Amelia's Journey

by Martha Rogers

  Pa shook his head. “No, son, you know ranching and business. Those courses you took at the university have given you a keen business sense. Your uncles would welcome you into the family company in Boston.”

  “But…but…I want to have a ranch and a home for Amelia here.” Now that simple statement did sound selfish to his ears.

  Pa placed his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I think Mr. Carlyle has given you something to seriously consider and pray about. Before asking Amelia to commit her life to you and your dreams, make sure they’re her dreams too.”

  Pa left the room and rejoined the family. Ben slumped into his father’s chair. Lord, what am I supposed to do now?

  Chapter 28

  Amelia watched the door to Mr. Haynes’s office, her heart pumping blood faster than Blackie raced that first morning. The grim expression on Papa’s face and then Mr. Haynes’s when they had come from the office sent currents of fear up her spine. The two men continued to talk for a moment until Ben appeared in the doorway. His expression turned her ice cold.

  Papa turned and strode to Mama’s side. “I think if this storm lets up, we’ll head back to St. Louis on tomorrow’s afternoon train.”

  Amelia gasped and stared at her father. “But Papa, we have two more days left. We can’t leave so soon.”

  “We’ll see what the storm does, and if it passes, we’re leaving.”

  Ben locked gazes with Amelia. Still so much to be said. What had happened in that office?

  Papa reached for Mama’s hand. “I believe we need to go to our room and prepare our luggage for tomorrow.” He gazed at Amelia with eyes that pierced her soul. “And I suggest you do the same, Amelia.”

  She said nothing but bowed her head and nodded. The storm outside may have done no physical damage, but some hidden storm inside had splintered her heart and life here in the house.

  Ben jumped to his feet and followed Papa to the stairway. He touched the man’s shoulder.

  “Mr. Carlyle, may I have a word?”

  “What is it? We have things to do.”

  “I understand, but please reconsider and stay the full time. There are still things I want Amelia to see.”

  The veins in Papa’s neck stood out and his chest swelled. “Young man, have you thought about what I asked a few minutes ago, and would you be willing to do it?”

  Ben’s jaw tightened. “I don’t know.”

  Papa narrowed his eyes. “Until you do, I want you to have no further contact with our daughter. Do you understand?”

  All air left Amelia’s lungs, and she could scarcely breathe. What had Papa done? What did Ben have to do? A sob escaped her throat and she pushed past her parents, racing up the stairs before tears could fall.

  “Now see what you’ve done? We’ll be leaving as soon as possible tomorrow, storm or no storm.” He turned on his heel. “Come, Lenora; we must get packed.”

  His words followed her to her room where she fell across her bed. When neither Mama nor Papa came in to explain, Amelia sat up and wiped her eyes. Something had happened in that office, and it had turned her father even further away from allowing a relationship between Ben and her. She had to speak to Ben tomorrow and find out what Papa had said.

  The next morning Ben wanted to get Amelia aside to explain. He’d spent the night praying and thinking, but he had come to no conclusion. For some reason, God wasn’t giving him any answers.

  When she came down to breakfast, her parents accompanied her and sat her between them at the table. Ben’s gaze locked with hers, and she held a look begging for an explanation. He must find a few minutes alone with her.

  Even Billy and Grace Ann sensed the tension and remained unusually quiet this morning before they left for school with Clara.

  With the weather clear and sunny, after breakfast Mr. Carlyle sealed his statement of last evening. “Matthew, if you would be so kind as to hitch the surrey, we can be back in town to catch the train to St. Louis. Elizabeth, there’s no need for you to come.”

  “Whatever you say, Isaac.” Pa sent him a look that told Ben he wanted to talk later. Ben had no answers for the questions Pa would ask.

  Mr. Carlyle managed to keep Amelia close to his side, never giving Ben the opportunity to get near her. Her father lifted her up to the backseat and then helped his wife to sit beside Amelia. She bit her lip and blinked back tears that glistened in her eyes.

