Amelia's Journey

by Martha Rogers

  Amazement filled the girl’s face. “It’s so big. I share a room with Mary Beth at home, and we keep everything there, including all my toys.”

  “And I have to sleep with Gideon and Ben, but I think Ben’s going to move out to the bunkhouse so Gideon and I’ll have more room.”

  Amelia gulped. It never occurred to her that the children would be impressed with a playroom. Then she remembered their grandparents’ house no longer had a playroom, and when Billy and Grace Ann came for a visit, they still had to share a room with their siblings. “I’m sure you would rather have them with you instead of sleeping alone at the ranch.”

  “Nope, not me. I’m a big boy, and I like having my own room here even if I do miss Ma and Pa.”

  “Then let’s see what we can find to play with this morning.” She went to the storage closet and pulled out several boxes. One toy box was filled with things to keep the two young ones occupied until their parents arrived.

  “Here’s a set of building blocks for you, Billy. I bet you could build a house just like your ranch house with those.” She opened a set of wooden blocks that had been sanded smooth and cut into different shapes and sizes.

  Billy grabbed them up and headed for a corner. Amelia pulled out two dolls that were lying on top. “Do you still play with dolls, Grace Ann?” At twelve, Amelia had still loved them, but Grace Ann may feel too old for them.

  “Sometimes, but I’d rather have books if you have some.”

  “I certainly do. Look on those shelves over there and see if you can find anything you like.” All of Amelia’s favorites were there, including Bronte, Alcott, and Dickens. Although she kept busy the rest of the morning reading with Grace Ann and exclaiming over the structures Billy built, the hours until the rest of the Haynes family arrived crept by.

  When Maeleen stopped in to inform them that it was time to dress for dinner, Amelia clapped her hands. “Let’s get these things put away. Those wonderful smells coming from the kitchen have given me a real appetite.”

  The children scrambled to get the books, blocks, and other toys put away, and Amelia counted the minutes now until she could again be with Ben.

  The horses clip-clopped along much too slowly for Ben, and his patience wore thin. However, if he complained, Gideon or Mary Beth would make some comment about seeing Amelia. It was best to keep quiet rather than start a conversation about his love life. He envied his brother and sister who had the pleasure of staying at the Carlyle home.

  Amelia would be good with them and keep the two occupied with things to do. He would thank Mrs. Carlyle for her generosity because it had given his mother and Clara much more time to tend to Grandpapa’s needs.

  Pa had voiced his concern over Grandpapa’s illness and said the visit may take longer than they first expected. Pa’s two brothers were with their wives’ families today, but all of the Haynes would be together tomorrow. Ben looked forward to seeing his cousins, but he anticipated seeing Amelia today far more.

  After only fifteen minutes that may have well have been fifteen hours to Ben, the carriage stopped in front of the Carlyle home. The driver jumped down and opened the door to assist Mary Beth in stepping down. Ben followed Gideon and hurried up the steps and through the door the Carlyle butler held open for them.

  Warm air as well as tantalizing aromas of pumpkin spice and roasting turkey filled the room, welcoming them into the house. Billy and Grace Ann ran down the stairs and into Pa’s arms. He lifted Billy in one arm and hugged Grace Ann with the other.

  Ben’s gaze went right to Amelia, who descended the steps much more sedately than his two siblings had. Her parents greeted them, but Ben didn’t hear a word. His eyes locked with Amelia’s and stayed there until she reached the foyer and greeted Mary Beth. He furrowed his brow and stepped back. She hadn’t come to him first.

  When she finally spoke to him, her lip trembled. “I must speak with you later…to explain why I didn’t write in the last few weeks.”

  The lines on her forehead and around her mouth didn’t bode well for him. He simply nodded then followed the family into the parlor where they all sat down. Billy and Grace Ann grabbed their mother’s attention and went on about what they’d been doing. Ben kept his attention on Amelia.

