Bitter Memories

by Margaret Mayo

  He bent and kissed her again, his lips brushing hers gently. ‘Buenas noches, mi corazón. Tomorrow we will spend the whole day together, I promise you. Go now and get your beauty sleep.’

  Tanya nodded, smiling weakly. ‘Goodnight, Alejandro.’

  As she had known, sleep did not come easily, and when she did manage to drop off she had nightmarish dreams about Inocente. She woke soon after seven, feeling that she had not slept at all.

  She had just made herself a strong cup of coffee when the telephone rang. ‘Tanya, I have bad news.’ Alejandro’s deep voice sounded in her ear. ‘There is some sort of trouble at the packing plant; I must go and sort it out.’

  In one way she felt relieved, in another desperate because she had another day to get through alone. She pulled a wry face to herself. ‘It’s all right, Alejandro; you do whatever you have to do.’

  ‘Did you not sleep well, Tanya? You still sound weary.’

  ‘I suppose I am,’ she agreed. ‘I was over-tired actually. I hardly slept at all.’

  ‘Have I woken you, mi cariño?’

  ‘No, no, I was making myself a drink.’

  ‘Then I suggest you take it to bed with you and try to get a few more hours. You’ll have another late night tonight at the finals.’

  Tanya was not sure whether she wanted to go again. Was the pleasure of seeing the scintillating costumes worth the torment of visualising Alejandro with these girls? ‘Will Beatriz be there again?’ she asked.

  ‘But of course. It is an annual event for them, notwithstanding the fact that one of the finalists is Beatriz’s cousin.’

  ‘Really? She never said.’ On the other hand, they had been talking about Inocente so much that they had discussed little else. Was this the one he favoured? Was she as beautiful as Beatriz? Actually, all the girls were beautiful, and she could not blame him for showing an interest in these lovely Canarian girls, Inocente included. With her own fair complexion and golden hair she felt quite pale and uninteresting beside them.

  And why was she getting paranoid? He had chosen her; he had been attracted to her in England; he had, he said, given up Inocente. Why was she worrying? ‘I’ll be ready when you come,’ she said, but her voice was strained.

  When the doorbell sounded later in the morning she sprang up to open it. When she saw Inocente she could not believe her eyes. Not this woman again.

  ‘If you’ve come looking for Alejandro he’s not here,’ she said sharply.

  ‘Yes, I know, I’ve just left him,’ announced Inocente with satisfaction.

  Tanya felt a fierce pain stab her heart. So Alejandro had been lying when he said it was business keeping him away. It was Inocente, this girl he insisted he had finished with! This was the type of business he meant.

  ‘He asked me to tell you that he won’t be able to make it today after all. He said you might as well go out and enjoy the sunshine instead of sitting around.’

  A chill stole down Tanya’s spine. He had asked Inocente to pass on this message instead of ringing her again himself! ‘Will he be here for the gala queen final tonight?’ Her voice was little more than a whisper.

  Inocente lifted her slender shoulders. ‘I expect so; he takes his duties as a member of the jury seriously, but I imagine he will be leaving straight away again afterwards.’

  Meaning he would not have time for her! How much of this was true and how much Inocente had made up Tanya was not sure. Only of one thing was she sure: he would not be coming here today.

  ‘Thank you for telling me,’ she said, her chin high, trying not to show her distress.

  ‘It is my pleasure.’ With a satisfied smile the girl turned and headed back towards the lift.

  Tanya closed the door quietly, fighting the urge to slam it. Damn Inocente! Damn Alejandro! Between them they were playing some kind of game with her. Well she would go out; she would go out all day and she wouldn’t go to the finals. If he looked for her he wouldn’t find her, and, if he didn’t like it, too bad. He should have apologised himself instead of letting Inocente pass on his message.

  If it hadn’t been for the fact that she wanted to see the grand parade on Shrove Tuesday, and the firework display afterwards, she would have taken a bus back to Matilde’s right there and then, and if he thought he was going to come to her tomorrow and console her with apologies he could think again.