  The look on her face created a lump in his throat. This couldn’t be the end. He still believed Amelia was the girl God had chosen for him, and somehow, He would put them together.

  The surrey left the yard and headed down the road to town. He followed them to the gate then stood and watched the surrey until it became only a dot in the distance.

  He strode back to the corral and leaned on the fence. He swallowed the lump in his throat and gazed up to the blue sky dotted with clouds. “God, what am I to do? I love her and want to marry her. There has to be a way we can be together despite what her father says.”

  What are you willing to give up for her?

  Ben shook his head. Where had that come from? Then the words of his own prayer came back to him. That was what he had to do, but could he give up everything he’d worked for, planned for, and dreamed about for so long? Until he could answer that question, he didn’t have any hope of winning Mr. Carlyle’s support, but the thought of doing it, even for Amelia, tore his soul in half.

  Mama stepped up behind him. “Your pa told me about Isaac Carlyle’s question last night. Have you prayed about it?” She placed her arm across his shoulders.

  “Yes, but I don’t have any answers. I’m not sure I can give up everything here at the ranch. I love her, but I see her here as my wife, helping me with our own ranch.” The picture of himself in Boston going to an office every day and working with his uncles wouldn’t come.

  “Until you can honestly say you’d give up everything for her, can you say you truly love her and want what is best for her?”

  Her words sliced through him, cutting his dreams into little pieces. What good was life without Amelia? What good was his life not on the ranch?

  Ma hugged him. “I’ll be praying for you, as will Pa, but you shouldn’t write to Amelia and give her any hope until you can honestly answer Isaac’s question one way or the other.”

  With a pat on the back and a smile, she strolled back to the house, leaving his soul more in doubt than it ever had been.

  The countryside rolled past the train windows in a blur. Until she could control her tears, she didn’t dare question Papa. No matter what she tried to imagine, nothing could warrant the decision her father had made to return home early.

  Finally her tears lessened, and she used her handkerchief to dry her cheeks. She moved across to an empty seat to speak to her parents. After turning the back of the bench so she could face them, she sat down and drew a deep breath.

  “Papa, what did you mean when you asked Ben about being willing to do something?”

  “That is something Ben will have to explain for himself. I do not want to discuss it any further. Until I hear from him otherwise, he will have no further contact with you. I made sure his father understood that.”

  “But how can he tell me anything if we’re allowed no contact?”

  “When he writes to me with his decision, I will let you know. Until then I want to hear nothing more about it.”

  A glance at her mother, who stared out the window, told Amelia she’d have no help from Mama. Of course she wouldn’t go against Papa because he was her husband, but neither one of them considered their daughter’s feelings and what she wanted from life.

  For the remainder of the trip, nothing more was said about Kansas. Every time Amelia tried to mention it, Papa refused to listen and Mama backed him.

  When the train finally arrived back in Boston, a spring rain storm dampened her spirits further. No matter what Papa and Mama said, Amelia would go on with her plans to learn to cook. She had the recipes from Mrs. Haynes in her b
ag and would give them to Lettie for cooking lessons. Without that diversion, the months ahead loomed long and lonely.

  To appease Papa, she would even attend events with different young men, but it would never ease the ache in her heart for Ben. Until she heard from him, or Papa did, she’d pray every day for things to be resolved so that she and Ben could be together.

  Chapter 29

  Eight long weeks had passed since Papa’s proclamation, and Amelia had cried until she had no more tears to give. A little brown wren sat on a tree limb not far away and sang notes that fell flat on Amelia’s ears. No song, no sun rays, no blue skies or warm weather could lift the heaviness in her heart and break through the clouds of sadness. She picked at a piece of raised design on the brocade-covered chair. This room had become a prison by her choice. She left only for meals or when Mama insisted on Amelia’s company on a shopping trip or a dress fitting. The only bright spot in her days was the time she spent with Lettie in the kitchen. At least Mama hadn’t put a stop to that.

