Miss Me When the Sun Goes Down

by Lisa Olsen

  “Because she’s a much lighter sleeper than I am, she’d be uncomfortable,” I scowled, more than a little annoyed by the way he kept second guessing all of my choices. “Is there something you wanted?”

  “You, of course,” he grinned wolfishly and I waited until he gave me the answer I was after. “I though to take you out again. Just the two of us.”

  “And you couldn’t call first?”

  Jakob shifted uncomfortably on the couch next to me. “I admit, I thought you might not agree to see me again so easily after I disturbed your holiday.”

  He looked so contrite, like a puppy who knows he’s about to get swatted, but holds still for it anyway. “Alright fine, we can go out tonight, but go away so I can get up and get dressed first.” The way his face lit up was almost enough to make me forget why I was so ticked off at him. Almost. But it would be a good opportunity to get him alone so I could give him an earful.

  I wasn’t sure what he had in mind, so I went with a safe little black dress with a square neckline and a slim fitting skirt. I realized I still had the diamond choker on from the night before, and left it on, enjoying its sparkle under the lights. Jakob’s eyes sparkled even brighter at catching sight of it around my throat. As he squired me into the car (a black limo this time, no sign of the red sporty car), I started to wonder if I’d made a tactical error. Did openly wearing his gifts mark me as his property?

  I turned to face him as soon as we were in the car, my hands going up to provide some much needed space. “Before you take me away and dazzle me with your wealth and charm, I want to get a few things straight between us.”

  “You think me charming?” he grinned, completely missing the tone I’d tried to set. I upped the stern quality to my voice accordingly.

  “No more bribes to my father. I thought I was perfectly clear about that.”

  “It was nothing,” he shrugged.

  “A boat is not nothing. At least not to me, it isn’t. It makes me feel like you’re trying to buy me.”

  “That wasn’t my intent. It was a show of respect, an apology of sorts, for his distress over the holiday.”

  “Well, so we’re clear, no more grand gestures like that or anything else. If you want to be nice to my folks, then go fishing, sure. But no more shows of respect that have anything to do with property, okay?”

  “I understand,” he replied, suitably chastened.

  “I didn’t think you’d be into a sport like fishing. I thought you’d be into something more like… racecar driving, or skydiving or something.”

  “Viking and fishing go hand in hand,” he pointed out, a lazy smile tilting his lips as he stretched out beside me, more gorgeous than he had a right to be in his crisp black suit. “I have enjoyed the tang of the sea and the wind at my back for ages.”

  “Oh sure, I guess I didn’t think of that,” I allowed, feeling stupid for not making the connection. “Why give him the boat then?”

  “All day long he exclaimed over its sleek lines and the simple joy it gave him to leave the world behind. It seemed a small thing to make him happy,” he shrugged.

  “Then it wasn’t a calculated step on your part to win him over?”

  “Hardly,” he snorted. “I have no need of gifts to win friends. You yourself declared me charming, remember?”

  “And modest to boot,” I couldn’t help but laugh. It made me feel better to know it was more of a spur of the moment gift, and designed to make my dad happy instead of a stupid scheme to buy my love. “I guess that lets you off the hook for now. Where are we going tonight?”

  “I thought we might start at the Café Du Nord, and then take in a show or perhaps drive down the coast to an intimate bed and breakfast I found.”

  “How about we play it by ear, see where the evening takes us?” I countered, not ready to commit to anything yet. If I had it fixed in my head that we’d end up in bed together, I’d be a jangle of nerves by the time we got there.

  “Very well,” he agreed equably, signaling the driver to go. We rode in companionable silence for a while, until I felt his light touch on the back of my neck, fingers brushing against my skin as he stroked the chain of diamonds. “They suit you,” he said simply.

  My hand flew to my neck, feeling the hard stones there. “I wore them last night to the club opening. I still wish you could’ve been there with me.”

  “Craving my company, already I like the sound of this.” His smile widened and he scooted a few inches closer.

