The War Within

by Yolanda Wallace

  “Do you?”

  “No, I—” Jordan paused to give the question serious thought instead of reflexively responding with her standard denial. “Maybe at one time, but not anymore. I’m more mature now.”

  “Don’t tell me,” Natalie said. “Tell her.”

  Natalie made it sound so much easier than it really was. Every time Jordan tried to refute her mother’s arguments, the words got stuck in her throat. “Grandma Meredith, are you going to come out to Mom?” she asked around a mouthful of chicken salad on wheat.

  “How’s that see-food diet working out for you?” Natalie asked.

  Jordan stuck her tongue out at her. Okay, maybe she still had some work to do in the maturity department. But she dutifully swallowed the food in her mouth before she asked Grandma Meredith her next question. “Do you plan to tell her before or after the service?”

  “It’s a conversation she and I need to have sooner rather than later.”

  “Whenever you’re ready,” Natalie said, “I’ll be there for you.”

  “I know.” Grandma Meredith grasped Natalie’s hand. “You always have been.”

  “And I always will be.”

  “I’ll be there, too,” Jordan said, crunching on a carrot stick. “Because if I know Mom, you’re going to need reinforcements. I wonder if Lincoln’s available for backup.”

  *

  Jordan’s mouth fell open when she opened the door and saw Tatum wearing her dress blues.

  “What do you think?” Tatum asked. “Do I look good enough to pass muster?”

  Tatum’s black leather shoes were shined to a high polish, her dark uniform coat accentuated her broad shoulders, and the colorful conglomeration of pins and medals on her chest offered tangible evidence of her past achievements. Her hair was drawn into a bun, high enough to remain off her collar but low enough to allow her white cap to sit on her head at the proper angle. Matching white gloves covered her hands. Wheelchair or not, she looked like she belonged on a recruitment poster.

  “Damn. It is true what they say about a woman in uniform.”

  “Hoo rah,” Tatum said with a broad grin. “Did Meredith and Aunt Natalie already leave?”

  Jordan locked the door and followed Tatum to her car. “Yeah, they left hours ago. They had to take care of some last-minute details and make sure the chapel is set up exactly the way Billie wanted.” She tossed her bag in the backseat. When she turned around, Tatum was staring at her. “What?”

  “You clean up good.”

  Jordan had paired heels with a simple black dress. She wore no jewelry except for Papa George’s dog tags. When she had looked in the mirror as she was getting dressed, she had noticed the drape of the tags’ silver chain over her collarbones perfectly mimicked the waves in her hair.

  “Thanks. I could say the same to you.” Jordan lingered on the exposed expanse of skin from Tatum’s knees to her ankles. She didn’t know what she had expected to feel the first time she got a good, long look at Tatum’s legs, but she knew it wasn’t this. “You look…”

  Jordan’s hand hovered between them. She longed to touch Tatum—to feel the nap of her uniform and slide her hand under her skirt to feel the heat at the apex of her thighs.

  “Different?” Tatum asked.

  “I was going to say beautiful.”

  Tatum shook her head in a gentle admonition. “Marines aren’t beautiful. They’re—”

  “Noble, brave, and strong. I know. You’re all those things and more, Tatum Robinson. Because you’re also—”

  “Fucking hot?”

  Jordan grinned. “I couldn’t have said it better myself. Wait. I did say it, didn’t I?”

  “I don’t know. You talk so much, it’s hard to keep track of everything that comes out of your mouth.”

  “I would be offended by that if it weren’t true. Where’s Lincoln?”

  “He’s having a play date with Boz, the English bulldog who lives on the other side of the complex. Boz’s owners always offer to doggysit whenever I have plans. I do the same for them. I see more of Boz than they do of Lincoln, but the arrangement works out well for us. Lincoln pouted when he realized he wasn’t going with me today.”

  “Aw.” Jordan pouted, too, when she pictured Lincoln’s sad eyes watching Tatum drive off without him.

  “Don’t worry. By the time I dropped him off at Casey and Mahesh’s place, he had forgotten all about me. It’s for the best. Chances are he would have gotten restless during the drive. If not there, then definitely at the service.”