  Mary Beth stopped by, and they talked about the wedding coming on the first of September. Amelia could muster no real enthusiasm for the event, and Mary Beth understood, not pressing for participation in all the activities. Amelia had offered to drop out and not be a maid, but Mary Beth had refused to listen, and for that Amelia was thankful, because if she dropped out, Papa most likely wouldn’t let her attend the wedding at all. Then she’d have no chance of seeing Ben again.

  Mama stepped through the door and strode to Amelia’s side. “We’re going to your grandmother’s house. She’s invited us for lunch, and Amanda will be there as well.”

  “I don’t want to go. I’ll have to pretend that everything is all right when it isn’t. You go and have a nice visit.”

  “That’s nonsense. Now get yourself ready. Toby will have the carriage down front in half an hour. If you’re not ready, you’ll go just like you are. Understood?”

  Amelia heaved a sigh and nodded. “Yes, Mama, I understand.”

  “Good. This visit will do wonders for that sour mood of yours.” With that she swept out of the room, her petticoats swishing around her ankles.

  After a few minutes, Amelia pushed herself from her chair and sat at her dressing table to tuck in loose strands of hair and make herself more presentable. When Mama called exactly thirty minutes later, Amelia made her way downstairs and out to the carriage.

  The bright June sunlight offered warm temperatures, but Amelia’s heart and soul bore the bitter cold of winter, and no amount of sunshine could thaw them. Mama said nothing on the trip to her grandmother’s house, but a smile played about the corner of her mouth. Amelia sensed something afoot, but she didn’t have the energy or inclination to question as she would normally have done.

  When they arrived, Amanda sat with Grandma in the parlor. Both wore huge smiles on their faces that did nothing but irritate Amelia. She’d been a mopey, rude young woman the past weeks, but she simply didn’t care who bore the brunt of her mood.

  Her grandmother hugged Amelia and asked her to have a seat next to her on the sofa. Because she loved her grandmother, Amelia sat. Grandma clasped her hands in her lap. “I think it’s time for a good heart-to-heart talk.”

  Mama sat across from them next to Amanda. “I agree. I had a difficult time getting Amelia to come with me, but she may feel differently after this.”

  Amelia furrowed her brow and bit her lip. What were these three up to now? Did they think they were going to cheer her up with some stories and anecdotes? Anger wrapped itself around her heart like a vise, and she wished more than ever that she’d remained at home.

  Grandma’s voice snapped Amelia to attention at the mention of Ben.

  “Now it seems to me that all your problems started with this young man, Benjamin Haynes.”

  Amelia said nothing. She’d done all her talking, and Mama and Papa hadn’t listened to any of it. If they were going to try to talk her out of her love for Ben, she’d be out of the house in less time than it took to tell it.

  Grandma pursed her lips. “I sense you are not happy to be here. You may change your mind when you’ve heard us out.”

  Amelia doubted it, but the least she could do was to listen to what Grandma had to say. “Go ahead. Whatever you say won’t change my mind.”

  “First of all, your mother tells me you haven’t been yourself since your return from Kansas. Have you prayed about the situation?”

  Amelia choked back a retort. To be truthful, she’d have to admit she hadn’t prayed about it much at all since her return. She just assumed all was lost and vented her anger on whoever happened to be in her way. Prayer wouldn’t really help things anyway. What was done was done. “What good will prayer do?”

  “Much more than you can imagine.” She reached over and covered Amelia’s hand with hers. “We’re not out to change your mind about Ben, my dear child. We’re here to try and help you and Ben to work things out with your father.”

  Amelia bolted upright. Had she heard her grandmother correctly? “You want to do what?”

  “I said we want to help you and Benjamin. Your mother and I have discussed it at length, and Amanda has added her own opinion. While your mother didn’t approve of my suggestions at first, she has since seen how much you care about Benjamin. We are of the same opinion and believe you and Ben do love each other and should be allowed to marry.”

  How could this be? Amelia glanced at her mother. “Papa was so adamant and said that was his final word on the subject when I tried to talk to him on the train, and you seemed to agree with him.”

