Circumstantial Evidence

by Annette Broadrick

  Ashley shook her head in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

  He continued to study her. "It hit me today, Ashley, what it means—you're being an attorney—a highly skilled trial lawyer with all the necessary killer instincts. I can understand your success—you go straight for the jugular."

  The words he spoke spilled out into the quiet room and bounced around her. Ashley heard the sounds but had difficulty absorbing their meaning. Rafe continued to speak as though thinking aloud. "When I first met you I saw an attractive woman who stirred me as no other woman I'd ever met had, and I wanted you. I took unfair advantage of your lack of experience and caused you to want me." He moved toward her as though to touch her, then dropped his hand. "I had no concept of what the other part of you was like until today. I sat there and watched you, wondering what it would be like to have those skills turned against me. For a moment the thought shook me." His gaze wandered over her face and he frowned, noticing her lack of color for the first time.

  Moving to the door, he leaned over and picked up his bag. "I'm hurting you, and God knows I don't want to do that. I think I'd better leave before I say any more."

  She was surprised at how calm she sounded as she asked, "Would you like me to take you to the airport?"

  He hesitated, glancing at his watch. "I'm afraid I've left it a little late to call a cab. Would you mind?" How polite he sounded.

  "No. I had planned to, anyway."

  Rafe drove. They were almost at the airport when he spoke.

  "Ashley, I've got a lot of thinking to do, and I need some time. I've been driving myself—" he paused— "just as you have. I can see what it's doing to us. You shouldn't have to justify who and what you are to me. It's just that I'm not sure I can accept who you are at the moment."

  "Do you want a divorce?"

  "No!" Then he qualified the statement. "At least, not necessarily. I'm just facing the fact that marriage means more than legalizing our right to make love. I thought we had a similar value system, a similar outlook—"

  "When did you decide that we don't?"

  His face reflected the agony his thoughts were causing him as he pulled up in front of the airport. "When I saw you tear apart a man whose folly was in attempting to protect his son. Why, Ashley?" He was almost pleading. "Why was it so important to the case? Couldn't you have made the same point without dragging that poor man's most private pain out for everyone to see?"

  "Rafe, I conducted the case in the only way I could, if I wanted to win it." Her gaze remained steady. "I think you'd better catch your plane." One part of her noted his face go pale at her unemotional tone, and anguish showed in the blue depths of his eyes.

  He got out of the car, and she moved over and looked at him for a moment through the open window. "Goodbye, Rafe." She then released the hand brake and drove off, refusing to glance into her rear-view mirror. The pain began to grow and spread through her body like flood water inching across a dam. "I mustn't think of him right now." Her voice sounded loud in the quiet car. "Think of other things, Ashley. You won the case. That was the important thing. You mustn't lose sight of your priorities. At least Raul was pleased with the outcome." She knew she'd done the only thing she could. "I wonder if winning will justify my ignoring Begley's orders."

  Ashley knew that an attorney never entered a courtroom to lose, not if that attorney wanted a career as a trial attorney. She'd never faced how painful winning could be.

  Chapter Ten

  Ashley returned home. The house had never seemed so empty. She sat down on the sofa and stared into the cold fireplace, remembering the plans she'd made for the evening. She'd intended to prepare the only casserole she'd ever learned to make. The wine waited in the refrigerator. That, along with the candlelight and a small fire in the fireplace were to help set the mood for her news. Her sudden choked laugh sounded more like a sob.

  Not telling him doesn't make him less a father, she reminded herself, but for some reason I don't think the news would have helped matters tonight. The awful thing, the thought that kept eating away at her, was that she couldn't blame Rafe for his reaction. Knowing his attitude toward attorneys, she should have been better prepared for it. As he had pointed out, he might never have seen her in a courtroom. With her career as uncertain as it was at the moment, and the added advent of motherhood, Ashley might have managed to practice on a limited basis and been the woman Rafe thought she was.

  He was right. She wasn't that woman, but he'd made the woman he saw come alive within her, to begin to have meaning and substance to Ashley so that she wanted to become that warm, loving creature. She wanted to develop the emotional and loving side of her nature that had lain dormant within her.

  Ashley began to notice the chill in the room. As she stood up, Tasha reminded her that she hadn't been fed but for once didn't make a federal case out of it. She followed Ashley into the kitchen and waited patiently for her meal. Rafe had even managed to transform Tasha.

  As she climbed into bed, Ashley admitted to herself that she had reason to be exhausted. Her pregnancy notwithstanding, she'd had a traumatic day. Word would have reached Begley that Ashley had not withdrawn from representing McCord Industries. He would probably consider her win a final insult to his authority.

  At long last her body's needs overcame her and she fell into a restless sleep, the scent of cedar haunting her dreams.

  Ashley managed to retain a blessed feeling of numbness during the next few weeks. She waited for some word from Begley, but heard nothing.

  One day at the office, when she'd been involved in depositions and had escaped to the restroom, she returned to hear a conversation between one of the attorneys of her firm and one of the opposing attorneys there for the depositions. She heard her name mentioned and paused. The opposing attorney was saying, "My God, Fred, that woman was a barracuda in depositions today. I've seen some aggressive women lawyers, but Allison is something else."

