Heart Matters

by tani shane

  “Mallory!” Jessica exclaimed while Steven chuckled loudly. She turned on him annoyed. “Don’t laugh! It’s not funny!”

  “Is too,” he threw back, grinning ear to ear.

  She stared at him for one infuriating minute then turned on her heel and stalked off. So he found embarrassing her before the kids was funny, did he? Well, she didn’t think so! She went into the kitchen and wept helplessly. She wanted to run away. Somewhere far away where Steven Hart couldn’t find her. Her stomach abruptly churned in protest. It had suffered enough during the day and couldn’t hold back any longer. Jessica clamped a hand on her mouth to run to the nearest washroom.

  Steven watched in alarm as she bolted past him out the kitchen door. He had followed her to apologize but she didn’t give him the opportunity. He saw her rush into the guest bathroom and heard her throw up. He followed her in without invitation and stroked her back as he had once before. “Jessica, what’s wrong? Are you all right?”

  She nodded as he helped her to her feet. She washed up, her eyes large in her pale face. “I’m fine, just fine,” she declared, storming past him, “Just leave me alone and I’ll be much better!”

  He didn’t restrain her but watched her curiously. He couldn’t believe she was so bothered by him that she had taken ill. This was not the Jessica he knew. The real Jessica knew how to give in to desire. She would never run away unless she was hiding something.

  Chapter Twenty three

  “Any suggestions for dinner?” Steven asked brightly as two pairs of eyes watched him hesitantly. It was early evening and Jessica had not come down after she had run out earlier. The children had not reacted to his announcement that their aunt was suddenly sick. Instead, they had spent the hours playing games with him. He found their calm attitude a bit surprising but chose not to ask anything. Now as he saw the doubt in their eyes, he couldn’t help but feel anxious about Jessica. “What’s wrong?” he asked simply, trying to be tactful.

  Mallory shrugged, looking unsure. “Aunt Jessi is never sick for this long every day.”

  Steven struggled to hide the panic that suddenly rose in his heart. “Every day? Your aunt’s sick every day?”

  The blonde head nodded, as did Jamie’s brown one. “She said she was ‘a bit unwell’ that’s all.”

  “And that happens every day?”

  The kids began giggling. “She goes blue when she sees popcorn,” Mallory revealed trying not to laugh out loud, “And she can’t stand Chinese food…”

  “Or pancakes,” Jamie put in squealing with laughter. The two began laughing now, reminding each other of more instances of their aunt’s unfortunate state.

  Steven watched them with mixed emotions. It was clear the children were not alarmed by Jessica’s condition, as it was an everyday occurrence. But what kind of an illness made her throw up every day? And that too at the sight of her favorite food.

  He sat back frowning, thinking deeply. His thoughts went back to their abandoned lovemaking. He had wanted her so intimately, so desperately that he had never thought of taking protection. And she had not objected. She had only given herself to him, letting him love her with an innocence he cherished.

  His hands began to shake with excitement. She was carrying their child! Yes, that was it! He was going to be a father! He almost leapt with joy before restraining himself. He now realized she was hiding it from him for some unearthly reason. But whatever the reason was, she was convinced it was justified. To confront her could be suicidal. He might get the child but he would lose her forever. He had to show her that he wanted her as well as their child in his life.

  With unconcealed enthusiasm, he gathered the kids in his arms and kissed them both. “I didn’t know cupids came in human form,” he announced, making them giggle louder.

  For dinner, they went off to McDonald’s without Jessica. Although Steven didn’t particularly care for junk food, he ordered a large set just like the kids. They returned later and he tucked the children into bed in a spare room next to the one now being used by their aunt. They were thrilled with the pajama suits he had got for them and went to sleep almost immediately. Steven closed the door to their room before pausing briefly outside Jessica’s. He wanted to barge in and make passionate love to her but held back. No, he would wait for the right time to make a move.

