Who We Are (FireNine #2)

by Williams, S. Q.

  We arrived in New York Monday afternoon and were all completely exhausted. All the boys went their separate ways after they all said good-bye. Kelsey and I stuck around at the condo for a bit with Gage and Kristina, talking about our trip and how much fun it was.

  Later on that night, Kelsey and I headed home, but not before Gage stopped me and attacked me with kisses. “I have an interview tomorrow and the band is recording Wednesday, so I’ll see you Thursday?” he asked, kissing the corner of my mouth.

  “Yeah. Thursday is great. Kelsey and I have a ton of work to catch up on.”

  Gage stopped kissing me, leaning back just a little to look into my eyes. “For… work, right?”

  “Yeah, Gage. For work.” He swallowed, blinking rapidly. He then blew out a breath, pulling me into his arms. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Work involves art… and I know how much you love art,” he said, laughing a little.

  And then it struck me like lightning. He was worried I would leave him again for what I loved to do. He was worried I’d forget about him just to focus on work. Well, maybe if it were a few years ago, yeah. But he was wrong this time around. When I said I would make this work—that we would make this work—I meant it.

  “Gage, I’m not going anywhere. You know that, right?” I asked, pulling away and grabbing his chin.

  He shrugged and looked away. “I’m gonna hold you to that, Ellie.” He placed his tender lips on my cheek, holding me by the waist. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I looked up and his mouth spread, revealing a full, white smile.

  “Promise?” I whispered, pulling him into me and burying my face in his chest.

  “I promise, Sweet Ellie. Just got you back. Would suck to lose you again. I’m not fucking up anymore. You’re all I want. All I need.”

  I grinned, looking up. I hooked my arms around his neck and smothered his lips with my own. He groaned, wringing his fingers through the loops of my jeans and then sliding his hands down to grab hold of my ass. We were standing outside of Gage’s condo where no one could see. But even if someone were to see our public display of affection, I wouldn’t have cared. I wanted the whole world to know we were done running from one another. We were done playing games. Done making shit difficult. It was time for us to be adults and to live right. Together.

  Surprisingly, Gage pulled away, smiling like a goof. “I should get going. I promised to take Kris to some Broadway show tonight. The guy who plays Wolverine in X-men is in it.”

  I laughed as he shrugged. “All right. Have fun.” I placed a swift, tender kiss on his lips and then turned on my heels, adjusting the strap of my satchel on my shoulder. “Call me later?”

  “You know I will.” I glanced over my shoulder and he had a hold of the doorknob but was staring directly at my ass. “I told you!” he yelled as I took a step down.

  “What?” I yelled back.

  “Sexy! You just don’t know it!”

  I shook my head and took the rest of the stairs down, biting on a smile.

  The next night, Gage told me he was going to practice with the boys when I arrived at his condo. It was cool. I wasn’t coming for him, although it made my heart flutter when I saw him and he kissed me good-bye. When I got there, Kristina seemed sort of down, but she kept assuring me she was okay.

  “Dalton had fun,” she said, pulling her legs up and resting them on the coffee table.

  My eyebrows elevated. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. He couldn’t stop talking about how much fun you two had.” She laughed a little, picking up her water bottle and drinking a few sips. “I wanted to talk to you about something, though.”

  I perked up a bit, nodding my head. “Sure. Shoot.”

  “Gage was telling me how you start working in August. He’s worried about you forgetting about him.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I wouldn’t forget about him, Kristina. Why would I?”

  “I don’t know… He thinks with him working so much and you working every day, he’ll never get to spend time with you and you’ll end up dropping him to focus solely on your career.”

  I shook my head, picking up my bottled water. “I don’t understand why he doubts me so much. I swore I was going to stick with him. I love him, Kristina. I can guarantee that.”

  Kristina smiled simply. “Trust me. I know. Tell me, when you think of your future… is Gage there?”

  “Yes.” My voice was abrupt, and I was telling the truth. “Yes. He’s the only one I can picture.”

