Amelia's Journey

by Martha Rogers

  Amelia would have to agree with him on that point, but then some conservatism never hurt anyone, and it kept some out of trouble for sure. He didn’t give her an opportunity to respond and continued on with his ideas and feelings. He’d already told Amelia how much his father enjoyed working with her father on certain projects, and his mother was quite fond of Mrs. Carlyle as a friend.

  Amelia tuned out the words. For such a handsome young man, Philip was certainly a bore. All he talked about was himself and his family and their wealth and prestige. The only time he’d asked about her had been that brief question as to how she liked the play. He never asked about her ideas or what she liked. Like most men, he assumed she would marry and carry on the traditions of one of Boston’s elite.

  The carriage came to a stop, and Amelia breathed a sigh of thanksgiving to be home at last. Philip alighted first then assisted her down from the carriage. He escorted her to the front door. “This has been a most delightful evening, Miss Carlyle. May I have the pleasure of calling on you tomorrow afternoon?”

  A negative response almost slipped out, but she remembered her promise to her father in time and nodded. “Yes, that will be acceptable.”

  He grinned and bowed. “Then I shall look forward to seeing you again. Thank you, Miss Carlyle.”

  Amelia said goodnight to Philip and closed the door behind him. She sighed and leaned against the leaded glass panel. Tonight had been enjoyable to a degree, but not the most exciting one she’d experienced.

  How different was Ben from this stiff, egotistic young man who had just left. Ben asked her opinion and how she felt about life. He cared about her. If only Papa would look at the good qualities in Ben and not at the distance he lived from Boston, he would find a level-headed young man who knew what he wanted out of life.

  Amelia raced up the stairway to the landing but paused to walk sedately past her parents’ closed door. No need to make noise and disturb them. Besides, she didn’t want to discuss with them her evening with Philip.

  In her room she flopped on the bed, giving no mind to the formal dress she wore. She slipped off her shoes and wiggled her toes in their white stockings. She grinned at the memory of the wedding and Ben’s finding her shoeless at her table. He hadn’t minded at all. Ben’s easy manner had made the years disappear and renewed their friendship.

  No matter what Papa and Mama wanted from her for the future, she’d never forget Ben. Her feelings for him made her feel good, but at the same time they hurt and left her with many unanswered questions. Were her feelings for Ben strong enough to endure the opposition of those she held most dear, her own parents? As yet, she did not know.

  Chapter 11

  Ben reined his horse in and turned back toward the ranch. The herd was in good shape, and he wanted to get home for a hot meal and warm fire. The long, heavy wool coat he wore shielded the wind from his body, and thick wool socks protected his feet inside the leather boots, but the cold still penetrated to the very core of his being. Although no snow had fallen as yet, the November wind bit into his flesh like pellets of ice. Soon the land would be covered in the white powder, and that made taking care of the stock even more difficult.

  Four other ranch hands rode ahead of him, heads and shoulders hunched against the biting wind. All were anxious to get to the bunkhouse and warm up. This had been a hard year with the drought following the grasshoppers of last year, but the major portion of the herd survived and would be ready for market come spring.

  Three weeks had passed since he’d written his first letter to Amelia. After that night on the prairie, he’d come home and bared his heart to her. Her reply was folded and in the shirt pocket over his heart. He had read it to memorize the lines until the creases began to wear through.

  She had not changed her mind at all about wanting to come to Kansas. Amelia mentioned very little of her activities, but his sister Mary Beth kept him informed along those lines. In addition, stories and anecdotes about her relationship with Andrew Farnsworth filled her letters. Ma worried that life in Boston would cause his sister to desire to remain there, and from what Ben had observed, Ma had every right to worry.

  As long as Amelia didn’t harbor any feelings toward the young men who called on her, the fact that she obeyed her father pleased him. She respected her father, and that spoke to her strong adherence to the foundations of her faith, even if it kept them apart until he could convince Mr. Carlyle he was worthy of Amelia.