  Mama bit her lip. “I remember. Your grandmother and I didn’t want to get your hopes up until we could work out some solution. Matt and Elizabeth Haynes will arrive in a few weeks to help Mary Beth with the final preparations for the wedding, and we wanted to make sure we could resolve the problem while they are here.”

  Mama moved to kneel beside Amelia. “We believe Ben could provide a good life for you in Kansas, and we’ll find some way to make Papa see it. We just wanted you to know that we’re on your side and are willing to do whatever it takes to make your dreams come true.”

  Grandma braced her hands on her thigh, ready to stand. “I believe lunch is ready, so let’s eat and we can talk more.”

  Amanda held up her hands. “Wait just a minute, please. I have a wonderful announcement. The doctor says I am fully recovered from my experience New Year’s Eve. So by next spring, Charles and I are hoping we’ll have a baby Bishop to welcome into the world.”

  All the horror of that night rushed through Amelia’s mind, as well as the story of the women in Mama’s family. If Amanda had a successful pregnancy the second time, there was hope for Amelia too. She rushed over and hugged her sister. “I’m so glad. It’ll be wonderful to have a little niece or nephew.” What had started out as another gloomy day full of self-pity and despair had turned into one of hope and promise for the future.

  Ben’s heart lay like lead in his chest. Nothing helped. Over the last two months since Amelia left, his prayers for Amelia’s father to change his mind fell flat, and now his faith had hit the lowest point ever. Only one thing he could do, and that was to answer the question that had plagued his mind since he first heard it in his heart: What are you willing to give up for her?

  He pulled on his reins and searched for Pa. Ben spotted him nearby and rode up to him. “Pa, I need to talk with you about something.”

  “All right, let’s go over to those trees so you can tell me what’s on your mind.”

  A few minutes later Ben leaned forward on his saddle. “I’ve made a decision, and I want to seek your help.”

  Before Pa could comment, Ben plunged ahead. “I’ve decided I can’t live without Amelia, and if takes giving this up and moving to Boston, then that’s what I have to do.”

  “I see. Your ma and I have been praying for you to do this, but why has it taken you long?”

  Ben pushed his hat back on his head; he had questioned w
hy himself. “I’m not really sure. I prayed about it, but deep down I wanted God to tell me I didn’t have to do that. Now I can see that is the only choice I have if I want Amelia as my wife.”

  Pa gripped his saddle horn with both hands. “I’ll write to your uncles, and we can discuss a position for you in the company when we return to Boston for Mary Beth’s wedding.” He hesitated a moment then continued. “I don’t know if this is the right thing, but I’m proud of you no matter how things turn out. Now let’s get back to the herd.” He turned his horse and trotted away.

  Ben breathed deeply then exhaled. Now that the decision was made, his body relaxed and his heart lightened. He’d do anything for Amelia. All he wanted was for her to be happy, and her father would have to see that now.

  Isaac left his study door open so he could hear when Lenora and Amelia returned from their outing. When he’d questioned Lenora that morning, she’d been rather vague, only saying she and Amelia would visit his mother. Something was going on, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

  The front door closed, and he heard voices. Amelia said something about going upstairs to take care of writing a letter. Her voice sounded much lighter and happier than it had in weeks. Perhaps his mother had been able to talk Amelia out of her feelings for Benjamin. That wasn’t likely, but something had happened.

  He returned to his books when he heard a knock on his door. Lenora stood there with a very determined look on her face. “Come in, dear,” he said. “How was your luncheon with Mother?”

  “Very nice.” She strode across the room and stood before his desk. “Isaac, we have to talk about Amelia and Benjamin Haynes.”

  “What is there to talk about? That’s over and done with. I thought you realized that.” Why was she bringing this up now? He’d made his wishes known, and he expected them to be followed.

  “Well, it’s not over, and it’s not going to be over.” She leaned her palms on his desk. “I want to know exactly what it is that you have against Benjamin Haynes. He’s a fine young man and would take very good care of our daughter.”