  ***

  Somewhere in the middle of the night, Jessica changed into the nightdress Steven had bought for her, relishing the feel of the smooth silk against her skin. The thought that he had picked it up with her in mind made it very special to her. She tried to go back to sleep but found herself to be restless. The house was silent and she knew the kids had long been asleep. She also knew Steven had stood outside her door for a while. Now he was gone and she was besieged with insomnia. She was feeling agitated for some reason and she knew it had everything to do with the fact that Steven was in the room next door.

  She sat up brushing her hair out of her face. A rumble in her stomach told her the agitation could also be the result of her empty stomach. She could do with a midnight snack she decided and left the room quietly. In the refrigerator, she found the remnants of the chicken wings they had had for lunch. Chicken wings had never tasted so wonderful she decided biting into the cold meat. The night was silent and she switched on the radio for some soft music.

  And that was how Steven found her when he entered the kitchen. Eyes closed, swaying to the strains of an old Billy Joel number. His eyes traveled down the exposed neck where her gown had fallen open and came to rest upon the soft swell of her breasts just above the silk nightdress. The material was sheer enough to show him that she was naked underneath. Desire ran through him like a powerful tidal wave hitting shore with all its fury. If he were a lesser man, he would have taken her right there on the kitchen table. The fact that he wasn’t, exasperated him tonight and he cleared his throat discreetly.

  Jessica almost leapt out the window at the sound. Her eyes flew open and she simply gawked at him. Then she dove for the radio, turning it off. “I’m sorry; I didn’t know it was loud. Did I disturb you?”

  Steven stared at her endlessly, watching her quivering lips and her wide vulnerable eyes. He moved finally, covering the distance between them with a couple of strides. His hands grasped her shoulders as he pulled her to her feet. His teeth were clenched tightly while his eyes glittered dangerously. “What are you doing, Jessica?”

  She tensed, aware of the tight knot that was beginning to form in the pit of her stomach. Desire. She desired him. She longed for his touch, for his lips on her feverish skin. His face was close to hers and he didn’t really look angry. “I was hungry,” her voice revealed, cracking weakly.

  He released her shoulders to wrap her slight form in his arms. The silk of her clothing brushed against the roughness of his. She noticed with surprise he was still completely dressed as he was in the day. Steven drew her tantalizingly closer, the rough material of his jeans unable to hide the evidence of his desire. His mouth hovered over her lips. “Stop fighting me, Jessica”

  A soft whimper escaped her lips as he claimed her mouth in a punishing kiss. He bit her lower lip and she opened her mouth for his invading tongue. His hands reached under the gown and pushed it off her shoulders to fall at their feet in a whispery pile. She moaned molding herself to his heated form, giving in to desire. His mouth left hers to trail kisses on the smooth skin of her neck. “I want you, Jessica! I want you, now!”

  Her fingers sank in his hair in response as he crushed her to him. One last time, she thought, I need him one last time. He swept her in his arms easily and carried her up the staircase to his room. He laid her on the bed and stripped his shirt.

  Jessica gulped at the sight of his magnificent torso. He was more breathtaking than she remembered him. He got in next to her and ran a caressing hand over her shivering form. “You are so beautiful!”

  He drew the flimsy nightdress away and stared at her as he had before. He reached out with his hand to trace a deli
cate pattern over smooth skin. His fingers stroked her trembling lips, then circled her taut nipples and finally rested over her abdomen. He placed his palm gently over it, gazing into her startled eyes. He bent and placed a feather light kiss on her lips. “I know, my love.”

  His words stilled her. She stared at him feeling trapped. He had guessed about her pregnancy and that’s why he had enacted this charade. He had literally stripped her naked so that she couldn’t hide the truth from him. Her stomach was still flat but she couldn’t lie to him, not now. She tried to draw away from him but he held her firmly. “Tell me why did you try to hide it from me?”

  Her eyes were moist as they avoided looking at him. She didn’t want to beg but she had no choice. “Don’t take it away from me. Please.”

  His eyes darkened dangerously. “The child is mine, Jessica. Why did you try to hide it from me?”

