Obsession

by Susan Lewis

  It was just after eight o’clock when Phillip Denby pushed his way from the bar of The Man in the Moon to a seat in the corner of the lounge. He set his glass of Guinness down on the round table, then took out a packet of cigarettes. It would be at least an hour before Corrie arrived, but he’d needed to get out of the house, not only because he couldn’t bring himself to watch the programme, but to get away from Octavia. God, how he hated her. Every vein in her body ran with venom, and there were times when it seemed to seep through the very pores of her skin. She was so corrupt that he could feel soiled just to have her eyes look upon him. She had destroyed his life, totally, he couldn’t even call himself a man anymore. Now, all he wanted was to lose himself, if only for a while, in the anonymity of a public house, where crowds of young people shouted and swilled their pints, flirted and popped their Ecstacy. He watched them spilling out onto the pavement of World’s End, and felt an overwhelming sadness at how rotten the world had become. Children, getting drunk, taking drugs and living day after day with the ever-encroaching threat of AIDS.

  He took a quick gulp of his Guinness then lit a cigarette. The panic was threatening to engulf him again, but he must force himself to stay calm. Corrie would be here soon, Corrie would make it all right. He wasn’t quite sure when he had reached that conclusion, but it had happened some time over the past week, after he had seen her at Luke’s. But even now he couldn’t be sure if he was right, if he really had felt … Felt what? He didn’t know. Was it sympathy he had sensed in her? Perhaps it was strength. Whatever it was, he knew, deep down in his heart, that she was the only one he could turn to. Not Pam, though God knew he’d wanted to, and he’d tried so many times, but in the end he just hadn’t been able to bear the thought of her turning on him. Every woman he’d ever known had ended up despising him, and once she knew what he’d done Pam would prove no exception, no matter how much she claimed to love him. And who could blame her? But Corrie was different, she would help him, he was certain of it, she would help Annalise too. Corrie would find a way.

  He drank some more Guinness then crushed out his half-smoked cigarette. His hands were shaking.

  He pictured Corrie in his mind’s eye and started to smile, then suddenly his face contorted with the agony he felt inside. Could he really do this to her? He was her father, he should be protecting her, not burdening her with the terrible tragedy of his life. And why should she want to help after the way he had treated her? He hadn’t even had the guts to speak to her that night at Luke’s. But if she knew the truth, if she knew what was really going on, surely she would understand.

  Choking back a sob Phillip dug his fingers into the sockets of his eyes. For Christ’s sake, he told himself bitterly, five prostitutes were dead and an innocent man had been arrested! How could she ever begin to understand that? How was he going to explain that he knew McIver was innocent without incriminating himself? Did he really want Corrie to know that he had been visiting whores, or what he had been doing to those whores? Did he want to see the suspicion, the accusation then, God forbid, the fear come into her eyes when he told her? And once he had told her, what then? The answer suddenly seemed so brutally clear that Phillip could hardly believe he was sitting there. But of course that was why he had let Corrie down before. He was afraid of what she would do once she knew. She would go to the police, she’d have to. It wouldn’t matter that he was her father, she would do what was right. And then they would come for him.

  It wasn’t that he really minded for himself, he just wanted this torment to be over, it was the shame it would bring upon Annalise and Corrie that he couldn’t accept. But maybe, just maybe, he could save Corrie. Yes, that’s what he would do. He would save her from the shame. It was too late for Annalise, but not for Corrie. Tears welled in his eyes. It would probably be the only thing in his entire life he would ever do for Edwina’s daughter, and it would be worse than tearing out his own heart, but he was going to do it. He had to, for Corrie’s sake.

  When at last Corrie arrived Phillip was still sitting in the same seat, with the same glass of Guinness in front of him. He saw several heads turn as she glanced about the bar, trying to find him, he even heard one man ask her if she’d like to join his party. He didn’t hear Corrie’s response, but whatever it was it made the man laugh. Phillip felt a quick swell of pride, but when Corrie spotted him, he looked away. He didn’t want to watch her walk towards him, he didn’t want to acknowledge how astonishingly lovely she had become during these few short months in London, and neither did he want to read whatever expression there was in her eyes.

