by E. L. Todd
My Soul Is Yours
Book Sixteen of The Forever and Ever Series
E. L. Todd
“If you’re a bird…I’m a bird.”
Nicholas Sparks –The Notebook-
Chapter One
Trinity
I hadn’t spoken to Reid in almost a week. He never returned my phone calls, and he never texted me back. I thought it was odd. We used to see each other almost every day, but after he left my apartment in a hurry, everything had changed.
Getting nervous, I sent him another message. Your silence is scaring me. If I did something to hurt you, I’m sorry.
Within a moment, he called me.
I answered the call full of concern. “Reid, is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine,” he said. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
“Well, why have you been avoiding me?”
He took a long pause. “I’ve actually started seeing someone, and I think it would be awkward if you and I still hung out. You know…since we kinda dated before.”
Oh, that made sense. But why did he sound so sad? “I understand, Reid. I wouldn’t want Slade—” I hated thinking about him every second of the day. “I understand what you’re saying.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I guess I was just avoiding it. I do like spending time with you.”
“I do too,” I admitted. “But, no girl wants their guy to be friends with his ex.”
“Yeah…”
“Well, I guess I’ll see you around then.”
“Take care, Trinity.” There was a tone of resignation in his voice.
“You sound upset, Reid. Is there something on your mind?”
“Not at all,” he said. “Just a little tired. Goodbye.”
“Bye…”
He hung up.
I put the phone down and pondered our conversation. Our friendship had died out as quickly as it began but I was happy for him. He’d been looking for a girl for a long time, and I was glad he found someone he wanted to be serious with. That relationship ended his friendship with me, but there was no other way around it.
I sighed then got back to work, trying not to think about that man that would never leave my heart.
***
Skye and I got lunch at Mega Shake. I picked at my food but didn’t eat much, like usual. She scarfed down her food like she was starving.
“Reid is gone for good now?” she asked.
“Yeah…”
She smiled at my words.
“I told you there was never anything going on between us.”
“I know. But I still didn’t want him to get in the way of you and Slade.”
“Skye, Slade and I are over forever,” I said firmly. “Let’s not pretend anymore.”
She looked down at her fries but she was still smiling.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said quickly. She forced herself to frown. “Dad told me about the work gala they’re having at your dad’s house.”
“What work gala?” I asked.
“Your dad didn’t tell you about it?”
“My confusion didn’t answer your question?” I said sarcastically.
“Well, I guess your dad is hosting it. It’s black tie.”
“Is Slade going?” I asked with a growl. I avoided seeing him whenever possible. Every time I looked at him, I missed him all over again.
“No. I think it’s just you, me, Roland, and Conrad.”
“What about Cayson?”
“He’s not going,” she said. “He has to work.”
“Oh, that sucks,” I said.
She shrugged. “You want to carpool together?”
“I guess.”
“Cool.” She finished her food then checked her phone.
I pushed my tray away then crossed my arms over my chest.
“It’s at six, so I’ll pick you up half an hour before that.”
“Okay.”
“We can’t be late, Trinity.”
“Who cares?” I said. “It’ll be a bore anyway.”
“Let’s just be on time,” she argued.
“Geez, when did you become such a control freak?”
“I’ve always been a control freak,” Skye corrected.
After we finished our lunch, we went back to work. Since I was working from home, I stayed inside a lot. I had nowhere to go and no one to do anything with. Slade hadn’t called or tried to reach out to me since he saw me with Reid. He’d finally given up on me, and as much as it pained me to admit, I knew it was for the best.
Around five o’ clock, there was a knock on my door.
“Come in.” I didn’t care who it was. The only person I wanted it to be was Slade and I knew it wouldn’t be him.
Dad came inside. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Oh. Hey, Dad.” I stood up and hugged him. “What brings you here?”
“Just came by to check on you.”
I sat down on the couch again.
He sat beside me. “It looks like you’ve been busy.”
“All I ever do is work.”
“At least you’re driven.”
“Or just crazy,” I said with a laugh. “By the way, Reid and I aren’t spending time together anymore.”
“May I ask why?” he asked calmly.
“He has a girlfriend now and he doesn’t think it’s a good idea if we remain close friends.”
He nodded. “That’s understandable.”
I looked at him incredulously. “That’s it? You were calling him son and now you don’t care that he’s dating someone?”
“I realized I was being unfair about the whole thing. I’m sorry.”
Talk about a one-eighty. He went from being obsessed with Reid to being indifferent to him. “Well, I’m glad you finally let that fantasy go.”
“I will accept anyone you choose to love, Trinity. Now I just have to wait for you to find him.”
“I already did,” I said bitterly.
He eyed me but didn’t say anything.
“So, are you here to invite me to the gala thing?”
“Yeah. Skye told you about it?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“It’ll be at our place. It’s an outdoor event so wear a nice dress. It’s black tie too.”
