Who We Are (FireNine #2)

by Williams, S. Q.

  “Well,” Kelsey sighed, running her fingers through her hair, “if you’re going, I’m going with you.”

  “I don’t want you to get all caught up in our shit.”

  “Your shit is my shit.”

  I burst out laughing just as she did. “That sounded gross.”

  “Hey.” She shrugged. “You know what I meant. You’re my girl and I wanna help. You still love him. I see it all over that face of yours.” She pinched my cheeks and I laughed, waving away her hand playfully.

  “You’re right.” I sighed. “I do. I’m still in love with him.”

  It surprised me that the week flew by. I thought my days would drag while waiting for next Thursday, but with Kelsey around, it wasn’t so bad. We went shopping with Ben for outfits that would make Gage drool. It was silly, but I wanted a fresh look. I wanted my appearance, after not seeing him for two years, to be nothing short of ravishing, so I did something I never thought I’d do… I cut my hair.

  Of course Ben brought it up and told me it would look nice, and soon Kelsey thought the same thing. I went through with it, too. After telling Ben everything that happened between Gage and me, he was making sure I turned out to be the hottest thing walking in New York. He was upset I hid it from him for so long, but he understood how much it hurt me and decided to let it go. He also knew it would’ve gotten personal with the band and he had to keep things between him and FireNine businesslike. Ben knew all along the whole Gage and Penelope getting married thing was a publicity stunt.

  “That girl can’t give anything to Gage,” Ben said after I told him about Penelope. “I’ve seen her way too many times, and I don’t like her. I tried giving her a chance, but each time she blows it. Don’t like her. Never will. Plus, my Liza Bear is cuter. No wonder she’s going to extremes just to keep him. She feels threatened.” Kelsey and I burst into a fit of giggles and Ben pursed his lips. “When you go there, you better slap her, just for me.”

  I laughed. “There’ll be no fighting. And besides…” I sighed. “Roy said she’s out of town until Saturday morning. She won’t be around.”

  “Yeah, well, she’s lucky.” Ben slurped his smoothie, swinging his hips to get out of the kitchen. “Lucky as hell. If it were me, I’d find her just to bury her alive.”

  “Same here,” Kelsey said, nibbling on a cookie.

  I shook my head at both of them, but it was impossible to contain my laughter. Without the two of them, I wouldn’t have been so confident in this whole plan of going to New York earlier than I was supposed to. But not only was I doing this for Gage; I was doing it for myself. For my happiness and my future. I could only see myself with him, and I didn’t want that to change.

  When you’re in love with someone—even when they hurt you and leave you behind without saying good-bye—it’s real. Usually you get over it or let it go, but with Gage… I couldn’t. There was too much love within me for him, and I was never going to let it go. I couldn’t let him marry Penelope because for the rest of my life, I would’ve been miserable knowing I could’ve stopped it but didn’t. My love was stronger than my hate, depression, and hurt.

  But I was going to. I wasn’t going to let her win again. She knew Gage and I were happy together and she fucked it up. She knew we were real, but she was trying to demolish it. I didn’t give a damn if I had to be on the news as the crazy ex-girlfriend who returned for him, I would go to extremes for the man I loved. I learned a lot with him a few summers ago, and the last thing I wanted to do was turn my back on Gage again. He needed me. I needed him. He just had to open his eyes, and I was going to help him do it.

  No matter how many tears I shed because of my broken heart, I would give up anything for him.

  I guess Roy was right.

  It’s impossible to fight love.

  The flight to New York was slower than usual. It was most likely because of my anticipation. I was ready to see Gage again, even though it’d been two years. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I wanted the best. I was hoping this plan was going to work because if not, I was shit out of luck. If we couldn’t convince Kristina to tell Gage to drop Penelope, nothing was going to work. And one thing I knew about Gage was when he had a plan, he stuck to it. Unless convinced by someone important to him, he wouldn’t bother changing his mind or actions. Right now, Kristina was the most important person on Earth to him. He wasn’t going to ruin that… for anybody.