  When they approached the ranch house, he waved good-bye to the men and headed up to the house while they turned to the bunkhouse. He opened the door to the warmth spread by both the fireplace and the kitchen wood stove. Something smelled good too. If his nose didn’t deceive him, Ma had used some of her dried apples to make a pie. His stomach rumbled in anticipation of the meal ahead.

  Aunt Clara and Ma sat at the table cutting up potatoes for supper. Ma laid down her knife. “There’s hot coffee on the stove. That should help take some of that chill off. Supper will be ready in a bit.”

  He removed his long coat and hung it on a peg by the back door. “Thanks, Ma. I think we may have a hard freeze tonight.”

  Grace Ann ran to hug him. “I didn’t think you’d ever get back. Gideon, Billy, and I were so cold coming home from school. Gideon put extra blankets on the horses, and I’m sure glad he did.”

  Ben hugged her and picked her up off the floor. “Well, aren’t we the little magpie tonight. What has you so excited?” He set her down and tweaked one of her pigtails, the same dark color as Mary Beth’s.

  She giggled and ran to the dish cupboard. “Aunt Clara went into town after school and picked up the mail. You have one from Boston. Wonder who it’s from?” She giggled again and handed him the envelope.

  Amelia’s name was written in the upper left corner, and his blood rushed warmth through his body. “Hmm, think I’ll take this to my room and read it.”

  Ma grinned and winked at Clara. “I’ll call you when supper’s ready.”

  Pa greeted him in the hallway. “Glad you’re back. How did things look?”

  “Fine, Pa. There’s plenty of feed, and they’re all huddled together in the south section. That new barbed wire fence you used will keep them close together for the night. Think it might freeze hard.”

  “I think so too. I’ll go out with the men tomorrow, so you can stay here and take care of the livestock in the barn.” He glanced down at Ben’s hands.

  “That another letter from Amelia? You two have been writing a bit often, haven’t you?”

  “Yes, sir, we have, but we have a lot to say to each other since we can’t be together in person.”

  His father paused then nodded toward his office. “Come and let’s talk.”

  Ben noted the expression his father’s face. He’d seen that look before, and following his father now would be the wise choice. One time he hadn’t and wound up in the barn with a willow branch across his legs.

  Ben joined his father in the office. Pa waved his hand toward a chair. “Have a seat, son; it’s time to discuss Amelia Carlyle.”

  Ben sat and then waited for Pa to speak his mind. It didn’t matter what he had to say, Ben would not change his mind or his feelings for Amelia. Pa paced the floor, and Ben’s hands itched to reach out and stop him. Why didn’t he just say what was on his mind? Deciding to cut to the chase, Ben cleared his throat and spoke. “Pa, I love Amelia and want to marry her.”

  “How can you be so sure? You were only together for such a short time.” Pa finally stopped and swerved around to face Ben in the eye. “There’s more to love than just seeing a pretty girl and thinking you want to spend the rest of your life with her.”

  “I know that, Pa. I’ve been thinking about Amelia a lot. We may not have much in common right now except how we feel about each other, but we come from the same stock, we enjoy being with each other, and we love each other.” Surely Pa could see that this wasn’t infatuation or fascination but deep feelings for each other.

 
Pa sat down behind his desk, and a frown furrowed his brow. “Your ma has asked me to consider inviting the Carlyle family to Kansas in the spring. Perhaps that is the wise thing to do. You’ve only seen Amelia in her own environment. Seeing her here, on the ranch, may give you more insight into how she’d really make it living this far from her parents.” He rose and came around to Ben. “I’ll invite them, but not until after the first of the year.”

  Ben nodded. That’s all he could ask for now, and it would be his one chance to show Amelia that living on a ranch wouldn’t be so bad, especially if he could get that piece of land down by the mill. He’d wait and approach his father about that as soon as plans could be made for a house to go on it.