  ‘Hello,’ Corrie said.

  Phillip nodded, but did not look up.

  ‘Can I get you a drink?’ Corrie offered.

  ‘No. I won’t be staying, thank you,’ Phillip said curtly.

  He felt Corrie bristle. ‘Then what can I do for you?’ she said, sitting down.

  With his eyes still averted Phillip consciously tightened his jaw, and said, ‘You can swear to me that you’ll never tell Annalise who you are. I don’t want her to know about you, I don’t want anyone to know about you, do you understand? And no matter what you do, or whatever you might claim in the future, I want you to know that I will always deny that you’re my daughter. Have you got that straight? You are no relation to me, you never have been, nor ever will be. And keep away from Luke Fitzpatrick. He’s got Annalise, he doesn’t need you too, so keep away from him.’

  Still he didn’t look at her as he jerked himself to his feet. He could feel her pain, but forced himself to move away. His legs were shaking so badly it was all he could do to get himself out of the pub and into his car. He knew he had just cut off any hope he’d ever had of being able to confide in anyone, but it was for the best. This way she would never have to suffer the humiliation of pointing fingers as she walked down the street, ‘there goes the daughter of that psycho. You know, the one who chopped up the whores.’ But, dear God, Annalise would, and he could only pray that Corrie would be there for her. He should have seen to that, dammit he should have seen to it! Instead he had made a mess of it, just like he did everything else in his life. But it was too late now. He couldn’t go back. His only comfort was how mindful Corrie had seemed of Annalise that night at Luke’s. Corrie knew Annalise was her sister, Corrie wouldn’t let her down, she just wouldn’t.

  Now all he had to do was force himself to drive to the police station and give himself up.

  – 13 –

  ‘SITTING HERE ALL alone?’

  Corrie looked up from her desk and smiled as she saw Luke coming in through the office door. ‘All alone,’ she confirmed.

  ‘Where is everyone?’

  ‘Lunch or filming.’

  He nodded and Corrie watched him as he walked across the office and wondered how he managed to look so cool when it was so unbearably hot outside. His blond hair had been bleached almost white by the sun, and he was wearing a pair of faded denims with the sleeves of his red and white striped shirt rolled back to reveal his tanned forearms and the gold Rolex he always wore. He looked so at ease with himself, and Corrie could only wish that she could be so comfortable with herself. But summer was not a season she enjoyed – at least not so far as clothes were concerned. She didn’t like to reveal too much of her pale skin, but it was unavoidable when the temperature was soaring so high. Nevertheless, T-shirts were out of the question, her breasts were too large and she was horribly self-conscious about the way her nipples always showed through. Georgie had helped out again though, choosing soft flowing cottons and muslins with silk camisoles to go underneath, tailored short-sleeved dresses and vivid flowery shirts to wear with her jeans. Right now Corrie’s newly trimmed hair, which seemed to her thicker and heavier than ever, was curling happily about her neck and shoulders, though it felt like it was clinging to her skull.

  Luke came to perch on the edge of her desk, and Corrie instantly tried to hide the newspaper she’d been reading, but she wasn’t quick enough.

  ‘So B
ennati’s in town, is he?’ Luke grinned, spinning the newspaper round to get a better look at the picture of Cristos arriving at Heathrow airport. ‘I heard he was coming.’ He took a few moments to read the caption beside the photograph, then dismissing it turned back to Corrie. His smile faded rapidly as he saw her red-rimmed eyes, but as she made to look away he caught her chin to turn her back. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked.

  ‘Of course,’ she answered. ‘Just a bit of a cold.’ He was the last person she was about to tell that she had been awake half the night crying because of her father.

