Reproduction

by Ian Williams

  One evening, when he came home after dark, he found her sitting on the rug between Mutter and the flashing tree, painting her toenails. Her skirt was modestly arranged, her chin was on her knee. In that moment, he thought his eyes could hardly take more pleasure.

  On Christmas Eve, she sat Mutter in the kitchen with a recipe book on her lap to supervise the cake making. She dressed Mutter in a red sweater and bejewelled her, combed out her white hair.

  Most importantly and unfortunately, Felicia had served him a letter and she had herself in a fine tangle where she wanted to enjoy Christmas but was committed to her resolution to coldshoulder him.

  43. TRAVEL

  Edgar

  The trick with travel was to have people believe that you were dashing off to clink glasses and have your photo snapped while they were eating leftover sludge from their trough. One should give the impression that one would be busy in a distant city, too busy to think about or call the leftbehinder.

  In the seventies and eighties, when he was jetting across the continent, Edgar never spoke about the monotony: the gate numbers, the reserved strangers, the buttons on the hotel TV remote, the white sheets, towels, tiles, cards, smiles, handshakes, the numbing expenditures, revenue, projections, questions, explanations, on what basis.

  Often he stayed at a hotel near the airport and because airports tend to be on the outskirts of cities, he had never, for instance, actually seen Winnipeg in close to twenty years, apart from the airport and his hotel.

  44. PACKING HEAT

  Heather

  The nippy morning of her flight to Canada, Heather decided to pack some extra clothes. Minding her own business, she folded a couple of her old padded bras and stuffed them into the side of her suitcase. Her mother, not minding her own business, entered her room as she was struggling with the zipper.

  Maybe we need to get you another bag, she said.

  Because Heather was sixteen and the sort of highschooler who excelled in insinuation, passive aggression, cut-eye, grudge archaeology, and colourless odourless poisons, she understood her mother’s Maybe we need to get you another bag as a comment on the size of her clothes.

  45. THE KIND OF EXHAUSTING TEENAGE FIGHT THAT WAS TURNING HER GREY

  Ex

  Everything I say is not an attack against you, Heather. You don’t have to take everything so damn personally.

  So how should I take it when you’re talking right at me?

  I’m talking to you, Heather, not about you.

  You were too talking about me. You said, We need to get her. Who’s her? Did Nefertiti join us?

  You’re your father’s problem now, the greying ex said. She turned to leave Heather’s room. I can’t talk to you anymore.

  Yeah, don’t talk to me. You never talk to me anyway.

  And so another grey hair was born.

  46. XXL

  Hendrix

  Hendrix was in the doorway as his mother was leaving. Heather’s room was plastered with posters of boys—Joey Lawrence, Kurt Cobain, Mario Lopez, Kirk Cameron, Luke Perry, Andrew Shue, Johnny Depp, David Duchovny, Ethan Hawke. The Soundgarden poster was covered over by Will Smith.

  What? Heather shouted.

  Do you have space for one more thing? he asked.

  I’m not taking your hair back with me. You’re so gross.

  He sat on Heather’s bed, lifted his shirt and pulled his Double Dragon game from the elastic of his trackpants.

  It’s for Army but you can play it too, he said. While you’re waiting for the baby.

  Heather took the game and squeezed it into her luggage. He wanted her to put it in her hand luggage but Hendrix hesitated to make suggestions. He always got punished. He pushed down on the top of her suitcase while she tried to inch the zipper closed.

  As he was applying weight he had another suggestion but he knew better than to offer it: Wouldn’t it make more sense for the fattest person in the house to sit on the suitcase and the person with skinniest fingers to work the zipper? Honest, he didn’t say it but Heather scrunched up her face like she heard it somehow and was on the edge of tears.

  47. EDGE

  Heather

  She realized Hendrix would no longer be the youngest Soares. He would get lanky and wear his pants sliding off his butt with a stud belt. He’d hole up in his room with a guitar, flicking his bangs out of his eyes and eating the hearts of girls from a cereal bowl.