  Ma wouldn’t make any more trips east with snow and ice covering the states between here and Boston. The six months until spring now loomed as an eternity. He could only write to Amelia and continue to pray that her feelings for him would not change.

  Maeleen had come with a message that Mama and Papa wished to see Amelia downstairs. Now she stood in front of the parlor doors, her hands icy cold and her heart skittering in its beats. All types of scenarios danced through her mind. Pa had learned of the many letters with Ben and would forbid their writing one another. Philip Barlow had spoken to father about more than courtship even after her turning down his last request to see her. That scenario shot slivers of fear into her soul. She bit her lip, and her hand hesitated over the door knob.

  Better to get it over with and know the cause of the summons than stand here trying to guess. Amelia inhaled deeply then exhaled before opening the door and stepping into the parlor. “Papa, Mama, you wanted to see me?”

  Papa glanced up from the newspaper in his hands, and Mama’s crochet needle stilled. Papa beckoned her to come to his side.

  “Yes, dear, we have a few things to discuss.”

  Sternness set his face in stone, and no sparkle filled his eyes. Mama’s eyes too spoke of her disapproval. Amelia squared her shoulders and stood before her parents.

  “I understand you have been corresponding with Benjamin Haynes.”

  “Yes, Papa, I have.” She made no secret about their correspondence. Her letters to Ben had been set on the hall table with all the other family mail, and his had arrived in like manner.

  “I see. I also understand that Philip Barlow will no longer be calling on you.”

  Amelia swallowed hard. So Philip had understood her last answer, but had he spoken with her father about it, or had the Barlows mentioned it to Papa? Either way, Mama and Papa knew the truth. “That’s right. We have no true interest in each other.” At least that was true for her, and she hoped it was the same for Philip.

  Papa glanced over at Mama then cleared his throat. “Exactly why have you turned him down as a suitor?”

  Amelia’s stomach roiled and bile filled her throat. She had to tell the truth, or Papa would surely be angry, if he wasn’t now. She had no choice but to speak her heart and pray her parents would understand the deep waves of emotion that overtook her being whenever her thoughts settled on Ben and the future.

  “I have no interest in Philip as a suitor. We did enjoy our times together, but we could see that our relationship wasn’t developing.”

  “And why was that?” The ice in her father’s voice cut into her heart.

  “I do not love Philip, and I do not wish to marry anyone if it is not for true love. I do not want a marriage based on only social position and convenience.”

  Her mother gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes opened wide with disbelief. Papa’s face turned red, and the veins in his neck thickened. Amelia pressed her hands together behind her back to quiet their shaking. Her world was about to be turned upside down, but telling the truth now and knowing exactly what she had to face with her parents may give her time to win them over by spring.

  Mama’s voice came out in a squeak. “Amelia, you can’t be serious. Philip is a fine young man.”

  Papa nodded, and his voice held the sternness she hadn’t heard since she’d misbehaved so badly at a family affair years ago. “I agree. What can a young girl of your age know about marriage of convenience? Your mother and I merely want what is best for you.”

  “I do understand, Papa. You and Mama, and Amanda and Charles married because you truly love each other, not just because it was a good blending of families. I care a great deal about Benjamin Haynes, and I believe we could have the same love as you and Mama.”

  Storm clouds gathered in Papa’s eyes. “You have nothing in common with that boy. He may be the son of our friends, but he’s lived away from Boston too long and does not understand our way of life. I told him he couldn’t call on you, so leave it at that. You are to concentrate on the young men around here and plan to take your place in society just as Amanda has.”

  Amelia bit her lip. If it meant marrying a man she didn’t love, she couldn’t do it. Scriptures about honoring one’s parents and following their rules swam through her mind in a jumble of words and phrases, but all stated a very clear meaning. She must be obedient.

  “Yes, Papa, I will do as you wish.” For now, but she would continue to write to Ben, and she’d never stop trying to help them see how suitable Ben was as a suitor. How she didn’t know, but she’d find a way, or her name wasn’t Amelia Rebecca Carlyle.

