Desire Me Always

by Tiffany Clare

  “I want Nick gone from Highgate,” Shauley said simply. “He is here to accomplish something that gets in the way of my plans.”

  “You will have to be more specific.” She was digging for information, and Shauley likely knew it.

  He tsked. “Nick was always here for one purpose . . . ”

  “To build the school.” She supplied the words, knowing that wasn’t the answer but not knowing how to get the information she wanted out of Shauley.

  Shauley laughed. “Is that what you believe?”

  “It’s the truth.” She would not give Shauley more information than that. While that might not have been Nick’s original intention, according to her captor, it was certainly Nick’s purpose now.

  Shauley dismounted and came toward her, grabbing her arms and pushing his face into hers. Amelia couldn’t move fast enough to get away, so she held still and didn’t make a sound.

  “I see why he likes you so much.” Shauley ran his leather-gloved hand down one of her cheeks.

  She jerked her head away from him. Everything about him made her skin crawl to get away.

  “You’re a feisty little thing. Which is no surprise, considering the type of man your brother was.” There was an undertone of treat to his words.

  “Let me go.” She all but spat the words.

  Amelia needed out of his clutches. If she at least felt as if she were in control of the situation, she could handle this odd conversation she was having with Shauley. The ideal solution would be for someone to come upon them, but that didn’t seem likely, considering her luck so far today.

  He released her. Just like that. She blinked rapidly, not sure how to handle the change in power. Though she knew she had no chance of outrunning him.

  Not willing to test her boundaries yet, she raised her hands in surrender.

  “Don’t test my patience,” he said, his finger pointed at her like one might point a finger to scold a child.

  “I don’t understand what it is you want from me.”

  “You and Nick are going back to London. Tomorrow, I think.”

  There was no need to mention they planned on leaving in two days’ time. “And what shall I say to him?”

  “I don’t care how you get him to leave, as long as you accomplish that outcome.”

  That they were having this conversation at all left her feeling shaken. Disturbed. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, wishing she had her shawl to keep the cool night air at a distance.

  “He seeks a mutual acquaintance,” Shauley said, revealing nothing more than she already knew. “I’m afraid he’s interfering with my plans.”

  “And should he refuse to leave until he seeks out this mutual acquaintance of yours?”

  “If he gets in my way, I’ll end him the same way he put a stop to Laurie.”

  The inspector who had helped Shauley kidnap her had been shot fatally through the chest. Nick seemed to have had no reservations about killing the man, but it had been him or them. A shiver of warning chilled Amelia right down to her bones.

  “Tell me what you both want from this man.” She didn’t know if she would eventually push him over the edge and reveal this man’s violent and crazed side again, but she needed to know, much like the deeply maudlin needed their next tincture of laudanum.

  “Curious little kitten, aren’t you?”

  “You forget that it is you asking for my help,” she challenged him, not sure if she would regret letting her tongue run away from her.

  How could she pry more information out of him? They weren’t long together if he continued to walk toward the village. Hopefully, she wasn’t being fooled that he would let her go free.

  “I know they were both part of the school. What do you want with them?”

  Shauley’s gaze was hard to decipher, though he seemed intrigued by her questions. “So he’s told you some of it. Interesting.”

  For this game, it might be wise to pretend to know more than she did. Information tended to slip when one thought the other party was already in on the secret.

  “Which one of them whipped him?” she asked, biting her tongue too late.

  Shauley chuckled, the sound dark and sickening. Amelia did not lose sight of her goal; she needed to get to safety, and that safety was less than a quarter of a mile away.

  “They all whipped us into compliance, my innocent lady. If you think it was only the heavy hand of one to make his back bleed, you truly don’t understand the gravity of the situation we were in as youths.”

  “I understand it well enough.”

  Shauley whipped around and grabbed her wrist to the point of pain. He pulled her close; his face was within inches of hers again. She caught a glimpse of the monster he was, his calm expression slipping away to reveal something more sinister and calculating beneath.

  She hoped she hadn’t lost what advantage she’d gained and cursed her stupidity in questioning him at all.

  “You can never understand it unless you lived through it. Nick and I were no strangers to the way of some men and the harshness they could deliver.”

  She didn’t reveal that she knew what was expected of the boys, that they were overpowered, that they were made to do things that might have them question their worth, their very strength as men.

  She twisted her hand, but Shauley held fast.

  “What purpose do you have with the vicar? You said you spent most of your life here, growing up and living in this place. Did you never seek out the vicar before now? Or is your revenge rooted in the fact that Nick desires to see justice against that man?”

  “I should have given you more credit. It seems you’ve pieced enough of our past together to make you all too knowing.”

  She didn’t need Shauley to fill in the rest of the situation. She knew why Nick was here. His purpose with the vicar was the only thing she hadn’t figured out. And that she would find out directly from the source.

  If she made it back to the inn without harm.

  “Did you know my brother?” she asked, needing to understand how her brother’s murder fit in to all of this. “Before you ordered his death, did you know him at all?”