  “You booked a hotel room in town, didn’t you? Would you mind if I stayed with you tonight? Natalie and Grandma Meredith are still on their honeymoon. I don’t want to horn in on them.”

  “I don’t mind, but you might. Your parents booked a suite. You’d probably be better off staying with them. Doubling with me would be a tight fit. I booked a room with a standard bed. One with a queen or king would have been twice the price.”

  “I don’t mind the close quarters.”

  In fact, she was kind of looking forward to them.

  *

  The service was supposed to be small, but the vestibule was crowded when Jordan and Tatum arrived at the funeral home. Natalie and Grandma Meredith waved to them over the heads of the crowd.

  Jordan had hoped a few of Billie’s family members would be in attendance, but none seemed to have shown up, even though Billie’s obituary in the Morning News had clearly stated the date, time, and location of today’s memorial service. They hadn’t bothered to send flowers, either, but the countless arrangements signed by the many women who had reported to her over the years more than made up for the slight. Even Kerry, who hadn’t been able to make the trip from Australia, had made a donation to Billie’s favorite charity and forwarded Natalie and Grandma Meredith a touching message that made them alternately hold their sides from laughter and reach for tissues to dry their tears.

  Jordan and Tatum moved closer to them. Jordan squeezed Grandma Meredith’s arm as she spotted a couple who looked vaguely familiar. “Is that Alice Poythress and Hector Ortiz?” Grandma Meredith’s descriptions of them still seemed to fit.

  “Yes, it is. They got married some time ago.”

  “Alice and Hector?” Natalie asked.

  “Yes. Didn’t you know?”

  “How would I? I haven’t seen them since Ho Chi Minh City was still known as Saigon.”

  Hector stood straight and tall, but Alice leaned heavily on an ornately-carved wooden cane that had “Bowed But Not Broken” engraved along its shaft, the phrase an obvious allusion to the life-threatening injuries she had suffered during the war.

  Jordan looked around the room. Dozens of the women Natalie and Grandma Meredith had served with and who had served for Billie had turned up to say their final good-byes. She hadn’t expected so many to make the trip. One or two, yes. Five at the most. By her count, however, nearly twenty former nurses—each wearing a single white rose in solidarity—had felt the need to be present on this solemn day.

  “Thank you for coming,” Natalie and Grandma Meredith said to each one they encountered. “Thank you for being here.”

  When the chapel doors opened, people began to take their seats. Jordan glanced inside as uniformed soldiers from nearby Hunter Army Airfield escorted female mourners down the aisles. A large framed photo of Billie at the start of her career sat on a gold easel on one side of the room. Another photo sat on the other side. The second picture must have been taken shortly before Billie retired, the dark hair in the first photo painted with a liberal smattering of gray. Billie’s urn sat between the pictures.

  The beginning, the middle, and the end.

  One day soon, Natalie and Grandma Meredith would leave the contents of the urn at the base of the Vietnam Memorial. But not today.

  Jordan anxiously scanned the sea of faces waiting to stream inside.

  “Do you see your parents anywhere?” Tatum asked.

  “Not yet.” Jordan’s breath caugh
t when she saw her mother and father wading through the thinning crowd. “Wait. There they are. Hi, Mom. Hey, Dad,” she said, giving each of them a hug. “I’m glad you could make it.”

  “Well, you didn’t give us much choice.” Her mother’s eyes twinkled as she pinched Jordan’s cheek. “You can be rather persuasive when you want to be.” She glanced at Tatum, then turned back to Jordan. “Who’s this?”

  “Mom, Dad, I’d like you to meet Lt. Tatum Robinson. Tatum, my parents, Diana and Frank Gonzalez.”

  Tatum extended her hand to each in turn. “A pleasure, ma’am. Sir.”

  “Are you still serving, Tatum?” Jordan’s mother asked.

  “No, ma’am, I’ve been medically retired for several years now. Jordan and I work together at the Remember When Inn.”

  “You’re that Tatum?” Jordan’s mother asked. “Forgive me. I thought you were one of the escorts.”

  “She is,” Jordan said. “She’s escorting me.”