  After grabbing our bags and flagging down a cab, Kelsey and I were on our way to her apartment. She always made me feel at home at her place, and for the past two summers, we were roommates. She thought it was pointless of Frank to keep giving me an apartment when I could share with her. And I didn’t mind one bit because it brought us closer together. We’d practically become sisters.

  “Ah, being home feels so good,” Kelsey breathed out, dropping her bags in the living room. I made my way down the hallway to get to the extra bedroom and dropped my bags by the bed. My phone buzzed in my back pocket and as I checked the screen, I became curious.

  It was Roy.

  Roy: Change of plans. Forgot about the private concert tonight in celebration of our latest CD release. 2morrow would be better.

  Me: Tomorrow’s perfect.

  Tomorrow was perfect. It would give me more time to come up with how to address his sister, talk to her, and convince her that I was in love with him and had been for almost three years.

  My phone buzzed again.

  Roy: I still think you should talk to Gage. Be @ the Beacon Theater @ 8:30. I’ll meet u in the lobby before performance. You’ll have to be in the crowd tho. No more space backstage unless Ben gets you in.

  I frowned at his message. There was no way in hell I was going to show up at the concert unannounced. And I definitely didn’t want to talk to Gage until after I talked to Kristina. I knew I was the last person he wanted to see with all he had going on so I thought of the first excuse that came to mind.

  Me: I came with Kelsey. I don’t want to leave her home alone.

  Roy shot a text back in less than a minute.

  Roy: Kelsey can come. I’ll keep her company while u fondle Grendel.

  I snickered. It was official. Roy had the hots for Kelsey, and I couldn’t wait to tell her. I guess this was necessary. Perhaps I needed to speak to Gage to see if I could convince him before bringing his sister into it… and also see if he still loved me the way I loved him.

  Me: In the crowd is fine. See you there.

  “What’s so funny?” Kelsey asked, stepping into the guest bedroom with a bitten peanut butter cracker in hand.

  I looked up at her and bit on a smile. “Looks like we’ll be attending a private FireNine concert tonight.”

  Her eyes broadened, a smile weaving it’s way across her lips. “Seriously?” she garbled, mouth full. I was sure it would have been a squeal if she didn’t have a stuffed mouth. “I mean, you’re going to run into Gage before seeing his sister?” She tried to keep her voice casual, but I knew what her excitement was about. Seeing Roy.

  “I’ll try talking to him tonight and see if I can get through to him at all. If not, then I’ll just talk to his sister.”

  “So while you’re aiming to get time with Grendel, what will I be doing?” Her smile proved she already knew what she’d be doing.

  “Roy said he would keep you company until I was done.”

  Kelsey screeched and I covered my ears, giggling. She then bounced up and down, causing her ponytail to flap in the air. “Oh, yes… okay. Chill out, Kelsey. He’s only a guy.” She took a deep breath, holding her hands out to brace herself, but then she shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Oh, who am I kidding? He’s Roy fucking Sykes? Lead guitarist of FireNine! I’ve been dying to meet this man for so long! I have to look hot, Eliza. I wanna see that man drool down my chest.”

  “Well, tonight is your lucky night.” I pulled out my wallet from my satchel and held it in the air. “Ben gave me some cash and we have a few hours. Let’s go shopping.”<
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  As the cab pulled up to the curb, my heart thundered against my ribcage. I took a deep breath before the tires came to a complete stop, and then looked at Kelsey who was grinning like a goof, staring past me in awe. I looked at the building before handing some cash to the driver, opening the door, and stepping out.

  We met at the door and I was surprised our names were on the list. We were allowed in without second thought since Sykes referred us, and as soon as we were in, we grabbed our tickets and headed inside.

  “God, this makes me so nervous,” Kelsey said, biting the corner of her bottom lip. “I feel like I overdid it. Did I overdo it?” she asked me, turning in my direction.

  I giggled, capping her shoulder with my free hand. Kelsey wore a tight ivory dress that worked well against her natural caramel complexion. Being from the south worked to her advantage because she had a natural glow. Her dark hair was pressed and laid against her shoulders and she wore gold wedge heels to match her gold accessories. Her makeup was done just like Ben told her to do it, and it made her look absolutely flawless. This wasn’t the nerdy Kelsey from my summer internships at Arts Global. This was a renewed, refreshed Kelsey who could pull any guy she set eyes on if she wanted to.

