minutes, feeling peaceful and happy and content. Alejandro too looked relaxed and completely in tune with the world. ‘Now we have rediscovered our feelings’, he had said— whatever those feelings were! She still had no real idea whether he loved her or whether it was purely a physical thing on his part. She had never known, and unless he told her she never would; and it was too big a risk to take to
let herself get deeply involved with him again.

  She could never forget that while he had been making love to her in England Juanita had been waiting for him here. And this time it was Inocente who was waiting. The sudden note of discord in her thoughts made her wriggle uneasily.

  ‘Enamorada, sweetheart, something is wrong?’ His arms tightened around her, and the pressure of his body against hers was almost more than she could bear. Once more she was lost; she wanted to touch him, stroke him, make love all over again. Her heartbeats grew stronger and her throat seemed to close up, and she looked at him with her luminous blue eyes.

  She could not tell him what she had been thinking, not in this moment of closeness. They were fleeting thoughts, unwanted thoughts. She loved Alejandro; that was enough, for now at least. She wanted to savour this happy feeling; she did not want to spoil it or lose it. Whatever else happened, it would be there to add to her memories of almost nine years ago.

  ‘It’s all right,’ she whispered.

  They lay together for another ten minutes, Alejandro leaning up on one elbow, looking at her face, stroking her nose, her eyelids, her lips, the contour of her cheeks, pushing back stray wisps of hair, murmuring soft words in his native language. Tanya hoped they were words of love; she hoped so, so very much.

  At length he was the one who made the move, though he furthered the moments of intimacy by joining her in the shower, and they had only just got dressed when the doorbell rang, announcing Charlene’s presence.

  Tanya hugged her sister, but Charlene was looking across the room. ‘I didn’t expect to find you still here Alejandro.’

  Tanya gasped at her insensitivity, but Alejandro merely raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you.’

  ‘I hope You’re going soon. It took a lot of organising to get this day off.’ Charlene never believed in holding back; if she thought something, she said it.

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t spoil your day with your sister.’ He spoke easily, but his mouth was suddenly grim, and Tanya knew he was thinking that Charlene had no such compunction about spoiling his day.