  Whenever she happened to glance his way, heat flushed her cheeks, and she smiled before ducking her head away from him. Scenarios and questions raced through his mind faster than cattle in a stampede. None of them fit what he’d hoped may happen, and acid climbed to his throat.

  They finally went in to dinner, but he found himself across and down the table from Amelia, who sat next to her father, too far away for conversation. Had that been her request or her father’s? Mr. Carlyle had not been cordial in greeting Ben. His hands now grew moist, and he clasped them together in his lap while Mr. Carlyle asked the blessing.

  Mrs. Carlyle sat to his right at the opposite end of the table from her husband and next to his mother, who dined across from Ben. She smiled at him and placed a napkin in her lap. “I’m glad your family could join us today. I know your grandmama and Clara appreciate the time they have together without so much interruption.”

  She glanced down the table to where Amelia bent her head toward Grace Ann. “You will have time to speak with Amelia later today. She has much to tell you.”

  Before Ben could respond, Mrs. Carlyle turned and began a conversation with his mother. He placed food on his plate, but he paid no attention to what he ate. It all tasted the same.

  Gideon leaned toward Ben. “Amelia sure looks pretty today. Too bad you’re not sitting by her.”

  Ben said nothing but glared for a moment at his brother. Ben would rather be sitting by her too, but he didn’t care to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but Amelia. Then he realized the selfishness in that desire and turned to talk to Gideon in a more pleasant fashion.

  After dinner Pa and Mr. Carlyle went into his study, and Ma followed Mrs. Carlyle to the parlor. Amelia grabbed Ben and Mary Beth’s hands. “Let’s go into the library.”

  Maeleen took over Billy and Grace Ann and led them up the stairs to their rooms. He hoped the young woman would let them play because neither of them would want to take a nap, but at least they wouldn’t be underfoot.

  Amelia paced the floor by the window looking out over the snow-filled yard. So much Ben wanted to say to her, but he sensed her need to get her words in first. He sat on the sofa near the fireplace and waited. If Mary Beth hadn’t been in the room, he would have stopped Amelia’s pacing and held her in his arms.

  Finally she stopped and sat beside him. Her nearness sent his heart galloping, and the fresh scent of lavender filled his nostrils. It must be her favorite because he remembered it from last time.

  Amelia cleared her throat, but her first words still squeaked. “Ben, I have something…oh, dear.” She cleared her throat again. “I must explain why I didn’t answer your last two letters.” She nodded toward Mary Beth. “She knows all about this but promised not to say anything until I could speak with you.”

  She twisted her hands in her lap, and fear rose like a wave of despair in Ben’s chest. He braced himself against what may come next although he wanted to get up and run away from what she would say.

  “Ben, Papa is against our relationship. He says we must only be friends.”

  Relief replaced despair, and he smiled. He’d expected that much from Mr. Carlyle. “That doesn’t surprise me, Amelia. It will take time for him to see how we care about each other.” He paused and peered at her. “You do still care about me, don’t you?”

  She grabbed his hands. “Oh, yes, Ben, I do care, even more than before.”

  He held her hand to his lips. “Then we must be very patient and not anger your father. If we respect his wishes for now, in time he will come to see that we love each other.”

  Tears moistened her eyes. “Oh, Ben, I pray that will happen, but Papa can be so stubborn.”

  “So can mine, but if God ordains us to b
e together, then He will work out the details and make it happen. You have to believe that.” He must be strong for her and give her hope when his own faith weakened at the thought of winning Mr. Carlyle’s favor.

  “I want to believe it. I’ll keep praying and being obedient to Papa.”

  “That’s all you can do, and I’ll keep praying too.” No prayer he’d ever sent up before would be as fervent and full of plea as the ones in the next few months and beyond.

  Lenora led Elizabeth into the parlor where they could talk without interruption. She searched her brain for the correct way to present her dilemma to her friend. Ben was Elizabeth’s son, and certainly she had to be proud of what he had accomplished in life thus far. Lenora didn’t want to hurt any feelings or make it sound like Amelia was too good for Benjamin.