  48. HAIR

  Hendrix

  Heather hugged him in the airport. Did I feel fat just now?

  Not everywhere. Hendrix tiptoed to get a better look. At least your hair’s thin.

  49. SOLO

  Army

  At the appointed time, Sunday, January 8, 1995, Heather arrived in Brampton. Army wanted to go to the airport with Oliver but he wasn’t allowed. She’s not family, Felicia said.

  As an excuse to be the first person she saw when she arrived, Army shovelled the driveway, the stairs, and the sidewalk. When Oliver’s truck pulled in, Army took off his toque and stuffed it in his pocket. Heather grinned from the front seat. Oliver tried not to smile at the reunion.

  Army put away the shovel and swiped up his gift from the abandoned weight bench in the garage.

  Mom said you need extra folate, he said. He handed Heather the multivitamins.

  Felicia heard them arrive and came out wiping her hands on a dish towel.

  Help her, Felicia said, and Army ran to get her suitcase.

  50. HORMONES

  Oliver

  You don’t look fat, Oliver told her.

  I’m not fat?

  That’s what he said. He thought. It was a very confusing moment.

  You expected me to be fat.

  He expected her to look pregnant.

  Pregnant is not the same as fat. Then as suddenly as they came, Heather’s hormones turned like a flock of swallows or tiny fish that swim in glittering packs. You thought I’d come back here looking like Mom. That’s what you wanted. So you could go around divorcing all the fat women.

  51. DAMAGE CONTROL

  Felicia

  You not fat, girl, Felicia said and sat Heather down at the kitchen table. Don’t listen to him.

  I never said— Oliver began.

  What you want to eat?

  So I could get even fatter?

  Heather’s cheeks were moist and mottled red. Her bottom lip looked fuller than Felicia remembered. She had gained weight. On the small unrecognized island, it would be a compliment to tell Heather that she looked nice and fat now.

  Without seeming to realize it, Heather took an avocado from the fruit bowl on the table and began peeling it with her thumbs. (Before Heather arrived, Felicia was reading yet another article about Jeffrey Dahmer, who was in the army, deployed to West Germany, discharged, worked in a delicatessen, then as a phlebotomist, then in a chocolate factory, before the cannibalism and all that.)

  Army and Oliver exchanged looks and Felicia jumped in to save Heather’s dignity. She sliced the avocado for Heather and sat down and ate half.

  52. YOU’RE YOUR FATHER’S PROBLEM NOW.

  Hendrix

  Hendrix was allowed to make the phone call to find out if Heather had arrived.

  Felicia answered. Do you want to talk to her?

  No. Is Army there?

  Army told Hendrix that Heather already had a fight with Oliver about whether she was fat or not. Hendrix told Army that Heather had that fight all the time. Last night when she was packing, she said that none of her clothes fit anymore, that they should just buy her tents to wear, that they should roll her around the house naked like a pot-bellied pig, that they should tie her to a tree outside then shoot her in the neck and eat her carcass since they all hated her so much. Did you get my gift? Hendrix concluded.

  53. GIFT

  Army

  You have a gift for me? Army asked. He passed the phone to Oliver.

  Multivitamins, Heather said.

  In the nanosecond before he realized sh
e was joking, his heart dipped, then he had an aha.

  Touché, he said.

  Pregnant Heather was scary.

  54. TOUR

  Heather

  Army gave Heather a tour of her house. She would still sleep in her room, yes. He had his room downstairs, but also had an office upstairs in Hendrix’s room. There were undelivered newspapers and envelopes requiring stuffing in there. His mother kept her room downstairs. Mr. O kept his upstairs. Felicia used the downstairs bathroom because she didn’t want to clean up after Army anymore, so he and Mr. O shared the upstairs bathroom. The baby would be in Heather’s room or the office.

  I’m not keeping it, Army.