  The telephone rang but she did not answer; it could only be Charlene, and she did not want to speak to her. She picked up her bag and left the apartment, this time getting a great deal of satisfaction out of slamming the door.

  It was a long day and an even longer evening. In the end she did go to the gala queen finals, but she stood well out of sight and melted into the crowd the instant the decision was announced.

  She did not want to go back to the apartment yet in case Alejandro came looking for her, but where was there to go at this time of night? Until suddenly she heard her name called. ‘Tanya, it is you, isn’t it?’ She looked across and saw Juan smiling at her. ‘What are you doing here alone?’ he asked. ‘Where is Alejandro?’

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ she answered with a shrug of her shoulders

  Juan frowned. ‘But I thought you and my cousin were very close. I thought——’

  ‘You thought wrong,’ she interrupted sharply.

  ‘Charlene told me that you had resumed your relationship of however many years ago it was.’

  ‘Charlene must have got the wrong impression.’

  ‘But you are staying in Alejandro’s apartment?’

  ‘It doesn’t mean a thing. It was a generous gesture on his part, that’s all.’

  ‘In that case you won’t have any objections to joining me for a drink?’

  ‘Not at all.’ Tanya smiled easily. This was the answer to her prayers.

  Juan spent the next hour talking about Charlene, extolling her virtues, leaving Tanya in no doubt that he had fallen for her sister very badly, and when he finally took her back to the apartment she felt that she was safe from Alejandro.

  At the door Juan bade her goodnight, and she did not put the light on until she had closed it behind her. She had the shock of her life when she saw Alejandro standing in the middle of the floor waiting for her, his face thunderous, his whole body rigid with anger.

  ‘Where the devil have you been?’ The furious words were thrust across the room. ‘Do you not care that I have been out of my mind with worry?’ I rang Matilde, I rang your sister, I was thinking of telephoning the police.’

  ‘What do you mean, where have I been?’ demanded Tanya crossly. ‘A more pertinent question would be, what are you doing here? I understood I wouldn’t be seeing you today.’

  ‘I said I was busy this morning.’ A black scowl darkened his features. ‘I telephoned; I came. You were missing, gone; no message, nothing.’ His eyes were piercingly sharp. ‘I even thought you might have left altogether until I checked your clothes. Where the hell have you been, and whose voice was that I heard? Someone you picked up? Maldito sea, Tanya, how can you do this to me?’

  She lifted her chin in her usual defensive manner. ‘It wasn’t a stranger, as a matter of fact; it was your cousin.’

  ‘Manuel again? I thought you said there was nothing going on there.’

  ‘Not Manuel, Juan.’

  ‘Juan?’ he asked with a frown.

  That’s right,’ she agreed coolly. ‘It isn’t a crime, is it, to have a drink with someone else?’ Lord, why was he so angry when all this was his doing?

  ‘Have you been with him all day?’ The questions were fired at her like bullets from a gun.

  ‘Goodness, no. I only met him an hour ago in the square.’

  ‘You were there? But Cris said they hadn’t seen you.’

  ‘I didn’t sit with them.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘You should know the answer to that,’ she returned bitterly.

  His frown deepened. ‘You’d better explain.’

  ‘What is there to say,
expect that I would have thought more of you if you’d given me your excuses in person?’

  ‘You’re not making sense, Tanya.’

  She sighed impatiently and moved further into the room. ‘I’m talking about Inocente. Why send a message with her? Why didn’t you tell me yourself that you couldn’t make it?’

  ‘You’ve seen Inocente?’ His eyes narrowed questioningly.

  ‘It would appear that so did you,’ she riposted. ‘And to think that I believed your excuse.’

  ‘Tanya.’ He took her by the shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. ‘I have not seen Inocente today.’

  She ripped herself free before his nearness could destroy her. ‘Don’t lie to me, Alejandro.’

  ‘It is the truth,’ he insisted. ‘Tanya, look at me.’ He caught hold of her again. ‘Why would I lie about something like that?’

  ‘You tell me,’ she spat, avoiding his eyes. They would be her undoing.

  ‘I wouldn’t lie to you.’