  Elizabeth placed her hand on Lenora’s arm. “I can see something is troubling you. You still crinkle your forehead when you’re worried about something.”

  Lenora let her breath out in a gasp, not even aware she’d been holding it until this moment. “I never could hide anything from you.” She twisted her hands in her lap. “It’s about our children, Amelia and Benjamin.”

  “I thought so. Ben claims to be in love with her, but I fear they don’t really know each other.”

  “Amelia is the same. I get the impression she thinks she can just up and go to Kansas and start living on a ranch without any problems. She can be quite the stubborn one when she sets her mind on something.”

  “So can Ben, but he knows life can be hard on the ranch. He’s seen us deal with diseases in the herd, harsh winters, and lean years when we have to be careful about spending. He’s thinking ahead to a piece of land and a house. But I’m afraid he’s not considering the situation from every angle.”

  She gave Lenora a sympathetic look that opened the door for her to confide her feelings to her friend. “Oh, Elizabeth, it would grieve me so for Amelia to move away like you did. I missed you so much those first months, and I’d miss her even more. She and Amanda are all we have. After we lost our son in his infancy, I knew those two girls would be all we ever had. Am I being selfish in wanting her to stay here where Isaac and I both believe she belongs?”

  “No, Lenora. We want our children to be happy, and that’s why Matthew and I agreed to let Mary Beth remain here. Now that she’s here, I can see how this life fits her so well. It hurts my heart for her to be away. These past few years we’ve been more than mother and daughter; we’ve been friends. However, when I see how happy she is with Andrew Farnsworth, I can’t help but be happy for her and let her go.”

  A stab of pain twisted itself into Lenora’s heart. Elizabeth had four other children left at home and could keep her hands and heart busy with them. No one would be left at home for Isaac and her if Amelia were to leave.

  Elizabeth reached over and covered Lenora’s hands. “Caring for our adult children may prove to be even more difficult than when they were young. We can’t live their lives for them, but we can guide them and help them make the wisest choices.” She paused a moment then continued. “A trip to the ranch would give all three of you a real glimpse into our life. Sometimes the fear of the unknown can influence us to the point of not seeing the truth.”

  “I…I think you may be right. If Amelia can see what goes on and what will be expected of her, maybe she will have second thoughts. Mercy, the girl can’t cook or sew and knows nothing about running a household.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “Neither did I, but Clara and I learned very fast. We had to or starve to death. Of course I did get a few pointers from our cook before we left, but mostly Clara and I taught ourselves, and it wasn’t always fun.”

  Lenora settled back against the sofa. She would not express her opinion too openly until after their visit in the spring. Everything would work out as God willed it, but someone would be hurt after all was said and done, and right now she couldn’t decide whether that should be Amelia—or Isaac and herself.

  Chapter 14

  On Sunday before church, Amelia waited with Billy and Grace Ann in the foyer of the church for the Haynes family to arrive so the children could sit with their parents. Friday Mr. Haynes had picked them up to spend the day with his brothers and their families. The house had been much too quiet after they left, and she had welcomed their return that night.

  When Mrs. Haynes stepped through the door, the children ran and hugged her. Ben skirted around them and headed for Amelia. “It’s so good to see you this morning. I wanted so badly to come to your house yesterday, but Ma suggested it wasn’t a good idea. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stand not seeing you every day while we’re here.” He grasped her hands in his.

  “Neither do I. This is so hard. Papa wants me to continue to consider other young men, but my future is with you.” She had to cling to that hope, or she’d never make it through the months ahead.

  “Ma wants us all together at Grandmama’s house today. I offered to bring Billy and Grace Ann back to your house this evening, but I don’t know if that will happen or not.”

  “I will pray that it does and that Papa will invite you in for a hot drink before going back into the cold. Even if we can’t be alone, we can be in the same room. Just having you near makes me happy.”

  She glanced behind Ben and spotted her mother frowning and shaking her head. Papa stood next to her with his back toward Amelia as he conversed with a fellow church member.