  Jordan steeled herself for the inevitable challenge, but the challenge didn’t come. Her mother arched her eyebrows but didn’t say anything. Jordan figured she was biding her time. Waiting for the right moment so her words would achieve the maximum effect.

  “How long were you in the Marines?” her father asked.

  “Five years, sir. I’ve been retired for three.”

  “Thank you for your service.”

  “You’re welcome, sir.”

  “Are you always this polite?” Jordan’s mother asked.

  “It comes with the uniform, ma’am.”

  “Are you two…dating?”

  Tatum deferred to Jordan. “Yes, we are,” Jordan said without hesitation.

  Her mother shook her head. “Based on your past history, I never thought you would date a—a—” Jordan stiffened, afraid to hear how her mother planned to finished her sentence. “A Marine.”

  Jordan nearly laughed with relief. “Me neither.” She took her mother’s arm as her father and Tatum made small talk. “Come on. I’ll take you to Grandma Meredith.”

  Her mother looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. “All right.”

  “Grandma Meredith, look who I found.”

  “Honey, you made it. I’m so glad.” Grandma Meredith took Jordan’s mother’s hand and pulled her closer as she turned back to the quartet of nurses she and Natalie had been talking to. “Ladies, this is my daughter, Diana. Isn’t she beautiful?” Grandma Meredith beamed with pride after they murmured their assent.

  Jordan’s mother’s free hand fluttered over her heart. “Jordan, you look so grown up. And, Mother, you look so…happy.” She looked back and forth between them. “What have you two been doing this summer?”

  Jordan looked at Grandma Meredith and smiled. “We’ve been making a family.”

  Grandma Meredith gave Jordan’s arm a quick squeeze and beckoned Natalie forward. “Diana, I’d like you to meet someone.” She wrapped her arm around Natalie’s, laying claim to her for all to see. “This is my friend, Natalie Robinson. Natalie and I served together in Vietnam. Billie was our commanding officer.”

  Jordan thought she saw a glimmer of recognition in her mother’s eyes. “I’m pleased to meet you, Natalie, though it’s a pity it had to be under such unfortunate circumstances. My father spoke very fondly of you.”

  “George talked to you about me?”

  “Once or twice near the end.”

  Jordan’s family had held a vigil over Papa George the same way Natalie and Grandma Meredith had done for Billie. Jordan’s mother had barely left Papa George’s side. Jordan hadn’t been fully able to appreciate her mother’s devotion. Until now. Now she wondered if her mother’s love for Papa George would keep her from being able to accept Grandma Meredith’s love for Natalie.

  Grandma Meredith’s hand crept to the dog tags around her neck. “What did George say?”

  “He said Natalie was the best friend he had ever had. Aside from you, of course, Mom. He also said she was the bravest woman he’d ever met. He once said he stole you from her, but I thought it was the morphine talking. I thought he was out of his head. Now I know he was speaking from his heart.”

  Jordan’s mother was already holding Grandma Meredith’s hand. She reached for Natalie’s too, completing the circle. That’s when Jordan saw it. The light in her mother’s eyes Grandma Meredith said would appear if Jordan were patient enough to wait for it to happen.

  “Dad said you did one of the most courageous things he had ever seen, Natalie. He said you loved my mother enough to let her go, not knowing if she would ever come back. I’m glad she found you. I’m glad you found each other.”

  “Oh, honey.” Grandma Meredith hugged Jordan’s mother so hard her mom’s eyes bugged out. “I love you, sweetie.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  “Did we miss something?” Jordan’s father asked as he and Tatum joined the group.

  Grandma Meredith and Jordan’s mother were too broken up to talk, so Jordan stepped up. “I was just about to invite you and Mom to join us for dinner after the service. My treat. What do you say?”

  Her father put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her on the forehead. “You’re feeling awfully generous today.”

  And incredibly loved.

  An army officer offered Jordan his arm. “Would you like an escort, ma’am?”

  “No, thanks.” She rested her hand on the back of Tatum’s chair as they made their way inside. “I already have one.”

  *

  The honor guard assembled outside the open doorway and raised their rifles into position.

  “Present arms.”

