I more meant to just give him shit, but in my drunken state I don't know how it came out; probably harsh. It was more of just an excuse to push him away.
But that's my ultimate fantasy, that's what I thought about. I don't know where it creeped in originally, but it's there and it's not going away and if Sebastian and I are based on fantasies well, he's going to have to give me it or was going to.
In my heart I know I wanted to be with Sebastian as more than my friend with benefits. And I loved him in a way that a school girl loves the unattainable. Sure, we'll never be together again, but a part of me wonders intensely what happened to him and where the hell he is right now. Why is he not at this conference that he always comes to?
The day passes and finally the night time hour arrives. We went to a team dinner with Kim, Troy and all the other people. We eat in a fine Tennessee rib joint and by the end of it I feel full and decadent. My buzz courses through me.
"Well," Kim says, like a mother bird almost. "It's time for everyone to go back to their rooms."
When she says “their rooms” she looks specifically at me as though I'm a girl who's going to be up all night. I want to tell her 'listen, just because you happen to run into me in my apron does not mean that you know how I am all the time.' Instead of giving her any sort of look that will lead on what I'm thinking, I give her a blank smile; turning the corners of my mouth up, just slightly.
"Yes well, I have been known to have a good time especially at the Farmer's Conference." I say, and everyone at the table laughs.
Once the bills are paid we start to head out. Troy though, clasps me on the shoulder right as we head out the door and onto the street. I watch as Kim and the other girl get into a cab and drive off toward the hotel.
"Hey, you doing ok?" he asks.
"Yes, i'm fine."
"That doesn’t sound very convincing. What the hell was that look between you and Kim? I saw that."
"It was nothing." I say.
"Hey, just come with me, let’s go grab a drink and think about some things. I want to ask you about writing."
My heart starts to beat a little bit faster.
How does Troy know about my writing?
I’ve mostly stopped working on the book at work, anyway.
"Writing?” I swallow. “What are you talking about?" He cocks his head just to the side.
"Look," He says. “Don’t worry about how I know. But I know what you're writing and I'm just curious, it seems really unique and awesome and I want to get to know the writer side of Brett a little bit better."
"Umm, you know, I should just go back to my room. I really don't think this is a good idea." I say.
"I just want to ask you five questions about writing and then we'll head back to the hotel. This is not a date.” He pauses. “I promise. Not a date.”
"Not a date," I repeat.
"I don't know what you think but I just think you're really cool Brett and I'm not trying to hit on you here. Come on, let's just go up this rooftop place I've picked out and have a good time." My ears perk up at the mention of an open air bar.
"Did you say a rooftop?"
"Yes, I got a rooftop place scoped out, it's at one of those hotels just down the road." I took a deep breath and inhale the Nashville night air.
"I will go and have one drink with you." I say.
"One drink,” Troy nods, and hails a cab.
Ten minutes later, we’re on the rooftop of a bar overlooking downtown Nashville. The crowds are loud below us. A male and female guitarist play covers of popular country songs in one corner of the bar.
"I still don't understand how you know about the writing." I say. Troy slides his drink over to his side. Tonight, he's drinking a beer and I'm drinking a Mojito. Troy takes a swig of his beer, a local craft brew.
"Don’t worry about how I know. But you really need to tell me about this writing thing and how you got started and all that. I’m curious."
My back stiffens; what on Earth am I supposed to tell Troy? That I half had an idea that I could write some sort of book and then I saw Sebastian and everything clicked and then Sebastian fucked me so well in every way, shape and form that I couldn't not write the book?
Seems a little far-fetched if you ask me.
"Writing is just something that I've thought about since I was little." I say, giving him the stock answer. "And you have to tell me how on Earth you knew about my writing because I didn't tell almost anyone. I’m not dropping that."
Troy smiles only slightly, he leans in across the table.
"Now here's the thing" He says, his voice lower. "I don't want you to get freaked out about what we're about to do."
"What we're about to do?" My heartbeat quickens.
"Well, it will make sense in a minute." He taps the table three times and slides his beer to the end of the table, a cryptic gesture.
"Troy, could you tell me what's going on?" I say, suddenly panicked. I glance at the rest of the people in the crowd who are also on the rooftop, and when I see one particular individual, I freeze up like a deer in headlights.
Sebastian Blackwell stands in front of me, looking hotter than he’s ever looked.
His jaw is firm as he stares straight at me, his eyes serious. He wears jeans and a T-shirt through which I can see his 6 pack quite well. Those very chest muscles that I pushed away outside of The Watering Hole.
I speak slowly.
"What the hell is happening?" I say as Sebastian walks toward me.
My palms sweat, my pulse quickens. Something about this scene just seems very very off but at the same time, I'm extremely turned on all of a sudden.
"Sebastian" I manage to choke. "What is going on? Why are you here?"
"Why else would I be here?" he says, his voice low and cool. "You're here.”
"I haven't seen you for a week and a half."
"Yeah well, you stopped answering my texts and calls, so decided I would give you some space." His voice is low; lower than usual.
"Well, you didn't have to cut me off completely. I eventually texted you, I think." I reason.