  Her gaze returned to Ben. “I have to go now. Mama is beckoning me. Papa hasn’t seen us together as yet, and she’s afraid he’ll be angry.” She pulled her hands from his grasp. “I’ll look for you to bring Billy and Grace Ann tonight.”

  She hurried to stand beside her mother just before Papa turned and escorted them into the sanctuary. They filed into their pew box at the same time the Haynes family entered theirs a few rows back. Even as she settled onto the cushioned pew, Amelia sensed Ben’s presence and his eyes gazing at the back of her head.

  All through the singing and the message, her thoughts rolled through her mind like a kaleidoscope with each turn coloring her emotions. She glanced up at the stained glass windows and focused on the one of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. Her troubles diminished at the anguish shown in Christ’s face.

  Nothing she ever had to endure would be as hard as that of her Savior going through the anguish of Calvary. Tears misted her eyes, and she bowed her head. Whatever lay ahead, the Lord would walk before her and prepare the way. She had to trust Him and follow wherever He led her. If that happened to be into the arms of Ben, she would be most happy, but if not, she’d have to learn to live with the alternative, whatever that may be.

  Mama slipped her hand over to cover Amelia’s as though she understood the turmoil going through her daughter at the moment. Amelia prayed for Papa to understand how she and Ben loved each other. Until he did, she could do nothing but be obedient to Papa and perhaps thereby increase his trust in her.

  After the service she hurried to the foyer, but Ben had already left. When she opened the door to the outside, she spotted him helping Mary Beth into their carriage. He turned, and when he saw her, a smile grew wide on his face. He touched his fingers to his forehead in a mock salute that said he’d see her later.

  That must mean he’d be bringing his brother and sister back to her house tonight. Her spirits soared with the assurance she’d have even a few moments with him that day. The hours would drag by until his return.

  She turned to look for her parents and bumped into Philip Barlow. “Oh, excuse me. I didn’t realize you were behind me.”

  He grinned and steadied her with his hands on her forearms. “I saw you step out here and wanted to speak with you before you left. The Farnsworths are giving a Christmas party in two weeks, and I’d like to escort you to it.”

  That invitation had come in the mail on Friday, and Mama had insisted Amelia must attend. Now here Philip had asked to escort her, and she had no reasonable excuse for not acceptin
g. Papa would be most pleased, but what if Ben and Mary Beth had been invited too? The expectant look in Philip’s eyes unnerved her, but she managed to answer, “Yes, that will be an honor.” Apparently her earlier rejection had no effect on his efforts to court her. Next time she’d have to be clearer, if there was to be a next time.

  “Thank you, Miss Haynes. I’ll be in touch as to the time.” He tipped his hat and strode off toward his carriage.

  Mama wrapped her arm around Amelia’s shoulders. “I assume that was about the Farnsworth party, and from the look on Philip’s face, you accepted his invitation to take you.”

  “Yes, Mama, I did.”

  “Well done, my daughter.” Papa’s voice sounded his approval. “You will have a grand time with Mr. Barlow.” He grasped Mama’s arm. “Now let’s get home to the dinner Lettie has prepared for us.”

  Amelia followed them across the street and climbed up into the carriage to sit opposite her mother. “The house will be rather quiet this afternoon without the Haynes children there. I shall miss them.”

  “Yes, it has been rather nice having children about the house again. Of course the noise is a little more with a boy than it was with you and Amanda. Grace Ann is growing into a fine young lady as well.”

  Papa patted Mama’s hand. “Don’t get too used to having them around. Remember, they all will be returning to Kansas before very long.” His gaze cut to Amelia as a reminder of his dictum about Ben.

  The message didn’t miss its mark, and Amelia wracked her brain to come up with something or some way to change Papa’s mind about Ben. One thing for sure, she’d never stop trying.

  After dinner Isaac beckoned for Lenora to meet with him in his study. When she had taken her seat in the chair near his desk, he pulled the Farnsworth invitation from the drawer. “This could be the opportunity for young Philip to declare his intentions.”