  “Kelsey, you look fine,” I assured her, smiling. “Seriously, you shouldn’t be the one worrying. I should.” I swallowed as the music thumped.

  “Don’t be nervous,” a deep voice said behind us. Kelsey and I spun around to the familiar voice and while Kelsey lit up like a firecracker, I tilted my head at Roy. Roy wore a grey muscle T-shirt, pressed khakis, and vintage black boots. His dark hair hung on his forehead and feathered across his right eye until he pushed it back with his free hand. The other hand contained a bottle of water.

  “Didn’t think you’d show up.”

  “Yeah. We’re here,” I said, but I couldn’t help smiling at how he kept taking glances at Kelsey without even trying to hide it. He wanted her to know. I looked at her and it seemed she’d melted into a puddle.

  “Great. I’ll meet you afterward. Enjoy the show.”

  “Have a great show, Roy!” Kelsey yelled after him as he walked off. Roy winked over his shoulder before walking through double doors guarded by two large men.

  “So. Fucking. Hot. I swear,” Kelsey whispered.

  I laughed and we continued our walk up the stairs. I was nervous as hell, but I had to focus. I had to think about what I was going to say. This was a make it or break it situation. If I said or did anything wrong, I was going to lose Gage.

  We met at the door and as soon as it was opened for us, the music blared. Girls were screaming; guys were yelling like hooligans. It was wild. The lights were dim and mist flowed out of a few vents above the crowd, most likely to keep them cool. It didn’t seem to be working, though, because as we stepped in, the atmosphere was thick and hot. I felt the sweat coming and I hadn’t even been in the stadium for longer than a minute.

  “We can probably find a spot up there!” I shouted at Kelsey, who was staring at the stage in awe. Her eyes were wide and I looked with her, wondering what had her attention.

  Without a doubt, it was the band. Montana had on a ripped white shirt, his mohawk was spikey, and a handsomely wicked smile graced his lips. He was strapping his guitar around him, winking at a few chicks while sucking his lip piercing into his mouth, and as soon as his guitar was around him, he raised his hands in the air and the crowd went wild for him.

  “I fucking love you, Montana Delray!” a girl beside us screamed. She could have burst my eardrum by how loud she was.

  I looked at Kelsey, knowing she wasn’t going to move anytime soon. I grabbed her arm and pushed through the thick crowd. This was new. Really new. I was always a backstage fan so I didn’t have to worry about getting through the mass, but it was terrible. Sweat from others spilled onto me. Girls wouldn’t get the hell out of my way. And the guys were worse. They were like a group of football players getting ready for their final game. Nothing could stop them. Nothing could get through them. They were like brick walls.

  Somehow I managed to get by, though. My hand was still locked around Kelsey’s wrist and as soon as I reached the front row, Gage’s hypnotic voice bellowed through the mic and the girls screamed like monkeys. “Y’all are amazing tonight!” he said, chuckling. “Seriously. This love I’m feeling from y’all is incredible.”

  The girls screamed even louder, some bumping into us. I pushed through the front to get a better spot and as soon as I stopped, I looked up. I released Kelsey, who was staring at Roy. Roy was staring right back.

  And then I looked at Gage. He was always so damn handsome. Always. His hair was a bit longer, messy, and his facial hair was trimmed to a tee. He wore a black T-shirt with FireNine spray-painted on it, dark-blue jeans, and as usual, Chuck Taylor shoes. He pushed his hair out of his face as he spoke in the mic again, and hearing him like this—watching him like this—was amazing. Now I could see why the girls in the crowd were so wild about him. He stood above me like some sort of king on a throne. He had flirtatious eyes and a smooth, deep voice that filled me up. I wanted to grab him off that stage and attack him with kisses. I wanted to ride him for hours.

  From this angle, the name Rock god Grendel finally made sense to me now.

  Gage said something else and then he aligned his fingers on his guitar. He started off the show by singing solo. The band wasn’t playing yet. It was just his voice filling the stadium, making the girls crazier. His voice was hypnotic and he was really singing… like, really, really singing. From the depths of his soul. His heart. This was love to him. He enjoyed it. He was giving it his all and he had his reasons. I remembered him telling me how singing made him disappear—how it made him feel like there were no worries. No problems. Singing was his escape, his happy place.