  ‘So how did your date go last night?’ Luke ventured.

  ‘Oh, OK, thanks. And you and Annalise? Where did you go in the end?’

  ‘We joined up with some friends at the Chelsea Arts Club. You should have come, we had a great time.’

  Corrie smiled, but said nothing.

  ‘So,’ he said, ‘have you two decided on your next project yet?’

  ‘Transsexuals,’ Corrie answered. ‘Annalise is at lunch with three of them now.’ Corrie hadn’t gone because she just didn’t feel up to it after her disturbed night.

  Luke looked doubtful. ‘I’m sure you have your reasons,’ he said. ‘Did you bring them up at the meeting this morning?’

  ‘Yes. There’s a report due out in the next ten days or so to show that the number of operations, world-wide, has increased in the last year by seven per cent.’

  ‘And Bob bought the idea?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Then fair enough. By the way, did you see the write-up in the Guardian this morning, for last night’s programme?’

  Corrie nodded. ‘Great, wasn’t it?’

  ‘It sure was. Can’t wait to see the ratings.’ He paused, watching Corrie as she looked everywhere but at him. ‘Hey, come on,’ he said, in the end, ‘something’s upsetting you. Why not tell me about it?’

  ‘No, really. I’m fine.’ She looked up and smiled.

  ‘That’s better,’ he said, smoothing his fingers over her cheek.

  She felt so vulnerable in that moment that she very nearly started to cry again. Instead, she swallowed hard and said, ‘Luke, I’d like to talk to you about Bobby McIver.’

  ‘Bobby?’ he said curiously. ‘What about him?’

  ‘Well it was something DI Radcliffe told me yesterday. He said that Bobby McIver had the mental age of ten. Did he tell you that too?’

  Luke shook his head. ‘No. But I didn’t get much chance to speak to him off camera.’

  ‘Don’t you think it’s odd?’ Corrie remarked. ‘I mean that a man with a child’s mind should visit a prostitute?’

  Luke shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I guess he has a man’s body, therefore a man’s sexual appetite?’

  ‘Maybe, but that’s not the only thing is it? For instance, how on earth did he get them all the way from Shepherd Market to Camberwell? And then their bodies from Camberwell to Chelsea Embankment?’

  Luke pursed his lips thoughtfully. ‘Beats me,’ he said. ‘But no doubt Radcliffe and his team will come up with the answers eventually – if they haven’t already.’

  ‘But I can’t help wondering why Radcliffe told me about McIver’s mental state. I’ve looked in all the papers this morning and there’s no mention of it in any of them.’ She paused, then said. ‘Luke, you may think this sounds crazy, but I got the feeling Radcliffe was trying to tell me something – I mean something else.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘That’s just it, I don’t know. But before I left he told me he’d be in touch. Now why should he have said that?’

  Luke shook his head, bewildered. ‘Where are they holding Bobby, do you know?’

  ‘No. All Radcliffe said was that he was safe.’

  ‘Safe?’

  ‘That’s what I thought. He said from the press.’

  ‘But anyone in custody is safe from the press.’

  ‘I know. Do you think I should get in touch with Radcliffe again?’

  Luke took some time to think that over. ‘Give it a few days,’ he said eventually. ‘See if Radcliffe does contact you. If not, we’ll talk again.’

  ‘OK.’

  Luke smiled affectionately, then standing up he took Corrie’s hand and pulled her to her feet too. For some time he simply looked at her, searching her face with his eyes, apparently amused by the way she appeared so self-conscious. Then very softly he said, ‘I’d like to kiss you, if I may?’

  ‘Oh no, no, not here,’ Corrie said, with a rush of alarm.

  He was still gazing at her, waiting for her to meet his eyes, and when finally she did Corrie was surprised to see the depth of feeling in them. ‘OK,’ he said. ‘But can I just hold you for a moment?’

