Heart Matters

by tani shane

  He saw Ida storming into Jessica’s office and his heart sank. This did not look good. He could gauge from Jessica’s expression that Ida had nothing pleasant to say to her but what he couldn’t understand is what the conversation was about. His gut clenched on instinct when he saw Jake’s sly glance between the two women.

  Fuck! This was not looking good for Jessica!

  Jake upped and left after Ida and Mark watched him as he caught up with her a few metres away from Jessica’s boutique. He seemed to say something extremely interesting to her before Ida nodded slightly and they made off together.

  Mark glanced towards Jessica who seemed to be holding herself. He sent her a message on her phone asking her about Ida and when she mentioned it was just business, he relaxed a little. He nodded at her before breaking into a sprint after Jake and Ida. His gut told him a storm was coming for Jessica and he had no idea how to stop it.

  Chapter Ten

  That evening when Jessica met Steven for a private dinner at one of the finest restaurants, she sat across him feeling nervous and inept. Ida’s challenge kept taunting her and Jessica had no idea how she could possibly endure the insecure feeling she had about Steven.

  Steven watched Jessica with a bemused expression. She looked exceptionally beautiful tonight. Her chocolate hair fell in waves around her shoulders with a few chic flicks randomly grazing her cheeks. Her dress was a deep amber, figure hugging soft silk sensation that fell modestly just below her knees. It had a jowl neck that sagged innocently to reveal the slightest hint of cleavage and made him uncomfortable in all the wrong places. Long, fragile golden earrings dangled from her ears and a matching bracelet adorned her wrist. She looked the epitome of societal fashion perfection but somehow didn’t realize it. The lack of feigned arrogance was something he appreciated in Jessica and found it extremely attractive.

  However, tonight, she was just plain nervous as if she had something she wanted to ask him but wasn’t sure how. He covered her cold hand that had been clutching the table cloth with his warm one.

  “What’s the matter, Jessica?” He queried, his navy eyes compelling her attention towards him. “You seem strangely quiet today. Is something bothering you?”

  She gazed at him uncertainly. “I..I guess I’m just nervous. We’re getting married and..and..I’m suddenly not sure you will actually go through with it.”

  His brows rose in surprise while his lips turned up cynically. “Now why would you think something like that? Have I done something to indicate that I’d like to back out of our wedding?”

  She flustered uncomfortably, drawing her hand away. It had been burning under his mere touch, making it difficult for her to think straight. “No. Not really,” she breathed out softly. “It’s just that. You haven’t done anything or I should say you don’t want to do anything. You..you..um…you…” She broke off uncertainly, feeling awkward and decidedly dumb.

  Steven leaned forward in his seat, feeling concerned. “What is it, Jessica? What haven’t I done?”

  She took a deep breath of courage and stared at him wide eyed. “You haven’t kissed me in a month!” She blurted out like an idiot before she could rephrase her thoughts in a more dignified manner.

  Steven’s surprised look embarrassed her and she blushed furiously hoping the floor would open up and swallow her up. She was mortified. What had made her say that!?

  Once Steven recovered from her shocking statement, his shoulders started shaking as he began laughing softly. She blushed even more furiously and tried to look annoyed with him. “It’s not funny!” she hissed but his laugh turned louder and he had to rein it in to avoid attention from other diners.

  Surprisingly, he didn’t say anything and they finished their dinner in silence with Steven absently chuckling once in a while. In his chauffer driven car, they once again rode in silence although he casually held her hand in his.

  Outside her apartment, he waited patiently as she opened the door. She stepped in and turned to say goodnight to him even as she began closing the door. It was two inches from closing when Steven suddenly placed his palm on it and held it open. Her eyes widened in surprise as he gently pushed it further and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

  “Wha..” she managed before he pulled her in his arms to crush his lips on hers in a punishing kiss. The moment their lips met, a small moan escaped Jessica and he groaned in response, grabbing her hips and molding her intimately to him.

  Jessica wound her arms about his neck, opening her mouth to tangle her tongue with his as he sought to kiss her to her very soul. His hands rose to her breasts and they found their aching tips through the silky material of her evening dress. She wasn’t wearing a bra and being off the shoulder, he easily managed to slip it down freeing one breast. He growled in his throat when he held it in his hand and followed it with his hungry lips.

  When his mouth closed on the center, Jessica whimpered helplessly, her legs turning to jelly even as she felt herself arching towards him. “Steven,” she managed hoarsely, bracing her hands on his shoulders.

  In response, he grabbed her by the waist and almost hauled her into her living room, collapsing with her on the couch. He kissed her again then left her mouth to nip her neck gently. She winced with pleasure and arched feverishly towards him, her hands sinking in his hair. She moaned again and he brought his mouth back to her, ravaging her mouth like a starving man. His hands went to the edge of her dress pushing it over her thighs and that’s when he felt Jessica tense under him.