  Pshh. Whatevs.

  The kitchen upstairs was now the main kitchen and extra food was stored in the kitchen downstairs.

  Really, Army, I’m— She didn’t care one way or the other what happened to the piglet. On the floral couch, her mother had asked her what she thought and Heather had shrugged.

  Give it thirty days, Army said. Moneyback guarantee. Including shipping and handling.

  55. CHRISTMAS

  Heather

  Merry belated Christmas, Army said when he insisted they both take a multivitamin immediately.

  She clinked her pill against Army’s. Merry Christmas to you.

  And Happy New Year! His spirits were indomitable but not contagious.

  It’s gonna blow, Heather said.

  56. BILL

  Army

  The boundaries of the house had collapsed when Oliver destroyed the black door.

  Army had suggested that Felicia and Oliver collapse the phone to a single line.

  Nobody don’t call you, Mr. O.

  My sisters—

  Apart from pity calls. Anyway, we upstairs most of the time anyway. You can’t have me running down the stairs with a broken foot to answer the phone.

  Felicia was against the idea. She kept the line downstairs while Army told his friends to call the upstairs number first then the downstairs number until he got permission to get a pager.

  57. THE DOOR

  Edgar

  She almost always met him at the door like a dog.

  He didn’t care if he wasn’t being sexually sensitive, but he liked knowing that while he was enduring the drudgery of work, Felicia was at home smelling perfume bottles on Mutter’s dressing table and offering her tail to him.

  He almost got one for his son, a dog, a little schnauzer mix.

  58. OLD TIMES

  Army

  He and Heather talked in Heather’s room the Sunday she arrived until Felicia had to physically remove him and apologize to Oliver.

  Same thing the next night. And the next.

  Felicia would order Army to his room, apologies would be made, then Army would call Heather and they would talk until Felicia had to pry the phone from his cold, dead hand.

  59. SHE WAS BEST KNOWN

  Δ

  Sophie Fortin was found dead in her Beverly Hills home over the weekend. Early reports from the Coroner’s Office indicate the cause of death as an overdose of prescription pain medication. A full toxicology report has been ordered.

  60. THEY WERE BETTER KNOWN AS

  Heather

  The skinnier boy’s name was Mason Reed. The boy who wore eyeliner was Dylan Kennedy.

  Her whole life, Heather would never meet a Mason, Dylan, or Carter who wasn’t a complete dick.

  61. GRIEF

  Army

  It never came up during their internal phone conversations but for weeks after the fiasco between Skinnyboy and Heather, Army kept the garage door down. He ignored the bell. He shut down all his businesses and did his homework in front of the TV until Felicia came home.

  The real betrayal wasn’t so much that she had run off with Skinnyboy, whom Army considered blindfolding and executing with a single gunshot to the back of the head, but that all summer Heather was playing him for an inferior specimen. The duration of her duplicity was far more egregious than the climax of it.

  62. THEY KEPT WORDS BETWEEN THEM

  Oliver

  Army never told Felicia that Oliver broke his foot.

  Oliver never told Felicia that Army broke Heather.

  But the two men kept their fingers on the red button.

  63. FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS ONLY

  Edgar

  When Sophie died, Edgar smoked a cigar, drank indiscriminately, and listened to records. In the morning, he awoke outside of his body, near the ceiling, with an aerial view of himself lying on the couch, records strewn all over the floor, the coffee table, two bottles on their side. Then the room spun back into his body.

  When he learned about the memorial service for her in Toronto, Edgar got himself cleaned up, put on a black suit, and tried to enter the service. But the funeral director, more bouncer than funeral director, stopped him.

  May I help you?

  Private funerals Edgar had heard of but not private memorials.

  May I help you?

  Yes, excuse me, Edgar said.

  It’s private.

  Private?

  The bouncer said he would pass on his condolences to the family.

  Pass on?

  Tell me your name.

  Arthur, Edgar said.