He laughs.
"You think? Look Brett, you're amazing ok? You will never have any idea how amazing I really think you are and so, look, let's just not talk about this right now."
"Yes, I agree. Let's not talk about this right now." My eyes land on Troy. I'm about to cut in and ask him all the questions I'm currently wondering like, what the hell does Troy have to do with this? But Sebastian speaks first.
"Look, I own this bar."
"You do?" I say.
"Yeah, this was my childhood dream, to own a bar with a rooftop. So, let's go to one of the V.I.P. lounges where it will be a little bit more private." I look at Troy; his expression is calm, maybe a little bit nervous but he doesn't seem to be fazed by Sebastian and I's conversation which surprises me.
"Let's go." Troy agrees. We don't even pay but Sebastian says it will be fine, so I follow him. We head over to a different section of the outdoor patio. We cut through and find ourselves in a certain corner of the place. There's a hot tub and a balcony over which we can see the entire city of Nashville, river and all. Some music drifts up toward us from a concert in a park somewhere. I freeze when I see the hot tub.
"Are we getting in the hot tub? I don't have a bathing suit.”
Sebastian snorts a little.
"Look, you don't have to get in if you don't want to, we can just sip champagne on the side of the balcony or..."
"Yeah, we'll just sip some champagne here on the side,” I say.
I stare at the hot water jets as they bubble.
"Or I can just get in and I'll dry off after,” I say, suddenly bold.
Me. A hot tub. Two sexy men.
What the heck is happening?
Both of men squint at me, and to say I’m turned on is an understatement.
I start to feel like I’m Lacy in the final scene of Bossman with Benefits.
"I’ll have some towels
sent up," Sebastian says, and sends a quick text.
Troy looks on silently.
"Let's get into the hot tub, have some champagne, and enjoy this beautiful night." He's right, it is a beautiful night. It's 80 degrees in late fall, which is not always the case. The night air is hot-ish and crisp.
Troy takes off his pants and gets in his boxers. Sebastian takes his off too, and submerges the lower half of his body while he’s in his briefs.
I hesitate, and my hands are fidgety. I clear my throat to speak, but nothing comes out. I look at the two attractive men, but leaning back, viewing me in my floral dress.
“Screw it,” I mutter to myself, and throw the thing over my shoulders. I take off my shoes, and slide into the water in my bra and panties.
Sebastian smiles, then reaches behind him. He hands each of us a champagne glass and fills it from his pre-opened bottle.
The champagne sounds loud as he tips the glass to pour, compared with how still the night air is in Sebastian’s private rooftop.
He stares at me with those deep brown eyes, and I feel myself surrendering to him, in spite of everything we’ve been through.
"Brett, I know this probably seems weird, but we're cheers-ing to you."
"We are?" I ask, my voice a little shaky. I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on.
"Yeah, we're cheering to your book that you've finished."
"How do you know I finished it? And for the love of all that’s good, please tell me how and why this is happening. Sebastian, how did you know I was here?”
Sebastian tips his chin up, and again, the look he gives me sends me chills that reverberate through my entire body.
"Cheers," they both say, raising their glasses.
"Cheers," I echo.
I sit back enjoying the feeling of hot water on my skin. It's a little bit too hot at first but once I'm in, it feels good and I'm pretty sure my drunkenness is amplified by the hot temperature. We clink our glasses together and take a drink; looking each other in the eye.
Sebastian takes a deep breath, and I know he’s got something on his mind. I wonder if it’s got anything to do with what’s on my mind.
“Now that I’ve got you, I want you to listen to me. Right before you walked into my life, I was miserable. The truth is I only saw victories in business and sure, I had my ups but in general I was only after profit. I see things totally differently now and I know you say you can never be with me; that you can never love a man like me who is a playboy and I understand that. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. I always will love you."
I swallow down more of the bubbly, dry champagne, shocked.
Sebastian is using the L word.
For me.
"I'll take some more of this please." I say, holding out my champagne glass. This just seems awkward right in front of Troy; I don't understand it. Sebastian refills my glass. Troy sits still in the water. He’s not super awkward, just curiously looking on at the two of us.
"I don't understand why you're telling me this now." I say. And I guess it's true what they say: A sober woman's thoughts are drunk woman's feelings. Because the next I know, I'm blurting out what's right up my sleeve.
"Why are you telling me this in front of Troy? I don't get it, Sebastian. I mean, you've always been a little mysterious to me, but this just makes no sense. How did you even know I was here?"
He takes a sip of his drink and glances out toward the stars, which are somewhat blotted out by the light pollution of the city and turns back to me; his eyes glistening in the night.
"See Brett, the thing is, you told me I could never give you your greatest fantasy."
"What's that?"
"Oh come on Brett, don't act like you don't know what's going on here. You said you wanted to have a threesome with two guys. Even if you don’t love me, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. And I want to give you everything you want.”
He reaches out and tips my chin toward him with a finger.
“And when I say everything Brett, I mean fucking everything.”
Twenty Four - Brett
"More champagne," I say after swallowing what I have in front of me. "Look Sebastian, I don't know what to say to that."
