by E. L. Todd
“How are you?” he asked quietly.
“Fine,” I muttered. “You?”
“I’ve been better.” His voice was quiet and emotionless.
“I’m not hanging out with Reid anymore,” I blurted. It didn’t change our predicament and it really didn’t matter. But I felt obligated to tell him anyway. I remembered the look of devastation on his face when he saw us together.
“Cayson told me. I’m glad to hear that.”
Was he really? He wanted me to be alone but he didn’t want to be with me? “What about you? Fucking your bimbos left and right?”
“You’re the only one, Trinity.”
His words made me melt, and I hated myself for it.
“You know that,” he whispered.
Skye and Cayson remained quiet, and then Cayson nodded toward the door.
“We’re gonna go,” Skye said. “See you guys later.” They gathered their things and walked out. Half of Skye’s food was untouched.
Slade and I didn’t acknowledge their departure.
“What’s the dress for?” he asked.
“A work party for my dad.”
He nodded. “That should be fun.”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to go, honestly.”
“You’ll probably have a good time.”
“Doubtful. I’ll force a smile and try to blend in with the crowd.”
“You never blend in with the crowd, Trinity.” His words came out quiet.
Unsure how to respond, I said nothing at all.
“How’s the business going?”
Talking to him like everything was normal and we were just friends was killing me. “We aren’t friends so let’s stop pretending, alright?”
“You’re right,” he said. “We aren’t friends. But I care about you and everything you do.”
“No, you don’t,” I whispered.
“I care about you more than anyone else on this planet,” he said seriously.
“But that’s not enough, right?”
He stared at me silently.
I pushed my tray away. “I’m leaving.”
Slade stood up then quickly moved into my side of the booth. He slid over then pinned me to the wall with his massive size. “You know I love you. You can pretend like I don’t, but we both know what’s true.”
I stilled when he was this close to me. Even now, after all the heartbreak he caused me, just being near him made me lose my nerve. I just wanted to rest against his chest and close my eyes. I wanted to pretend, just for a moment, that nothing had changed. I would be stuck in this vortex forever, being in love with Slade for the rest of my life.
His arm moved over the back of my chair and he leaned close to me. His lips were just a centimeter from mine. All I had to do was push him off and that would end the affection. I could just turn my head and give him my cheek, but I chose to stay still.
Slade leaned in, and like the Fourth of July, I saw an eruption of fireworks. Despite all the pain I harbored deep in my chest, the touch I shared with him was explosive. My heart bled for him like it always did. No matter how many hurtful things we said to one another, it couldn’t change this innate connection between us. And it only made me more depressed. I loved this man with my whole heart, and now I didn’t understand why marriage was so important. I was miserable without him, and even if I found someone else, I would still be miserable.
“Take me back,” I whispered into his mouth.
His lips stopped moving then he pulled away. He regarded me with surprised eyes, unsure what I said or how to digest it. “What?”
“I’m miserable without you. I don’t care if we’re married or not. I want to be with you…” I was pathetic for caving but I didn’t care anymore. Slade was my soul mate, and we both knew it. If I really tried to move on from him, it would be a disgrace to love. I didn’t want to kiss another man for the rest of my life. I just wanted him.
“I’m miserable too,” he whispered. His eyes coated with moisture but tears didn’t fall.
“Then let’s just be together.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and gripped him tightly. “I don’t want to fight it anymore. I want you for the rest of my life—even if it’s just as my boyfriend.”
He stared at me for a long time, watching my features and taking me in. His hand moved through my hair, feeling each strand slide through his fingertips. “Trinity, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. You’re perfect in every way. I’d be honored to have you.”
The pain disappeared now that we were together. It was such a relief on my heart and mind.
“And that’s why I can’t take you back.”
My heart skipped a beat and my lungs stopped working. “What?”
“You deserve everything you want. I’m not going to let you settle. It’s something I refuse to do.”
This was the last reaction I expected. I thought Slade would jump at the opportunity and we would be in bed right now, making up for lost time. “But…”
“You deserve the best.” He cupped my face and looked into my eyes. “I never want you to settle.”
“But I want you…”
He kissed the corner of my mouth. “I know you do. But hold on to what you believe. You want a husband and a family someday. You want to walk down the aisle in a white gown. You want your father to give you away to a man he approves of. You want a commitment that will last a lifetime. Don’t sacrifice that.”
“I don’t understand… I thought this is what you wanted.”
“It was…but not anymore.”
I sighed, feeling the pain again.
He kissed me again. “Keep going, Trinity. Don’t give up.”
“Then don’t kiss me and look at me like that. Don’t tempt me with your beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous face. Just don’t…”
He studied me for a long time before he kissed my forehead. His lips remained there for a long time before he pulled away. Silently, he left the booth and walked out.
When he was gone from the window, I felt my eyes burn with upcoming tears. I caved when I shouldn’t have. I should have stayed strong. But with Slade, I didn’t want to be strong. I just wanted to be with him—in any shape or form.