  ‘No?’ Her brows rose sceptically. ‘I’m afraid I don’t believe you.’

  ‘But you believed Inocente?’

  ‘Why would she tell lies?’ Tanya asked. ‘Why would she say you had sent her? She must have known I would find out whether she was speaking the truth.’

  ‘She would lie to split us up, Tanya.’

  Tanya eyed him coldly. ‘If you haven’t seen her today, then explain how she knew that you’d already phoned me. It made perfect sense when she said that you wouldn’t be able to make it after all.’

  He shook his head. ‘I do not know how she knew, but rest assured I will find out.’ Then his tone softened. ‘Mi cariño, how could you think this of me?’

  Quite easily, thought Tanya. It was difficult to trust him completely when he had let her down so badly in the past. ‘Inocente sounded very sincere.’

  ‘Inocente was extremely angry when I finished with her. I did not realise it at the time, but it is obvious she will go to any lengths to put an end to our relationship. She sees you as the person who has come between me and her. The truth of the matter is that I never had any serious intentions where Inocente was concerned.’

  The same as he had never had any serious intentions about her all those years ago. The question was, had he now? Or was she as much a game to him as Inocente had been? Was this how he treated all his women? When someone else took his fancy was the last one dumped? Maybe she ought to ask him.

  But before she could put her thoughts into words Alejandro’s arms tightened around her and his mouth sought hers. ‘Let’s not talk about Inocente any more,’ he muttered thickly. ‘Dios, Tanya, how I have suffered today. Do not do this to me again.’

  ‘You think I haven’t suffered too?’ She tried to pull away, but his arms tightened.

  ‘Querida, I am sure you have, but I will make it up to you, I promise.’ His mouth closed over hers, and instantly Tanya was lost. Whatever this man did, whatever he said, contact with him was always explosive. In this respect at least nothing had changed.

  The kiss deepened, but when he tried to take their lovemaking further Tanya wrenched herself away. ‘No, Alejandro, not tonight.’ Not any night, in fact, not until she was very, very sure of his feelings.

  His frown grew harsh. ‘This is because of Inocente?’

  Tanya nodded, but it was only partly true. She wanted to know where she stood before she continued any sort of intimate relationship; she wanted to know what he felt, what the future held in store for her.

  He muttered beneath his breath. ‘I am sorry this has happened, Tanya, and I am even more sorry that I cannot stay and put matters right between us, but I must get home to Manolo.’ He looked angry at his commitment. ‘I want you to promise me, Tanya, that tomorrow you will be here when I come. No more running away?’

  ‘I promise,’ she said quietly, almost uninterestedly.

  His lips tightened. ‘And if Inocente turns up again do not speak to her; send her away and let me deal with her. Buenas noches, amor mío. I am sorry you have been so troubled.

  ‘Buenas noches, Alejandro.’

  He did not kiss her again, for which Tanya was grateful, because she doubted whether she would have been able to stop herself responding, and when he had gone her mind was a maelstrom. She needed proof that he wanted more from her than her body, proof that his intentions were serious, and until that time came she had to hold him off, no matter how difficult she found it.

  CHAPTER TEN

  TO TANYA’S relief the next few days were so hectic that there was no time for intimacies, no time for indepth conversations. There was so much going on, every day something different: the opening parade, the comparsas show, the dancers, the fancy dress contest, the songs of the rondallas—street musicians—the murgas—groups of musical critics poking fun at local dignitaries and politicians—the orchestral musical festival, and, of course, the grand procession.

  Manolo came for that, and all Alejandro’s brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and nephews and nieces who were not taking part m the parade. Tanya had learned that La Orotava’s own carnaval was taking place this week too, but because most members of Alejandro’s family lived nearer to Santa Cruz, it was the custom for them all to come here.

  It took four hours for the parade to pass by. Alejandro found her a vantage point where she could see everything clearly, and she waved enthusiastically at Beatriz, looking beautiful and elegant in her silver and purple costume.

  Alejandro had even persuaded Tanya to paint her face—her eyes were outlined dramatically, and glitter and jewels stuck to her cheeks. Everyone entered into the spirit of the carnaval, he told her.

