by K. Bromberg
I met Cain’s gaze before focusing all of my attention onto Eli. Yeah, I already knew that my day was shot. Waking up to these two and having to go through drinking my coffee in utter silence was definitely not my idea of starting out a good day.
What really put the emphasis on the whole morning suckage, was the fact that I didn’t have an answer for either of them.
Should I have brought Trevor back here last night? Probably not.
Did I possibly have way too much to drink last night? Probably yes.
What would have happened if Cain and Eli didn’t come in with their super-dude capes? I didn’t even want to think about the answer to that one.
“Paige?” Eli said my name again, trying to regain my focus on the issue at hand.
“I get it,” I told the both of them, crossing my arms and probably coming off as a petulant child.
But, shit! These guys held all the cards right now, and this could all play out in a million ways. And I damn well wasn’t going to gamble by giving them an answer I wasn’t sure about.
Another moment of silence.
Clearly, when they saw I wasn’t going to give them the speech about how last night happened and why, Eli switched tactics. “It’s not about the sex.”
What?
“It’s about judging character,” Eli continued.
“Uhh…well, if you’re saying that I should have seen what happened coming, then—”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Eli deadpanned.
Okay. I was struggling with the decision of either giving him a WTF? look…or the finger. Because I, honest to God, didn’t know how in the hell I could have possibly known that Trevor was going to go all “The Accused” on me.
“Okay,” I said, getting up from the chair. “If you guys are seriously trying to convey that I asked for that last night, then screw you both.”
I started to walk off when I felt a hand on my arm. Turning around, prepared to give one hell of a verbal lashing, I was surprised to see that it was Cain who had the vise-like hold on me.
“That’s not what he’s saying,” Cain explained, meeting my gaze. I looked down to where he was holding me, and he let go.
“Then what is he saying?” I didn’t even spare Eli a glance as I kept my eyes padlocked to Cain’s.
“He’s saying that you should always pick someone who…takes care of you.” Cain took a step back, now looking over at Eli, who was nodding his head.
“I don’t follow.”
Eli tossed the remains of what was in his coffee cup into the sink before turning around to face me.
“Trevor Mulroney always has a breath mint and at least six condoms at hand. He doesn’t give two shits about the women he sleeps with, because all he can think about is getting some. I mean, the guy doesn’t even care if the women he’s sleeping with get off. It might as well be rape even if it is consensual because they're just a breathing pocket-pussy as far as he's concerned. Something to use."
“Well, how was I supposed to know that?” I asked, my eyes darting between them both. Although in all honesty, wasn't that exactly what I'd gone after? I was used to being used; I was used to using right back. For whatever reason, I sucked at cultivating relationships. Being "used" was my comfort zone.
Eli was just about to respond, when Cain beat him to it.
“You should have taken the time to know that,” he said softly, like this was a conversation just between the two of us. "You deserve respect, and in order to understand that, maybe a little self-respect is what you need the most."
I nodded slowly, my eyes drifting down to the kitchen tile. I felt a gentle hand come up to my jaw, and raise my head up to meet a pair of russet-colored eyes.
“You have to learn to respect yourself,” Cain told me with gentle brutality, his hand still holding my face. “Sexuality isn’t a privilege or a lifestyle, Paige. It’s a person’s right. You can do anything you want to do with…whomever. But you have to respect yourself, and make sure that the other person damn well respects you too.”
I let those words churn over in my mind a little before I even thought about responding. Letting out a breath that I didn’t even realize I had been holding, I made sure to meet both of their gazes straight-on. He was right. They were right. I had a long way to go, but it wouldn't be any shorter if I continued on this self-destructive path.
“I’m sorry.” I genuinely confessed. "I know that you're both right. I'll work on it, I promise."
chapter 9
It had been nearly four months since that awful episode with Trevor and my men hosting their "come to Jesus" meeting with me. Since then, I had worked my ass off, both at the academy, and at home. And I had fought the temptation for any further random hook-ups, which I found was much easier if I wore myself out physically.