  She waited, unsure of how to get past the door to the conference room without being seen when she heard the reply. "Oh, don't mind her, Jim. You know how these women lawyers are. They think they have to look tougher, act meaner, and hit harder than any man. She's a good lawyer, though. We're pleased to have her in the firm."

  Their voices faded as they left the room through another door. She went into her office, ostensibly to check phone messages but in reality to regain her composure. Was that how others saw her? She'd been too busy learning how to practice law to be concerned about her image. She tried to shrug off the comments. They weren't all bad—more like back-handed compliments. It was good to hear that at least one member of the firm considered her an asset.

  The following morning she woke up sobbing. Her dream still floated in her mind like a shroud. She'd been with Rafe and it was just like the first time she had awakened and found him kissing her. She'd been holding him close, stroking his face and shoulders, when in the dream he became Virgil Tysinger. He was saying, "So you're a lawyer, huh? You really know how to pick the barracudas, Rafe." She'd glanced behind her and saw Rafe standing there watching her, a look of disgust and distaste on his face. Her sobbing had followed her out of the dream and she woke up, facing the loneliness of her life. She cried until she was limp. Then she lay exhausted, her chest hurting from the great gulps of air she'd taken in an attempt to quell the dry sobs.

  One morning in late November Ashley received an interoffice envelope marked "Confidential"—which could only mean its contents concerned an administrative matter. The wheels of justice might turn exceedingly slow, but she knew they'd caught up with her. The message was a request that Ashley attend a partners' meeting scheduled for the following Tuesday at five-thirty.

  Ashley arrived on time but was the last one to come into the room. She glanced around the conference table at the eleven men. I wonder if this is how a condemned criminal feels, she thought as they watched her take a seat. She placed her hands loosely in her lap and waited.

  Ralph Begley spoke. "Tha
nk you for joining us today, Ashley." He refused to meet her eyes, a sure sign that his news wasn't pleasant. "There are some matters we wish to discuss with you. We've been going over your record." He paused, looking down at his notes as if to confirm his facts. "Five years now, isn't it?"

  Ashley nodded.

  "We've been quite pleased with your contribution to the firm, Ashley."

  Then why can't you look me in the eye when you speak to me? she wondered.

  "You've been honest and straightforward with us," Begley continued, "and we've tried to work with you on the same level." He paused, then cleared his throat. He glanced around at the other men seated at the table. "A few weeks ago I had occasion to speak to you on a matter regarding what I felt to be a conflict of interest within our firm."

  Ashley wondered why he was prolonging the meeting. Perhaps he derived some sort of pleasure from pointing out to his more liberal partners that he had been right in his reluctance to hire a woman attorney. I've probably set the cause of hiring female attorneys in this firm back fifty years. She mentally apologized to any would-be successors who would not understand the reason for their rejection.

  "At that time"—Begley's voice began to sound hoarse as though he had to force his speech—"I strongly advised Ashley to turn her case over to someone else."

  "Advised"? "Ordered" would be more accurate. She waited with no expression on her face.

  "She did not do so."

  Eleven pairs of eyes turned on Ashley as she sat there.

  You would think I'd stolen the key to the executive men's room.

  "Our firm has never been faced with a situation quite like this one, and we've spent several weeks discussing what, if anything, should be done."

  Ashley forced herself to meet his eyes, but he was having trouble sustaining the contact.

  "Out of the several meetings that have been held regarding this issue, one point seems to remain outstanding. To be a part of the firm, it is necessary that each of us recognize the team effort it takes to make the firm successful. If we each start pulling in a different direction, we'll never move forward."

  All right. The verdict was in—and she was out.

  Begley paused and poured himself a glass of water from the decanter at his elbow. She was surprised to see how difficult he was finding it to tell her she was fired. She had an insane desire to do it for him, but she managed to restrain herself.

  "Ashley." He paused, then cleared his throat. "It is my rather unpleasant task to inform you that in a unanimous vote the partnership has decided to request that you seek employment elsewhere."

  There, that wasn't so bad, was it? She wanted to console him, then forced herself to face the fact that she'd just been fired from her first and only position as a lawyer. Is this how shock feels? She felt so differently than she had when Rafe left, perhaps because she'd already come to terms with this eventuality. At the moment all she could feel was a sense of relief that something definite had taken place. Now she could pick up the pieces and go on with her life.

  All eyes were trained on her, and she realized with a start that they were waiting for her to say something. Like what? Oh well, here goes…

  "Thank you, Mr. Begley, for taking the time to explain your position. I was aware at the time I made the decision to attend the hearing that there was a possibility my employment with the firm would be terminated." She glanced around the table with a pleasant smile. "I can't say that I'm surprised, because I'm not. I'm very sorry that the situation arose, but I would be less than honest if I didn't tell you that given the same set of circumstances, and knowing what I know now"—her smile grew—"I would make exactly the same decision," she finished in a soft, firm voice.

  Glancing back at Begley, she asked, "When would you like me to leave?"