  He heard the organ music as he was leaving. How strange that the organist would play Here Comes the Bride, he thought, before realizing that it was actually the same rhythm as Chopin’s Funeral March.

  64. FOUND DEAD IN HER

  Felicia

  She slipped in church the week after Sophie was discovered and instead of grace, sang, ’Twas grief that taught my heart to fear.

  65. EVANGELISM

  Army

  I got baptized, Army told Heather.

  Oh you’ve become [one of those people].

  Saved, sister. I’m trying to get Mr. O to give his life to the Lord but he likes them strippers too much.

  Ew. Don’t tell me stuff like that.

  66. INCENTIVE

  Army

  I told the outreach department that their missionary strategy was played out. Like these days you got to incentivize. If they gave me a hundred bucks for each person I brought into that church, I’d have it full every week. A thousand if I make the conversion. But they thought I was joking, like.

  67. THE HOUR

  Army

  What bought Army an hour on the phone some nights was that he shouted back at Felicia that he was telling Heather about Jesus.

  Well, tell her fast. You have school in the morning.

  Every time he heard Felicia’s footsteps nearing his door, he’d abruptly switch mid-sentence to a point from church, beatitudes, how he occasionally does the Scripture reading, most recently Hosea 8:7—For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind—but they don’t ask him to pray anymore after he denounced the poor-in-spirit for their poverty. He kept his Bible open next to him so it would appear to Felicia that he was referencing it.

  The money he collected for a view of Heather was still inside. Purifying.

  68. HOMESCHOOL

  Felicia

  Couldn’t I just get homeschooled like Heather? Army asked at breakfast in February.

  Army had always liked school, though. All those people around. Felicia remembered her own attempt at homeschooling, Great Expectations on a sofa. She couldn’t imagine getting Army to read a book that long without a cocked gun at his head.

  I gots companies to run during business hours.

  69. MERCIES

  Felicia

  Felicia thanked the Lord that the baby was not Army’s. Or hers.

  70. THOSE WHO CAN’T HEAR WILL FEEL

  Christian Lady

  If I was you, I not going back by any man who treat he mother so. Job or no job, Christian Lady had said to Felicia. I was young too, girl. You going to mess up your life if you set foot in that man house again.

  71. WARNINGS

  Felicia

  I don’t want you fat
hering this baby, Felicia told Army.

  I’d kinda need a time machine, Army said.

  Don’t take this for joke. When the baby born, I don’t want you acting like the child father. Heather make she bed and she certainly done lie in it.

  72. DO NOT DISTURB

  Edgar

  While the others were approaching March Break, Edgar was downing rosé fortified with a touch of crème de cassis in the same hotel where he spent Christmas.

  Edgar glugged wine from the same bathroom glass that he used to rinse his mouth.

  73. MARCH BREAK

  Oliver

  The week before March Break, Hendrix called. Did Heather have the baby yet?

  No, Oliver said. What’s your mother saying about March Break?

  Nothing.

  Don’t you want to see Heather and the baby?

  I thought you said she didn’t have the baby.

  Well, inside of her.

  I can’t see inside her. Anyway, Mom said it was too late to buy a ticket.

  I drive.

  I know.

  Put your mother on the line.

  Can I talk to Army first?

  After. Call your mother.

  Tell Army I was thinking that Heather should have twins so that when the baby goes to the orphanage it would have a brother already.

  74. CARRIAGE

  Oliver

  Oliver was thinking of a way to get Hendrix to Canada for a week. He was not worried about Heather, except in the low-frequency hum that he was always worried about Heather, because the only thing that could happen eight weeks before the due date would be a miscarriage.

  75. TRADITION

  Edgar

  It was the same hotel where he spent Christmas for the last several years actually, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend of the female persuasion.

  76. FUN FACT

  Edgar

  If you drink before bed, you don’t need to brush your teeth as alcohol serves as a mouthwash. A health benefit, see.