So that's what I did, both in the gym, at home, and with Cain.
Let me explain. I helped Cain every chance I got with his catering business. It was a win-win because not only did I earn some extra cash, but I stayed out of trouble. Little by little I started banking some self-respect along the way.
I was pretty sure that I had earned both Cain and Eli's respect in the meantime, if I hadn't had it before. I think they had been genuinely concerned about me—they cared about me and, in return, I had this unfamiliar need to please them. That was a first for me.
I paid off my car, and had some additional spending money, which I put to good use, sprucing up my wardrobe, and buying some decorative things for the house, determined that it would have my signature style right along with theirs. After all, we were all in this thing together. It felt good to belong somewhere, and I knew that I did.
I had kept a professional attitude where Darin was concerned. I mean, after all, he was still my superior and I needed to make sure that I kept everything above reproach.
Besides, I really had no ax to grind with him. Everything he had said to me that evening had been true. Any inkling of a committed relationship had been in my own mind. I couldn't hold him responsible for leading me on because he really hadn’t.
We were getting the house prepped for the holidays. Eli had made plans to spend Thanksgiving with Darcy and Easton; Trace and Lindsey were spending Thanksgiving with Lindsey's side of the family. Cain and I had been invited to Darcy's as well, but Cain had a major catering gig and I had offered my help.
And it wasn't as if Thanksgiving was that big of a deal to me anyway.
Now Christmas?
Yeah, that was another story. I had already brought up the artificial Christmas tree from the basement, along with the multiple boxes of decorations.
I had enlisted my men's help in rearranging the living room furniture so that our tree could be placed in front of the picture window, so all who traveled down our street could see it, once it was decorated, in all of its eclectic and electric magnificence.
My guys told me that once Thanksgiving had passed, we could get the tree and the outside lights that I had bought put up.
Cain and I got through catering the banquet at one of the local country clubs. Once home, we were exhausted, so we flopped down on the sofa for a breather.
"You did well tonight, Paige," he complimented. "You’re a damn good worker. I appreciate your jumping in to help out, being that a couple of my trusted employees called off last minute. I like that I can depend on you."
I looked over at him, my head resting against the back of the sofa. "It means a lot to me that you said that," I said with a sigh. "I'm not going to lie, though. It was a bitch today, Cain."
He nodded with a loud laugh on his lips and a silent one in his eyes.
It always took me completely off-guard when Cain laughed. I mean yeah, I knew that the guy was human…but when there was a smile on his face; he went from a brooding man to a boyish, sexy guy. It was friggin’ disarming, and I never fully knew how to react and keep the moment when it happened.
I didn’t even realize that I had probably been staring for a full-on minute when Cain looke
d over at me, a smaller smile hanging from his face. “You’re doing that staring thing again,” he teased.
My eyebrows crept together at that comment, “What staring thing?”
He let out another small laugh, and I kind of wanted to throw it in my pocket.
“That staring thing you do when you don’t think I’m paying attention,” Cain explained.
“Umm…I think someone needs to get his ego checked,” I nudged him playfully in the arm. “One, I don’t stare. And two, even if I did, what makes you think I’d waste it on someone who looks like they spend their spare time running over baby bunnies?” For bonus effect, I raised one eyebrow.
I watched his eyes widen as he looked at me, right before he threw his head back and let out a deep, rich laugh. He looked back over, “Baby bunnies? Where the hell do you even get this stuff?”
Waggling my eyebrows, I shrugged. “T.V.”
He snorted, and I turned fully so that my body was facing his entirely now. “No, seriously. T.V. can teach you a lot of things, my friend. For instance, when I was fourteen and I heard that Billy Jameson wanted to kiss me, I watched Beverly Hills 90210 for a solid afternoon.”
“And…?” Cain asked, with questioning eyes.