  Her smoky eyes flashed at him suddenly with so much pain in them that it startled him. “It’s all I have! It’s all you left me! And now you’ll take it away from me!” She began struggling against him. “I won’t let you! I won’t ever let you win! I’ll fight you till I die but I’ll never give you custody of my child!”

  “Jessica!” he shouted, trying to keep her from clawing at his face, “Jessica, stop it!” He was almost on top of her, pinning her with his weight. “Look, you could hurt the baby.” His wild reasoning stopped her and she dissolved in tears. He groaned, holding her against him gently. “Don’t cry, my love, please don’t.” He sat up and drew her in his arms. He rocked her tenderly till she stopped crying.

  When she was sure, she was in control of her emotions; Jessica pulled the bed sheet around her and faced him boldly. “I won’t give up my child, Steven Hart, not till the day I die.”

  His eyes dilated. “Why do you think I’d take the child away from you?”

  His question caught her unawares. She hadn’t expected him to cross-question her. “Because you love kids.”

  “Of course, I love kids. I’ll love ours more.”

  Ours. It sounded good coming from him. “Since you already know about it, I’m willing to settle the matter amicably. You can see him on weekends and holidays but he’ll stay with me.”

  The blue eyes stared at her in amazement. So that’s what it was all about! “I won’t have it that way,” he stated deliberately baiting her, “The child is mine and I want to see him grow before my eyes, in my home, with my wife.”

  The color drained from Jessica’s face. He couldn’t possibly mean it! Not only was he planning to take her child away, he was also planning to get him a stepmother! She shifted so that she was directly before him, begging him with her desperate eyes. “Don’t do it, Steven, please. I beg of you, don’t do this to me. You have no idea what this child means to me. You can have another one, but this one is mine. Please, Steven, I’ll do whatever you ask of me. Please, I beg of you!”

  Steven shook his head not wanting to torment her anymore. But he couldn’t stop himself. “So you’ll do whatever I say?” She nodded vigorously. He folded his arms across his chest, rubbing his day old stubble as though appraising her. “Okay, let’s see you try to seduce me.”

  The gray eyes were wide with astonishment. “What?” she almost shouted. He began laughing even as she stared at him helplessly. “Steven, please be serious!”

  “I am, sweetheart,” he chuckled, dropping a teasing kiss on her soft lips. “But let me get the order of things I want you to do for me.” His covered her hands in his large ones, drawing them to lie against his chest. “First and foremost, I want you to wear that sexy thing I gave you to bed every night. Second, I want you to make love with me till the day that I die. Third, I want you to share my life with me and let me share yours. Fourth, I want you to grow old with me. Fifth, I want you to be the mother of all my children. Sixth, I want you to be the wife you vowed to be. And seventh,” he paused to wipe away the tears that fell from her eyes, “I want you to love me just as much as I love you.”

  Jessica watched him through her bleary eyes looking for a sign of sarcasm but found nothing but sincerity in his deep blue eyes. She had dreamt of this moment for so long and now it had finally come true. He loved her! He truly loved her! She flung herself in his arms, shaking with uncontrollable sobs. He stroked her gently, rocking her in his arms. “Do I take it you’ll comply?”

  She drew back a little to look into his smiling face. “You really meant what you said?”

  “Every single word my darling.” He cupped her face, tilting it towards him. “I’ve loved you since you were a freckled fourteen year old you fool! But I didn’t know, not till I made love to you that night back in Maui. Then I was sure. I knew we were meant to be together. I knew I could never let you go. You were mine, you are mine, Jessica, you will always be mine!” He said the last words with such passion that she stared at him in awe.

  Why had she never realized it before? Ida’s sneering face flashed before her eyes and her face shadowed. He caught the uncertainty in the clouded pools of her eyes immediately. “Darling, we have a lot of doubts to clear. Would you like to listen to my side of the story first?” She nodded tentatively, almost relieved to have the burden of explanations off her shoulders.

