And as she spoke—as she stabbed her finger at my chest countlessly—I cracked… like, literally cracked. All of my knuckles popped as I squeezed my hands together. A shade of red took over all my senses, and memories of how I used to pummel the faces of girls who talked shit to me during cage fights came back. All I could remember was defending myself whenever someone talked shit to my face. All I could remember was seeing a girl’s nose bleed because of my fists. There were men hollering, women shouting for us to beat each other’s asses. I did all the fighting when I was a teen for my mom and Jason… but not this time. I never wanted those fights to happen, but I wanted this one. I wanted this one badly. I was really, really tired of her shit. She’d gone too far.
I tackled her into the house and she gasped as she landed on her back. I reeled my arm back, ready to clobber a blow against her face, but she pushed me off and rolled away. I fell against the sofa but got back up in a heartbeat. She was strong, but I was stronger. I always had been.
“You think fighting me is gonna get him to love you more?” She tossed her head back again to laugh, but this time she clutched her stomach and it was the perfect opportunity to get her. I rushed her, bringing my fist back. I crushed her face with my fist and she screeched as she fell on the floor. I climbed on top of her again, but she shoved my face, gripping my hand, aiming to keep me back.
“No. I know he does. He told me how much he loved me last night,” I said, struggling to hit her again.
Her eyes widened with a look of betrayal. She was shocked, and I was glad. “You. Stupid. Bitch!” she snarled. “Get the fuck off of me!” She tried pushing me off, but I wasn’t having it. I was blinded by fury. My heart raced; I was still seeing blood. I wanted to fucking demolish her. I tried playing nice and I swore I wasn’t going to fight, but she brought this upon herself. No one talked to me that way—no one but my mom and her asshole of a husband… and that was no more. I was no longer accepting defeat. I came to win, and if I had to knock this bitch out in order to do it, I would. If I had to accept assault charges, I would. I didn’t care. She was the one who ruined us, so I wanted to ruin her.
I clenched my fist and pulled back, ready to hit her, but before I could, a soft, relaxed voice spoke up and made me pause. “So you’re the one.”
I looked up with a gasp and there was a girl standing behind the sofa, her tattooed arms folded across her chest. Her hair was long, dark brown, and brittle. It stopped just at her hips, and she was balding a little. Her pierced lip was curled into a smile and she was on the skinner side, but she was beautiful. I knew who she was just by looking at her. As she smiled, she had the same chink around her eyes, just like Gage. The same full, pink lips and the same casual, careless, and laidback demeanor… just like Gage. Her face was pale and I could tell she was sick, but she was still gorgeous.
“W-what? What do you mean?”
“You were watching this whole fucking time?!” Penelope snapped, shoving me aside. I landed on my back as she hopped to her feet, but I couldn’t help staring at Kristina. Penelope met Kristina’s gaze and scowled. “You could’ve helped, Kristina. We’re friends. I was in danger!”
Kristina smirked. “I don’t have friends.”
Penelope’s frown deepened and Kristina only laughed, shaking her head. She then looked at me as I stood.
“I—I’m sorry. I didn’t want you meeting me like this—”
Kristina held up her hand to stop me from talking. She was laughing, and I was completely confused. “You’re Eliza. I see it. You almost broke this girl’s neck for him.” Kristina gestured to Penelope, who was still scowling.
“I came to talk to you,” I said before looking at Penelope. “Alone.”
“Well, that’s too fucking bad. I’m not leaving. This is my place just as well as it is Gage’s. You wanna talk, then take your ass downstairs.”
“You know, now I see why Eliza wanted to beat your ass, Penelope. You’re so. Fucking. Annoying!
“W-what did you just say?” Penelope questioned in a whisper.
“You heard me. I’ve been trying to hold that in since my brother claims to love you, but UGH! How about you get the fuck out, huh? How about I call him and let him know how you’ve just treated his guest. I knew there was something ugly and fake about you. I just didn’t know what the hell it was… but I see it clearly now, and to be frank, I don’t fucking like it… or you.”
Penelope laughed. “I doubt Gage would choose Eliza over me.”