  “Well, no, not just for the company,” I hedged. “But because the magistrate really worked on my last nerve. If you’d been there, you could’ve shut him up with a single glance.”

  “So too could you, should you choose to use your gifts.”

  He had a point there, but I already felt out of my element throwing my words around, imagine how uncomfortable I’d be throwing my will around too? “I told you, I don’t like to mess around with people’s heads. It feels wrong.” I knew he didn’t share that view, but Jakob didn’t press me to change my opinions.

  “Do you need me to hunt down this man and teach him to show you the respect you deserve?”

  “No, I think I did a good enough job teaching him that on my own.” The barest smile curved my lips and his eyes fairly glowed in anticipation to hear more.

  “Tell me what was said.”

  I launched into a fairly detailed rendition of the volleys back and forth once the magistrate took to the stage at the club opening, feeling myself get hot under the collar all over again just remembering it. I’m not sure what I expected to get back from him, but the pucker of worry on his brow wasn’t it.

  “That was perhaps a trifle foolhardy, petal,” Jakob clucked, when I was through.

  “Why? I believe what I had to say. What is the Order going to do, kill me for speaking out against them?”

  Jakob’s frown deepened, but he didn’t reply.

  “Don’t you see, that’s why I had to do it. That’s wrong. That sort of thing went out with the Gestapo. I should be allowed to voice a dissenting opinion. I should be allowed to lobby for change.”

  “This isn’t a civil government body, petal. In vampire society, those with the most power dictate law and enforce it.”

  “You have the power to change this,” I insisted. “You know what they’re doing is wrong, it’s become corrupted.”

  “I can’t,” he balked, clearly disturbed by the very idea. “You know I can’t get involved. Not now, perhaps not ever.”

  “Then maybe I should take more power. They think I have all this authority, maybe I should start to believe my own press.” Maybe it was time to explore what Jarl of the Northwest could really become?

  “Perhaps you should channel your talents into a much less frustrating arena,” he muttered, dropping the conversation as we arrived outside the club. We were whisked inside and given the royal treatment again, and this time I even started to enjoy the taste of the aquavit as he devoured plate after tasty plate of hors d’oeuvres by my side. After talking myself out in the car, it was nice to enjoy the jazz combo on stage and watch the staff fall all over themselves to make Jakob happy.

  “What is it, älskling?” he asked at length, covering my cool hand with the heat of his. “You seem so subdued tonight.”

  “Oh nothing, just worrying about that stuff I mentioned before I guess.”

  “Perhaps you should focus on something that gives you joy instead. Have you not thought of following your dream to perform on stage?”

  “Oh… no, that wouldn’t give me joy at all,” I replied quickly.

  “Why not? Yours is a truly singular talent.”

  “That’s sweet, but I don’t think focusing on performing would make me very happy. It’s been that way ever since I was a little girl. On the one hand I want to perform in the worst way and there’s nothing like becoming a part of the music. Singing makes me feel… alive and free and powerful.” I didn’t know how else to describe it.

  “That’s a
s it should be.”

  “Yes, but on the other hand, I get so worked up every time I have to sing alone. My hands sweat, my eyes water and my stomach ties all in knots until I’m barely able to function. Maybe that’s why I like you so much, because I’m used to joy and misery traveling hand in hand,” I mused aloud.

  Something passed over his face at my last, but I couldn’t tell what it could be before it was gone. “What do you fear?”

  “I… couldn’t even say. It’s an anxiety that catches hold of me and sometimes it gets so bad my lips begin to twitch and it affects how I sound. Then it’s all a shame spiral from there.”

  “But I’ve heard you any number of times, you are magnificent. There is nothing to fear,” he assured me fervently.

  “That’s just the way it is,” I shrugged. “Too bad I can’t compel myself into getting over it, right?” It was a joke, but you know what people say about jokes, on some level you’re a little bit serious about them. I don’t know what he saw in my face, but Jakob leaned closer, his blue eyes looming large as he pulled my hands into his.