  The television cameras were there, beaming the proceedings out live all over the Canaries and mainline Spain, positioned high on a scaffold where they got the best view, arc lights illuminating the parading men, women and children when night fell. The locals were there, the tourists with their cameras and camcorders; everyone but everyone was at the coso.

  It was vibrant, gaudy, magnificent, brash, smelly, crowded, frenetic. It was everything. Tanya had never seen a parade before on such a lavish scale. Refreshment kiosks did a roaring trade. Pampero rum and Cola was the traditional drink, Alejandro told her as he handed her a glass later on when the parade had finished and the street party began.

  The words ‘fast food’ took on a new meaning when Tanya saw the speed with which stallholders made up hot-dogs and hamburgers. Then there were the stalls that sold sweets and popcorn and balloons. Everywhere was noisy and crowded and aggressive and gaudy. She loved it.

  The fireworks display was something else too, and Manolo’s face was a picture of wonder. Tropical salsa music beat out into the early hours. There were people dancing, drinking, eating, laughing, shouting, children crying, mothers soothing. Manolo kept going for much longer than Tanya expected, but finally Alejandro said it was time to take his son home.

  Tanya did not want the day to end either; she had never enjoyed a party so much in her life. And although Alejandro had been fun these last few days he had left her strictly alone. Contrarily she resented it, her whole body constantly throbbing with need of him.

  On Ash Wednesday it was the Burial of the Sardine—a ritual in which a huge papier mâché sardine filled with fireworks, was pulled through the streets, followed by lamenting women dressed in black. It was then dropped into the sea, and exploded. ‘It’s a traditional way of wishing good fishing for the coming year,’ explained Alejandro when Tanya questioned him.

  Afterwards there was a further fireworks display, and for another two days there were celebrations of one sort or another. And then it was all over—in Santa Cruz at least.

  ‘Now is the time,’ Alejandro told her, ‘for other towns to have their own carnivals. It is unfortunate Orotava held theirs this week—it would have been an excuse for you to stay at my house—but if you want to go to any of the others?’ There was a glint in his eye as he spoke, and Tanya felt her heartbeats quicken, her pulses race al
l out of time with themselves.

  It was late and they were in his apartment, sitting lingering over a meal Tanya had cooked them, the first time they had spent any real time alone since Inocente had ruined things for her.

  ‘I don’t think I could stand the pace,’ she said with a short laugh. ‘I’m going back to Matilde’s tomorrow to recover.’ There was still something of an atmosphere between them; she still did not know what his true feelings for her were, so she intended to distance herself from him now that the carnaval was over. It was the perfect excuse. And if he was seriously interested, then it would be up to him to make a move.

  ‘And what if I say I don’t want you to go?’

  Her heart quickened its beat, and she paused a moment before answering in case he had something further to add, but when he remained silent, she said, ‘I’m going home to England in a few days. I want to see some more of my sister before then.’

  Alejandro frowned in surprise. ‘Your holiday is almost over? Tanya, that cannot be; you must stay longer.’

  She shook her head. ‘It’s not possible; I have a job to go to and a house to look after. I must get back.’ She hoped he would tell her to give up her job, to sell her house, and come to live with him here in Tenerife. She hoped he would ask her to marry him.

  But all he said was, ‘Then let us spend at least one more day together.’

  Tanya felt a lump of disappointment well in her throat; she had her answer. One more day and it would be over. He did not love her; his feelings were, as she had guessed, purely physical. ‘What good will one more day do?’ she asked, hoping her voice would not give her away.

  ‘I thought we could go out on my yacht. It’s rarely free for my own personal use, so when it is I like to make the most of it. Will you come?’

  Tanya was sorely tempted. It was an opportunity too good to miss, but would she be doing the right thing? You’ve spent the whole week with him; what does one more day matter? asked a little voice inside her. Nothing, she supposed, except that it would make parting all the harder, and except that she could be in danger of giving herself away. She had managed to distance herself from him these last few days, but being alone on his yacht would be very different from mixing with thousands of people at the carnaval.