“Hmm… and why’s that?” I asked, folding my arms.
“Because I’m confident in our relationship. We’re in love. We’re happy.”
“Or maybe it’s because you’ve been blackmailing him for years?” I offered instead.
Kristina frowned, holding up her hands, as if pausing on the big scene. “Wait… hold the fuck up. Blackmailing him? How?”
Penelope kept quiet, but I spoke up. “Penelope wasn’t Gage’s girlfriend when you first met her,” I said. “She lied to you and said she was and Gage has been going along with it ever since because he thinks you like her… and because she took a picture of you and her together and she’s threatened to give it to a magazine to make it a story. She also threatened the band. Penelope’s dad is the one who gave the band their start. He’s their executive. He pretty much owns them. She told Gage that if he didn’t stay away from me, she’d get her dad to drop the boys and she’d expose you. He didn’t want to give anything up, so he’s been doing what she says.”
“What?!” Kristina spat. “You’re kidding me, right?” Penelope’s eyes widened as she gulped. “You’ve been keeping my baby brother hostage in your selfish, fucked-up little world just because he’s in love with somebody else?” Kristina stepped around the couch, nearing Penelope.
“Gage loves me!” Penelope shouted. Tears built at the rims of her eyes and not long after, they fell.
“He doesn’t love you. He never talks about you,” Kristina snapped. “Damn, I’m so fucking stupid. I’ve been wondering why the hell he was still with you… Every time I bring you up he always changes the subject. You’re so lucky I have to respect his privacy.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. “You need to get the fuck out of here. Now. Before I end up doing something I’ll regret.”
“You’re crazy,” Penelope said with a wavering voice. “If I leave, that picture will be all over the place,” she threatened. “And I’m not kidding. You will be exposed for the druggy you are. You’ll be known as the sister who destroyed her brother’s life before he reached stardom. You’ll be bashed for being the bitch who made his life a living hell before he got famous.”
I thought Kristina would break—that maybe she’d flip out, but all she did was shrug. “To hell with the fucking picture. I hope it rots along with you. Life’s too damn short. And besides, he knows the truth. No one else’s opinion matters. Especially not yours.”
“Ugh! Fuck this!” Penelope snatched her purse off the coffee table and stormed around me to get to the door. “I’ll be calling Gage! He loves me and he’ll take my side if he knows what’s best for him and his career. He always takes my side, especially when it comes down to him and his band.”
“Yeah, keep telling that to yourself, crazy bitch!” Kristina yelled after her, rolling her eyes.
Penelope huffed and yanked open the door. She stormed out and slammed it behind her, and I flinched. I turned slowly to look at Kristina, but she was already staring at me, smiling.
“I just made some killer sweet tea. I’m not supposed to be drinking it, but oh well. Let’s go have some while we talk.”
I smiled back, nodding as I followed her into the kitchen.
Kristina dropped some ice into our tall glasses of sweet tea before placing mine in front of me and then sitting down, sipping hers.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” She took another sip and then gasped with satisfaction. “Gotta love sweet tea.”
I took a sip, nodding. I was ne
ver a fan of sweet tea, but this was actually good, far from bitter. Perfectly sweet, not too much. I took another sip and Kristina sighed, folding her inked arms.
“So, what brought you here? Just wanted a full-on brawl with that crazy broad?” She pointed back as if Penelope were standing right around the corner.
“N-no I was just—”
“Kidding, kidding.” She laughed, holding up her hands. “I know why you’re here… well, sorta. For Dalton, right?”
“Dalton?” I questioned, eyebrows drawing in.
“Oh!” She burst out laughing, dropping her hands on the table. “It’s his middle name. I’ve been calling him by it since he was born. It fits him more. Mom thought so, too.”
I laughed a little. “Oh.”
There was a slight pause. “So, tell me what’s up, Eliza.” She sat back in her chair and picked up her tea again to sip it.
“Well, Roy and I talked last week about Gage. Roy thought it’d be a good idea for me to talk to Gage in person, but I thought it would never work because I hadn’t seen him in two years.”