  “You will no longer fear singing in public,” he said gravely. I caught onto what he was doing instantly, but I couldn’t look away, his gaze held me prisoner by stronger shackles than of iron. “You have a beautiful instrument in your voice, and you will know and accept this. There is nothing to fear for sharing it with the world.”

  Because I was watching for it, I felt it the instant he let me go, sucking in a breath more out of habit than any real need for air. “Jakob… what did you do?” I asked, unnecessarily. I already knew the answer to the question before I spoke the words.

  “I gave you what you wished for. Now you can be truly happy,” he beamed.

  “I didn’t ask you to do anything.”

  “Didn’t you?” He raised a single brow. “Take the stage,” Jakob gestured expansively, and my gaze fell to the empty space beside the band.

  My mouth opened to protest out of sheer habit, but I didn’t feel that same gut-wrenching sensation at the mere suggestion of singing in front of all those people. I could get up there and sing, what was stopping me? Sure, I didn’t have permission from the management, but I was Jakob’s date, I could do what I wanted to. I didn’t even have to have a reason.

  “Alright,” I replied, surprising myself at how easily I rose from the booth. I didn’t stop to ask anyone if it was okay, I simply strode right up the center of the room and stepped onto the stage. The band eyed me with curiosity, but kept on playing, and I stood there calmly, waiting for them to finish the number. Before I knew it, the song was over and they looked to me expectantly. My gaze traveled out to the crowd, looking out at the people who stared up at me expectantly. Nothing. Not a tremor. Not a single butterfly.

  Leaning away from the mic, I asked, “Do you know Summertime?” Of course they did. Any jazz band worth their salt knew the old Gershwin favorite, and this band didn’t disappoint. It took me a moment to find the rhythm in their lazy rendition, and then I was a part of it. Instead of focusing on the constriction of my throat or the furthest light in the room so I didn’t accidentally catch anyone else’s eye, I could relax and enjoy myself, the way I did when singing in a group. Only I owned this song. The band watched me for cues, matching their tempo to mine once I got started. It was like we’d been performing together for years, feeding off of each other’s energy.

  It was… amazing.

  I didn’t even hear the applause when the last note died in air, the exhilaration of what I’d done was enough to carry me back to the table in a cloud of happiness.

  Jakob positively beamed with pride, ushering me back into the booth with great flair. “There you see? You only needed that push to realize your full potential.”

  Just like that my bubble of happiness burst as I remembered that none of the feelings I experienced were my own. They only existed because Jakob had reached into my brain and shaped me into something he could be proud of. Don’t get me wrong. On the one hand, I was grateful, how could I not be? On the other, they might have been crippling at times but they were my fears, and I’d lived with them for years. To find them suddenly gone… was like missing a piece of myself.

  In any case I didn’t like the idea of Jakob messing with my head so easily. It left me feeling slightly violated, even if his intentions were good ones. It occurred to me that it must be what Bishop felt like when he found out I’d been compelling him all along. No wonder he’d ditched me and never looked back. No… not never looked back. If Hanna’s intel was to be believed, Bishop was definitely still looking back, maybe as much as I was.

  Bishop.

  Would I ever stop sighing on the inside when I said his name? Despite my best efforts to get over him, it was still a raw wound for me. The key to his apartment still hung on my keyring, and I’d been putting off gathering the last of my things from his place. It seemed too much like closing a door I didn’t want closed for good. What would he have thought if he could see me singing tonight? I remembered the look on his face the one time I’d sung in front of him; it was the same way I felt when I heard him play the piano. That had to mean something.

  Jakob was still talking, and I realized I’d missed most of what he said until he asked, “Shall you sing another?”

  What was I doing? Sitting there thinking about another guy while on a date with a rich, good looking man who practically wanted to worship the ground I walked on. I was lower than dirt, and he deserved better. “No, I don’t think so,” I said softly. “I think I’d like to go home now.”