  She nodded, a smile still hinting on her lips. She coughed a little, drank some more water, and then stood. “I just want Gage to be okay later. I want him happy with someone—to have someone he can look forward to waking up to or seeing the next day, ya know?”

  “Yeah. I know what you mean.” Kristina was too down about herself. She had so little time. She shouldn’t have been thinking about it so much. Instead of dwelling on Gage and me, I perked up again and grinned at her. “So, a while back a man named Zion told me he dated you.”

  Kristina’s eyes expanded and she plopped back down on the couch. “What? You know him?”

  “Yeah. Gage and I had pizza together for lunch a few years ago and Zion introduced himself to me—told me he dated you for some time.”

  “Oh God,” she groaned, but she was fighting a smile.

  “Are you two still talking?” I asked. It was cute to see her blush.

  “Uh… somewhat. He knows I won’t let him get too close so he keeps his distance, but from time to time we talk, flirt… whatever. He’s the one I got the pizza from last week.” She blushed a little.

  “That’s so adorable!”

  “Oh, quit it. What’s adorable is you and my baby bro. He loves the hell outta you. I’ve never seen him so enthusiastic about a girl before. He’s in deep, and from what I can see, he’s not letting you go again. He refuses to lose you like he did before. I still can’t believe he put himself through that. It had to hurt—for both of you.”

  “Yeah, well, it did.”

  “Come on,” she said, standing again. “Let’s go walk the city and grab hotdogs. I can’t keep sitting in this condo with nothing to do. Gage won’t be back for another few hours.”

  I nodded, and that night we had way more fun than I imagined we could. Kristina ended up falling into a fountain when she was goofing off on the ledge. I pointed and laughed at her, but she ended up grabbing hold of my arm and yanking me in. People looked at us as if we were out of our damn minds, and maybe we were, but we didn’t care. I wanted to take Kristina’s mind away from what her future had in store however I could. We’d created some kind of sisterly bond and it felt nice. She understood me; I understood her.

  The night carried on with us walking the city, grabbing something to eat, and then going to Times Square to stargaze and people watch. Kristina was hilarious as she pointed out a few people and made funny voices to their actions. This night was fun, but I had to take her back to the condo after a good thirty minutes because she was coughing up blood. It freaked me out a little. There was lots of blood and she swore she was okay, but I knew she wasn’t. She just wanted to be strong. I’d even offered to take her to the ER, but she told me hell no. After Kristina fell asleep, I waited for Gage to get home so I could kiss him goodnight. He insisted on taking me home in his shiny two-door Mercedes.

  “Nice,” I said, looking it over.

  “Just a little toy of mine,” Gage said, his tone nonchalant. He opened my door for me and I climbed in. He hopped in the driver’s seat, started the car, and took off. We were quiet during our drive back, our fingers entwined, the music flowing through the speakers. I wanted to speak with him about Kristina, but he was too calm and collected. He was happy and I didn’t want to ruin his mood, so I kept my thoughts to myself. I knew Kristina wouldn’t have wanted me to say anything to ruin things after our lake trip, so pretending things were okay was best.

  After standing in front of Gage’s car and making out for a good five
minutes, Gage placed a kiss on my cheek and told me goodnight. I waved at him over my shoulder, taking the stairs up. He watched me until I disappeared, but with each step up, my worry ate at me. I wanted to tell him, but I just couldn’t. “This is what she wants,” I said under my breath, unlocking the door. “It’s life.” I opened the door and waved at him one last time before stepping inside. My back hit the door and I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the guilty feeling surrounding my heart. “It’s what she wants,” I repeated in a whisper.

  It was going to kill Gage, but in my heart I knew Kristina’s time was coming a lot sooner than she thought. She knew it, too. I could see it in her eyes. Gage, on the other hand, was most likely looking over it.

  I went to bed unhappy, but it didn’t matter. Gage was happy… but the days of smiles and rainbows were soon to come to an end for a while.