“Aren’t all the parties black tie?”
“Yeah, I just want to make sure you know what to wear.” He grabbed his wallet then put a few large bills on the table. “Go buy yourself a nice dress.”
I eyed the money, unsure why he gave it to me. My dad hadn’t given me money since I moved out. “Uh, it’s okay, Dad. Don’t worry about it.”
“I know you aren’t working right now and I want you to look nice. Remember, you represent me. And get your hair done too.”
I shrugged then grabbed the money. “I’m not going to turn down free cash.”
He chuckled then gave me a fond look. “What are you doing tonight?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know…probably nothing.”
“Well, if you ever want to come to the house, you know where to find us.”
“I know, Dad.”
He kissed my forehead then headed to the door. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
***
I thought I was getting better with my depression but I was actually getting worse. I thought I’d finally let Slade go, but I realized I’d been holding on to him even tighter. My dreams were full of his kisses and his touch. My nightmares were full of him leaving me.
Every day was just as bad as the previous one. I started to believe that I would never get over him, for as long as I lived. My heart had stopped working and now it couldn’t be repaired.
&n
bsp; Would I survive this?
Wanting an outlet for my pain, I went to the store and bought as much liquor as I could carry, and I bought a few candy bars to munch on when the hunger came. Being drunk, even for just a night, would be a nice escape from the torture.
It was pathetic to drink alone, but at this point, I really didn’t care. I opened the bottles and began to drink, watching TV and waiting for the pain to disappear. When I was drunk, the pain didn’t go away. It seemed to be stronger, but blurry. Everything was amplified but it was also scattered. I lay on the floor, wishing Slade would get out of my head. I knew I hit rock bottom and that just made me feel worse.
Unsure what I was doing or thinking, I grabbed my phone and drunk dialed Slade. There was no hesitation. For some reason, I thought calling him would fix all my problems. My need was desperate and I couldn’t shake it.
He answered. “Hello?”
Tears leaked from my eyes at his words. “You ruined me…” I breathed hard into the phone. “Why did you do this to me?” I cried, unable to stop it. I was a train wreck and I’d just collided with a concrete dam. “Why did we have to sleep together? Why did any of this have to happen?”
“Trinity?” His voice was full of concern. “Baby, where are you?”
“Like you care.”
“Trinity, you’re drunk off your ass. Now tell me where the fuck you are.” His anger sounded scarier in my drunken state.
“I’m at home, lying on the floor like a stupid girl who wanted to marry a prince just like all those Disney princesses. I’m a stupid girl who just wants security… God, I’m so stupid.”
Slade became muffled in the background and he sounded like he was moving. “Trinity, you aren’t stupid,” he said gently. “None of that is true. I didn’t mean it when I said it.”
“Yes, you did.”
He breathed hard like he was walking fast. “I promise you, I didn’t.”
“Why couldn’t you just want to marry me? You ruined everything.”
“I do want to marry you.”
“No, you don’t.” I sobbed harder. “I wish we’d never been together.”
“No, you don’t,” he said calmly.
“Yes, I do.” I fell silent and listened to him breathe. I curled up in a ball and tried to make the pain go away.
The front door opened but I didn’t bother to look to see who it was.
Warm arms wrapped around me and the phone was pulled from my ear. I was lifted then held tightly. Slade’s chest was in my face, and I smelled his scent. It was a trigger to unleash my deepest and darkest thoughts. “I love you…” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you so much. I’ll never stop loving you as long as I live.”
Slade held me close and rocked me back and forth. “I’ll never stop loving you either,” he whispered.
My tears dripped down his neck and onto his shirt. “It never stops hurting. It never goes away.”
“It never stops for me either.” His lips moved to my face and he kissed my tears away. “I’m suffering as much as you are.”
“I don’t want to suffer…” I gripped him tightly like he might slip away.
His lips moved to mine and he kissed me gently. “Trinity, the pain is going to go away soon. Just give it a few days.”
“Why a few days?”
“Just wait. Trust me.”
I cupped his face and kissed him hard on the mouth. I gave him my tongue immediately and kissed him the way I loved. My arousal was amplified by my lack of inhibitions.
Slade picked me up and carried me into my bedroom. After he got me on the bed, he changed my clothes and put the t-shirt I always wore over my head. Then he tucked me in.
“I want you.” I reached for him.
Slade moved to my side, still fully clothed, and kissed me again. His kiss was just as good as I remembered.
“I don’t have feelings for Reid,” I said between kisses. “Just you.”
“I know, Trinity.”
“I’m not friends with him anymore. He has a girlfriend so we stopped seeing each other.”
He kissed me passionately then dug his fingers into my hair. Then he ended the embrace. “You need to get some sleep.”
