Just This Once

by Mira Lyn Kelly

  This wasn’t her world.

  Beverly was right. Molly would never fit in, and if she tried to, she might cost Sean his place in it as well.

  There was some rustling behind her. Cabinets opening and closing. The tap running. And then Beverly was pressing a glass of water into her hand.

  “I know you care for him. You always have.”

  Molly turned to Beverly, a question in her eyes.

  Beverly offered the most reserved of shrugs. “A mother knows these things. I also know with the way Sean feels about you and your brother—even if he realized he’d made a mistake, which I don’t believe he has yet—his sense of responsibility and obligation to the two of you won’t allow him to walk away.”

  Molly felt the cool trail of tears on her cheeks and wiped at them with the backs of her hand. Beverly had seen enough of her weakness already. “You’re saying I need to be the one to end things with Sean.”

  A nod.

  “For what it’s worth, Molly, I’ve always liked you. I’m just sorry Sean didn’t have better sense when he decided to act out over this business with the family. It was rash, and I’m certain he would never have allowed it to begin if he’d thought you would be hurt.”

  Molly was the one who should have known better. She wasn’t the right woman for Sean. It wasn’t news to her. She’d known it from the start. It was just that some small part of her had been holding out hope that he’d be able to prove her wrong.

  * * *

  It was Thursday night before Sean made it back to Chicago, and he only made it back that quickly because he’d practically worked through the night Wednesday to do it. He didn’t want to spend another night away from Molly. Leaving the way he had was a fuckup he’d been paying for for days and one his ego hadn’t let him fix.

  What happened at the wedding with Paula and Adelynn had been utter bullshit. Paula was on a first-name basis with everyone but hadn’t even offered Molly the option. And then that business with Adelynn essentially suggesting Molly was on Sean’s payroll for sex?

  Fuck Adelynn Wakefield and anyone else who dared to talk down to Molly. It made him sick.

  Sean’s fists balled.

  They’d been so close. He could see it in Molly’s eyes, feel it in the way she leaned in to him… She’d been about to take the leap. And he’d been making all the best plans about what came next. They were going to go home and tell everyone about their relationship. And he was going to get down on one knee in front of the friends and family they loved most and ask her to marry him. She was going to say yes because she was Molly and he was Sean, and there wasn’t one fucking thing better than when they were together, and they both knew it.

  But then reality had come crashing down in the form of two stuck-up snobs.

  He’d been worried from the start Molly wouldn’t put up with the superficial bullshit that made up half his life. And what happened the very first time she even dipped a toe in that shallow pool? Paula Stratton and Adelynn Wakefield.

  It was a small wonder Molly hadn’t turned around from that encounter and broken things off with him on the spot. For a minute, he’d thought that’s what was happening, and then he’d gotten the call from his dad, and he’d grabbed hold of the hotel emergency with both hands.

  Oh, it was legit. Wyse was about to break ground in Switzerland, and the deal was on the brink of falling through. His father was flying out to handle negotiations in person, which meant Sean was needed in New York. He’d had to leave, but he could’ve handled the departure differently. He could’ve talked to Molly more before he left, only he’d been afraid if he gave her time to talk, she’d tell him it was over. That she didn’t want his life. So instead, he’d thrown himself into the work, letting day after day go by with little more than a text. And each night, before he finally gave in to fatigue, he told himself she was still his.

  Now here he was, with more than twenty-four hours since her last response, a text telling him they’d talk when he got back.

  It didn’t take a genius to figure out that wasn’t code for “Can’t wait to see you, lover!”

  The lights in her apartment windows were burning bright when the driver dropped him off. He trudged up the stairs, all the things he needed to tell her getting jumbled up with all the reasons she might not want to hear them.

  He let himself into Molly’s apartment and tossed his keys on the table by the door as he called out to let her know he was there. A second later, she was standing in her bedroom doorway, dressed in the denim skirt that drove him crazy and a long-sleeved T-shirt with a T. rex on the front. Classic, gorgeous, perfect Molly.

  One look and it was like suddenly everything was right in the world again. Whatever the resolution with the hotel in Switzerland, it didn’t matter. All the Paulas and Adelynns in the world didn’t matter.

  The only thing that did matter was making things right with this girl so he could get his ring on her finger. Hopefully, she’d be willing to tell her brother about them before they did…but hell, he’d take her any way he could get her.

  “I love you,” he announced, knowing what a jackass he had to sound like but not caring so long as he got to say the words and she got to hear them.

  “Sean.” She sighed, her focus suddenly dropping to the floor, and the express train to his happily ever after ground to a screeching halt. Because that one word, those four little letters, reminded him that just being back might not be enough. Not after this week.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call,” he began, cutting off whatever she’d intended to follow his name.

  Her hand was already up, waving his apology away.

  “It’s okay. But we need to talk.”

  She still wasn’t meeting his eyes, but hers were blinking in quick repetition, gutting him as he realized it was because of tears.

  “Molly,” he pleaded, not even knowing what he was asking for, except for whatever was happening in that moment to stop.