  The following day Kelsey and I did a lot of catching up. We talked about her and Roy and it was really nice to hear he wasn’t a murderer of baby animals. I knew Roy had something about him; I just couldn’t figure it out… and neither could Kelsey. They’d only been dating and going out for a little over a week, but she told me she felt she could trust him—like if she told him something, he wouldn’t tell a soul, no matter how much people pressured him for answers. I believed her. Roy had that mentality.

  The day after started out great. Kelsey and I were halfway through our first project, but then I got a phone call that made my heart stop beating—a call that killed all hope.

  I burst through the doors, rushing past the front desk and hurrying up the stairs. My heart raced. I was completely flustered. It was only a fifteen-minute drive going through shortcuts, but it seemed to take an eternity to get here.

  Bustling my way up the stairs, I hit the UP button for the elevator. I watched the red numbers descend, but they were taking way too long so I hit the stairwell. It was a good eight floors, but I had to look over it. I had to keep moving.

  As soon as I hit the eighth floor, I grabbed the doorknob, hurried in, and ducked around the corner. When I heard the news, I couldn’t really feel shit. I just had to go. But seeing it… seeing this… it broke me down.

  Gage stood in the bathroom with Kristina in his arms. His back was facing me, but he was sniffling. Choking. I couldn’t see much of Kristina other than her arms and legs dangling.

  “Gage?” I whispered, taking a step up. I touched his back, but he didn’t move. I grabbed his shoulder and he whirled around, his eyes bloodshot red, his lips pinched tight. I then looked down at Kristina’s feeble body in his arms. Her eyes were shut, her face pale, and blood seeped out the corners of her mouth.

  “Oh God!”

  “She told me not to take her to a hospital,” he whispered.

  “No—Gage, you have to! Come on!” My voice was panicked. I was panicking. I hoped she wasn’t dead.

  Gage didn’t speak. He wasn’t even looking at me. He was just crying. Breaking. Staring at his sister and wondering what the hell to do. I leaned in to press my ear against her chest. I could still hear a heartbeat and that brought relief to my conscience.

  I knew Gage wasn’t going to make a move anytime soon. I wasn’t even sure if he could carry her out of the bathroom. He looked weak at the knees, like he would just fall over at any given time. I whipped out my phone and called Roy and Montana. Roy didn’t pick up, but Montana did, and luckily Roy and Deed were with him.

  After I told them the news, I told Gage to place Kristina on the sofa. I had to literally pull him away from her so I could wipe her mouth clean. He didn’t move far. He sat on the arm of the sofa, staring at her with wet eyes.

  Montana, Deed, and Roy came bursting into the condo a half hour later with concern drowning each of their faces. Roy left no time for Kristina to lie there. He picked her up in his arms and rushed out the door to get to the elevator. I brought Gage to his feet, telling him everything would be okay, but I felt like I was lying to him. I didn’t know if she was going to be okay. She told us she had a month, but it’d been less than a week. I prayed she’d get better… for a miracle at least.

  We arrived at the hospital and they took Kristina immediately. Gage fought his hardest to try and go in the room with her, but they wouldn’t allow it. He shouted that she was his sister—that he deserved to be in the room with her, but Montana and Roy held him back. Without them, I didn’t know what Gage would’ve done.

  The clock ticked, and it was only getting later and later. We were all in the waiting area and Gage sat in the chair across from me, almost lifeless. He’d been staring at either the floor or the clock the whole time. His hair hung in his face; his leg bounced up and down, ready for it all to be over. I stood and sat beside him, bringing his head down to rest it on my chest. He was wearing himself out. My only hope was that someone would come out and say Kristina was going to live—that she’d be okay.

  Luckily, ten minutes later, a man came out, but the look on his face proved he didn’t have good news. Gage hopped to his feet and rushed for the man, the rest of us following behind. “You must be Gage,” the man said, smiling as he looked into Gage’s eyes.

  “I am.”

  The man was silent for a moment. He looked from Gage to the boys and then to me. “Ms. Grendel… she isn’t very well. In fact, I don’t think there’s much more we can do for her.”

  Gage swallowed hard. “W-what does that mean?”