***
“You look hot!” Skye eyed me when she came into my apartment.
I was in an even worse mood after my conversation with Slade. “Thanks…”
She gave me a sad look. “Lighten up, Trinity. We’ll drink some booze and dance the night away.”
I didn’t want to dance anything away.
Skye eyed my heels. “Those are cute, but maybe you should try on the other ones.”
“What’s wrong with these?” I asked. I didn’t really care about my clothes. I’d wear slippers because I was so over it.
“I just want to see the other ones. Go try them on.”
I sighed then walked into my room. “Fine.” I changed the heels then returned.
Skye was moving the papers around on the couches and tables.
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
She picked up sketch. “This is really good, Trinity.”
I eyed her suspiciously. “Thanks…”
She put the paper down then eyed me. “You know, the other heels were better.”
“Then why did you make me change?”
“I just wanted to make sure. Now put the other ones on.”
I sighed then returned to my room. After I put the original heels on my feet, I came back into the living room.
Skye stood in the center of the room, wearing a black dress with heels. “You look like a queen, Trinity.”
When I looked in the mirror, I saw someone I didn’t know.
“Now let’s head out,” Skye said. “We don’t want to be late.”
I didn’t give a damn if we were late or not. I just wanted to get this over with.
When we got into the SUV, I looked out the window and pondered my conversation with Slade.
“Any preference for
music?” she asked.
“I asked Slade to take me back,” I blurted. “He denied me.”
“What do mean?” she asked.
“I told him I didn’t care about marriage anymore. I just wanted to be with him. But he said I shouldn’t settle for him…”
“I’m sure that was difficult for him. We all know how much he loves you. He put you first.”
“But I wish he hadn’t.” I fell silent and watched the city disappear as we reached Connecticut.
Skye remained silent on her side of the car and turned up the radio.
Within twenty minutes, my parents’ house was in sight. A white wall surrounded the estate, protecting it from unfriendly eyes. Skye slowed down as we pulled up but she didn’t turn into the drive. Instead, she pulled over on the side of the road before the entrance.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“So many people are going to be here so parking is going to be a bitch. This is the best spot, trust me.”
I was too depressed to argue with her. “Whatever.” I opened the door.
Skye grabbed my wrist then clasped a bracelet to it.
I looked down and saw the gift from Slade. “What are you doing?”
“Just wear it.” She gave me a look that said, “Don’t argue with me.”
“But—”
“Wear it or I’ll kick your ass.”
That was the weirdest thing she ever said.
“Trinity, I’m your best friend. Just have faith and do as I ask.” She begged me with her eyes. “Please. Don’t ask questions and just do it.”
When she said that, it was difficult to argue. “Fine.”
We got out of the car then reached the entrance.
“Shit, I forgot my clutch. Go ahead and I’ll catch up.”
She was acting weirder and weirder. “What?”
“Just go,” she said. “We’re already late as it is.”
“We are?”
“Just go.” She gave me a gentle shove then turned around.
I didn’t know what her deal was or why she was being so annoying, and since I was already in a terrible mood, I walked on without her. I preferred being alone anyway. When your heart was broken, you preferred the company of silence rather than people.
When I reached the path, I stopped. The trees in the yard were covered in white lights. Every single one was lit up like a Christmas tree. All over the property, the trees glowed by their own light. Dad had never decorated the yard like this before, and it looked like a wonderland.
My eyes took everything in and I listened to the silence. That’s when I realized it was too quiet. I looked to the driveway and didn’t see a single car. All the lights in the house were off.
What was going on?
I looked down the path then saw a man wearing a suit. He was in the shadow of a tree so he was difficult to make out. It looked like he was carrying something. He came closer to me, and when he stepped into the light, I recognized his face.
Slade.
I stared at him, trying to understand what was happening. Was this a dream? Was I hallucinating? Was I so distraught over him that I couldn’t separate reality from fiction?
He slowly moved closer to me, and I recognized his acoustic guitar. The strap was over his shoulder, and he held it in his hands like he was about to play a song. His eyes took me in, artic blue, and his body was rigid. Then he began to play.
As soon as I heard the first few chords, I recognized the song. It was one he wrote for me. The one he played at his shows and called out to me in the crowd. It was the one he played for me when I was sick.
My breathing hitched as I listened to him sing for me. He came closer, playing while he looked me in the eye. His voice carried to my ears, reminding me of distant memories only he and I knew about. Frozen and entranced, I watched him, feeling my blood pound in my ears like I was about to compete in the Olympics.
As he came near, a sign in the distance turned on. Words were spelled using white lights and it was easy to make out.
Will.
The next sign came on. You.
And the next. Marry.
And the final one. Me?
I covered my mouth and gasped. My eyes watered when I realized what was happening. My mind raced a million miles an hour, and my heart was about to give out. I couldn’t catch my breath because the moment was so unreal. Slade was playing a song for me, and he was…
He was proposing.