“No…” I grabbed him and held on. “Don’t go. I need you.”
“I need you too.” He kissed my forehead.
“I just got you back… I don’t want to lose you again.”
He cuddled into my side and held me. “I’m not leaving.”
“Sleep with me.”
“Okay.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?”
“No. But you aren’t going to remember I was here anyway.”
“Oh…”
“Go to sleep, baby.” He moved his fingers through my hair and tried to soothe me.
“Have you been with anyone else?”
“Never,” he whispered.
That seemed to calm me down enough to fall asleep. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent.
When I woke up the next morning, I didn’t remember anything.
***
I couldn’t remember what happened the evening before. The only clue I had were the bottles of liquor littered around the apartment. One had spilled and made a noticeable stain on the carpet. I was too depressed to care about getting my security deposit back.
My life had spiraled out of control, and now I was drinking alone to get rid of the pain. I purposely tried to pass out so I wouldn’t think about Slade anymore. I’d never been this heartbroken in my life. When Slade and I first got together, I didn’t see him as a threat. It wasn’t possible for him to hurt me.
But he had hurt me most of all.
In a haze, I went about the rest of my week, trying to forget the pain throbbing in every place of my body. I focused on my work and blocked out all other thoughts.
On Friday, Skye came over. “We need to go shopping and get our nails done.”
“For what?” I asked.
Her eyes widened in panic. “The work gala at your dad’s place. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah…”
“You’re still going, right?”
I wasn’t in the mood. I wanted to curl into a ball and disappear instead. “No, I’m going to stay home.”
“Why?” Her words came out louder than normal.
“I don’t want to socialize with a bunch of snooty people and pretend I’m perfectly okay. Dad will understand. He knows I’m going through a hard time.”
“No.” She gripped my arm. “Trinity, you have to go to this.”
“Why?”
“You can’t make me go alone. You and I always have so much fun.”
I averted my gaze. “We both know I’m no fun right now.”
“Come on, you’re a hoot.”
I gave her an incredulous look.
“Okay…you have your moments,” she said with a laugh. “But you need to go to this. You need to get out of this apartment. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
“Roland will be there.”
“My annoying brother?” she asked incredulously. “Don’t stick me with him.”
I sighed then abandoned the sketch I was doing.
“Trinity, you’re going even if I have to drag you.”
“Fine,” I said with a sigh.
“Great. Now let’s go shopping.”
***
We hit the stores and I found a dark blue gown that was skin-tight and had a halter-top. Since I was so pale, lighter colors usually didn’t look great on me. I tried to stick to darker colors so I wouldn’t fade into the wallpaper.
“You’re going to look so good,” Skye said excitedly. She was more excited than usual about my attire. When she saw me try on the dark blue dress, she jumped on her toes and clapped. “Like, a million bucks. How are you going to do your hair?”
I shrugged. “Probably pull it back.”
“What jewelry are you going to wear?”
“Are we going to the prom?” I demanded.
“What?” she asked. “I’m just curious. You know what you should wear?”
I looked at her.
“That bracelet Slade gave you.”
I turned away. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Come on, it’s gorgeous. It’ll go so well with what you’re wearing.”
“No,” I snapped. “I’m not wearing anything that asshole gave me.”
She turned away and dropped the argument. “Now that we got everything done, should we eat?”
“I’m a little hungry,” I admitted.
“I’m starving,” Skye said. “Mega Shake?”
“We always eat there.”
“Because it’s awesome,” Skye said. “You want to go somewhere else?”
“No, that’s fine.”
She chuckled. “That’s what I thought.”
We walked inside and ordered our food. When we moved to a table, Cayson and Slade were sitting together at a booth.
Damn my luck.
He and I hadn’t spoken since he saw me with Reid. He told me to have a good life and I didn’t chase him down. It was a heartbreaking departure, but that was reality.
Skye saw the dilemma. “Let’s just sit with them.”
“I don’t want to be around Slade.”
“Well, you can’t avoid him forever. He’s never going to go away.”
Cayson moved to the seat beside Slade so neither Skye nor I would have to sit by him.
“It’ll be okay,” Skye said. “Just sit.”
I sighed then slid into the seat across from him. I purposely didn’t look at him, more interested in my fries.
An awkward silence filled the room, and we all tried to ignore it. Cayson decided to break the tension. “How was shopping?”
“Good,” Skye said. “Trinity got a really beautiful dress.”
“Cool,” Cayson said. “I’m sure it looks great.”
I kept my gaze downward while I ate my fries.
“Did you get anything, baby?” Cayson asked.
“I got some new heels.”
“Ooh…” Cayson winked at her. “You should show me those tonight.”
Skye rolled her eyes and didn’t respond. She blocked his dirty comments but it was obvious she loved them.
Slade stared at me and didn’t touch his food.
Even though I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he was looking at me.