  Tatum turned to one of the photos of Billie and lifted her arm to salute.

  “Ready. Aim. Fire.”

  Jordan, her hands wrapped around Tatum’s left forearm, flinched as the twenty-one gun salute rang out. Tatum was used to the sound—and the smell of cordite in the air—but she was unaccustomed to both.

  “Semper fi,” Tatum whispered. Billie wasn’t a Marine, but if anyone embodied the phrase “always faithful,” she certainly had.

  Jordan rested her head on Tatum’s shoulder.

  “Are you okay?” Tatum asked.

  People were starting to leave, but Jordan wasn’t ready to go.

  “I’m fine.” Jordan wiped away a tear. “I just hate funerals. If I had a choice, the only one I’d ever attend is my own.”

  “Hopefully, that won’t happen any time soon.” Tatum touched Jordan’s cheek, then knuckled away her tears.

  “Is this a private party or can anyone join?” Jordan’s mother asked. Jordan patted the spot next to her and her mother took a seat. “That was a lovely service.”

  “Natalie and Grandma Meredith will be happy to hear you say that. They were in charge of the arrangements.” Jordan watched them converse with the minister who had presided over the service. “Where would you and Dad like to go for dinner?”

  “Someplace that epitomizes Savannah but isn’t too touristy and won’t cost you a week’s salary.”

  “That certainly narrows down the list,” Tatum said. “I’m sure Aunt Natalie can recommend a good local haunt. I’m more of a TV dinner kind of girl myself.”

  “That’s not true,” Jordan said. “You can work a pretty mean grill when you set your mind to it.” She bumped Tatum’s shoulder with her own. “That night was fun. We should do it again sometime. How about next weekend?”

  “I think that can be arranged. As long as you let me pick the movies this time.”

  “Oh, that should be interesting. I feel a John Wayne marathon coming on.”

  “My dad’s the Duke fan. I prefer my action heroes to look more like Angelina Jolie.”

  “In that case, I cast my vote for Tomb Raider. In the tank top and short shorts Angelina wears in that movie, she could give you a run for your money.”

  “I beg to differ with you, honey,” Jordan’s mother said. “In that uniform, Tatum beats Angelina hands down.” Jordan turned
to look at her. “What? You disagree?”

  “No.” Jordan felt the antipathy from their past battles begin to fade away. Instead of telling her mother how much she had matured, perhaps all she needed to do was show her instead.

  Jordan’s mother leaned back to take a good, long look at her. Her smile was filled with even more pride than Grandma Meredith’s had been when she had introduced Jordan’s family to her old Army buddies. “I think I like the new you,” her mother said.

  “Me, too, Mom. Me, too.”

  *

  As she dried off after her shower, Jordan was filled with questions about the future. Not her own but Natalie’s and Grandma Meredith’s. Now that her mother had given them her approval, nothing stood in their way.

  “Do you think they’ll move in together?” she asked as she got dressed. “I can’t picture Natalie living anywhere but the South, which means Gran would have to sell her house and move down here. They could live in Natalie’s place or, better yet, pool their resources and buy a house near the water. A big one with plenty of room for guests. Namely me.”

  “Slow down,” Tatum said from the other room. “They just got together and you’re already trying to turn them into the Waltons.”

  Jordan stuck her head out the bathroom door. Tatum was lying in bed with the covers pulled up to her waist and her hands folded behind her head.

  “Slow down, did you say? Because they’ve obviously been moving way too fast all these years. Remind me again. It took them how long to get to this point? Forty-seven years? Yeah, they need to wait another forty-seven before they take the next step.”

  “Smartass.” Tatum took one of the extra pillows off the bed and threw it in Jordan’s direction. Jordan let out a yelp and ducked her head inside the bathroom a fraction of a second before the pillow hit the door.

  “So that’s how you want to play it, huh?”

  Jordan dropped the towel she was using to hand-dry her hair, picked up the pillow, and charged the bed. Tatum barely managed to drag herself into a sitting position before Jordan completed her swing. The blow bounced harmlessly off Tatum’s shoulder and arm. As did all the others that followed. And there were many before Tatum got a chance to grab a weapon of her own.