  After Amelia left the room and closed the door, Lenora turned to Isaac. “Are we doing the right thing by forbidding her to be with Benjamin?”

  Isaac picked up the newspaper and snapped it open. “Of course we are. You don’t want her living clear out in Kansas, do you?”

  “No, of course not, but I do want her to be happy. I’ve never seen such unhappiness in her eyes as I did when you made your proclamation.” Lenora bit her lip. She couldn’t bear the thought of her daughter being so far away. Still, what would the future hold for Amelia if she refused the attentions of all the local young men?

  “I’d say defiance was more like it. I want her to be happy too, but her happiness lies here in Boston and not in Kansas on a cow ranch. Life around cowboys is no life for a daughter of ours, and the sooner she realizes it, the better off she’ll be.”

  “Elizabeth seems to have adjusted very well, and she fit right back into things here when they came for the wedding and then again for the cotillion.” If it hadn’t been for a few subtle differences in Elizabeth’s demeanor, Lenora would never believe her friend had been living on a ranch in Kansas for so many years.

  “Are you saying we should let her go on writing and building a relationship with Benjamin Haynes?”

  “I don’t know, Isaac. My mind is just as confused as our daughter’s seems to be. We must do what is best for her and for Benjamin. I don’t want her so far away from us, but I don’t want her to be an unhappy, unmarried young woman here either.”

  “Set your mind at ease, dear. Amelia will be happy with one of the young men she has met recently.”

  Ben’s invitation to visit Kansas came to her mind. She’d love to see the family again, and in their own element. “Perhaps we should plan for a visit to the ranch.”

  Isaac stroked his chin. “You may be right. If Amelia sees how hard life can be on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, she will think twice about wanting to move there. If Amelia hasn’t given up on Ben by spring, I’ll write to Matthew about a visit.” With that, he sat back to read the newspaper, clearly dismissing Lenora.

  She sat for a few minutes, thoughts whirling through her mind like a windmill. Her precious girl had inherited her father’s stubborn will. Lenora sighed. Having children grow and seek their own way was one of the most difficult aspects of parenthood. She and God would need a number of conversations in the days ahead. She must keep her heart and mind open to hear His voice and accept His will for her child, no matter how difficult it may be. The future happiness of her daughter lay at stake.

  Chapter 12

  Amelia sat at her writing desk, the end of her pen tapping her lips. In the two weeks since
Father had said she must forget about Ben, two letters had arrived from him. She had not responded, but his last letter made it now necessary to tell him what had happened. No words would come to mind that truly expressed the mixture of emotions swirling through her heart.

  She tried so hard to be obedient to her father’s wishes, but her longings for Ben refused to budge from her thoughts. Maeleen had intercepted the letters from Ben and brought them to Amelia. She hated being deceptive, but Papa would be most unhappy to know he still wrote to her. Even this letter would not be with the family mail. She planned to take it to Mary Beth and have her post it, that is if the words to write ever came.

  Ben’s second letter arrived yesterday, and Maeleen had whisked it up to Amelia immediately. She picked up the paper now and reread the words that gripped her heart in a vise and swept all words of response from her heart. He declared his love for her and said how much he wanted to see her again and wanted to know if his last post had reached her.

  She choked back tears and tried to swallow the sadness permeating every part of her body. Her feelings for him had grown stronger since Papa’s declaration, but what could she tell Ben as to the reasons she hadn’t answered his letters? If it were only possible for them to see each other again in person, then she could express her heart more freely.

  Finally she put pen to paper and attempted to explain the scene with her parents. As she wrote, words began to flow from the pen and across the page until she had two pages of words that described her thoughts, her feelings, and her hope that things would change.

  She closed with a plea. Please pray daily for God’s will to be done. Only He can change Papa’s mind and heart. I believe with all my heart that God will find a way for us to be together.