  “This isn’t working.” Her words were a whisper, but they met him like a wrecking ball.

  “What do you mean, it isn’t working?” he asked, forcing a calm into his voice he didn’t feel. He knew what she was saying. Of course, he fucking knew. And he knew why. But still, he couldn’t accept it.

  “I mean, I don’t think we should be together like this, like a couple, anymore.”

  The bag in his hand dropped to the floor, and he walked over to the couch where once upon a time, Molly had crawled across his lap, where they’d watched hours of yarn porn, where she’d fallen asleep against his chest and made him feel, for the first time in his life, like there was only one path. One thing that mattered.

  Her.

  He looked down at that couch and then sat in the single chair instead.

  Christ, he felt like he was drowning. Like water was lapping at his chin, too close to his mouth. That any second, he would go under.

  Running his hand through his hair, he pulled himself together. Straightened his tie and looked at the woman he loved looking back at him like he was a regret. She was still standing where she’d been when he’d walked in, still looking like everything he wanted. But it felt like she was getting farther away by the second.

  He had to remain cool. If there was any chance of salvaging his relationship with her—his friendship—then he was going to have to keep his shit together. Be reasonable. Rational.

  “Is this because of that Wakefield woman? Because Molly, if it is, I swear I already—”

  “It’s not. Not entirely.” Then she wrapped her arms around her middle and shook her head, letting her hair fall like a veil in front of her eyes. He remembered how she used to do the same thing when she was fifteen because she didn’t want him—anyone—to see her.

  Molly.

  He cleared his throat. Took a measured breath.

  She sighed and walked over to him, sitting a
t the edge of the coffee table. “Sean, these weeks we shared were like a fairy tale.” She swallowed, blinking quickly. “It’s time I’ll always cherish. But the kind of future we’d have together in the real world isn’t the kind of future I want. Not for myself. Not for either of us.”

  He wanted to bolt out of his seat and tell her that was garbage. Pull her hard against him and kiss her until she realized how wrong she was. He wanted to demand to know how she could have looked at him the way she did, made him feel all the fucking things he did, and not see that what they had was real. It was everything.

  Only maybe that was the problem. Maybe it had never been all that for Molly. And maybe that’s why she’d been so hesitant to tell anyone about them. Yes, they had chemistry between them. That part was irrefutable, but beyond the physical, beyond the friendship that had been between them for over ten years, maybe that certain something he’d been looking for in all the women he’d dated over the years and had only found with Molly…maybe it just wasn’t there for her.

  She’d tried. Given them a chance. But ultimately, Molly didn’t want the kind of life Sean had to offer.

  “So that’s it?” he asked quietly. Resigned. “We’re over?”

  Was the flash of pain in her eyes his imagination?

  “We’ll always be friends,” she whispered. “But the part that was more than friends has to be done.”

  Sean nodded. The only thing he could do now was let her go.

  Chapter 21

  It used to be that Wednesdays were the nights Molly looked forward to all week. Whether she was working or not, she’d be able to see all the people she loved most, gathered together in her favorite place. But here she was, two weeks since she and Sean had ended their relationship, and her stomach was roiling over the evening ahead.

  Last week, she’d had a reprieve when Sean was called out of town again. But now he was back. He’d even texted on Monday to let her know he’d be there. So for days, she’d been making herself sick, anticipating what it would be like to sit across from him and know that thing between them was broken. That he wouldn’t be shooting her the smiles meant just for her, that it wouldn’t be a matter of time until he found a way to get her alone, to back her up against some wall and—

  She cleared her throat and tried to hide beneath a bar menu she’d memorized before it went to print, hoping that no one showed up until she’d fought back the stupid tears that seemed to reside only a single thought away these days.

  Not surprisingly, Brody showed up first, dropping into the seat at her right. He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved charcoal-gray T-shirt that looked like it was at max capacity handling the brawn beneath. One wrist was sporting a wide leather bracelet and the other a watch that probably cost more than what she made in a year. His hair was pulled back in a tie she’d bet he put in and took out six times over the course of the day.

  “How’s it going, boss man?” she asked, going for the kind of casual and easy she hadn’t felt in any part of her life since before she and Sean said goodbye.

  “Not bad, Moll. Lucky for you Jill didn’t want to give up that shift tonight. New bartender had some kind of bug, showed up, and hurked—like, full-on projectile—five minutes after walking in the door. Jill was scrambling for an hour to get someone to fill in.”

  Her hopes soared. “Are you short? You know I can cover the bar.” Maybe she wouldn’t have to just sit there all night. At least she wouldn’t be stuck sitting five feet away from the lap she desperately missed crawling into.

  “Nah, she’s got it covered. Besides, you look like you could use a break.”

  “Good to know it shows,” she said with a laugh. “Wonder if I’ve got some mild version of what the new guy has.” Whether the persistent stomach upset was viral or not, she’d be able to use it as an excuse to cut out early. Not that she’d catch up on any rest even if she did. She was exhausted all the time, but no matter when she went to bed, all she did was toss and turn, thinking about Sean and what it had been like for a little while. What it had been like at the end, when she’d told him it was over and he’d sat there looking completely impassive. No denial. No demand. Just nodding along until finally, there had been nothing more to say and he’d left.