  The change in her was very slight but he sensed it immediately and stilled his actions. He finished the kiss, staring down into her deep, hesitant eyes wondering if he could possibly drown in them. He also wondered what had happened to make her go from the glorious passionate creature that was bent on taking pleasure from him to the sudden nervous ice maid who feared he would hurt her.

  She gazed at him uncertainly. “Steven?” She wanted to ask why had he stopped but somehow she knew she was to blame. Her natural defense mechanism had kicked him and he had noticed. Would he ask her about it, she wondered and would she be able to answer him truthfully, she doubted.

  He gave her his drop dead gorgeous grin before placing one last chaste kiss on her softened lips. “And that’s why Ms.Cantrell, I don’t kiss you.” He chuckled at her surprised look and pushed himself off her. He helped her to her feet, putting her dress back in place. His hands circled her waist lightly as he smiled into her confused eyes. “I have never felt so out of control with anyone Jessica. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but it’s pretty good and I’m not complaining.” He kissed the top of her head in a tender gesture before striding away to the door. He opened it and turned back to look at her flushed face. “Don’t ever ask me to kiss you again. At least not until after we’re married.” With that he was gone, pulling the door shut behind him.

  Jessica stood in her living room, a variety of emotions coursing through her high strung veins. That Steven desired her was more than evident. That he had immense self control was also evident.

  She sighed and fell on the couch, pulling a pillow to bury her flaming face in it. Now she was confident Ida was out of the picture but scared of her own reaction to him. She wanted him with all her heart and soul but her mind was still holding her back from trusting him completely. Did she need counseling? Would that help overcome the injustice Jake had done her all those years ago? What if it wasn’t Jake but Ty’s memories holding her back? Ty, sweet, Ty. She still loved him but not as she once did. Now she desired Steven and only Steven, almost to the point of madness. But did she love him? Was that what was happening to her? Was she simply confused between love and lust as Steven had once pointed out to her?

  A resigned sigh escaped her while her eyes fluttered close, unwilling to reply. That was a question for another day. Right now she just wanted to sleep right here where Steven’s presence was still evident in the bumps in the couch. She wanted him desperately. She wanted to be with him, in his a
rms, in his mind, in his soul, in his heart. The unbidden confession didn’t startle her completely but she allowed sleep to engulf her senses before she could ask the next question: Why?

  ***

  Next morning when Steven called Jessica announcing that he was leaving for an urgent trip abroad, she sent a grateful prayer to the Lord. It assured her that Ida couldn’t get in touch with him immediately and brought relief. Although he had given ample evidence that he wanted Jessica enough to go through with the wedding; she wasn’t confident that if he encountered Ida again he wouldn’t change his mind. Good thing was that he was scheduled to return on the day before the wedding and the chances of Ida approaching him were very slim.

  The days flew by swiftly and the morning of the wedding was cool, clouded and chaotic. Neither Jessica nor Steven had wanted an elaborate wedding so they both opted to have a low-key affair that would be celebrated with a reception party in the evening with the closest of family and friends.

  Jessica wore a simple, white silk dress with sleeves that fell off the shoulders and just about covered her upper arms. The full length gown hugged her closely up to her knees and then flared to fall gracefully below her ankles. Strings of Swarovski crystals decorated it randomly and the overall effect was very elegant and becoming. She wore a veil of sheer net held by a string of matching crystals over her hair that had been tied up in a chignon and allowed Lynn to put light makeup for her.

  “You look gorgeous!” Niki announced when she was finally ready, “I think every man’s going to eat his heart out for you.”

  Jessica’s smile was strained. “I’m overdressed. This is good enough for a grand wedding.”

  “Oh, hogwash!” Lynn scoffed, looking about for last minute alterations, “Stop criticizing. I’ve spent almost a month on this creation.”

  That was true. When Jessica had announced her wedding plans Lynn had jumped to design a dress for her. Although Jessica herself had designed the previous dress, when she was to marry Adam, she was in no mood to design one all over again. So when Lynn offered to design it for her with the help of a couple of her assistants she had let them, not so much as bothering to even give a trial.

  Over the period of the month, Lynn had guessed there was more to the marriage than their obvious attraction to each other and Jessica had finally confided in her. Lynn had been horrified. In vain, she had tried her to dissuade Jessica. Finally, she had accepted defeat but offered her full support to her friend. No one other than Lynn knew the truth. Even Niki was convinced the couple was madly in love with each other.

  ***

  Mark’s fist connected with Jake’s nose to send him flying across his hotel room. He strode to where Jake lay moaning and bleeding and bent to grab him by the collar of his shirt.

  “You shithead! Did you think I wouldn’t find you?” he growled at the broken man, shaking him ruthlessly.

  Jake spat out a tooth and chuckled sardonically. “There’s nothing you can do to save her, you ass!”

  Mark kicked him in the gut and the other man rolled over hugging himself. He still kept chuckling and drove Mark almost insane with rage. He gave him two more kicks for measure and when he leaned to bash Jake’s head in, Jake held up one hand up in submission. “Ok, ok. I give up!”