“Aaaand, not only did I learn how to kiss…,” I paused dramatically, before gesturing him to come closer, as if I planned on telling him my biggest, darkest secret. When he complied, I brought my face super close to his and whispered mischievously, “I learned how to French.”
Exuberant shock took over his features, and that earlier smile built a home in his voice as he asked, “And what did this Billy think?”
“Well,” I replied, tossing my hair back and having fun with this game we were playing. “He thought that I kissed way better than the sophomore girls.”
“Did he?”
It was such a quiet question. And for some reason, the low way Cain spoke those words were beginning to crack through the innocence of the moment we had just shared.
Our faces were still close together when I managed a small nod, a new kind of moment shocking through the lessening space between us.
His lips grazed mine first, and it was such a soft feeling that I knew if I had blinked, I wouldn’t have even felt it.
Until he gave me a second one.
This time, he ran his lips back and forth across mine, as if asking some arbitrary question. Looking back at that moment, I knew that I should've stopped it.
Ended it.
Started it on fire.
Torn it to shreds so that later, I could delve into the trash can and piece it all back together.
Instead, I sucked in a demanding breath and took his bottom lip between mine. Biting down lightly, I heard him softly growl right before feeling his hand lightly gripping the nape of my neck.
And that’s when he decided to throw gasoline on his next kiss.
Cain pulled my head back slightly, and then completely took over. His mouth softly worked at mine at first, until I took another breath, and he used that to his advantage, as his tongue stole in and caressed over mine.
Jesus, he tastes fucking awesome.
It was a mixture of mint and honey, and fuck me…I wanted a lot more.
Bringing my arms up to grip his biceps, I leaned in and took back the advantage as I found a new angle for his mouth. Kissing him and sucking hard on his tongue, I felt his hands grip the skin that showed above my low-slung pants.
And then I was being flipped.
I was on my back, and Cain now had the advantage again as he settled over me and brought my arms up above my head.
He looked down at me with heat in his eyes that was threatening to singe his eyelashes. I was practically panting as he leaned back down and nipped at my ear, right before quietly sucking on the sensitive skin behind.
“He was right,” he whispered.
I couldn’t help it, I giggled as I turned my head to look at him. “Better than a sophomore?”
He gave me a small smile before leaning in and kissing me with whole lot of sexual aggression, to the point where it was almost punishing.
“Better than anyone,” he practically growled, right before nipping the corner of my lips.
And that’s when we heard the sound of Eli’s car in the drive. Cain and I glanced at one other, and the shards of reality dusted over us as we immediately got as far away from each as the few seconds would allow.
Seriously, what the fuck just happened?
Just then, Eli came through the door, his arms full of Tupperware containers and foil-wrapped items.
"Got plenty of leftovers for my favorite peeps," he chimed in, clearly having imbibed in some holiday spirits. "Want to make sure you two got your holiday feast, being that you both spent the day serving it up to everyone else."
Cain jumped up from the couch, off-loading Eli of some of the containers, and following him into the kitchen. "Uh, Eli…did Darcy cook?"
I heard Eli's good-natured laugh float out from the kitchen. "Don't worry, it's all good," he chuckled. "Paige? Get your perky ass in here. I'm making you a plate," he hollered out.
I went into the kitchen where Eli was setting down clean plates and silverware. Cain was busy opening the containers of food, and putting them in the microwave to heat. I grabbed a bottle of Chardonnay from the wine chiller and dug for the corkscrew in the kitchen drawer.
"So how was everything over at 'Matthews Manor'?" I asked, twisting the corkscrew, anxious for any type of conversation to take my mind off of 'Kissing-Gate 2014' that had just gone down not even five minutes before. I so didn't want to relapse back to my skank days. I had too much to lose with these men.
"Big announcement this afternoon," Eli said, using his faux British accent.