  “It means she may have less than a few hours left. She’s hardly responding to us. We’ve had to put her on a ventilator, but even with that, it’s hard for her to breathe comfortably. Her lungs are damaged, Mr. Grendel. The tumor is only going to keep growing, and we’ve tried sucking out most of the fluid and blood around her lungs, but it just keeps building up. She’s reached stage four… the final stage. There’s nothing else we can do but wait.”

  “Fuck!” Gage snapped, reaching up and fisting his own hair. He was aiming to hurt himself, but Roy rushed up to him, shaking his head. The doctor only stood there, as if he’d seen worse.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Grendel. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. We’ll let you know when you can come back and see her.”

  The doctor nodded at all of us before turning around and disappearing down the hallway. Gage watched the man disappear before shoving past us and rushing out the door.

  “Gage!” I yelled after him.

  “No. Don’t, Eliza,” Roy said, catching me before I could reach the door.

  “What do you mean? I have to do something, Roy!”

  “No. Just don’t. Let him cool off. He’ll come back.” Tears pricked the rims of my eyes as Roy looked me over. He led me to a chair and sat with me, and as soon as I sat, the tears broke out. Fuck, I hated crying. I hated it so much. But knowing Kristina was going to die was killing me. It had to be murdering Gage. This wasn’t what we wanted to hear. None of it. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, either.

  Forty-five minutes later, Gage stepped back into the hospital. He didn’t dare make eye contact with us. He sat down in the chair across from me and locked his fingers, resting his elbows on his thighs. His head hung down and his leg bounced once again, as if impatiently waiting.

  I wanted to speak, but Roy shook his head at me. “Don’t,” he mouthed. “Give him time.”

  I nodded, but I couldn’t help watching him. He was hurting so much. I didn’t know how I was going to soothe the pain this time around. There was no way at all. At least with his mom, he didn’t find out until after she’d passed away, but to know he had to look at his sister and then watch her possibly leave him… it was terrible.

  The same doctor appeared in the waiting room ten minutes later and told us we could come back. The boys thought it’d be best to stick in the waiting room. I grabbed hold of Gage’s hand and we made our way down the hall. My heart was beating a mile a minute. My hands were getting sweaty and I hoped Gage couldn’t tell. He felt cold… dead.

  Gage left no time for us to prepare ourselves. Swinging the door open,
he released my hand and stepped inside. I shut the door behind us, turning slowly to see a barely breathing Kristina lying on the bed.

  “God, Kris,” Gage whispered, pulling a chair up to the side of the bed. “Kris?”

  I sat in the chair across from the bed. I didn’t know what to do—what to say.

  “Kris, you’re strong. You can fight through this,” Gage whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks. “You’ve fought through so much shit before. You can get through this, too.”

  She remained silent. Her eyes were sealed tight, her chest rising up and down. Wrapping his hand around hers, Gage squeezed it tightly. He kissed her knuckles, still weeping.

  The night carried on this way. Gage crying over his sister, him begging her to talk—to say anything. All while I just sat in the same place, blinded by tears, hoping and praying she’d wake up and say anything.

  I felt helpless. I wanted to say it was going to be okay, but I no longer believed in that. It wasn’t going to be okay. The doctor proved this. None of the hope I had stored within me was there… There was just despair. Pain.

  It was around midnight when Kristina finally moved. I fell asleep, but Gage was up the whole time and he woke me up when he felt her. First it was her fingers, and then her eyelids fluttered. She did a slow blink before turning her head a bit and meeting Gage’s worried eyes.

  She tried speaking, but whimpered and grabbed at her throat. Pain etched all over her face as she lowered her hand.

  “Don’t,” Gage whispered. “Are you okay?”

  She shrugged, pressing her lips. She then looked at me, smiling and gesturing that I come over.

  “You scared us,” I said, smiling a little.

  Her eyes saddened, but she was still smiling a little. She then looked past Gage and pointed at the clipboard on the counter. Gage looked at her questionably before turning around. “The paper?” he asked.