  And then he opened his eyes wide and clamped his mouth shut, giving a slight interlude. Lifting his arm, he strummed his guitar and the band went in on their instruments. The music blared through the stadium and Kelsey screamed beside me, admiring the performance. She was bouncing up and down, cheering, hollering, reaching forward to try and get a feel of Roy. It was odd seeing him get so close to the edge of the stage. This wasn’t like him. He always kept his distance, but as he stole glances at Kelsey, I realized he was dedicating this performance to her… and he was doing one hell of a job.

  Gage’s voice got lower, more powerful, and I looked at him. As soon as I did, a gasp escaped me. He was staring right at me. He was still playing, still singing, but his eyes were fixed on me. Watching me. Taking in all of me. I bit my bottom lip and he narrowed his eyes, most likely wondering why the hell I was here, in the crowd of all places. He wasn’t expecting me, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off me. His voice wavered a bit on one part, almost cracking but he pulled himself together. The lyrics were about missing someone. Loving someone. The lyrics literally brought tears to my eyes.

  She was all I had and I blew it,

  The one I cried for, she knew it.

  I would fight for the rest of my life,

  Just to keep her by my side.

  She was my one…

  Damn. The lyrics were beautiful. And as he sang each word, he looked straight into my eyes. I think I saw tears forming in his, but before I could make them out, he blinked hard and looked away. And he didn’t look at me after he tore his gaze away. Not even as the songs changed. He avoided my eyes, and this proved he was nothing but torn and confused.

  After Roy found Kelsey and me after their concert, he led us backstage and told me to wait for Gage. Roy then took Kelsey on his arm and they told me they would be waiting in the front. Ben came by, rushing around like a maniac. He pecked my cheek with his lips and told me he was taking off with his boy toy.

  After he was gone, I took a deep breath, looking around at each door. Deed and Montana saw me waiting and gave me hugs. Montana made fun of my haircut but said it was nice on me. Deed said it was perfect. I thanked both of them, but what I was really wait
ing for was Grendel. It’s like he knew I was going to be waiting for him and was taking his time—like he didn’t want to face me again after it’d been so long.

  Shit, to be honest, I didn’t know if I wanted to face him either. I thought I had it all planned out, but as I saw him perform and his eyes water up, all words were lost. All I wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. He was hurting. He was confused. He knew he screwed up and it was obvious he no longer knew what to do with himself.

  I thought about just giving up. He was staying in his dressing room for a reason, and it was to avoid seeing me. How do you greet someone you love after not seeing them for two years anyway? What do you do? I became insecure and worried, thinking maybe none of this was going to work out.

  As I turned, a door creaked open and I paused in my tracks. Footsteps came in my direction and I gulped, squeezing my fingers together. He stopped less than an inch away and I shuddered as warm breath trickled down my back. My little black dress was cut really low in the back and the cut stopped just above my waistline, so I could really feel the heat of his breath. Familiar, guitar-calloused hands gripped my arm and spun me around, and I pressed hard against the firm chest before me. I stood flat on my heels, staring into glazed hazel eyes. My breath caught, taking in the sight of him up close after it’d been so long. Two years and nothing had changed except the depressed look in his eyes. I couldn’t help staring as he looked deep into mine, tilting his head. I knew this look. The look of love. Perhaps there’s still a chance—at least that’s what I thought until he asked, “What are you doing here, Eliza?” His tone was rude. Harsh.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, taking a glance around to look anywhere but into his aggravated eyes. “I’m here… to talk.”

  “About?”

  I looked at him and he frowned. Maybe I was wrong. He looked pissed. “Uh…” Fuck. What am I supposed to say? I got nervous so I took another step back but bumped into the wall. I was cornered in, face to face with Gage Grendel, and everything just felt… wrong. I wanted him to be happy to see me. Instead, he looked annoyed. “Never mind,” I said quickly before ducking beneath his arms. I spotted the exit door and went for it, but before I could make it, he grabbed the hook of my arm and spun me around again.