He placed a folded hand towel over his arm, taking the open wine bottle from me, and filled my wine glass as a proper servant would. "Yes, mum. It seems Lady Darcy is in a delicate condition. She will be presenting his lordship with their second born next April. The Lord of the Manor has made it quite clear his preference is for a daughter this time."
I looked up into Eli's amused eyes. He was actually kind of good at impersonating Easton's accent. "Seriously? She's pregnant?"
"Yep," he said, his grin now fading. "They're pretty pumped up about it. Lucky them, I guess," he finished with a wistful sigh.
I looked over at him a tad confused. I noticed Cain had turned from the microwave to glance over at him as well. Our eyes locked briefly, before I turned my attention back to Eli.
"Aren't you happy for them, Eli?" I asked softly, placing my hand over his.
He looked up and painted a smile back on for my benefit. "What? Oh, sure I am. Just a bit jealous maybe. The closer I get to thirty, the more appealing the whole minivan-and-soccer-practice life looks.”
I hadn't considered that with these men. I mean, they were in love and as committed to one another as anyone could be—married or otherwise. It was natural, I suppose they might have the same dreams as any other couple with respect to raising children.
"Here we go," Cain said, interrupting my thoughts and the now-saddened tension in the room as he placed containers of warmed food on the table. "Dig in."
Later, as Cain and I finished cleaning up the kitchen, and Eli was taking out the trash, I brought the subject up. I had all but forgotten about the kiss as this new topic moved to the top.
"Do you and Eli want children, Cain?"
He looked over at me, caught off-guard momentarily. He shrugged and gave a small nod.
"Yeah, we've looked into it," he admitted. "You think that's fucked up, don't you?"
I shook my head. "No, not really," I replied. "I guess until I just now saw how Eli reacted to Darcy's news, I hadn't really thought about it. I've never heard you guys discuss it."
"Well, you're not privy to every conversation we have, Paige. You know, we do manage to have private discussions when possible," he replied, trying to throw some humor into his words. Clearly, it was his polite
way of saying, 'MYOB.'
Cool. No problemo.
I turned to leave the kitchen, and felt his hand on my arm, pulling me around to face him. His eyes were warm and soft now, a hint of remorse lacing his expression.
"Hey, I'm sorry," he replied gently. "I didn't mean to snap at you like that. It's kind of a sore subject, I guess. It's the one thing we can't give one another and it's frustrating as hell. We aren't on the same page with it, in all honesty."
"S'alright," I said with a nod, turning to leave.
"Hey you two," Eli said, coming into the kitchen. "Want to play some cards or something?"
I gave Eli a kiss on the cheek as I headed out. "I'm exhausted guys, rain check? This chick has a date with a long soak in a tub full of bubbles. Don't forget—tomorrow we start decorating inside and out."
I heard their manly grumbles as I retreated down the hallway to my room.
My bubble bath was delicious. I soaked for nearly an hour, and thought about the kiss Cain had given me. Maybe I was making too much of it. Maybe it was just something done without thought. I was inclined to believe that's all it was.
I mean, we all cared for each other; that was perfectly clear. We were all close, so maybe it didn't have to mean a damn thing. I wasn't going to overanalyze it. I probably needed to get out more. I'd kind of become a house frau and it was showing. I hadn't sworn off men for life, just the users. Maybe I was ready to try my hand at cultivating a real relationship with someone who had potential rather than just anyone with a hard dick.
After my bath, I climbed into my empty bed and pulled out the large plastic bag that contained yarn, knitting needles and the two work-in-progress wool scarves I'd been knitting in secret for a couple of weeks.
I was making a dark teal scarf for Eli; Cain's was a dark maroon, and I couldn’t help but laugh a bit when it sort of/probably looked an awful lot like something Draco Malfoy would wear. The colors were perfect for each of their palettes.
My Grandmother Townsend (my mom's mother) had taught me how to knit and crochet one summer when I stayed at her house in Oregon. I was probably eleven or twelve at the time. She lived in the middle of nowhere, so I had been happy to have something to keep me busy.