  “Already?” His face crumpled in confusion. “But it’s early yet. Our drive…”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m very good company right now, that’s all.”

  “Nonsense. I see no reason for this sudden bout of melancholy, and I won’t let you give in to it. Come, we’ll leave this place,” he said, rising and throwing down a sheaf of bills on the table. “Perhaps a change of venue will help.”

  I let him guide me to the limo, surrounded by a mental fog until we sat in the darkened cocoon, sheltered from the noise and lights of the city and I snapped out of it. “What are we doing?”

  “Anything you like,” he smiled.

  “No, I mean, what are we doing, you and me?” The smile started to slip, and I hated being the one to do that to him, but I couldn’t keep silent any longer either. “I can’t help but feel like… I can’t give you what you need.”

  “All I need is you.”

  “And I’m not ready to give myself to you. It’s too soon.”

  “I have not rushed our intimacies, I have respected you in that.”

  “I don’t mean the physical stuff. That part I don’t seem to have much of a problem with. It’s the other parts, like my heart…”

  “That will come in time.” His smile returned, and I realized he’d fixated on the wrong thing when he continued. “Perhaps for now we should focus on the physical? Perhaps it will form a bridge to the emotion?” He pressed a kiss to my shoulder, body shifting to allow easier access to his new plan of attack.

  “I really don’t think it works that way.”

  “But you’re dying to find out if it does, admit it.” His lips trailed higher, tongue laving over the place where my neck met the shoulder.

  “I wouldn’t say dying…” I murmured, even as my neck lolled to one side to give him better access.

  “Allow me to show you what it is to be my woman in every way.” His voice slid over me like silk, and I felt the doubts start to melt away. After all, what was I so uptight about? I wasn’t cheating on anyone, and he’d made it perfectly clear he was willing to wait for me to love him as long as it took.

  I opened my mouth to say yes, and he captured it with his own, taking possession of my very breath before I could give him the permission he no longer needed. Jakob kissed me long and deep, as though he could get to my soul by forging a connection there. Maybe he was right. Somehow or other I ended up on his lap during the kiss, an
d I didn’t notice it until his hand grazed along the inside of my thigh. Maybe I needed to trust in my body’s instincts, because the spell he wove over me with his mouth and hands left no doubts in my mind that I belonged there.

  He broke the kiss, and I chased after his mouth with mine, desperate to keep that contact. Jakob gave a deep purr of male satisfaction at my participation, but kept his lips free to roam where they would, exploring the slope of my neck and the valley between my breasts, before he came up to deliver another scorching kiss.

  My body opened to him at every touch, and before I knew it, I was pressed back against the leather seats, feeling him hard and ready, pressed against my inner thigh. There wasn’t time to think, and maybe that was for the best. All I know is suddenly he was there, and I didn’t stop him when he hesitated ever so slightly before burying himself with a ragged moan.

  His hips tilted against mine, changing his angle just enough that I gasped with pleasure when he drove into me again. There was something so sexy about the both of us writhing against each other, nearly fully clothed, the world visible just outside though tinted glass.

  And the heat… the heat between us threatened to burst into flames and burn us both, but I didn’t care. I’d forgotten what it was like to feel someone alive and pulsing in my arms, and I wanted to become a part of it. I wanted to draw him into me in all ways. I wanted to breathe him in and taste his essence. His blood called to me, driving my already sharpened need into a frenzy of lust.

  My fangs descended, piercing his chest as he surged closer, and the taste of him spread through me like a drug. I couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else, I couldn’t imagine anything better, until he bit me in kind and I felt the rush of pleasure as his mouth pulled at my flesh.

  I wanted only him, I needed only him.

  Bishop who? The idea that I’d find happiness in anyone else’s arms seemed ludicrous. I gave myself over to the ecstasy, letting it drown out everything else as Jakob reduced me to a single, burning nerve ending, drawing pleasure from everything I touched. I lost myself for… I don’t know how long, only gradually becoming aware that Jakob held me tight to his side, as if he was afraid I’d disappear.