  “That man was the devil incarnate. My treatment of you was far grander than his treatment of women altogether.”

  That was likely true, but she did not confirm her belief in that. One monster was not better than another. Shauley was no hero, even if he thought himself to be so.

  “Did you kill him?”

  “In a manner of speaking.”

  “I lived with him for the majority of my life. There is nothing you can say that will shock my sensibilities.” She didn’t know why she’d given Shauley that much information.

  “You’re a cheeky lass, aren’t you?”

  “And you are a scoundrel of the worst sort. Nick said you stayed on at the school after he left. Does that make you the same kind of man as the vicar? Did the vicar mold you into an image of himself?”

  Shauley made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat. His hand whipped out so fast she didn’t see it coming, even though she’d been nettling the viper all along. His grip was firm, harsh, and deadly as it wrapped around her throat for a second time that night.

  Amelia’s stomach was in her throat when he turned her around, her back to his chest, her body completely in his hold. It was full dark now, and she could only just make out the lights in the village houses.

  “I could kill you now,” he whispered in her ear, even though no one could hear them. The threat was very real, and Amelia wanted to kick herself for being so bold. Freedom had been close, and she’d thrown it away in anger and frustration.

  She whimpered. She could not stop the helpless sound from bubbling up in her throat.

  “Your only task is to ensure Nick leaves Highgate. I wouldn’t want to have to find you again. I promise, the next time we meet, I won’t be so forgiving and lenient. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  She nodded, since she could not speak.
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  He released her just as suddenly as he’d caught her. She gasped for a full breath and fell to her hands and knees in the grass. Her hand covered her throat, and she carefully took in deep breaths, trying to steady her nerves.

  When she felt steady enough, she looked up at Shauley. “What do you plan for the vicar?”

  “Curiosity eventually killed that cat,” he responded as he swung up onto his horse. “Do not tell Nick of our meeting.”

  She would make no promises, though she did nod, not wanting to incite his anger further, not when freedom was within her grasp. But could she tell Nick of this run-in with Shauley? A part of her knew it would be better to just escape this place and head back to London; the logical and rational side of her said she should tell her husband so that he could take appropriate steps to capture Shauley with the authorities. But what if that should cause her husband injury, or worse, death?

  “We all live for a purpose, Mrs. Riley.”

  “And when that purpose is realized?”

  “That depends on the purpose.”

  “What do you plan to do to the vicar?” she repeated.

  “Watch him die, of course,” he said, as though she should have guessed that all along.

  Amelia took a step back, her reaction eliciting a stream of laughter from Shauley. Her hip still hurt from her fall, and she doubted she could run far, so she held steady.

  Shauley tilted his head to the side, as though he heard something she did not. His focus was sharp when he caught her eyes. “I counsel you once more against telling Nick we had this conversation.”

  “We are in agreement on that.”

  “I won’t take kindly to finding you here alone on the morrow.” Shauley dug his heels into his horse’s side and was off into the night as though he had never been there.

  Worst-case situation: she only needed to bide her time for another day, when she and Nick were already set to leave for London. The better solution was to find a reason to leave first thing in the morning.

  Amelia looked around her, having a hard time believing her run-in with Shauley had left her mostly unharmed.

  Before she made it to the courtyard, another horse approached. She whirled around, expecting to see Shauley with murder in his expression but was surprised to spy Nick galloping toward the inn like his heels were on fire.

  She’d never been more relieved to see him—or more angry at the same time.

  “Did you seek what you were so adamant in finding?” She couldn’t help her wicked tongue.

  Nick came down from his horse and reached for her hand to pull her close. “I’m sorry for charging out of here as I did.”

  “I haven’t decided if I can forgive you yet.” She cleared her throat. Admittedly, she felt immense guilt for thinking poorly of him and the circumstance that brought them both to this impasse. “Huxley arrived nearly two hours ago, Nick.”

  She wanted to ask why he’d been gone so long, but she didn’t want to pry into his whereabouts too much since she already had an idea of where he’d been.

  “So he wasn’t held up as long as he thought,” Nick said carefully, looking at her and the field of grass around them.

  “No,” she said shortly, her temper getting the better of her. Their conversation felt oddly stilted, and Amelia realized there was a lot unsaid between them that they would have to sort out before their marriage would ever run smoothly.

  She thought back on Shauley’s warning that she remain quiet. No easy feat when she had promised to remain honest out of respect to her husband.

  “I requested that the kitchen set aside a late dinner for us,” she said, unsure of whether she should ask him more about the incident that had separated them in the first place.

  Despite knowing the reason, clarity and the truth from him might have the ability to set them both on a better path, one that didn’t put them at odds.

  Amelia nearly snorted on reflection; they’d remain at odds as long as there were secrets between them, and she was nothing but a hypocrite to think she wouldn’t have to divulge her conversation with Shauley in return for her husband’s honesty.

  “Walk with me to the stables,” Nick said. The firmness of his expression told her that it wasn’t a request.