"You don't have to say a thing." Sebastian says.
My heart clenches and I twist up in a knot. I look at Troy; he's got blond hair, a nice firm jaw and his body is good and muscular, he's attractive. He's smart too, it's not like his personality is wanting for much. He's young, he smiles over at me and kinda of looks me up and down and then looks away; still a little bit shy about the whole thing.
"You want to do this."
"Look it's probably a bit sudden. We don't have to do it tonight or anything or ever; whatever you want. Maybe it’s seeming too real for you now. But I just wanted to put it out there and make sure you know. So I met up with Troy earlier this week, and explained to him the situation. Troy signed an NDA, too. We have an understanding."
He takes my hand in his; electricity surges through me, down my spine, through my legs and between them.
"Look, I will do whatever it takes to make you happy." He says. "I don't know if anything could ever be between us but during this time I've always loved you. I think I started loving you from our very first kiss. And Brett Blue, you light a fire in me that I've never had in my life and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I don't give a shit what that entails and if this is your number one fantasy--"
"Ok." I cut him off.
"Ok what?"
"Ok, let's do it. I want you both." When the words come out, suddenly I feel as though I'm on some kind autopilot; in a trance.
This isn’t a fantasy any more.
This is about to become my reality.
Sebastian's hand is on the flesh of my leg. He squints towards me, those beautiful brown eyes, and I wonder what he's thinking. But that thought quickly dissipates.
"Baby," Sebastian murmurs in a throaty voice. “I don't care what the fuck you want now or ever, I'm going to make you the happiest girl in Blackwell and Nashville for that matter." I lean into him and our lips meet.
We kiss.
It's different now, butterflies surge through me starting in my lips, floating down to my neck and electrifying my heart. The kiss is hot but sensual, still sexual. A slight moan escapes my parted lips.
"Sebastian," I whisper.
"Yeah baby." He says.
"This is so fucked up, but in the weirdest, cutest way I could ever imagine, this is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me." I say.
"That's right baby." he says, taking my chin in his hand and looking me in the eye. "And there's much more where that came from."
Sebastian’s eyes dart toward Troy and he nods. Troy moves a little bit closer; sliding across the seat and sitting right next to me, his thigh touching mine in just his boxers.
"Hey," he says, cupping my cheek. "You okay with this? This is what you want right?" He runs a hand through my hair and his touch is soft, softer than Sebastian's in a way. “You seem shy.”
"This is what I want." I utter. I think about all the nights I've spent obsessing, wondering how it would feel to be with two men at the same time. I can feel Troy's intense eyes on me. Sebastian's face looks savage, and I can tell he's ready to fuck the shit out of me. Sebastian plants another kiss on my lips and I let my tongue slide into him as Troy's hand falls to my knee. I feel another hand on my other knee; Sebastian, I can tell by the touch, even underwater. I feel Sebastian's hand ride up my inner thigh. My breath hitches; I feel so hot. So wrong, this is so wrong but this is what I've wanted for so long. Sebastian's right. If he can bring me all my fantasies, he'd want to bring me this one too.
Sebastian kisses me harder, our tongues play hockey. A warm intense feeling washes over me like I've just been hit by a hot summer breeze on my forehead; I sweat and I feel Sebastian's hand running along my jaw bone.
"I love you baby." He says. "I've loved you for so long and I can'
t wait to give you everything you want in this world, if you’ll let me." His words are spoken soft, low and true. He lets go of my lips, and I bite his lower lip as he falls away. I turn to Troy and look at his young face. I have no doubt his attraction is totally honest, that he wants me and truth be told, he's an attractive man. He leans in for the kiss; I feel his breath as he hovers inches from me, not quite pushing forward. Not pushing his lips all the way onto mine.
"Wait" I say.
"Wait, what?" Sebastian says, suddenly concerned.
"I don't know if this is what I want." I admit. "I want you to give me everything but," I take a deep breath.
"Sebastian.” I grip his hair over his neck. "I love you too. I love you and sorry Troy, I am not ready for this. It seemed good in theory, but all I want is this." I lean forward towards Sebastian, kissing him intensely. He devours my lips and I reciprocate.
Troy leans back and smiles and I'm impressed with the man for not being butthurt.
"This what you want." Troy repeats.
"Yes," I confirm, and I can’t believe Sebastian is willing to give me everything. Even when it’s far out of his comfort zone.
Troy leans back, grabs for his champagne glass and smiles.
"You two are cute, I'm happy for you."
It's as if a bomb has explodes between Sebastian and I. The water splashes as he spreads kisses from my jaw, down my chin, to my neck and back up. His hands explore me underwater and I ride mine up his abs, exploring his beautiful body at the same time. My eyes are closed but I hear Troy splash out of the hot tub. He must grab a towel and start drying himself off.
“I missed you,” I mouth.
"I missed you too," Sebastian says to me. "Fuck I want you Brett, I want you now, I want you forever and I want you more than that. You understand how much I want you?"
"Yes" I whisper.
"Good."
"Hey," I say to him in a whisper. "I have one fantasy that I wouldn't mind doing tonight."
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