  Not knowing how she could object Corrie allowed him to pull her into his arms, all the time praying that no one would walk through the door. He held her for a long time, pressing the full length of his body against her, but to Corrie’s relief there appeared to be nothing sexual in what he was doing. If anything, she was beginning to sense that terrible sadness in him again. She held him close and, as the seconds ticked by, started to feel her own tension ebb from her body; it felt so good to be held this way. He had such strong arms, and despite all her misgivings about him, in those few moments all she wanted was that he should just go on holding her.

  ‘Sometimes,’ Luke whispered, ‘I think that you’re the only good thing that’s ever happened to me.’

  Corrie remained silent, but found herself returning the pressure when he squeezed her even tighter.

  ‘Oh God,’ he sighed, when finally he let her go, ‘I think I’m beginning to understand what it feels like to be Annalise.’

  Corrie frowned, which made him smile.

  ‘I mean to feel a certain way about a person and them not to feel the same way about you,’ he explained.

  Corrie lowered her eyes and started to turn back to her desk.

  ‘It’s OK,’ Luke said, running his fingers through her hair, ‘I’m not going to make you talk about it if you don’t want to.’

  ‘It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it,’ Corrie said, ‘it’s just that I don’t think you mean what you say.’

  ‘I know you don’t. But I do. Believe me, I do. But I’m not going to force you, Corrie.’ He laughed quietly. ‘I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. Your feelings are your own, it’s up to me to win them – if I can. Though I guess I haven’t made too good a job of it so far, have I?’

  ‘Let’s discuss this another time, shall we?’ Corrie said. ‘Anyone could walk in, and I don’t think either of us want …’ She trailed off, not knowing quite how to finish the sentence.

  ‘When can I see you?’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know. I’m pretty booked up for the rest of this week.’

  ‘And I’m away at the weekend.’

  Unable to stop herself Corrie turned back to look at him. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask about Siobhan, something she’d been longing to do ever since Annalise had discovered her existence. But Corrie never had asked, nor would she now, for if she even so much as mentioned the name it would mean betraying Annalise. ‘Where are you going?’ she asked instead.

  ‘To stay with a friend.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘It’s no one you need worry yourself about,’ he laughed. ‘You’ve got enough on your plate fretting over Bobby McIver.’

  He went off to his office then, and Corrie, puzzled by his last remark sat down in her chair, absently fanning herself with a newspaper.

  She couldn’t explain it, but all of a sudden she was thinking that Luke knew more about Bobby McIver than he was letting on. Perhaps it was the way he had referred to him twice as Bobby. Or was it something about the way he had brought him so abruptly back into the conversation? But no, it was more than that, it was something else he had said, something maybe not today, maybe yesterday, but what was it? She just couldn’t think, then realizing that she was once again guilty of mistrusting him when he had just
shown her nothing more than some badly needed affection, she turned back to her perusal of the papers.

  Nevertheless, she couldn’t get her suspicions out of her mind. She toyed with the idea of talking to Felicity about it when the two of them met up the following night to celebrate Felicity’s success – she would soon be off to Hollywood to take the lead in a major film – but then Corrie remembered that it would entail breaking Radcliffe’s confidence about McIver’s mental age: and since that concerned the murdered prostitutes Felicity would be unlikely to keep it to herself. She did tell Felicity about the way Luke had held her in the office, however, and how disturbed she had been by her own reaction.

  ‘I just don’t understand myself sometimes,’ she said, as they handed their menus back to the waiter. ‘I mean, I don’t trust him, how can I when he behaves the way he does? But, well this is going to sound really conceited I know, but sometimes I get the impression that he really does care for me. And I can’t even say that I don’t care for him, because, despite everything, he can still stir … well, you know, certain feelings in me.’

  Felicity shrugged. ‘He’s an attractive man. Add to that a bit of mystery, a touch of unpredictability and you come up with a devastating combination. And let’s not forget, he is single, so what greater challenge than to be the woman who finally hooks Luke Fitzpatrick?’