  Nick glanced over his shoulder before placing the flat of his hand on her lower back and guiding her deeper into the courtyard. Toward safety, she couldn’t help but think. Her deep inhalation was shaky, and she hoped her husband didn’t notice the nervousness that infused her.

  She couldn’t take the awkwardness stretching between them any longer. “Where have you been, Nick? You left nearly two hours ago, and you’re only going to ask me to walk to the stables with you?”

  “I should ask you the same thing. I saw you walking back. Did I not advise you of the danger in going anywhere alone?”

  Two wrongs do not make a right, she wanted to say, but bit her tongue.

  “I was enjoying an evening stroll, wondering where my husband could have gone. Thinking I would find you but it appears fortune was not on my side until I turned back. Do not turn this around. I asked a legitimate question, and I expect an honest answer.”

  “Amelia.” There was censure in his tone.

  “Perhaps you shouldn’t have left as you did. Don’t you dare lecture me when it was you who stormed out of here like a demon possessed by some unknown urge toward vengeance.”

  Nick took up her hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m sorry,” he said. There was a hint of sincerity in his voice, but that didn’t excuse his behavior.

  Or hers.

  She hated herself for the lie, even if it was only an omission of the truth. But she would never get the answers she needed if she let this go.

  “Don’t you think if that were the truth, you would explain why the monk’s appearance in my day had you running out of here with some madman’s purpose?”

  The stable boy approached head down and looking uncomfortable as he took the reins from Nick’s hands. His approach stopped her from saying anything more.

  “A conversation better saved for when we are alone,” Nick said gently.

  “And I asked you not to lecture me.” She dislodged her hand from his hold. “You may come and find me when you have something worthwhile to tell me.”

  With that, she turned away and left him standing just outside the stable. Leaving the way she did was the start of a brilliant plan. A way to lure him away from Highgate by the ridiculous imposed deadline Shauley had given her. She would not fail in this task. She could not. Not at the risk of either of their lives. Not at the risk of losing what they had built over the last month.

  She was reminded again that it was no easy feat to succeed at marriage. It took work. Hard work. And she hoped that her white lie would turn out to be a benefit to them both.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Nick never imbibed freely of spirits. On occasion, he could tolerate a good deal of any fiery liquid poured down his throat, and drink any man under the table, but tonight . . . tonight he couldn’t seem to pull back. More to the point, he didn’t want to. He wanted to be lost in his cups, to forget why he was here. To forget his purpose in purchasing Caldon Manor.

  His shoulder hit the wall on the curve of the stairs, and he fell heavily on the next step.

  “Bloody fool, you are.” Huxley’s stern voice barely made it through the grog and fog in Nick’s head.

  He slurred a string of words together, and Huxley got the gist of it.

  “You aren’t sleeping in my room. You’ll have to see your wife, let her ring you out and twist your ear for being an idiot. Don’t think you’ve had this much to drink in nigh on fifteen years, and then only after you won a fight that resulted in grave injuries for the other party.”

  “Needing . . . needs . . . ” Nick pointed his finger at his friend, trying to bring his grim face into focus. “I don’t need reminders, Huxley.”

  Huxley’s shoulder came up under Nick’s arm, supporting most of his weight. />
  “Bloody heavy bloke, you are. Should just leave you here for the missus to find you, come morning.”

  “I appreciate your help.” Nick’s side hit the wall again. Amelia was not going to be happy to see him in this state. Getting lost in spirits had seemed like a good idea at the time.

  Still didn’t seem half bad, though he doubted he would make it back downstairs still standing.

  But he’d angered his wife, and even he could admit he’d lost track of his purpose in coming to Highgate. He had tried to confront his past only to fail. So now what was he supposed to do?

  “So many questions.”

  “What are you yammering on about?” Huxley said.

  “Amelia asks so many questions.”

  “Drunk as a bloody lout. I hope you do regret this, come morning.”

  “I will be fine.”

  “You come see me at the crack of dawn and tell me that with the same conviction and I will never doubt you again.”

  Huxley tossed him down on the floor in front of the rooms he shared with Amelia. His friend knocked on the door. They waited for what felt like forever. Perhaps it was forever, or even only a few minutes. He couldn’t be sure. Sleep could find him anywhere right now. Mindless sleep. That was what he needed a night of. A mindless, numbing sound sleep, one without interruption. One without dreams.

  When Amelia didn’t answer the door, Huxley tried the knob, which didn’t turn. At least she’d locked it before going to bed. Though now, he was locked out of his own room. There was a certain amount of humor in that, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

  Huxley cuffed him up the side of the head, making Nick’s ears ring. “People are sleeping so shut it, or I’ll toss you into the stables to sleep with the animals.”

  “Shh,” Nick said to his friend and pushed his back against the wall next to the door. “Wait. I have a key.” He patted down his waistcoat pocket, his jacket pockets, but couldn’t seem to locate what he was looking for.

  Huxley searched Nick’s pockets with quick efficiency and pulled out the key to Nick’s room. “See, there it is.” Nick smiled up at his friend, but Huxley did not return the gesture; if anything, his frown deepened the lines on his forehead.