“Damn. Two years? That long?”
I nodded, shrugging. “Yep. Feels like it’s been longer, honestly.”
Kristina gave a light smile. “Love,” she said simply.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to come and talk to you since you’re the only person he seems to look up to. You’re the one he’s most concerned about.”
Kristina snorted. “Look up to?” Her lips curled into smirk. “If anything, I’m looking up to that kid. Love him for what he’s doing and how far he’s come. He’s successful and he’s done it all on his own. I’ve played no part in his success.”
“Well, I just thought—by the way Gage made you seem—that you would have no problem showing him the right way. Gage is making a huge mistake with Penelope and he thinks being with her is the only way to keep you safe and happy. He’s lying to himself. She’s making his life a living hell.”
Kristina snorted again. “Let me tell you something. I could give a shit less about who Dalton sleeps with, kisses, dates—anything. It’s his life, but I know when he’s not happy. He’s been miserable when he deserves to be excited about life. I see how bored he is whenever that girl is around. I see how he forces smiles and I always want to comment on it, but… I just can’t. I don’t want to put in my two cents when he’s taken me in and is doing everything he can to take care of me and keep me alive. The last thing I wanna do is piss him off—not when he’s been so good to me.”
“I understand that,” I said, keeping my voice strong, “but this is Gage’s life and future. I think I got through to him a little, but I know Gage. By the time he tries to make a move, it’ll be too late. He’ll be walking up that aisle and he won’t even see it coming.”
“Eliza, I—” She shook her head, lowering her gaze. “I know just as well as you do that this may ruin the perfect rep of FireNine. I don’t wanna be the blame for the ugliness that comes their way. Penelope might not like me, but I don’t want her bashing my brother. I don’t want him to lose everything because of me. He worked hard for this shit,” she said, looking around the kitchen.
“Kristina, please?” I begged. She was staring off at a distant wall. “I came all the way from Virginia to New York for him. I didn’t have to, but I love him, so I did. You gave up your childhood to raise him. You gave up your life and had to go through some tough shit. I understand that. I know. He told me… but guess what? My life was the same way. We had to grow up early and learn how to defend ourselves. We had to make sacrifices for the ones we love, even when we didn’t want it. We just wanted a perfect life, with perfect smiles and perfect blue skies, but instead, we ended up with the gloomy grey clouds and thunderstorms. I get it. It happens to people.” Tears stung her eyes, but I didn’t stop. I knew I was getting to her. I had to get her to crack. She pressed her pale, boney knuckles against her bottom lip to fight the tremble taking over. Her eyes were still distant.
“You raised Gage. You’ve helped him more than you’ve torn him down. I know you’ve made some mistakes and you feel awful about them, but he forgives you. He forgave you years ago—and I know you think he’ll snap on you if you try and disagree with him or try and get him to change his ways, but I know Gage. I see what’s in his heart. He needs a group of people to back him up—to support him. As strong as he may seem, he won’t do it alone. I’m here. Roy’s here. I know the rest of the band will definitely be on his side… It all boils down to you, Kristina. You’re closer to his heart than any of us could ever be.”
My throat became scratchy as I watched tears skid down her pale cheeks. Her knuckles were still pressed against her mouth and then, out of nowhere, she hopped to her feet and glared at me. She pounded her fist on the table, looking me deep in the eyes, her eyebrows pulled together.
I gasped from the rattle of the table, staring down at her boney hand and then into her hard green eyes.
“I owe him so fucking much, Eliza! I can’t even begin to imagine how it’s been for him. I feel like the worst sister on the fucking planet. I swore I would be there for him and then… and then I just gave up. I gave out. I wanted to quit so badly—I wanted to just live a normal life for once. I met some really fucked-up people. They showed me a way out… drugs. Crack. Meth. Cocaine. Heroine. You name it,” she said, counting them on her fingers. “I thought I was living the life when in reality I was destroying it. Not only was I killing myself, but also I was emotionally murdering Dalton. I hate myself every time I see his face. I know I could’ve done better by him. He needed me and I just… I vanished. I don’t know how to make up for it, and the last thing I want to do is tell him what to do.