  Struggling to control his rage, Mark watched the pathetic man groaning at his feet. He knew he should kill the bastard to buy peace for Jessica but he wasn’t a murderer. “If you go anywhere near Jessica, I will blow a hole in your face, you get that?”

  Jake gave a weak nod. “I get it, ok, I get it. I’m not going near her.” He coughed and spat out blood.

  “And her pictures,” Mark trapped one of Jake’s hands under his shoe and scrunched it as a last warning, “If they ever surface anywhere, Jake, I will come and kill you. You know that’s your last bargaining chip so I suggest you heed my warning.”

  With that he left but knew in his heart it wasn’t the last he was seeing of Jake. If only Jake did not have those pictures. He would be through with the bastard forever!

  Chapter Eleven

  Jeff held open the door of the limousine that would take Jessica and him to the little church where the wedding was to take place. They were having a church wedding on Steven’s insistence. His last minute decision had surprised her for she had not thought him to be particularly religious. She also had no idea how he arranged for it in such short a time.

  Jeff was there for her as always and she nestled against him for the feeling of security he could give her. He smiled at her affectionately, kissing her forehead. “I never thought I would be giving away my precious angel to Steve. He’s a very lucky man.”

  Jessica managed a frail smile for him but buried her head in his chest so that he would not see the unshed tears in her eyes. It was still difficult for her to accept that she was not marrying for love. The marriage erased all the beliefs and values she cherished. So what if it did? she thought bravely, at least she would never again have painful strings pulling at her heart.

  When they arrived at the church, she straightened her spine trying to appear courageous and determined. She had decided she would never show her weakness to Steven. After her unpleasant encounter with Ida, she had oddly begun to feel insecure about him. Her heart wished there had been some stability in their relationship but her head knew otherwise. He didn’t want a clinging vine but a woman who would give just as much in return as he gave. It was a mutual understanding on their part and she wasn’t about to let her confused feelings overrun it.

  ***

  The church Steven had selected was something right out of a fairytale book. It seemed ancient but well maintained. Although small, it held a strange dignified quality about it that somehow soothed Jessica’s high strung nerves. It was also free of the paparazzi that usually managed to pop up whenever Steven was around and that relieved her. She really didn’t want the world’s prying eyes on this day that mattered so much to her.

  “Shall we?” Jeff asked, smiling lovingly down at her. She gazed into his eyes that matched her own and took the arm he offered. If there was a day she wanted to remember, this was it. She squared her shoulders with determination and raised her chin defiantly. They hadn’t had a rehearsal making her anticipate everything that was about to happen as a surprise in itself.

  The doors to the church opened as if by magic and the music for the bridal march started playing. Jessica’s breath hitched and stuck where it was for a breathless moment. The piece was ‘From this moment’ by Shanai Twain; one of her favorites! She now remembered casually mentioning it to Steven on one of their dates that she simply loved that song. He had remembered! A wavering smile flirted around her lips even as her eyes shone with unshed tears. He had remembered!

  With Jeff by her side, Jessica took the first step towards the altar and the man who waited patiently for her.

  Steven turned to watch her as she entered and her heart flipped irreversibly. Sudden tears leapt in her eyes as she took in a scene she would never forget.

  Steven looked overwhelmingly handsome in his deep silver colored suit. His honey golden hair caught just the right light to shine radiantly and if ever his eyes were a deeper blue, they were on this day. They caught and held her gaze sending a very personal message. He was ready to be hers, was she too?

  Jessica began walking towards him, whispering the words of the song playing for her.

  From this moment life has begun

  From this moment you are the one

  Right beside you is where I belong

  From this moment on

  From this moment I have been blessed

  I live only for your happiness

  And for your love I'd give my last breath

  From this moment on

  I give my hand to you with all my heart

  Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start

  You and I will never be apart

  My dreams came true because of you

  From this moment as long as I
live

  I will love you, I promise you this

  There is nothing I wouldn't give

  From this moment on

  You're the reason I believe in love

  And you're the answer to my prayers from up above

  All we need is just the two of us

  My dreams came true because of you

  From this moment as long as I live

  I will love you, I promise you this

  There is nothing I wouldn't give

  From this moment

  I will love you as long as I live

  From this moment on

  Steven caught the bright tears in Jessica’s eyes and a dull pain settled in his heart. She wasn’t ready. Perhaps she would never be but he was determined. If there ever was a thing Steven Hart wanted in his life, it was this woman. He wanted not just her body but her heart as well. The sudden thought jumped at him from nowhere and a small tremor passed through him. Where did that come from? He hadn’t felt this way about any woman before. Not even Ida, for he always knew her for the cold-hearted bitch that she was. Then where did the overwhelming obsession for Jessica stem from? Maybe it was the entire act of the wedding that was betraying his determination to keep their relationship purely physical. The church, the music, the flowers and the bride herself in her virginal gown. Maybe this feeling would just go away once he was out of here. He was determined to make it.

  With that, he held out his hand for Jessica and when she placed her gloved hand in his, his determination flew out the church window. His breath caught as he stood with her before the priest who started the ceremony.