  He settled comfortably, sitting up against the pillows propped against the bedstead. He didn’t draw her in his arms but instead let her sit where she was so she could see him clearly. “Jessica, we’ve been through a lot together,” he began, before smiling briefly, “Most of which have been misunderstandings. I guess we both crashed head on with inflated egos when we first met. Jeff had told me a lot about you since the day our friendship began. That’s when I’d seen your picture in his wallet. I never gave a serious thought till he sent you into my life again. I had no idea what you were like and I especially didn’t like it when you were late for our appointment.

  “But what can you do when you’re fated to be together? When I saw you dancing in Warring’s arms, kissing him with those luscious lips, I was beside myself with frustration. You hit me with a force I’d not known existed. I fell hard for you that night and knew, come what may, I wasn’t going to rest till I’d made you mine.” He paused looking a bit guilty.

  “I deliberately led you on that security bit so you’d hasten your decision to marry that bastard Warring. Not that I intended to let you marry him but I wanted to show you his true colors. I had Niki throw that ridiculous masquerade party and I got someone to get him drunk enough to lose his common sense.”

  Jessica gasped, her hands flying to her red cheeks. “You couldn’t possibly have done all that?”

  He shrugged, looking a trifle embarrassed. “I had no choice, I wanted you and honey he was cheating on you.”

  “I can’t believe Niki was in it too!”

  “She had no choice; I used Sean to blackmail her.”

  This time she groaned out aloud. “I don’t even want to know how he did it!”

  “Yeah, that was his problem. Anyway, we somehow managed to get Shari out there with him and the rest is history.”

  She was plainly disgusted at the memory. “I was such a fool to trust him.”

  “You were a thickheaded, sentimental idiot, that’s what you were. I couldn’t believe my ears when you said you wanted to make it up to him! I kicked myself when you almost walked down the aisle to him.”

  Her eyes mellowed as she watched his handsome face. “You left the choice to me and I suddenly knew I was fooling no one but myself.”

  “I had to refrain myself from approaching you after that. I’m glad I succeeded. You walked right into my arms. I was mad with joy but I confused it with my physical desire for you. I wanted you as my wife and as the mother of my children but I had no reason why. I just thought you were perfect for the part.”

  “Part?”

  “My love, you have to forgive me. After Ida, I had come to distrust all women.”

  “Ida,” she mouthed slowly.

  “Ida,” he confirmed, shaking his head regr
etfully, “That’s one person I wish had never shown up in our lives. I won’t deny I hadn’t been crazy about her once upon a time. But I was young then and she was a glamorous apparition that showed some interest in me. I mistook it for love. Now I know it wasn’t. When she walked out of my life, I suffered a lot, but realized in my suffering that it hadn’t been true love. I had also mistakenly convinced myself that I wasn’t going to fall into love with any woman because they weren’t worth it.

  “Then you came into my life and changed everything. I never realized the longing I felt was the love I had for you. I got married to you because I thought you’d be with me forever. That’s why when you called out Warring’s name when I tried to make love to you; it hurt my ego real bad. I thought you were as faithless as Ida and tried to run away from you. But as the days went by I found my longing for you only increase. I can’t tell you how I felt when you left for Maui without informing me. I thought you’d left me and I was beside myself with panic. When I found out you were at Maui I knew I couldn’t afford to lose any more time.” He reached out a covered her hand in a gentle grasp. “I loved you that night as if my life depended on it. I couldn’t have enough of you, Jessica, I still can’t.”

  His was drawing abstract circles on her palm with his thumb and she felt herself going weak. His mere touch was enough to make her forget all her misgivings and beg him to make love to her. But she could sense him struggling to refrain himself from giving in to desire so she held back.

  “Ida and Jake sent me some pictures, Jessica.” He watched her face go ashen and gave a reassuring squeeze to her hand. “No, it wasn’t the ones of you with Jake. It was you with Mark.”

  Her gray eyes went wide, a slow flush coloring her cheeks. “Ty’s very dear to me.”

  “I know that honey and I won’t question your relationship with him.” He watched her closely. “He killed a man for you, Jessica; I can’t ever bear a grudge towards him. And I trust you. I knew you were incapable of deceiving me when I saw the pictures of you and Mark at the waterfront. What troubled me was who had taken them and what was the intention?