When he reached me, the song ended. He pulled the guitar off and dropped it into the grass. Then he did something I fantasized about since the moment he told me he loved me.
He pulled out a small box and kneeled in front of me.
“Oh my god…” I still covered my mouth and felt my eyes water. “Oh my fucking god.”
Slade kept a straight face. His eyes showed his seriousness as well as his depth of emotion. He looked at me like he never had before. There was no duty or obligation in his eyes. All that existed was love and adoration.
He opened the box and held it out to me.
I lowered my hands and stared at the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen. It was a princess cut, and even in the dim light from the surrounding trees, it sparkled. It was exactly what I wanted, something I wanted to look at every single day of my life until I was buried alongside my husband.
Then Slade spoke. “I’ve known you my whole life but I never really looked at you before that night in the snow. You were just Trinity, some girl I found innately annoying and irritating. We were never friends, but not quite enemies either. How I lived most of my life immune to your beauty is beyond my understanding.
“The night we hooked up I didn’t realize just how much my life had changed. Fearful of what our night would lead to and the feeling in my heart, I avoided you because I couldn’t handle the pressure. I knew you’d want something more from me. I knew it would just be a pain. Little did I know, I would be the one who would want all of that from you.
“I never thought I’d love someone the way I love you. It wasn’t possible. I wasn’t capable of it. But the nights we spent in your home, kissing and holding each other, softened my heart and made me realize what I was missing.
“You weren’t the superficial stupid girl I originally pegged you for. You were so much more than that. You were so smart, too smart for your own good, and you were so deep that I could never see the bottom in your eyes. You’re the dream woman that every guy wishes he could encounter. You are a fantasy that every man has. But you’re only my reality.”
My eyes burned as the tears emerged. I listened to him and felt my broken heart renew itself. I could never forget our long journey to this point. I could never forget how painful it was, and I certainly couldn’t forget how much joy it brought.
“I fell in love with you the first time we took a bath. I didn’t realize it at the time, or I just wouldn’t acknowledge it. I’m not really sure. But when you told me your deepest fear, told me how much pain you were in, I felt my heart break a little. That’d never happened to me before. I’d never cared so much for another person.
“And then you made me fall more deeply and madly in love with you. Jealousy was something I’d never known, and it unleashed in full force when I thought someone else just touched your hand. You were mine and I never wanted to share you with anyone. The idea of you being with anyone else was enough to break my heart. I was infatuated with you, obsessed to the point where all logic ceased.
“And when I thought I lost you forever the day you crashed, my life ended. Without you in my world, there was no point of me going on. I was so terrified of losing you, but I was more terrified that you would never know how I felt about you, that I loved you more than anything else on this planet. Somehow, that was worse.
“I know I haven’t been the perfect boyfriend to you. It took me a long time to understand how to treat you and how to make you happy. But I gave it my best effort, and as a result, we had a love that was unbreakable. My heart was comp
letely yours and you had mine.
“But then I messed up and hurt you. I’ll always regret the things I said. I wish I could take them back. Now I’m here, and not because I’m doing what I need to do to keep you. I’m here because I want you to be my wife. I want you to be mine for the rest of my life, and I want the whole world to know that you’re my other half. For as long as live, we’re the same person. I’ve never been a husband before, but I promise I will work my ass off to be the one you want—the one you deserve.”
I wiped my tears away and listened to him, the fantasy proposal I’d always wanted. My make up was smearing but there was nothing I could do about it. My emotion was too strong to combat.
“So, Trinity.” He looked into my eyes and took a deep breath. His eyes watered and he was as emotional as I was. “Be my baby forever.”
Unable to speak, I just nodded and extended my left hand.
Slade pulled the ring out of the box then slipped it onto my finger. It fit perfectly, and once my skin touched it, everything felt right.
I lowered myself to my knees and faced him, seeing the same tears in his eyes as my own.
“And I forgot.” He sniffed then wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I love you.”
I cupped his face and kissed him, feeling our tears mesh together. My breathing came out labored and uneasy, as did his. My heart had broken all over again. Not in pain, but in joy. “I love you forever.”
Slade moved his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He gave me a gentle and wet kiss, his hands shaking as he gripped me. His lips brushed my mouth then he rubbed his nose against mine. Then he grabbed my left hand with his.
When I looked down, I saw the tattooed ring around his finger. My eyes watered again at the sight.
“We’re already married anyway,” he whispered.
I felt his skin under my fingers, wanting to feel the ink forever etched onto him.
“Now I’m yours forever, even if you don’t want me to be.”
“I always want you to be,” I said through my tears.
He stood up and helped me to my feet. Then he held me close and pressed his face to mine. He closed his eyes as he held me, his hands still shaking slightly. A light breeze moved through the trees, and the leaves rustled quietly. Crickets sounded far away, making me feel isolated from the rest of the world. Only Slade and I existed, forever.