“And you’re right. Penelope doesn’t deserve him… but neither do I. I don’t deserve a brother who takes me in each and every time and wants to do nothing but help me. Aid me. Support me. I don’t need that. I deserve his wrath, but when he’s so nice—so generous—it makes me sick to my stomach. I could’ve done better… I could’ve helped—stopped. He wanted me there, but…” She broke into a sob, stumbling and collapsing on her rear. The chair scooted just a little, but I hopped up to make sure she wouldn’t fall over. “I—I love him to death. I don’t even deserve to be here. I fucked up… I—I fucked up. I know. I don’t wanna be the reason he loses everything.”
My throat scratched again and then a tear escaped me. The balls of her palms pressed into her eyes, as if she could stop the tears, but I saw them clearly. They were really streaming. She choked on her own sobs, hiccupping, cursing beneath her breath, and I was… breaking. How could I break for someone I hardly knew? Or maybe I did know her.
I knew she wanted nothing but the best for Gage. I knew she didn’t mean to leave him like she had a few years back, but maybe she thought it was better for him to take care of himself. Maybe she knew she would’ve ruined his life just as much as she ruined hers and she didn’t want that, so she just left. I sniffled, trying to control my emotions, but it hurt. If it was hurting me, I knew it was destroying her. She was reliving it again, going over all the heartache and hurt she put him through.
I bent on my knees and stared up at her. I then grabbed her hands and clutched them. Her eyes were still closed, but I told her to look at me. She opened her eyes and looked like a lost child—hurt, scared, alone—but I wanted to be there for her. I wanted her to know it was the past. All was forgiven. “Kristina, Gage loves you. You’re his big sister. You’re his best friend. He would do anything for you.”
“I know, but—”
“No, there are no buts. We all fuck up, okay? We all make mistakes. What you did was both good and bad. Good because it motivated Gage into achieving the life he has now, but bad because he needed you there with him and you couldn’t be. You tried—I know you did. I can tell you did. You care… you love him. You didn’t want him going through the same thing you went through.”
“I tried my best. I swear,” she whispered.
And then she coughed, a hard, petrifying, sick cough. I blinked rapidly as droplets of blood splattered onto my forearm.
“Oh, God. Are you okay?” I asked, my voice panicky. I hopped to my feet, but she simply shook her head and wiped her mouth.
“I’m sorry. Fuck,” she hissed, grabbing a paper towel off the table. “It’s not contagious or anything,” she said, wiping the blood off my arm and looking at me beneath her eyelashes. “I swear.”
I could’ve cared less about the blood on my arm. I knew it wasn’t contagious. My horrified expression might have appeared as if I were a little annoyed by the blood, but I wasn’t. It was just the fact that she coughed it up. She really was sick.
“Are you still going to therapy?” I asked, lowering on one knee again.
She shook her head, rolling her eyes before wiping the tears away. “Hell no.”
“Why not, Kristina? It’s important… right?”
“It’s only making it worse,” she rasped before grabbing her glass of tea. “I stopped going a while back. Haven’t told Dalton ‘cause he would kick my ass.” She laughed, but I couldn’t. This was bad for her. “I know you think it’s wrong, but… it’s just my time, Eliza. I have to go soon, but I don’t know how to tell Dalton. He thinks I have a few more years, but it’s more like a few more months. Three to be exact. I can’t keep holding on. There’s only so much fighting I can do, and besides,” she said, shrugging, “I’ve made peace with it.”
“Three?” I whispered. Nothing else she said really mattered. I couldn’t believe it.
“Yes. Three.” This time she clutched my hands and stared into my eyes. “You can’t tell him. I don’t want him to know ‘cause then he’ll try and put everything on hold for me. I don’t want that for him. I want him to keep making music, hanging with his band… hanging with you. I don’t want him slipping up for me. I want him happy—to think everything is perfect. The last thing I want him worrying about is my health. Can you do this for me? Promise me?”
Who We Are (FireNine #2) Page 18