  Shoot. She didn’t want to start crying again, especially with Em and Jase and Sarah and Max all headed toward the table.

  Sarah’s brows pulled together as she neatly tucked herself into the chair between Brody and Max. “Molly, you okay?”

  Brody had a hand up, signaling Jill to come over. “Bug going around. Don’t let her share your beer.”

  Sarah frowned at her. “Again?”

  She could have kissed Brody right then, but since the guy had been warning everyone off an exchange of germs, she figured better not to.

  They were all laughing and joking around when Sean showed up a half hour later. Molly knew the second he walked through the door. She could feel the pressure change in the room around them. That queasy sort of nervous tension accumulating deep in her belly.

  Their eyes met from across the bar, and he stopped. Just stood there for a second like maybe he wasn’t going to stay.

  That pause nearly killed her. Because this was Sean. Her Sean. And after almost two weeks of not seeing each other, instead of running up to him for the giant bear hug that she’d always considered her due, she sat glued to her chair, willing her eyes away from the clean lines of his chiseled face and that half-cocked smile she knew wasn’t coming.

  “Hey, guys,” he said, settling into the open chair across the table.

  The way his eyes drifted past her without stopping had her stomach kicking up another revolt. Pressing a hand to it, she looked away, blowing a slow breath through her nose.

  She could get through this.

  In time, maybe she’d even be able to look at Sean without thinking about how close she’d been to having him forever. Without wondering how very bad it would have been to pretend she didn’t know what being with her might cost him.

  No. She never could have done that to him. And the very fact that Sean hadn’t put up more than a cursory argument when she’d told him it was over was all the evidence she needed to confirm she’d done the right thing. No matter how much it hurt.

  When Molly had it together, she returned her attention to the table and found Emily drumming her fingers, watching her intently. Oh no. She knew that look.

  “Enough’s enough, Molly. Who’s the guy?”

  Max’s face lit up. “You dating someone, Little Sis?”

  She was going to have to tell them something. But right then, all she could think was that she could feel Sean’s eyes on her, waiting for her answer.

  Time to tug up the big-girl panties.

  “No guy. Not anymore,” she answered as casually as she could manage. Molly reached for the beer Jill had brought over and then, on second thought, put it back.

  “It’s over already?” Sarah asked, her pretty smile melting into a pout. “That stinks.”

  Emily was nodding in agreement, but she wasn’t through. “So what happened? Two weeks ago, you thought this might be the one.”

  Molly was shaking her head, that sick feeling growing by the minute as heat spilled into her cheeks. From the corner of her eye, she could see Sean leaning forward in his chair.

  “No. That’s not what I meant,” she lied, wondering why she hadn’t just kept her mouth shut.

  Emily sighed, her eyes filling with compassion. “You were all breathless and whispery, like you could barely keep from telling us his name. Molly, you were so excited. What happened?”

  “Yeah, Molly,” came the voice she couldn’t stop remembering, midnight gruff at her ear. “What happened?”

  She turned, meeting Sean’s dark stare. Her walls were starting to crumble. This was too much.

  Finally, she managed the truth. “We were just too
different.”

  “Jesus, Molly,” Brody muttered from beside her, but he was looking at Sean. Of course he knew.

  Max grunted. “Sounds like a douche. Fuck ’em, Moll. You can do better.”

  She smiled, knowing her brother was just trying to be on her side. But she couldn’t let it go. “Nah, he’s a good guy. I want him to be happy, and I’m really hoping we can stay friends.”

  This was where Sean was supposed to assure her they would. Where he gave her the smile the two of them—and maybe Brody—would understand. But when she met his eyes, all she found was that same closed-off stare from two weeks ago. No words. No smile.

  Nothing.

  She was going to lose it. Jumping off her stool, she started cutting around Brody. “Give me a minute, guys, I’m not—”

  Her stomach lurched, and the edges of her vision went dim.

  “Whoa, Molly,” Jase said, jumping up from where he’d been sitting at her other side. His big hand caught her beneath the elbow, the other circling around her back. “You okay? Looked like you were going down. Here, sit a sec.”

  Sean was standing now, a deep furrow between his brows as he watched her. “Molly?”

  Brody caught a passing server and grabbed a water off her tray. “Drink some.”

  “I’m fine,” she grumbled, taking a small sip. “I just… I think I’ve been fighting a bug, and it’s starting to get the upper hand.”

  “Fighting for how long? Because you’ve been kind of pukey for the past few weeks.” Sarah’s brows furrowed, and she looked as if she might be counting on her fingers before adding quietly, “Maybe even longer.”

  It was the counting that snared her attention, made Molly’s throat go Sahara dry as she ticked off weekends in her mind.

  Too many weekends, only that couldn’t be it. Her heart started to race. No way was that it. She missed months all the time. Had from as far back as she could remember. It’s why she never bothered keeping track. Only this time…