  The men continued to stare at her with varying degrees of puzzlement, and she realized that none of them had expected her reaction. They probably expected tears and hysteria. Well, sorry to disappoint you, fellas, but if I didn't do that when I was kidnapped, you won't catch me doing it over a job.

  "There's no rush, of course," Begley said to reassure her—unnecessarily, as it happened. Her savings account and severance pay would see her through several months, if not a couple of years. She wouldn't be without work that long, she knew. "We would appreciate your handling any cases pending during the next four or five weeks. As for the rest, if you could work with the other attorneys so that they can pick up from there, it should make the transition easier for the clients involved."

  She nodded. "Of course. Then the end of the year would probably be a suitable time for me to leave."

  "Oh, it doesn't have to be that soon, Ashley. If you'd like to stay on until, say, March or so, that's perfectly satisfactory with us."

  Once again she smiled, finding it hard to hide her amusement. She was still refusing to play by the old school rules the men seemed to understand so well. "My January calendar is almost empty, as I had intended to take some time off and spend a few weeks in California with my husband." No one knew that those plans had been abandoned some time ago. She had continued to keep the time open, knowing that she would need a break from her work at the office.

  In the end, it was very simple to start severing her ties with the office, and she found herself looking forward to the first break in her routine since she had left law school. She needed some time to herself.

  During the week between Christmas and New Year's an ice storm hit Portland, paralyzing traffic and causing most people to stay home. Eager to finish clearing out her desk, Ashley chose to leave her car at home and walk to work. Her boots had nonskid soles that made it easy enough to walk, and the exercise was welcome.

  She took a shortcut to save time and distance and marveled at the beauty of the ice-weighted trees. Portland had become an artist's paradise, but the damage to utility lines created chaos for the crews in charge of them. Her office building had escaped the loss of electricity, for which Ashley was thankful after hiking that far.

  Once she was in her office, her day became predictable; by the time she was ready to leave, each pending file had full notations of what had been done and what still needed to be done to prepare for trial. She left content with the work she'd accomplished.

  The transit mall appeared deserted as Ashley stepped out of the building. The winter light had faded, and she was glad she had decided to leave a little early. She was watching where she walked and didn't notice anyone until a hand touched her arm. She jumped, startled, and glanced up. Rafe stood there, his heavy coat adding to his size. The collar was turned up to protect his neck and ears. No cap covered his thick, wind-ruffled hair. It fell across his forehead in a familiar fashion. Ashley felt as though someone had squeezed her heart. She raised her frightened face to meet Rafe's gaze.

  "I'm sorry I startled you, Ashley. I was just on my way upstairs to try to see you." She continued to stare at him, watching his lips as though he were a puppet mouthing words. His face looked as though he'd forgotten how to smile. "I'm glad I didn't miss you."

  Trying to regain some self-control, she attempted to joke. "Don't tell me this is another kidnapping attempt?"

  She saw the expression in his eyes change as her whimsical response registered. "Is your car here downtown?" he asked.

  She shook her head.

  "May I give you a ride home?"

  Her mouth lifted in an attempt to smile. He sounded so polite, like a little boy properly trained. "That would be very nice, thank you." You see, I can be polite too.

  She noted the changes in his face since she'd last seen him. He looked older, much older. She couldn't quite decide why that was. Perhaps "defeated" better described his appearance. He stood there, his broad shoulders slumped, his head not quite erect. His eyes reflected the cold surrounding them.

  Rafe led her down the steps and to the street where his car waited by the curb. He had driven to Oregon, hoping he'd make it before the bad weather hit. The roads could be treacherous in
the border area between the two states.

  They were both silent as he helped her into the car and then hurried around to the driver's side and got in. The car's warmth felt good to Ashley's already chilled legs and feet. Rafe drove with care, taking no chances.

  Ashley turned her head toward Rafe, rolling it in a lazy movement against the headrest. Her body felt limp, like a stuffed doll that had suddenly lost all its filling. Her mind was blank; not even fragments of thought interfered with the gray expanse of nothingness.

  "How are Raul and Jeanine?"

  His eyes flicked to her, then returned to watch the street. "They're fine. I drove up for Christmas. Thank God I managed to miss all of this mess on the road." He was quiet for several moments. "They asked me about you."

  "Did they? What did you tell them?"

  "Very little. They knew something was wrong when you began to refuse their invitations to visit. Raul called me to find out what was going on, and in my usual subtle fashion I told him it was none of his damned business and to butt out." His voice sounded fierce; as was his expression.

  Ashley could think of nothing to say, and they lapsed into silence once more. The drive home seemed interminable—tree limbs were down everywhere. City and utility trucks were the only vehicles to be seen except for an occasional Tri-Met Transit bus.

  When they had parked in front of her house, he helped her out of the car. Then he took the keys from her and opened the door to the house. Tasha greeted them as though they'd left together that morning. She pressed against Rafe's leg as he hung his heavy coat in the hall closet, then followed as he knelt before the fireplace and began to build a fire. Ashley could hear her purr from across the room. At least he knew Tasha was glad to see him. Ashley had no feelings at all at the moment. She hoped she could maintain the numbness until after he left. She wasn't up to discussing divorce arrangements at the moment.